Posts by zarelha

I agree with jcl76. The best thing we can do for our children is to tell them they are perfect just the way they are - at least at this age, at least physically. 

I felt fat all my life. I wasn't, but I was bigger than my older sister (who has never weighed over 110 lbs in her entire life, even now in her 40s when she has 2 kids). My parents always referred to me as "the chubby one" and my siblings quickly found my Achilles heel. Although I went through a pudgy period at 10-13, I was nowhere near fat. By the time I was 13, though, my relationship with food had changed forever. I could recite the calories on every food ever made - I read calorie guides at night and was obsessed with food and diets. Took about 16 years to get over that.

If someone had told me I was FINE and BEAUTIFUL (and I was; looking back at pictures of myself), I may not have had some of the issues I eventually faced.

Do you know when I was able to get over my issues? When someone (a man) told me he loved my body EXACTLY as it was (and it was by no means perfect). Before that, I had never felt beautiful. Sad!!!  And I actually felt that he meant it, and he showed me every day.  I stopped obsessing almost immediately.  I wish I could have felt at 10 like I did from that day on at 26. It was a "lightbulb" moment for me, and although I didn't end up with the guy, I am grateful beyond all belief for what he did for me.

At 10, I believe only our parents can give us that same shot of self esteem.

Good luck with your daughter. I know parenting is super-tough these days, and it's difficult to know what the "right" thing to do is. Just keep reminding her how much you love her, not because of what she looks like, but because of who she IS. And let her know she's beautiful, right now, this minute, just as she is.

Sorry, I don't belong here with my barely-Bs, but this was too funny. The thought of trying to weigh one of them made me laugh - but I can see how a larger-sized woman would definitely be able to, easily, on a kitchen or baby scale!  And, they could weigh as much as a newborn!

I wish mine were large enough to weigh; I'd do it now just for fun.

Lorik: It's "you're," not "your."  It's been bothering me this whole post.

Coreyander: The problem starts even earlier. I just started teaching for a test prep company, mainly for pre-college tests. I don't have children, and haven't been around them for a while, so this was a huge eye-opening experience on the adolescent attitude. The company has a very strict policy (which both students and parents have to read and sign) as to what is required of the student if they want to exercise their "guarantee," which allows them to either take the class again or get their money back.  Let me tell you, the work required for the guarantee is minimal, compared to what is available to the students.  And yet ... it's a daily event that parents and students complain that they should be able to apply their guarantee - even though the student completely failed to comply with even the minimal requirements. Kids show up late or miss class altogether; never log in to their online syllabus; don't do their homework; don't take the quizzes or miss entire exams.  Yet they still wonder why their scores are not improving, and feel entitled to complain when they are turned down for the guarantee!

It is these kids who will have problems in college. People like lorik, who feel that "being a little late" or "doing enough to just get by" is "not a big deal," will have a huge shock in the real world when their bosses, colleagues and clients don't feel the same way.  Especially in today's economy, "the real world" is looking for stand-out individuals, not just coasters.  And that attitude is often ingrained, and not just situational.

But you know what, to use two cliches, water finds its own level, and cream floats to the top.  Life has a way of teaching lessons that no professor (or TA) ever could.

PS - The SATs do have an essay. And it is shocking to see the level of writing. However, I have been pleased to see how a little instruction can improve that in a short amount of time.

Yay!  I'm glad I'm not the only "let-it-all-go-until-you-hear-the-car-door-sl am"-er!  I always feel like I SHOULD do more, but honestly, it's so rare that I have time alone in the house (my DH is a homebody) that I cherish every second.  He's also a neat-freak, so usually I'm on much better behavior when he's around.

When he's gone, and it's a weekend, I don't make the bed, I may not shower every night (GASP!), I may wear the same clothes more than twice, I read a lot or watch stupid reality shows, I eat only things that either don't need cooking or can be microwaved within 5 minutes - and I may even eat cereal out of the box in bed for dinner!  I don't always put the dishes in the dishwasher, and leave my shoes in the middle of the living room floor (one of DH's pet peeves).

I always make him call at least 2 hours before he comes home so I can do a speed-clean-and-tidy.  He knows it, too, and he knows it's for his own good!  It usually takes us a couple of days to get back to normal (me to remember to put the dishes away; he to remind me to move my shoes or make the bed!) :)

I'm sorry that your girlfriend is being so unhelpful.  It sounds like she's a bit immature and controlling.  She's trying to get you to change for her, but won't do a lick to change for you.  And I'm sorry, you're allowing (even encouraging) it, so in a way, it's up to you to stop it.

I would give her the suggestions above (rent DVDs at home, find a more private gym, buy healthy food that she likes, etc.)  But then I would leave it alone.  You two are not attached at the hip, and there is no reason you can't each have your own lives. 

You know how kids act up all the time just for your attention?  It seems that she's received A LOT of yours lately!  Trying to change your schedule (numerous times); leaving the gym when she says; trying to find some way to "motivate" her.  About the food:  not only is she not paying for it,  but you're cooking FOR HER and she's still not happy?  Guess what?  At my house, no matter who cooks, there is one meal cooked.  Whoever doesn't like it, gets to make their own.  If she uses this as a "threat" - "well, I don't like what you cooked, so I'm going to get a Bic Mac instead" - let her.  She is in control of what goes into her mouth; if she chooses to sabotage herself in order to control you, that's her issue, not yours.  Keep cooking healthy for yourself; she's a grown-up, she won't starve to death.  Also, your sleep is important, and it sounds like she doesn't care.

But not only are you cooking her meals, you're trying to solve her problems - and I'm sorry to tell you that you can't.  Only she can.  And it doesn't sound like she wants to.  It seems what she really wants to do is go back to the "good old days" and have you go back with her.  This quote says it all: 

"my GF said she wanted to lose weight with me, but she didn't want to excersize or change what she ate"  What????  Have you ever heard the definition of insanity? Continuing to do what you're doing and expecting different results.

If you don't want to go back to the good old days with her, you can continue to ask her to go with you to the gym and offer her your healthy foods, but keep moving forward and don't try so hard to drag her along.  Don't nag, beg, cajole, or try to "fix" things for her.  You will get resentful, and she will get ever-needier, and that's not a healthy place for a relationship to be. 

If and when she gets to the place where she asks (and willingly accepts!!) your advice/help, that's when you can SHARE your healthy lifestyle with her - on your terms.

I'm just wondering how they feel now, the analysts and brokers who are being punished for the profilgacy, stupidity, greed, and wishful thinking of their masters.  How they feel as they dust off their resumes in a world flooded with needy drifters just lke them?

-- Fortune Magazine Oct 13 2008, "The Big Payback" by Stanley Bing

Wouldn't gas make me lighter! 

athenaoly - I know I'm not the only one with weird food "things." 

Could be some kind of weird allergic reaction - I do have mild lactose intolerance to only certain dairy products, tomatoes and pineapples make my mouth break out, and certain textures (e.g. stringy stuff, overripe fruit, green bananas) make me gag, among others, so I'm chalking this up to another "weird food thing" with my body.