Posts by unforgotten

I say, make them some home made soap.  Home made vegan soap is better for the body and everyone needs soap.

A Scanner Darkly

Party Monster

Fear and Loathing in Los Vagas

Why would you want to poison your body?

http://www.sweetpoison.com/aspartame-side-eff ects.html

there is so much evidence about it's negative effects that its no wonder compaies have stopped using it, although splenda is just as bad.

It's actually a tactic of the government, along with the florination of water to kill off over half of the worlds population but anyways...

try using honey or stevia, even a bit of orange juice in plain organic yogurt.

Im sure your docter already checked this but perhaps you arent getting enough nutriance or your diet is too low in fat.

My docter predicted that i would get my period at 13 because i was chubby as a child but then i became anorexic and didn't get my period untill i was almost 15 when i started eating a bit more.

If your diet's fine, then i hope you figure out what's wrong.  I doubt you're a lost cause.

Good luck girl

Darn those child baring hips. But in all seriousness,  guys dig it.  Don't be ashamed.  I'm 5'5' and my hips measure 41.  I love having a but and I cannot lie.  It's just how my body was made.  There is no concrete mold that you have to try to fit in.  Just stay happy and healthy.  That's all we can really ask for.

So let's just get some stats:

HW, CW, GW, sex, age, height.  163.5, 151.5, 130, female, 18, 5'5"

Now, for the juicier stuff:

Describe a bit about your family, social and romantic life.

completely normal except for the fact that my bf still tells me im fat and hes not as attracted to me as when i was anorexic or bulimic.  Makes sense though kuz im like 5 lbs over what my healthy weight should be. Its just makes me self conscious around him because he was the one forcing me to eat foods i didn't want to when he tried to help me recover from anorexia.

What category would you say your eating disorder falls under?

at the moment bulimia.  In the process of recovery

What circumstances would you say triggered your eating disorder?

All my family talks about is food and we waste a lot of it.  I hate waist ans have been brought up to clean everything off my plate because my relatives were Check.  Also, I've always been the fat chick and when i got skinnier, it seemed more guys were attracted to me.

What made you realize you had developed your eating disorder?

Reading online, my intrest in health once i started to feel really crappy.

Do you have a history of eating disorders? Are there others within your immidiate circle of family and friends witheating disorders?

Actually none that i know of.

Describe any changes you've noticed in your own behaviours since the eating disorder began.  I cover up more because my body has become disgusting with fat and stretch marks from the weight fluctuation.

Describe any changes you've noticed in other's relationships towards you since your wating disorder began. 

It actually got worse as I started to recover.  Just because i got fat and the attraction wasn't all there.  We've been together for so long now to that he scared of being stuck with me forever. 

Have you managed to keep your eating disorder a secret? Who have you told? Has anyone found out on their own? 

I only ever told my boyfriend a i had one for about 6 years.  I only told my mom 4 months ago that i have a disorder because im serious about getting healthy again and recovering.

If so, how did they react? Have they been a help or a hinderance?

Boyfriend said "so? just eat!" and then forced me to eat food when my body was't ready for it.  He didn't really know what he was doing because he's not so informed on the topic.  My mom just cried and said she was sorry that she never realized and whole always check up on how i was doing after that.  She's helping just the right amount so it's good.

What would you say is the hardest thing about your eating disorder?

Feeling uncomfortably eating around people.  I feel like they would judge me when i eat something unhealthy around them because i always bring healthy food so i won't be as likely to purge at school.

What would you say you actually enjoy about having an eating disorder?

I enjoyed the empty feeling in my stomach, the freedom to eat whatever i wanted and the way guys were actually attracted to me.

Describe some of the emotions you have had to face since developing your eating disorder.

I get allot of anxiety and stress headaches, along with really low energy levels.

Do you have any rituals/ obsessions with food or excersise? Describe them.

I love rich desserts, pizza and paninis, but i can't afford to keep them in my stomach every day or i'd balloon.

Have you ever had to use trickery to fool others about hyour eating disorder? Your family/ friends/ doctor?

Family never noticed, only one friend did but i stopped taking to her for other reasons, and i just lied to my doctor.

Do you have a therapist or any kind of professional help?

  I refuse therapy, i think it's for selfish ppl that can't deal with their own problems.  I'd rather do it myself.

Describe any physical and emotional changes you have noticed in yourself since you have developed your eating disorder.

Just allot more sadness and obsessiveness over weight and food.  I've actually come to hate food. 

Feel free to share any other stories/anecdotes that have to do with your eating disorder, whether they are particularily painful or, conversly, particularily amusing: 

One night i was feeling particularly down and started to eat and threw up once.  I called my bf who lived about 4 hours away at his new collage and he would not even take the time to talk to me and kept saying how he had got all these girls numbers and they were so hot.  This only caused my anxiety to raise and my cycle to replete itself.  I binged any threw up about 20 times consecutively, leaving my body trembling and weak.  I called him back again with no answer and cried over the toilet for three hours.  It was onlt in the morning after i had e-mailed him saying "I asked for your help and you just left me." did he become concerned.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? 10 years?

As an artist/ dance teacher looking for a job but recovered and quite happy.

Who or what would you say has/have been your biggest motivators for recovery? 

My own body.  It's just had enough and i want to feel good again.  Having nothing to hide.

Describe the difference to you between a good day and a bad day.

A good day is when i don't throw up

A bad day is when i throw up 1 or more times or even consider it as an option.

"

You don't have to answer all of the questions if you find them either too time consuming, unapplicable, or too personal. Thanks for your contributed time and effort.

I'll let anyone know how the work's coming along if they'd like updates :)

I never knew that existed but i approve. Yay for acceptance

well i only really do elliptical and treadmill but  its the same thing if i run outside so i don't think it's anything particular.

Being with my bf of 3 three years lead to a bit of a weight gain for me too. I think it was partly because he was trying to help me recover from my ed though without any knowledge so he basically made me eat whatever he was eating (not the most healthy or cal free). Also even when i was ok for a bit, i found i'd spend any time that i used to use for exercise to spend with him which was usually pretty relaxing because my schedule's is usually pretty full. In all though, i think its a result of decisions I've made.

It might sound weird but when i went on a cruise, i lost 7lbs. The main meals in the dining hall were very sensibly portioned and with the choice of a little salad+main course+dessert with low fat options. Even the all day buffet had lots of fruit and veggies along with other healthy options so don't be scared.  I'm sure you'll be moving around so much anything extra will be burned off anyways.