Crystal Struggling to recover

Posts by crystal187


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Forum Topic Date Replies
Weight Gain Gaining weigh-ins!! Dec 02 2009
03:05 (UTC)
13

Thank you very much for the encouragement.  It's helping me get through the guilt I'm feeling right now from eating a lot more than I'm used to the past few days.  Your profile made me cry!  You deserve to be healthy and happy more than anyone I've met.  It breaks my heart to see other people going through this, many of which have a much more tragic story than I.  I'm so thankful I didn't suffer in high school, and I can only hope that I can stop this from taking over the rest of my life as well.  I wish you the best of luck in your journey to a healthy life! 

Weight Gain Gaining weigh-ins!! Dec 02 2009
00:23 (UTC)
15

Female, 22 years old

Height: 5'6"

LW: 97 lbs

CW: 113 lbs

I was at 118 lbs earlier this year, but I relapsed and have been restricting myself to a 1100 calorie diet for months now.  I had a huge binge over Thanksgiving break, which made me decide that I need to just suck it up and get to a normal weight to stop this cycle.  Even though I love the way I look now, I'm sick of feeling hungry and guilty every time I eat more than I planned.  I'm also sick of my family's comments about how I'm too thin now.

I have successfully consumed 2000 calories every day since Thanksgiving.  Which makes me both proud and extremely uncomfortable at the same time.

Weight Loss Who has used WII FIT as a tool to loose weight? Dec 04 2008
05:09 (UTC)
10

You have to put the balance board on a flat, hard surface when you weigh yourself.  When I weighed myself with it on the carpet, I was 6 or 7 lbs less than I really am.  When I moved it to the hardwood, it was accurate.

I love the hula hooping and the running!  I put the Wii-mote in my pocket and sprint in circles around the room, haha.

Weight Loss Boob size at different weights (ladies) Nov 19 2008
02:33 (UTC)
8

I'm 110 and a 34 D for half of the month, a 34 DD for the other half.

Yeah, nothing in the stores fits me.  I feel strange and disproportionate.

Motivation Ladies, help please Nov 13 2008
01:42 (UTC)
2

You'll be fine.  You would need to eat 3500 calories OVER your maintenance just to gain a pound, so I wouldn't worry at all about 200 extra.  I've overeaten before up to 700 calories extra, and I didn't gain anything.  Also, when you're about to start your period, you actually NEED more calories.

Girls don't have to be extremely active to maintain on 2000 calories a day.  The body has a set weight that it naturally tries to direct you toward.  Just trust your body's signals.  Don't ignore hunger signals; your body is telling you something.

Obsessing over miniscule amounts of calories is one of the first stages of an eating disorder.  Just relax! :)

Foods New PB!!! Oct 03 2008
00:47 (UTC)
2

Isn't it incredibly tasty?  Naturally More isn't new; I've been eating it every day now for 2 years.  And I mean EVERY SINGLE day.  It's like my crack.  And it gives me a protein and fiber boost.

Kudos to you for bringing it up!  More people should know about the pure joy that is Naturally More Peanut Butter.

Health & Support ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ Jun 02 2008
06:45 (UTC)
163
Uggggh... I can't believe I just ate half of an entire cake.  I hate it when I lose control like this.  I wish my mom would stop bringing home all of these desserts!  Cake, cookies, brownies, candy...  And I'm the one who ends up eating ALL of it!

I'm trying to learn how to live normally, because let's face it: there is always going to be food lying around when you live among others.  And with my family, it's mostly junk food.  I can't wait until I move into my apartment and can control what I keep in the kitchen.
Health & Support Binge Eaters, Compulsive Eaters, Emotional Eaters Welcome! Jun 01 2008
00:04 (UTC)
12
I just had a bad binge.  I've been struggling with binging as I've been recovering from anorexia for the past year or so.  I've been binge-free for two weeks, and then I just completely fell apart today when my mom brought a bunch of food home from a bake sale.

I feel horrible and ashamed and I feel the need to tell someone about it instead of keeping it all in like I always do.  I can't talk to my parents - my mom will just shake her head at me and accuse me of still being anorexic and worrying over nothing.

I thought that jotting down what I ate might help.  Here it is:

2 tbsp marshmallow fluff

2 tbsp peanut butter

1 serving of Wheat thins

1 serving of sunchips

1 brownie

1 chocolate chip cookie

Half of a stromboli sandwich

3 double chocolate chip cookies

1 tbsp frosting

I just wish I would have binged on healthy food at least.  It helps a little to know that I'm not the only one going through this... that we all lose control sometimes.  I just wish I didn't have to live with this constant fear of binging.  It pervades my thoughts every day, and often prevents me from enjoying life. 
Young Calorie Counters whats the strangest thing you find attractive in the other sex? Apr 08 2008
16:45 (UTC)
231
Ugh, I'm afraid I'm going to sound really weird, but here goes:

- Skinny guys.  I can't help it, I like them thin.  Not too thin, mind you, and definitely not thinner than me.  And I do like some muscle curves in the upper arms, but very subtle.  Big, veiny muscles are a total turn-off for me.

- Boyish facial features.  Round baby cheeks, long eyelashes, stuff like that.

- Gray hair.  Especially on guys that seem too young to have gray hair yet.  I don't know what it is about it.
Young Calorie Counters People 5'4"-5'6" what size are you? Apr 07 2008
14:47 (UTC)
111
I'm 21, 5'6", and 110 lbs.  I range from US size 1 to 3, depending on the brand.  But my bra-size is a D, so it's very difficult to find anything that fits - it's like my breasts are out of proportion with the rest of my body.

Oh, and I've been recovering from an eating disorder for about a year now, so my weight is gradually going up.  When I was normal, I was a size 5 to 7. 
Foods Peauntbutter Puffins Mar 16 2008
17:20 (UTC)
3
Where do they sell these?  I would love to get some when I get back to the States!
Foods Fiber One Bar label -- What in the world is fractioned oil??!! Jan 21 2008
15:02 (UTC)
1
I do eat oats... when the college provides them in the morning, which isn't all that often.

And it may be easy to get fiber in England when you can get your own food.  But I live in a manor house a few miles from town, and I can only get to town one day a week.  Therefore, I have to rely on the food they give us here most of the time. 

I can't stock up on high fiber foods here because I have no access to a refrigerator, and I have no room in my tiny closet of a bedroom that I share with other people to store it.  Not to mentiont the fact that I'm a poor college student with no funds to waste on food that I can get for free here.

I honestly don't think Fiber One bars are going to kill me...  I could be eating candy bars, potato chips, and soda every day, like most college students.
Foods Fiber One Bar label -- What in the world is fractioned oil??!! Jan 19 2008
14:54 (UTC)
5
But it's so difficult to get fiber here in the UK, especially when your only food source is college food.  I'm studying abroad in England this semester, and I swear, this country has something against food with fiber in it.  I've been suffering with constipation since I got here earlier this month.  I've been eating as much fruit and vegetables as I can stomach, and it just isn't working. 

So my mom is sending my precious Fiber One bars from the States.  Yay!  They might not be the best way of getting fiber, but for me, they are pretty much the only way I can.  Plus, they're absolutely delicious, I think.  I hardly get any chocolate here. :(
Weight Loss Viactiv Chocolate Calcium Chews Dec 11 2007
16:05 (UTC)
2
I take them, and I love them.  They force me to remember to take my supplements every day, because I actually look forward to taking them.  I agree that the caramel ones are the best I've tried so far.  The only downside is that they have like half a gram of fat and some sugar, but that's pretty trivial, and it's worth it in my opinion.

LOL, they have ex-lax chocolates?  I need some of those!
Health & Support i've stopped getting my period. Nov 09 2007
15:37 (UTC)
17
Thank you for responding.  I have an appointment with my doctor; I can't get in to see her for nearly two months, though.  And I understand that my perception might be a bit distorted, but I have gained weight since I started recovering, and the truth is that there ARE girls who are naturally skinnier than me.  I don't envy those girls anymore; I just don't understand what the difference is between them and me.  And there are models and actresses who are at least as thin as I am, but they still get their periods and are able to get pregnant.  I'm just curious how their bodies are able to release eggs with so little body fat.
Health & Support i've stopped getting my period. Nov 09 2007
04:08 (UTC)
19
I haven't had my period since June 2006.  So it's been about a year and a half.  I'm recovering from anorexia, so I know that it's dangerous, but I've been eating normally (or trying to) for months now and I still haven't gotten it back.  Does anyone know if going on birth control would be beneficial to me?  I'm terrified that I've done permanent damage. 

Also, if it's a matter of not having enough body fat, how come girls who are skinnier than I am still get their period?  Some girls are just naturally skinny like that, so what's the difference between them and me?  I am eating as healthy as I can, and I take vitamins and calcium every day.
Foods peanut butter with oil seperated need advice Nov 09 2007
03:55 (UTC)
6
I think natural peanut butter tastes better cold... so I always keep mine refrigerated.  It stays fresh for longer, too.
Foods any foods that fill you up with little calories? Nov 08 2007
23:44 (UTC)
4
Any high protein cereal or granola bar.  Kashi TLC bars (140 calories each) and Protein and Fiber bars (150 calories) are great.  South Beach High Protein Bars (140 calories) are awesome, too.
Foods omg so much sodium Nov 08 2007
23:42 (UTC)
1
Gaah, that happened to me the other day.  I had a deli turkey wrap for lunch, and a salad with deli ham and fat free (but high sodium) dressing for dinner.  I woke up in the middle of the night, and I thought I was going to die!  I drank two bottles of water, went back to sleep, and then drank 3 bottles of water and a 22 oz iced tea the next morning. 

I've been chugging down water constantly ever since.  I knew deli meats had a lot of sodium, but I had no idea it was THAT much! 
Foods Your non-breakfast foods for breakfast Nov 08 2007
23:34 (UTC)
1
Cake for breakfast = WIN.  I used to do that all the time.
Games & Challenges The Food Game Nov 07 2007
00:35 (UTC)
1,204
egg salad
Games & Challenges A-Z Restaurant game... Nov 07 2007
00:34 (UTC)
441
Outback Steakhouse.
Health & Support To those recovering from an ED: I need your advice Nov 07 2007
00:28 (UTC)
5
As someone falling in and out of anorexia, all I can say is to NOT ignore her.  I've told my roommate that I am a recovering anorexic, and she has chosen to completely ignore it.  She even kind of laughed about it when I told her.  It hurt my feelings and made me feel foolish, like my problem is trivial.  She invites people into our room and offers them pumpkin pie and other treats that her mom has sent her, and they eat it right in front of me without offering me any.  It's like she assumes that I don't eat anyway, so why should she offer?  There's a lot of tension between us because of this, and I can't wait for the end of the semester so I don't have to live with her anymore.

Anyway, I would say to definitely offer to eat meals with her, like in the dining hall, because the worst thing for people with eating disorders is eating alone.  And I agree about it NOT being your fault at all; an eating disorder is a very self-centered disease, and I find no fault with anyone but myself.
Foods Thanksgiving Food - come eat! Nov 07 2007
00:07 (UTC)
42
Sweet potato casserole

Stuffing with gravy

Cranberry sauce (the natural kind!)

Turkey

Pumpkin pie

Sadly, my parents are leaving my brother and I home alone for Thanksgiving. :(  This is the first year in my life I'm not having Thanksgiving dinner.
Foods favorite bars Nov 06 2007
21:30 (UTC)
4
Ahh, bars... practically my favorite food.  I'm obsessed with the things, and have tried so many different kinds.  A lot of people have listed some of these, but here are my absolute favorites:

Fiber One: Peanut butter is my favorite, but the chocolate ones are perfect to satisfy that chocolate craving.

Luna: Chocolate Peppermint Stick blew my mind, it was so tasty. 

South Beach Diet High Protein: Cinnamon Raisin tastes absolutely amazing. 

Kashi TLC: Cherry Dark Chocolate is the best, but all the flavors are great.
Health & Support I-used-to-be-anorexic-but-now-I'm-a BINGER Support Group! Nov 02 2007
00:52 (UTC)
79
Ughh... the desserts in college dining halls are killers.  Once I take a bite, I'm gone, no matter how hard I try to control myself.
Health & Support seeking advice on responding to ED posters Nov 02 2007
00:48 (UTC)
12
I posted on here a lot when I was really deep into anorexia... and I'm afraid to say that others' comments made it MUCH worse for me.  Talking to other people with anorexia did not help by any means; in fact, their comments often encouraged me to obsess more and more. 

Many people with eating disorders have perfectionist personalities, and often can't help being competitive.  When I saw that other girls' were going through the same thing I was, and weren't doing anything to help themselves, I felt that I didn't deserve to get help either.

Only when I completely stopped posting on here and sought help from a therapist did I begin to recover. 

In a lot of cases, I believe that a lot of the people (especially young girls) on here just crave the attention.  I'm not saying you shouldn't respond at all, but getting into arguments and wasting effort on trying to convince these people that they need help is not going to do the trick. 
Health & Support I-used-to-be-anorexic-but-now-I'm-a BINGER Support Group! Oct 30 2007
15:53 (UTC)
81
Yay, a new group for me!  Well, probably not something to be happy about, but at least I know I'm not alone.

I'm recovering from anorexia, too, and I've gained about 10 or 11 pounds.  Which would be a good thing if some of it hadn't been from binging on junk food.  I have a horrible weakness for chocolate and sweet things.   And when I binge, I tend to feel so guilty that I'll hardly eat the next day.

Ugh, I binged on Ben & Jerry's ice cream last night.  I felt so guilty I could hardly get any sleep.  But it was sooo good.
Foods that one food everyone likes but you dont.... Oct 22 2007
18:46 (UTC)
195
Alcohol.

Does that count?  No matter how many times I force myself to drink something with alcohol in it, I just cannot get used to it.  It's disgusting, and it burns my throat and my chest.  It makes me feel like I'm dying.  And it's really annoying when you're in college and people make fun of you for not drinking.
Foods Ensure Aug 23 2007
01:36 (UTC)
6
I've tried Ensure, and I didn't think it was that bad, but I must admit I prefer Boost.  I drink it every day to help me gain weight, and I love the taste (especially the chocolate ones).  I like the Boost High Protein ones the best; they don't have as much sugar, so they're not overly sweet.
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