Posts by oink420

I know I have been MIA lately, I promise I will be back.

Felt nauseous all day yesterday from my cocktail of medicines, but managed to eat fruit and a granola bar for breakfast...missed lunch so I had a hugeeee and early dinner with swordfish, grilled nectarines, veggie stirfy pasta and then an ice cream cone, full fat. Proud of myself. I'll be back...p.s the ice cream KILLED my stomach  but so worth it

also I am going to an allergist/holistic nutritionist soon...I am not evading the subject of my diet. I truly truly truly want to get better.

I am not 130...I am up to 158 in 2.5 months. So yeah, I am concerned about the sudden gain. That is just wonderful about your degree and your upcoming phd and I could care less the legitimacy of it...i just care about me being poked fun at and being told that I am just a lying anorexic. Ok I guess u are right, I really dont care what you think to be honest. And I have had a full medical workup, and have been diagnosed with like 4 different things (ovarian cyst, IBS, gastroparesis, parasite that will work itself out). None seem to be the case. I have taken a myriad of new drugs. None seem to have helped much. I have tried alternative medicine. Has not helped. At least two of my doctors have encouraged an endocrinologist...I was actually referred to the one I am going to by a doctor. I am taking a semester off of college, a college i cried I was so happy i got into, to stay home and go to doctors. Yeah that hurt, that was hard. I did not want to do it but i had to. My mom reads my food diary I keep in my room every single day...I hide nothing from her. She feels my pain and since you are so skeptical of me and sure of yourself ( i do not throw up cans of green beans...i have thrown up when i eat too much and know i will be in pain for the rest of the day not healthy but whatever...i did it), which is easy to do through the computer. Lastly, i find it hard you did not want to piss me off, you deliberately said you were poking fun at me! So please, do not respond to this - because after all I am exactly like your friend you had in college, and am a stupid, lying anorexic. bye now.

irishmum - i really appreciate youtrying to help, but i dont think you quite understand my predicament. Of course i want something to be wrong with me, I live in constant pain. Not eating much has helped me cope with the constant spasms I am in...do not reprimand me for something you don't understand. I do not undereat because I get some joy out of it, omg, I love food. In fact, i haven't starved myself since I was in the 7th grade and now I am almost 20...you don't know my history as well as you may think. And no, my doctors really don't care. They all know. They all know that I am gaining on so few calories. I am also extremely offended at your 'all in your head' comment. From day one of the pain, actually like a month in when I went to the ER where they gave me percocet for the pain (i dont think they give this to hypochondriacs) I begged my mom who is a nurse to believe me, this is not all in my head. As my mom has comforted me on many, many nights with a heating pad on my stomach as I cry in pain...she knows I am not MAKING THIS UP. I have cried myself to sleep and have become a different person. I am actually dealing remarkably well with the pain in my life.

lastly, i have not RESIGNED to accept this for the rest of my life. I resent that too. Before, I changed my outlook and became OPTIMISTIC they would find something wrong with me, to help treat the chronic pain - I told my family and close friends I could not live like this. When asked what the alternative was, i simply said 'i dont know'. They knew and were scared. I came out of that depressed phase with a desire to get better, I would really appreciate it if you would stop playing Freud here, my ED is not why I come to this site anymore, its just for support. Clearly you do not know enough about the medical field if all you think can be wrong with a stomach is ulcers and intolerances, there are a million plus things that can go wrong in there and its not my stomach anyway, its a lower pain. My dad died of colon cancer at a young age...they have plenty of reason to be concerned. And you are wrong on the count that I am not hungry bc my metabolism has stopped, I actually do quite well and live fine on this. When i tried 'upping my cals' during the pain i was going thru, it got soo much worse. Digestion is clearly being hindered by something...and more food is not going to help. I will wait for a doctor to give me a proper diagnosis in the meantime. Thanks.

If you are going to comment on this and berate me for my diatribe just now, go ahead. You obviously do not know how much my life has changed in recent months and how strong I have had to be recently...making some of the decisions I have. If you do not have any experience with what I posted in this topic - dont bother responding. I posted it for people to respond with feedback about that issue, not delving into my subconscious - which has been delved into already, I used to see a therapist when I originally recovered from anorexia/EDNOS many years ago (6 in fact). Thanks for all your support.

torpidire - Yeah...I read some interesting accounts of it on erowid.org. Very interesting...one was explaining EXACTLY what happened to me, i don't think I could have put it into words. We have way too much in common.

gi-jane - I have been smoking marijuana recreationally for several years...and definitely not too-too often because I am really into working out and my lungs are super important to me. But I am not depressed. I am on antidepressants to help calm the nerve endings in my stomach. This is also not the first time since starting wellbutrin I have smoked, nothing happened weird the other time. Just normal, tired, thoughtful high. I think this was from consuming the cookies, but everyone else I was with was normal just super high for a long time afterwards. But did not feel like I did...I really do not believe marijuana is a gateway to other drugs and i have NEVER wanted to do any before...even though I have friends into E and shrooms - i think I am 'predisposed' to have negative experiences with drugs.

isn't there some type of soy-thyroid connection?

You guys are SO helpful thanks for all of your advice - this is awesome. Ok - I am going to check that thyroid-expert's stuff out - my mom is my biggest supporter and once this started, she thought I was a little crazy but now that things are worsening she will do whatever it takes to get me better. I have no weird facial hair, and though they initially found a small ovarian cyst, my ogbyn said i did not have endometriosis or pcos because I don't get my period and thus can't have it. 

I was hoping in the last week i'd start to lose some of this stupid weight (a lot is in the form of bloat, but also a lot has been added on everywhere else). The three drugs I have recently started ALL of the side effect of weight loss, wellbutrin (to help with the stomach spasms and nerve endings in the stomach), Amitiza (an IBS drug to help get things moving along) and Yaz (very low dose birth control). I feel so crappy today, I did 55 minutes of hardcore cardio and stretched and feel no better or worse. I eat no refined sugar/flour/fake sugar/dairy etc...also I take mild probiotics i have started since the ordeal began.

amymoria - can u tell me about ur situation? like what were your symptoms, how di they figure it out and how long did it take for your drugs to kick in - did u have digestive problems too?

I used to be VERY down and out but now I am in a 'keep truckin' mode...lets hope for the best.

minnie - thanks for your kind advice but my previous ED has been remedied greatly. The reason I have been undereatng is because a) I have horrible stomach problems and every morsel of food hurts my stomach b) I am gaining on so little and gain even more on more c) My appetite is completely killed. Staying home from school was a huge decision I made in desperation of how sick I am this is not me hoping to get thyroid drugs, I just want to get better.

None of my doctors seem at all worried about how little I am eating, in fact I am quite used to it and I dread eating even when I do because it all hurts, ive tried everything. They do no think it is a food intolerance or an ulcer. Trust me, I know the horrible effects of malnutrition but there is nothing I can do about this.

Hopefully my endocrinolgist will help, but didn't they just change the range for TSH to be lower deeming more people as hypo thyroid? All i know is I cannot live like this and I need relief. Doesn't the thyroid control a bunch of hormones? This mayhem all started for me when I went off my normal hormones i was taking (estrogen) started Birth Control and then stopped it after 3 months. The weight came on about 2 months after I stopped taking all hormones. I haven't had a natural period...ever really. It is a mess and THAT is why i think it is hormonal

it made me go  everyday, every morning in the beginning. Everything was fine and dandy, now I am going back to my old ways (it has been like a month and a half)

There is so healthy thing called a diet. It is about feeling good, being happy and living LIFE. that is why we are on this planet right? Even when I was at my skinniest - 120ish for 5'8 - i know this is very thin - I was getting drunk maybe every other weekend and indulging in a big meal at least once a week and dessert at least once a week. If you are working out super hard, a day like this wil be very good for you and looking forward to it wil make you work even harder. Have a few drinks, usually when I drink I make myself sweat it all out in the morning. If I am not willing to work it all off, then I should not indulge. 

so i had to get a colonoscopy yesterday and so the the whoe day before and except for breakfast the day before that, i hadnt eaten. Afterwards, it was still morning and I was famished. My mom and I went to this amazing jewish deli and i got lox baked with scrambled eggs on a bagel with tomato - FIRST BAGEL I HAVE HAD IN AT LEAST 4-5 YEARS. so I am right there with u crombiebabe

WHY do all the websites say not to take this drug if you have a history of anorexia or bulimia?

i went out tonight for a friends birthday, to some party with all these people I have barely seen all summer - I was wearing this little tiny black dress which made my stomach bloat completely invisable and just accentuated the good parts - and my bestttt friends boyfriend of 3 years came up to me and was like....wow....that is all i have to say. it made me feel really good, he went on to say how much better i looked in every way amazing difference etc (did not say i was fatter but we all know i am) and that boosted my self esteem, how can i want to be a stick again after **** like that?

i am still SO proud of everyone and am sooo happy this board is still up

one more thing, this was ALL caused by my anorexia. Which caused my low body fat percentage, and obsession with working out. Which caused my low self esteem because of my lack of boobs which was caused by the lack of a menstrual period. Which caused me to go to a doctor who gave me estrogen which I took for a year, feeding this damn cyst I guess - which caused me to go on birth contorl which made everything worse....which ultimately led to the situation I am in now. Great.