Mengzi anorexic with emotional chirality

Posts by aimengzi

Forum	Topic	Date	Replies

Weight Gain	how much do you eat to gain?	Mar 15 2008 04:06 (UTC)	10
I'm 5'8'' and 92 lbs up from 85, tried eating 2000/day and gained nothing. I starting gaining when I bumped up to 3000-3500. WOW, right?
Foods	Nutella Nutella Nutellaaaaa~~	Nov 17 2007 05:43 (UTC)	27
I had just forgotten about nutella...and then I saw this thread!! Dun dun dun....
Health & Support	ED Recovery Club II (the REAL one)	Oct 18 2007 18:52 (UTC)	2,466
wow so many new members! I'm giving a shout out to triptropicana, torpidire, bananee, funkychunkymonkey, positivelinny and wooooooooooooo!! Great job you guys for continuing to fight, and of course, the wonderful founder of this thread carmenxox. I noticed some discussion of menstruation...and guess what? I got my period yesterday! I still find that odd because my BMI is 16, but oh well, at least I'm producing more estrogen now :p. I second everything about energy too...you think you're "just fine" at a crazy low weight, but trust me, it's nothing compared to when you start building muscle & your heart starts pumping. It's also very nice not to have the threat of hospitalization hanging over your head...at least for anorexia. I am having major major major trouble with the purging, although I'm not binging as severely as I used to (ie. not eating 3000 calories in one sitting). I hate to go into behaviors here, but I'm purging 1/2 - 3/4 of my intake. I avoided breakfast this morning because I didn't want to purge because I had just taken my meds. It's a horrible cycle that solves nothing. Eat, throw up, feel hungry and sad still, eat, throw up etc. It always leaves me with the feeling of emptiness (emotional and physical) and solves nothing. I am going to see a group of specialists this afternoon because my T isn't working out. They have a bunch of people on the team, psychiatrist (which I already have), nutritionist, dietician, psychologist, art therapist, and GP's. What blows is that their IOP program is exactly when I'm in class! I could really use the monitoring too, with all the purging going on. Ugh! Now, for all the ED'rs - gaining weight is horribly scary, yes. Sometimes we feel like "why can't we recover without gaining weight?" even though a healthy, recovered person wouldn't want to have a BMI of 0.5. Have you ever been told to try a certain food that you didn't want to try (when you were little)? And you said you didn't like it before you even took a bite? Well I think ED's are the same. You get so used to the taste of the disorder and don't want to try anything else. I am still having difficulty breaking out of the taste of my anorexia, but I made a deal that I would take a bite of recovery and see how it goes. I am sampling. I also tell myself that Ï can always go back to restricting if I want, but I need to try first. Hopefully, I will taste how good health feels and not even want to settle for the slop that is anorexia. One day. Perhaps. Keep trying, keep fighting, keep smiling!! <333333333333
Health & Support	ED Recovery Club II (the REAL one)	Oct 06 2007 20:05 (UTC)	2,549
Hey everyone! Wow, lots of new members. Hehe : D I'm sorry I don't drop in as often as I used to, but I've been busy with school. Just wanted to wish everyone the best with their recovery. I know you guys can do it!! You are worth it more than you know. I am currently doing pretty well with strangling my anorexia. I went from 87 to 104 in a couple months (2 lbs a week! eek!) but I can feel how much stronger my body is now. I also stopped wearing sweaters when it's 80 degrees outside! My doc is really happy about my progress and says I can maintain. That confuses me, because to healthy people 104 is still pretty bad for 5'8'', but I have always been really thin for my age/height so maybe I just have a different body type. Anyway, I've been eating everything from sandwiches to green tea ice cream! I still have to force myself to eat a lot of the time, but I might be beginning to accept that it's worth it, because I can focus a lot better on school on a happy stomach. I am struggling with binging and purging though, which is really not good. My anorexia is trying to fight against the eating and this is how it turns out. It's wasting my time and money but I'm trying so hard. If I can gain weight without going IP then I can fight this b/p cycle. I can, can't I? Keep fighting! Don't ever give up, there is always hope! Oh, and justme - I am going to try your recipes! I'm getting into cooking now lol!!! <3 LOTS of love <3
Health & Support	Breakfast	Sep 01 2007 07:07 (UTC)	11
I'm NEVER hungry in the morning...but maybe that's because I'm a go-to-bed-late-and-sleep-in-late kind of person. If it was up to me, breakfast would be around 2-3pm. However, I do notice that if I eat too long before I go to bed, I'm hungry in the morning. Also, sleep deprivation makes me ravenous! Not enough to make me ease off the caffeine though!!
Foods	What did YOU eat today?	Aug 21 2007 01:29 (UTC)	3,154
BTW That's not ALL I'm having/had today ^^^ I had more than that, but that meal will set me at where I need to be.
Foods	What did YOU eat today?	Aug 21 2007 01:29 (UTC)	3,155
I feel so stupid for not eating as much as you guys (recovering ED). Okay, I'm going to make an omelette like oink420, a banana like ilisa, and some tomatoes like coach_k!!! Yay : D
Health & Support	Nearly underweight...but I DON'T want to gain any back...HELP!	Aug 21 2007 01:17 (UTC)	5
I don't think anyone on this site can help you as much as a professional can. Please get help!! You are still growing..and if you want to keep growing, you need to get yourself together! hugs I flipped out too when I was your age because my body was changing and I wasn't ready, but starving is not the answer to this. Your body will run it's course and grow and smooth out..even if it's a little awkward at first! You will be okay! Take my advice; both my parents are taller than me, and I've stopped growing inches below them due to my anorexia. I only wish I could've asked for help at 13! hugs Please keep us posted...
Weight Loss	Your worst binging moment	Aug 20 2007 23:27 (UTC)	31
This was when I first started eating again after not having eaten over 1000-1100 calories for a year and a half (I'm a recovering anorexic): Two bowls of granola 2 chicken breasts with melted gouda cheese A huge bowl of farfalle pasta with tomato sauce A pint of oreo ice cream Six cadbury creme eggs Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches Two giant slices of chocolate cheesecake A pack of reese's white chocolate peanut butter cups Three kit kat bars Two small red bean bao Half a box of chocolate buttercreams I was too afraid to add up how many calories that was... runs and hides Anyway, I can look back and laugh now. I just don't want it to happen again. : p
Health & Support	am i anorexic?	Aug 19 2007 00:13 (UTC)	3
We cannot give psychological evaluations online. Seek a professional.
Weight Loss	1200+exercise - the magic formula. Beware of eating too FEW calories.	Aug 17 2007 23:52 (UTC)	2
Keep in mind that this deficit and "starvation mode" rule only apply to some people. I for one (already sick with AN but recovering slowly!) didn't have trouble losing weight while eating what is considered in "starvation mode" range. I wasn't eating NOTHING either, just not enough. What might halt weight loss for one may not even affect another.
Health & Support	Question about anorexia	Aug 16 2007 02:01 (UTC)	11
1000 cals a day IS stupid. I have anorexia and am severely underweight and malnourished, constantly having to go in for blood tests, check-ups, etc. I lost 45 pounds, from healthy to on the verge of death, from eating 1000 calories a day. I would only "starve" (fast) occasionally. Anorexia is not about how many calories you eat. Anorexia is about the way you feel and what you do with those feelings.
The Lounge	Troll Sighting	Aug 10 2007 00:51 (UTC)	49
I tried the fried troll idea, so how do I log it on CC?
Foods	How much is too much?	Aug 09 2007 19:15 (UTC)	2
It depends on the person. According to most health professionals, (and myself who will be a doc in the near future) you should drink when you are thirsty. Too often, people are too busy to recognize their thirst signals, or they confuse thirst with hunger and end up overeating. You also have to remember that food holds water, especially fruits and vegetables (and soup!). If you need 8 glasses (64 oz) of water a day, you might get 2-3 glasses just from the food that you eat and may only need to drink 5-6. You may drink even less than that depending on how much water your body has stored in the form of glycogen or how much is being held onto by sodium. Don't force yourself to drink a certain amount, just drink when you are thirsty.
Foods	Favorite cereal ideas	Aug 09 2007 19:06 (UTC)	30
Quaker Oatmeal Squares are delish! I still have a place in my heart for Lucky Charms, though. I save the marshmallows for last!
Weight Loss	Confused!! Please help!	Aug 09 2007 17:40 (UTC)
If you've been eating 500 calories a day for a while, your metabolism slows down and you might not feel as hungry. Once you start eating more, your metabolism will shoot up and you will start feeling more hungry. I know this from personal experience; I'm a recovering anorexic, and when I'm severely restricting my calories, I can eat barely anything and still not feel hungry. When I'm eating the amount that my doc told me to (which in my case is a lot of food), I can't stop eating! I get hungry all the time because my body starts kicking into gear. So just be good to body and body will be good to you!
Health & Support	Anorexia? Starvation & Starvation Mode Question	Aug 09 2007 04:51 (UTC)
Your body needs a certain amount of energy to function. If it can't get that energy from food, it gets it from fat, muscle and/or organ tissue. I don't really get why everyone thinks that the only way anorexics are able to lose weight is to completely starve and eat almost 0 calories a day. They have no idea what they're talking about. I ate 1000-1100 calories a day and got down to a BMI of less than Karen Carpenter and less than models who have died because of the disease. In fact, right now I weigh and have the same BMI that Ana Carolina Reston had when she died (and I've weighed less). I'm still eating.
The Lounge	Fellow English? (All Brits welcome ;)	Aug 09 2007 04:40 (UTC)	9
I live in a country where Britain used to have territorial ownership, does that count?
Foods	What food do you eat everyday without fail?	Aug 08 2007 23:29 (UTC)	9
Coffee! (if that counts) If it doesn't count, then I always always always have bao. They are steamed chinese buns filled with everything from bbq pork to veggies to custard! Delish!
Health & Support	kind of struggling	Aug 02 2007 22:45 (UTC)
hugs I know how hard it is to be weighed down by your ED thoughts. It's like trying to babysit a bunch of toddlers...they're running around and breaking things and screaming in your ear!!! YOU have got to take charge and parent those thoughts. You are in control here. It might be scary, and it may feel uncomfortable doing this especially without your mom by your side, by your mom can't fight the thoughts for you. Ultimately, it's you. And you CAN do it. You were able to live without them before and you are able to live without them now. I think it's great that you are going to see your therapist! I feel the same way when I am approaching my next appointment - kind of a sigh of relief and "FINALLY". I hope you can get some tools to fight this, and I wish I could hand you a sword to fight off all the negativity. I know you can do this; you seem like a determined person who is very in touch with emotions. You feel scared, yes, but you can turn that into power and motivation to fight for yourself. This is about YOU. You don't have to do it alone, but you have to do it with you.
Health & Support	ED Recovery Club II (the REAL one)	Aug 02 2007 22:35 (UTC)	2,757
I just wanted to drop in and thank jainasolo for contributing to this thread and being so informative and open. I wish I could give you a medal or something! : D
Health & Support	A question for all you Mom's out there...	Aug 02 2007 22:31 (UTC)	4
I am not a mom, but I have repeatedly heard the story of how my mom knew she was preggers with me and my three brothers. The first few days, she'll have a headache and be a little drowsy. Then, she gets extreme morning sickness. Then, she starts complaining about her morning sickness and how tired she feels! Hehe. She says the new one (he's a few months old now) is the last one, but she always says that (she also always says that the new husband is the last one! hehe).
Health & Support	BDD	Aug 02 2007 22:22 (UTC)	1
BDD is real and is associated with OCD and eating disorders. The way that BDD takes form is different from person to person. One person might see themself as obese, another may see themself as too small, another may unrealistically think that a certain facial feature is too large or disproportionate (i.e. nose, ears etc). I have BDD and anorexia, and I have to rely on what my therapist, doctors, and family says about the way that I look. I also have to remind myself of the reactions I get from the people around me. I am quite emaciated, so when I wear clothing that bares my legs or arms, I get stares of disgust and horror from passersby. It's easy to think that it's one big conspiracy against you (I sure did) but you have to realize that you cannot see yourself, and perhaps it might be a while before you can.
Health & Support	recovering anorexic asking for advice	Aug 01 2007 22:41 (UTC)	1
Eat 1500 calories a day like nothing happened. 800 for three days (but that's not not not an excuse to keep doing it) did not do that much damage, and your body is not going to go into shock or super-fat-storage mode with a jump from 800 to 1500. Your ED will probably argue with you about adjusting slowly, but the more you put it off, the more you are losing control. Keep kicking!!! <33 You're doing great!!! :D
Health & Support	I can't sleep :(	Aug 01 2007 22:38 (UTC)	1
I don't know how old you are, but it would be wise to talk to your parents before you try over-the-counter sleeping pills before you venture out on your own. A lot of them contain substances that may be harmful, especially to growing kids/teens. Melatonin is a good suggestion. It is produced naturally by the body as a "sleep hormone." If you are not producing the amount you need/at the time you need, that could be the problem. Antihistamines seem to cause drowsiness and are not harmful, so you might want to think about trying those. I would also try keeping a sleep journal. Record how you're level of sleepiness before you go to bed, the time you go to bed, how often & at what time you get up during the night, what time you wake up, and how refreshed you feel when you wake up. Look for patterns and irregularities. You may just need a simple "structured" bedtime. If at-home remedies don't seem to do the trick, try talking to your doctor about your sleeping problems. There are a lot of options for prescription sleep medications.
Foods	sugar in milk	Aug 01 2007 22:28 (UTC)
Your question is like asking why juice is so high in sugar. Juice is naturally high in fructose, and milk is naturally high in lactose - a disaccharide composed of one molecule of glucose and and one molecule of galactose. Other types of "milk" that do not have this sugar use solutions that dissolve and/or replace the lactose found in milk. Other alternative "milk" products come from soy, rice, or even nuts.
Foods	do you like them real or fake (artificial sweetners) ?? :P	Aug 01 2007 22:23 (UTC)	1
Hehehe, I like them fake!! Just the other day I had a sip of my brother's REAL coke and I nearly ran to the sink to spit it out. And I absolutely cannot drink starbucks ANYTHING. All of the corn syrup makes the drinks thick and sickening. Pass the sucralose please!
Motivation	Non-Religious Weight Loss Club	Jul 28 2007 18:55 (UTC)	87
I'm not trying to lose weight, but I just wanted to send a smile knowing that I'm not the only one that sees through all of the thin bible pages. Maybe natural selection will deal with those still in the dark.
The Lounge	Why do people....(fill in the blank)?	Jul 28 2007 18:47 (UTC)	18
Why do people stand by the buttons in an empty elevator so you can't press the button that you need to press to get to your desired floor?
Foods	TEA . . . Which do you drink and how much?	Jul 27 2007 18:38 (UTC)	3
I am a tea fanatic! I love teas from asia especially: green tea (leaves and matcha), jasmine tea (hua cha), pu'er cha, oolong tea, shou mei cha, bai mu dan, I could go on and on! I would definitely check out your nearest asian grocery store. How often? About 1/3-1/2 my day's worth of beverages are tea. Certain teas are good iced, but I would never ice pu'er cha. It's just not the same. So I drink that in the air-conditioning. The other 1/2-2/3 is composed of light juice beverages and diet colas (guilty pleasure).

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