Posts by eroth412

Thanks for the input G.I. Jane

The only reason I am concerned is because I do feel faint, irritable, and lethargic at least 3 times a week before lunchtime and it isn't a great feeling.

I could discuss with my dietician switching out the packet of carnation instant breakfast at lunch into actual exchanges, like an extra protein, starch and fat at breakfast.  Hopefully she'll actually listen to me this time and be willing to make some changes in where and how I get my calories.

I always select whole wheat english muffins or toast and cereals like shredded wheat or raisin bran so I'm getting adequate servings of whole grains and fiber.

I had some labs done recently but am still awaiting the results.  I will re-visit the topic with my doctor tomorrow if possible.

I couldn't sleep because I my brain wouldn't turn off, I'm sure the low calories contributed, but I don't think it was the cause. 

I did edit the post, so as not be triggering to anyone or in any way promote the wrong thing.  I apologize for writing that out.  I wasn't exactly lucid at the time.  I do not under any circumstances advocate anyone do as I do.  I get that I have an illness and do so desperately want to recover from it, but there is, admittedly, a bit of ambivalence about that.

I did manage to sleep last night - I went over to my boyfriend's place and somehow having someone there beside me was a great comfort and enabled me to quiet down and drift off at a decent hour.

I'm not a good one to really speak as I am in a relapse and will be heading into PHP on monday....

However, I think slips should be treated agressively by doing the very next right thing, i.e., eat your next meal/snack and talk to a trusted support about it immediately.

Well, all through with the assessment and already got a call telling me insurance said it's a go.  I start on monday.  EEEEKKKK!  Going to work on NOT totally decompensating over the weekend.  No sense in getting worse.

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll try anything!  I finally drifted off around 6 am and had to wake up an hour and a half later. 

I'm in denver.  It's not cold at all.  It'll go up to about 55 degrees today. 

when I'm active in my ed, yes.  Somehow the lack of food and abuse of certain medications cause this.  I could kick myself for thinking I could get by without a sleep aid last night.

Assessment with EDC tomorrow at 9 am.

I'm worried they will tell me I need to gain weight when it isn't medically necessary (I have a period, and my bmi is 19.2)

Home from assessment. Phew!

All the behaviors, thoughts, and ideas pertaining to the ED head sound absolutely ridiculous when spoken aloud.

The intake coordinator asked many very specific questions in a really non-judgmental way, just kind of matter of fact, as though it is perfectly normal to think about food/weight 99% of the day, abuse medications, laxatives, and restrict intake.

She is typing everything out and then meeting with the medical director to 'discuss' a level of care.  Hopefully it will only be partial hospital because I wouldn't know what to do with my dog if I had to go into residential!

I hope I hear back soon and I should because they might have me admit tomorrow or monday, provided insurance approves care.

Original Post by fidget84:

if you dont take this opportunity do you think truthfully that you are going to be able to get things on track alone? i dont mean that critically i actually want you to envision where you will be 6-8 weeks from tonight if you continue as you are?

No, I will get further off track....In 6-8 weeks I can drop a ton of weight, become totally dependent on laxatives and potentially have a heart attack from the abuse of another medication.

(((Lala)))

Thanks for reminding me about that post! It's my favorite 'story'.

I've been fretting all day, worried about the unknown.  Tomorrow I will have some more answers in terms of insurance and all that.  I just hate waiting.

Bmi is a relative measure... Just because a chart says it's normal that still doesn't mean it's right for your frame, etc - as other posters have said.

My boyfriend is 5'7" and weighs about 160.  He looks perfect and I think if he weighed less he would look sickly!

I love honey peanut butter on waffles!

Thanks (((fidget))) I always appreciate your input:)

I tend to act poorly on a general psych ward, also because there is nothing to do but sit and think.  This time, I will be a day hospital patient at an eating disorders clinic.  The days will be busy with many groups (meals/snacks too) and I go home every night to my own apartment.  It will provide daytime support (from 7am to 6:30pm) without removing me completely from society.  It will still be hard to adjust back to 'life' afterwards, but hopefully I'll be stronger and able to function on my own (without using ED/SI).

I am afraid insurance won't approve treatment and that will only confirm the thoughts that I don't deserve it and am not sick enough.  Hopefully my doctor and therapist will make a good case for the need for it.  I am so conflicted about this - I want to do it, but the ED doesn't want me to; I feel like I need it, but don't deserve it; etc.

BTW... just an idle question from someone that's been genuinely 'fat'... BMI 30+  When you see an overweight person in the street do you regard them with pity?, contempt?, disgust?  Would you ever be friends with a fat person?  Is being fat really the worst thing anyone can be?

(((Jane)))

I do not have any contempt, pity, or disgust towards the truly overweight.  I do have friends that are "fat".  I seem to hold these "standards" only towards myself.  It isn't really about the weight, that is just the cover and/or distraction I focus on to avoid the real issues.  It's more a matter of self-hatred and using the ED/SI as a way to punish myself.

Thanks (((lala))), I needed to hear something rational and realistic.

snowplow! snowplow! snowplow!  In time you will learn to shift weight properly and bring skis together in a parallel!

You are going to have a blast!

I love to ski, have been since age 7 and am now 31.  I live so close to the rockies too, so there is world class skiing just over an hour away!  Never been to Lake Tahoe, but have skiied utah, all over colorado, and the east coast (vermont/ny)