Posts by enchantingimage

My 2cents:

 The stepparent's place isn't always actively initiating direct discipline. Although it may be the biological parent who delivers the initial consequences for misbehavior... It's important that the stepparent be active in support of that decision. Extreme care should be taken that proper respect and acknowledgment of the stepparent is given. A stepmother is not simply one's husband's wife. She is in fact an adult and an authority figure in the home. That doesn't mean that her say goes against the biological parent.

Every situation/family is different due to circumstances. That's fact. However: It is my general understanding/belief that unless.... Unless you as a step-mom/dad are added to the family when the children are/were very young... It will most likely be difficult for you to discipline your spouses children. Trying to discipline your non-biological children is like skating on thin ice. It's easy to create resentment on the part of your spouse. The fact that he's pulling the " I'm the Dad " card matters. He's entitled to pull that card rightfully,imo. The OP should respect that card. However: You shouldn't allow yourself to be disrespected. Talk to your hubby because he's disrespecting you by allowing it.  He should stand up for you in that regard. Or: You will never be respected by his son.

 While I don't believe it's likely a workable situation for a stepparent to be a direct disciplinarian. I do believe it's extremely important that the stepparent be an active supporter of the biological parent's disciplinary efforts. Both biological parents and stepparents should discuss the rules of the house. That way they have already established what standards of which the children will be held accountable. That's when they negotiate an agreement for the ' said standards.' Anytime: The " I'm the Dad " card is pulled... That means you're opening yourself up to be resented by the biological parent.

It's important to appear united and discuss things in private.

btw: My mother divorced her first husband for this reason. He had two teenage boys that ran over her. They disrespected her (cursed her/etc), tried to be aggressive physically with her ( break her things when angry,etc), and stole her jewelry.( To give to their gf's and/or buy drugs.) It was impossible to leave her purse around the house without fear. She had to keep everything locked away and walk on eggshells to keep peace. The last straw was when they tried to peek in on her in the shower. He was a wonderful husband,but wouldn't stand up to his boys.

Original Post by zebraarbez:

Original Post by starlitocean:

Original Post by zebraarbez:

No more sex. Sorry, but the old saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" applies here.

 oh no.  we've found someone else to recommend withholding sex.

 The idea isn't to punish him or to use sex as power (a very bad idea in marriage.)

1. Sex leads to pregenancy (even the best birth control is not 100%.) She has already gotten pregnant twice in 4 years (I would hazard a guess neither was planned.) The last thing she needs at this moment is to get pregnant a 3rd time.

2. The overall point of the paragraph is that she is providing the equivalent of a married environment (household, family, sex, everything.) If she wants things to change, she should start changing them.

 

True & True

A person that is willing to change/compromise is more likely to see results,imo. Some people only want results they aren't willing to change/compromise. The OP is going to have to make changes in her life/relationship. (If she wants things to change... Anyways.)

If you want to be respected and treated as an equal, do the same for him.

It's important that you encourage him to take on the role of your equal. If he isn't willing/able to be the man you need/want... Move on. Don't continue to enable him.

You simply can't do all the work (by "forgiving/excuses" him) and let your boyfriend skate. Don't let him control what you spend and/or don't enable his spending by letting him live off you. Never continue a relationship ( or: go into a marriage ) based on the delusion that things will change. (or: magically get better)

btw: It isn't until the death of a parent/child that some people begin to realize the true impact of death/grief. While I sympathize with his loss greatly, there are too many other red flags here. He needs your support,encouragement, and sympathize.

However: It's important not to allow your sympathy to turn into a pity party that enables/excuses everything.

The vast majority of cases reported are mild here. I'm just relieved there aren't an overwhelming amount of severe cases. Yay.

It could be a false alarm since H1N1 is on your mind. Either way: Take good care of yourself.

Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Original Post by katesorad:

Original Post by enchantingimage:

 To help you understand a little better from a mature standpoint.

I don't really see your comments as mature.  I just see them as your opinion.  I see my opinion as my opinion.  I personally don't find opinions to be immature.  I find physical actions to be immature, and sure, I make some immature moves at times.. but everyone does.  I find words to be precious, as they are thoughts that you may only have once.. you may only get to share once.  And even though you find yourself as a more mature source than me, I find my opinion to be agreeable and important to me.  If you don't agree, then that's your choice.  I enjoy listening to opposing sides.  That's the best part about having a controversial opinion.. being able to hear the emotion it brings from those who disagree.

You're misinterpreting my intention.

Lol. I wasn't calling your opinion immature just typical. I was trying to help you understand the standpoint of his parents, imo. Some parents hold their family together firmly. People behave well simply because there is an emotional barrier. They're taught at a wee age what is and isn't acceptable behavior. They don't want to disappoint/disrespect others. Why? Well. Their parents refuse to allow them to behave beyond a certain level of immaturity. People forget that parenting is supposed to guide a child to grow into a mature adult. Kids are going to grow into an adult regardless so long as you keep them alive, Lol.. There are so many "adults" who look like grown-ups, but don't act like them. Especially when faced with stress/disagreements/frustration. These are the babies/brats of adulthood. The adults who pout/ scream/ curse/ name call/ rant/ blame/accuse/ fight/excuse and shame their way through life.

Whenever things don’t go their way, you can count on them to throw a tantrum! Fight someone! Insult someone! Steal things! Get wasted/high,Etc. Everything is a personal attack on them. This is because their perspective is limited to themselves. They're the only one that matters to them.

Some parents actually have to stand up to their children in order to help them mature. That's ALL I'm Saying!! :) The ability to live with the consequences of one's actions can spark maturity,imho. This sounds like a last resort of a desperate parent.

I'm afraid that you misinterpreted my statement.

Here are some ladybug tutu examples via google images:

http://images.google.com/images?client=firefo x-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&am p;hl=en&source=hp&q=ladybug+tutu& gbv=2&aq=f&oq=&aqi=

Nice suggestion,Iggy. ( I didn't realize the OP had a severance package. )

Kudos. ^5

That's a typical response from you, Kate.

 This may the first time his parents have shown any sign of support,imho. The truth is that lots of parents stand back doing nothing. They actually stand down to their children. Or: Stand up for them when they shouldn't.

This may be their way of saying " no " to failure from their son. Some parents click the ignore button until their kids are eighteen years old.  ( They expect their children to magically grow out of attitudes/friends/drugs-partying/stealing/etc . ) Most 18 year olds are far from being independent of their parents.That doesn't mean they shouldn't be capable of handling things themselves though.

It sounds like his parents are trying to teach him a valuable lesson now. He's shown his parents a lack of respect,maturity,and/or accountability for his actions. This isn't a sign his parents have given up on him.

This means his parents are finally standing up to him. This is something they're doing out of love for him. imho. They've decided to stop enabling him to live there without consequences. 

There are consequences when you become an adult. Their should be consequences at any age. Period. Were the parents of this boy negligent towards their child in the past? Probably! Some parents stand up for their children in spite of their behavior. It's counter productive. Yet: They continue to make excuses and accept bs. Some parents actually have to learn to stand up to their children in order to help them mature.

 Oooh oooh.  What Puh8suwrux said! That's cute!

That gave me an idea. You could use that fake cobweb stuff around the stroller,etc. She could be a spider riding along in her web. Totally easy/cheap to create the web look around your stroller. Easy clean up! The itsy bitsy spider would be cute as a button. ;)

-nods-  To each their own! Everyone has to make their own decisions and live with them.

I'd say: Wait? It's not really your choice since he hasn't even asked you.

Raise your hand if you want to get married out of convenience? It's difinitely not a good idea.

 I'd suggest that you wait until you can answer the questions yourself without hestitation and/or second opionions. btw: There is no rush to have an answer to a question before it's been asked. It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. It's cute to entertain the idea of marriage, but you aren't ready,imho. The circumstances in each of your lives are subject to change. The fact of the matter is that any plans outlined are neither here nor there. In truth lots of people chit-chat about fictional futures/circumstances. Build your life around yourself instead of a convenience idea. Best of luck! :)

End it. Tell him that you want to be single and fancy free.

Then: Move on.

It's obviously not "Meant to Be." imho. That's okay! Sometimes things just fall out of place perfectly. ;)

I call: Bs.

Cuhz: Um. Ur Totally cool!

;) Just humble.

pfft, Watergirl. You think you're so cool, don't you?! 

=-P

Rawr. It was merely SARCASM!

Ladies: I'm afraid that you take things far too seriously.