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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Oct 26 2008 13:24 (UTC) |
118 |
hey purecolor!
ha. hey guys. haven't been on here for months again...it's like 2 weeks of self control, just 1 or 2 purges there and the feeling of achievement. then i give in to a little bit of chocolate or whatnot and down it goes. all the effort i've put in...and i've swung to the other extreme of continuous binging and purging.
xx take care.
ti
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Aug 10 2008 05:39 (UTC) |
148 |
hey guys..seriously been so long since i've been on here...no one really comments straight away anymore! except i don't have a bracelet..i kinda colour in 6 circles (1 representing 240cals...coz that's 1000 kJ's...but you can have 12 beads of 100cals each if you want) and i just stop eating when i've coloured all of them in. IT REALLY HELPS...it doesn't exactly stop my binging coz i still eating stuff outside of my meals..but it helps me stop filling my stomach up with crap and vomiting it all up again. annnnnnnd this is something that i am really proud of!!! I USED to be a BIGGG chocoholic but now i don't eat chocolate at all...at first it was really hard. i was addicted to milk chocolate...so i stopped eating milk chocolate and switched to dark chocolate which didn't help at all..then i swapped to white chocolate...(it's less addictive coz of no endorphins) then i switched to yoghurt balls which are actually bad for you...and then i switched to low cal hot chocolate and then i just stopped....=) so now no chocolate..i haven't had chocoalte since the end of April. and i haven't had any sugarey foods since July..sugarey stuff to me means cakes, cookies, candy, desserts, things just with added sugar. I still eat a bunch of dried fruit which i'm currently working on and i still eat fruit and sweetened diet yoghurt but i'm just glad..coz sugar seems to spike my appetite (not to mention my blood sugar levels) up. and prob 2 weeks ago, i stopped eating white or processed grains..such as white bread, white rice, chips, etc. Now i'm eating a lot of nuts (working on it right now), dried fruit, veges, I'm vegetarian, and low fat dairy. I am only binging on mostly dried fruit, nuts, and some chicken occasionally. i think this has helped...and also i just bought a new treadmill. i know that some people say that bingers should seek to resolve their binging before their weight loss but i just believe that if i lose just a few kilos it will motivate me into eating into a routine. plus i just got a new job that's full time..just till the end of this year and i'll come back to college. so it means that there is routine for me..which i LOVE. coz then there's no surprises which means that i can eat without any anxiousness..
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| Motivation | Clean Eating Challenge | Jun 09 2008 06:00 (UTC) |
9 |
| hey..hmm this sounds interesting...has it already ended since you've already got winners? =S | |||
| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 09 2008 05:53 (UTC) |
158 |
| it depresses me when i look at other people who can just wake up, have
breakfast, leave home, go to work and just socialise and eat when
they're hungry and stop when they're full. it's like their life is so
much more meaningful spent with friends and family...never having to
worry about a stupid number or having to count friggin calories. they don't have to plan what to eat tomorrow, they don't see the point in worrying about which foods are good and which are bad and their acceptance of their body is what makes them so happy. life isn't all about being the weight you want to and being able to control your eating, yet we're all sucked into the spiral of binging and purging and over exercising all because we cannot fight this hole inside of us, stop dwelling onto the past and accept ourselves. why can't i realise this and magically stop binging and being so self absorbed into myself? why why why? |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Apr 09 2008 06:06 (UTC) |
167 |
| i could not hate myself any more than right now. I just don't understand why i keep binging and binging and binging. since last friday my friend at work and i have made this challenge to lose 11 pounds in 10 weeks..it's not going so well...the good news is that i haven't had chocolate since then but the bad news is that my binging has gotten worse and it's like i can't face anyone coz inside i feel so fat and outside as well..people keep saying why my face is so chubby. probably from the binging and purging. gahhhh did you know i skipped college today to stay home and study except i spent half the day eating every half an hour??i've had like 5 binges now and 1 big purge. I'm trying to stay away from sweet stuff so i've had a tonne of fruit instead and sneaked in a bit of mentos rolls and condensed milk and lollies. gahhhhh now i'm deciding not to have dinner. and it's like only 3pm. man i wish this was over. |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Mar 22 2008 10:45 (UTC) |
170 |
| WOW...
Hey guys..i am completely shocked at the number of replies i got from my post. I'm so sorry i didn't reply earlier. It's just...I feel that every time i come on here..(even though this thread is here to help everyone, not to sabotage them)- i get worse. But this is great! Hattierod, cristin,vicious_cycle and sherea..Hang in there. Gosh..i know it sounds really stupid to say that..but i feel that it's impossible for us to be stuck like this forever. thanks for letting me know that there are people out there who feel exactly how i feel..that we've all lost weight before..(probably an unhealthy amount of it in an unhealthy way) and that we feel so stupid because although we read all these books and look for help about overeating that we just seem to throw it out of the window and keep binging. It feels like you're helpless and no matter how many nights you go to bed saying to yourself that you'll start anew tomorrow and that you WON'T binge tomorrow; that it all happens AGAIN. thanks to hattierod..yeahhhh we will find a way to make it work. Recently i was getting better at refraining from chocolate but then easter came and today i said to myself, "what the heck, it's easter..just indulge. you can be better next monday". haha..well you and i know it isn't that easy. Cristin, wow..i'm so glad you have such a caring boyfriend who worries about you purging. Yeahhhh purging isn't a very good idea coz it just exhausts your body and i don't know if you're like me but after i purge everyday for about a week or two, my 'gag reflex' automatically shuts down for about 2 weeks or even 3 because it's trying to defend itself..haha i don't know if it's actually true but i just can't seem to make myself vomit after a week of constant vomiting. And even though you might be losing weight from purging, the face may tend to swell up and with me, my face is the first thing my friends and family notice before my sudden weight gain. How am i today? Hm..really really grouchy and upset with my give in to chocolate. I get very angry with myself when i record what i've eaten for the day because it just sickens me how much i can eat! I hope YOU are feeling better! Especially in this easter break. It's hopeless trying to give up chocolate in this period. Have i found something that helps? Actually..I've found a friend only 5 minutes away from my house. If i have enough willpower, it helps me to leave the house and come over to his to hang out. I feel embarrassed pigging out in front of my friends so it helps. Maybe you should try something like that? It may help. Vicious_cycle, OMG..I know how you feel. It may come out a bit wrong but sometimes i wish i was super skinny instead of unhappy with my weight. there are a heap of family members that have seen me in my anorexic stage and i DREAD to see them because that's the first thing they comment on.."MY, you've grown chubbier and fatter. It's so much better than being skinny but i reckon you should stop growing. this is a bit more than good." LITTLE do they know that i have NO idea how to maintain this weight and that it's slowly creeping up because of this horrid binging. Infact i'm seeing them next monday after an easter feast tomorrow at church (every family brings in a plate of food. so that's around 50 different meals/courses/types of meals). I wish that i was still skinny and that i could fit the clothes that i used to have and just wear push up padded bras and fulfill the asian stereotype that they're all skinny. (i'm asian btw!) Daily check in!!!!that SOUNDS wonderful! WOW..that'd be great. I sometimes talk to my sister about my binging and feelings on msn and i meet my psychiatrist once every week but it'd feel so special talking to someone that can relate to me and that we can give each other valid and relevant tips, advice and encouragement. Email this account so i can add you and we can take it from there! yay..^^ sherea, I honestly don't know if this will be a lifelong struggle and i sure hope not but i think that there may be a point in life where our bodies will automatically say no to binging..i don't know..or someone "high above" will give us a special situation that will help control our urges..i don't know but i have hope. It may be very little hope but there's still hope. I'm a planner. Like..i love planning my future family, husband, kids, etc. and in the future..i don't even imagine myself still binging and being suicidal and harming myself. I see myself as someone who might be able to help others like me. You see, I'm studying to be a dietitian right now(how ironic haha) and I'm hoping to do some psychology and counselling so that it won't be only sports nutrition/diet and heath..but eating disorders wise as well. when i was anorexic going onto bulimia/binging, i sought for so many dietitians but they couldn't help because they didn't know what to do with my family problems as this was eating away at me which was my trigger to binge to fill this sore hole in me..whereas when i found a counsellor, they couldn't help me with nutrition as they only had a degree in counselling. So i hope to combine the two and help people like us. I am praying everyday for all of you and for us to one day be happy with ourselves again and being able to eat like a normal person. Sometimes that's all i want. But other days all i want to do is lose weight. Which is a bad concept of thinking. But yeah! Wow..i'm seriously amazed at the words that i said..that many could relate to them. On most days, those are the words that are on my mind constantly. That's what occupies my thoughts almost everyday. Why I can't be normal like everyone else..why i can't put this in perspective and see that there are starving people out there and sick prostitutes and homeless people out there...yet we're stuffing ourselves and feeling sorry for ourselves. Yeah. It sounds so horrible and it makes me feel horrible but this helps. To know that there are people out there who feel how i feel and that we can maybe help each other. that this is a place where we can be accepted and not looked down upon. I feel that i can say ALL i want with out being ashamed. Thank you Nicole for starting this thread!! Talk to you all soon aye. Really..I am praying for you all..that we can help each other through this and have hope.Take care! -Titi |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Mar 07 2008 23:03 (UTC) |
181 |
congrats love_lipstick! 5 days without binging...that's great. I've been a binger for i dunno..a year...and the longest i've gone without a binge would be just 1 day. I haven't been on this for AGES! i was scared that once i went on this, i'd get worse...for the past month i have been atrocious...binging nonstop and vomiting everyday. but when i vomit, i only vomit about half of what i binge. I'm yet to understand how that happens...but i decided to go on and have a look coz i had the most horrible night last night. And tonight there's a wedding to go to and at the reception there's like a 9 course meal. they're in tiny bowls/plates and come every 10 mins or so but it's scary coz i don't usually eat after 7pm and that's when they start serving. I don't wanna be sitting there not eating. I was thinking of starving till tonight but too late. i've already had breakfast and binged on 2 pieces of chocolate cake. darn. this is what i typed last night..i find it helpful to vent on a piece of paper but i couldn't be bothered writing so i typed. i'm gonna cut a few bits out coz it's too long.i have a habit of doing that. Here I am...slits and blood all over my arms, laxatives in my hand and tears streaming down my face. Today I binged 3 times and tonight I just couldn’t vomit it out. I feel so scared..that I’m gonna be looking in the mirror with my chubby face and my bulging belly, overweight, ugly and unloved. I just don’t understand why I just cannot keep to an eating plan, why I just keep walking around the shops hunting for something to eat when I had already eaten a sandwich, piece of chocolate cake and a fruit. I go out and buy more chocolate. And then its chips and then I start looking for a magazine that shows me how to lose weight and what to and what not to eat. It seems I have a lot of those books. I highlight and I write up plans and goals and yet I throw them out of the window the next morning, waiting for another binge. I’m just so sick of wanting to be skinnier or even wanting to be normal. Why do I keep comparing myself to other girls and listening to what people have to say about my body? “gee, you’re looking chubbier these days..” or “wow...seems like you ate heaps in Vietnam”, or “you need to get back to exercising” (duh, I do exercise) or “why can’t you get a balance...one moment you’re eating virtually nothing and next moment you’re eating like a horse”....WELL I CAN’T SEEM TO FIGURE THAT OUT EITHER. I HATE THE FACT that I know exactly what to do to lose weight, how much to eat, portion sizes, exercise plans and things to do when I’m bored BUT I CAN’T PUT IT INTO PRACTICE. WHY OH WHY... I keep buying books, writing up eating plans, writing up exercise plans and time schedules, hoping to be the old, organised Titi I used to be. Instead I’m cooped up in eating, going on the laptop and watching movies endlessly, going to bed at 1am and waking up so late. It’s so stupid. I’m hoping to get back into an eating routine, to go into an early morning exercise routine and to follow my timetables but I know it’s going to be hard. Why can’t I just look at food as a way to feed my body and to have strength to go on? Why can’t I honour my body with healthy food and do other things that are fun? I just don’t understand why.I’m just so sick of myself. I’m sick of having my head down the toilet, eating every hour of the day and reading books that I know won’t help me. I’ve lost weight before, I’ve been organised and perfect...why can’t I be like that again? Why can’t I see this food as a way of living? Why do I have to have mixed thoughts on my mind all the time...Thoughts like, “you’re fat, ooh I feel like chocolate, she’s skinny, I could be skinnier, what am I going to eat next, how many calories have I had, how much are those lollies?”I’m so sick of people looking at me and saying I could look so much better if I was skinnier. Thanks...I’ll be sure to remember that. Or people saying, “you shouldn’t eat so much”...thanks and you can talk? Or people saying “you’re getting a bit fatter”. Wow...and did you know that I look in the mirror and reflections every five minutes to cringe at myself? I just hate myself so much. Ok I don’t hate myself. But I’m just so angry with myself. Why can’t I do what my goals are? Why can’t I stop this cycle? Why can’t I start afresh? WHY, WHY, WHY? GOD, why can’t I trust in you, honour your body, keep focused on you and give my worries to you? Why do I have to keep thinking about myself...God I feel so selfish. Why is it me, me, me??!! Why can’t I give myself to you, think about the starving kids and think about my family? Why can’t I just be thankful for who I am and what I look like and that I have a functioning body? Someone just help me understand why I’m doing this to myself.....help me know what to do to get back on track to how I was like 2 years ago. Please anyone, just help. well hope you guys are having a better time with your eating. I did end up waking up early to exercise (i usually exercise before bed) so that was good. coz i found out you burn 40% more fat if you exercise in the morning before breakfast. look after yourselves guys..lol that's a bit hard to do with the binging aye... |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Sep 19 2007 12:27 (UTC) |
406 |
| hi guys i haven't posted for a while..i guess i've just been pretty distracted lately... have u guys noticed that most bingers have sumfin in common? that they are too strict on themselves and know exactly what's healthy and what's not and count calories and usually binge on health foods like nuts, cottage cheese, yoghurt, cereal,muesli bars, etc and not all of you binge on chocolate and chips and fried chicken and lollies? (some of u do and i have a definite problem with chocolate) yeaaaaa well guess wat...i've been so much better lately :) it's nearly been one year since i've been a binger but i guess i'm getting to the point where i can see the light at the end of the tunnel but i'm not there yet. I have been eating less calories now :) which is pretty good. I used to eat 12000kJ daily and now i get around 7000-8500kJ which i'm proud of. Except i still eat junk food like chips and chocolate! :( I just don't go round the whole house looking for absolutely everything to eat and sneak around and steal my mum's food and steal the church's food anymore. my daily binging foods would be condensed milk, cereal, chocolate, croissants, cake, avocado, milo, nutella,crackers, fruit, cold meat, ham, cheese, biscuits, lollies... everything that was in the house, at work and at church!!!! But now i only limit myself to binging on vegetables, soups, chocolate and hot chips occassionally. I do stil have the feeling of being out of control and am purging more than ever but i know i have improved during time. So yea! Plus i haven't cut my wrists in a while. I only do when i am bawling my eyes out coz that's the only way that can calm me down or when i feel angry at myself. Although lately i have been very frustated with myself. I used to be such a perfectionist, doing everything according to my schedule, doing all the chores at home and getting A's in school, finishing my exercise list everyday, eating exactly the same lunch everyday, keeping track of nutritional panels (i had 5 garbage bags of nutritional panels and boxes in my wardrobe..how crazy is that!) and keeping myself busy at parties by talking to my friends and starving prior to the parties.....TO BEING: totally disorganised, not studying for my exams, doing assignments the night before, not doing any chores at all, not following my food plan and time schedule, not exercising everyday, pigging out at parties and eating virtually everything in sight. I don't want to take this as an excuse to not study and not do chores because i'm depressed or because of this stupid eating disorder but i really do not like myself for changing into the extreme and feeling that it's all my fault yet i can't seem to get out of it and fix it. It's the worst time for it to happen...right before i go to college and i'm going to get bad marks..i just hope to God that i graduate!!! sigh...do you guys feel that you're missing sumfin? that somehow you feel incomplete? i feel it all the time..i feel like i am nothing because there is a gap in my soul and it upsets me!!!i DON'T know if it is God that i'm missing, love, good grades, a good future, an orderly family or what? i don't know and i feel so lost. i also feel so selfish that all i'm thinking about is how i look when i've got frends and family around me, i've got a perfectly functional body, i have shelter and food and transport....i hate thinking about how selfish i am to not think of the children in the third world countries who don't have family or food, they don't have shelter, they don't have transport and they don't have a good body...maybe they've lost a leg or arm..i dunno. I just feel like a whinger. yet i feel like this binging can't go on forever..i will go mental if this binging doesn't get better...i'm so sick of my mind analysing everything i'm thinking. one side is thinking in the way of an anorexic and the other mind is thinking in the way of a binger. I completely regret ever going into these eating disorders and obsessions but i guess it was waiting to happen with my naturally perfectionistic personalilty and the environmental factors. But never think it's your fault...ok?it's the media, your family, your problems...not you. But i will pray for all of you guys so that we may continue to walk forwards and improve. :) Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Aug 03 2007 09:30 (UTC) |
447 |
| Trying to Break Free
This illness dawned upon me, has ruined me bits to bits. I feel so alone, So lost and not worth living For this hatred I have on me. This constant obsession with food To fill this empty hole Is driving me to the edge And causing all regret. I wonder to myself how I ever got this way. I don?t know who to blame, My family, myself or the world? My loss of family love is unbearable Feeling isolated like all I have is me. Sister, father, happiness all gone And nothing left to control. Looking at my rounded stomach and all that food I crave, I sneak into the toilet to clean my guilt all out. Taking a safety pin, scissors, knife and tweezers, I close my eyes and cut That rounded stomach and my arms Oh how much I despise them all. Looking for a place to live with affection, love and care The warm feeling that I long for most Seems never to be found I think desperately, could the hospital take care of me? Removing 10 panadols I take them one by one In hope to live elsewhere. I don?t know why I?m doing this Oh God please just forgive me. What is happening to me, What am I thinking, Why can?t I be normal So carefree like I used to be? This stupid fear I have Of gaining weight and fat Has made a barrier that I rebel so much against. I don?t know what I?m thinking I don?t know why I?m still living. Why did this just happen And why is it everyday? Why do I wake up to it continually And why don?t I just change It?s ruined all my studies and my mind and everything. This sickness has affected me, So mentally, physically and emotionally. I feel like I am stuck With no one able to help. This is in my hands. it is all my fault. I?m ruining my year 12 My life, my mind, my image. The constant nag of food, Weight, family, God and all Is taking over me and I just can?t take it now. Oh God, please just heal me Before it is too late. Failing all my subjects Distancing from You. Not wanting to live Nothing to live for anyway. Why can?t I just stop? Why this eating disorder? I know things happen for a reason But I just can?t stand it now. I must only trust in You To get out stronger than before. But that will be very long until I feel like living. Everyday is a struggle to fill up this sore hole. This emptiness I feel, this sorrow, this plead, This obsession? So useless, ashamed, embarrassed, I don?t know what to do. All I want to do is just turn back time to change But that can never happen. I want to get out of this so bad Keep living, free and happy. But how can I with all isolation? No unity, warmth or family. There?s no one to turn to But teachers, doctors and You. So impossible, so painful, I want to disappear. This eating illness, Mental illness Is cutting me to bits. I know I must move on I know I can get out. Well maybe I don?t know But I can only pray and hope that I will be That happy Titi Carefree, bubbly and loved. |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Aug 03 2007 07:26 (UTC) |
448 |
| 2 hashbrowns, 1 raisin toast buttered, 1 cup coffee with 3 tbs cond milk, pear, 1 slice cake, 1 taco with salsa, almond jelly, 1 c chips w tomato sauce, banana, more cake, 1 icecream pop and bag of lollies....
argh and that was in one afternoon....:( i feel gross...started purging again and this sunday is a big feast for my church anniversary...:( sik of this need help to find a counsellor specialised in eating disorders. the one i been seeing has bronchitis so i've only seen her 3 times in 7 months!!! not much at all :( Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jul 30 2007 10:42 (UTC) |
462 |
| argh don't u hate it wen u accidently press "back" and it deletes all of wat u typed? it just happened :( and i luved my wording.
ok i'll try and retype it. Dear Keemee, I've heard so many ppl say that so many times and i'm still in the same rut. My mum has said it and other people have but it's very hard to do because altho i know that i should only eat when i'm hungry and stop when i am full. It is not easy. there is this compulsion and mindposessing feeling that is making us binge. we are bingers who are emotional eaters. we eat to fill up a sore hole of emptiness. which is wat i did after i was sick of being anorexic to block out my family problems of my dad abusing me and my mum and my deaf sister moving to foster homes twice. She's 18 now and lives with her bf. Once we do sumtin that makes us better so tat we can forget watever is bothering us, it becomes an addiction because of the sensation. Just like drugs, alcohol and smoking, food is an addiction of ours. well it's mine. and its harder because wen ur an alcoholic, u just have to avoid it. but we fight with it everyday because all of us need food to live. I'm getting better now but it's because of prozac and counselling and psychiatrist. You just dont' get better because you automatically change ur mentality and forget your emotional hole. Eating disorders dont' just happen. they are caused by the media, our family problems, our personality of perfectionist, or our self esteem. Even though we know it's wrong to gorge ourselves because there will be food tmw, it becomes a thrill and sensation and a habit. It's like me cutting my wrists...and throwing up.i know it's wrong and there was a time wen i said to my frens how stupid anorexics and suicidals are and that it's a sin and i ended up in it. It's inevitable because of my personality. My whole family has been in depression but everyone has coped differently. We know it's wrong but it takes time and patience to get better and understand ourselves and accept our binge eating and find strategies and support which this forum is doing!!! Keemee, it's not easy to just say that you eat wen ur hungry and stop wen ur full. We physically and mentally crave junk food because it makes us feel better TEMPORARILY and then makes us feel worse. So all we need is support and a place to vent our anger and frustation and comfort. tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jul 26 2007 10:11 (UTC) |
470 |
| hey guys....i haven't been on for ages since got upset with mum implying i was fat.
It is amazing how fast this thread goes on....it is actually comforting to know that so many ppl are going thru the anorexia to bulimia to binge eating stage like i have. Sarah2286, I guess i don't have any tips but i know wat u mean. its been so long since i've eaten normally. i either eat too little like 500cals a day or too much 3000 cals or more a day :( I know this isn't my place to say but i envy the people that manage to even have a normal eating day. I've been binging EVERYDAY and there has been only probably 3 good days out of 9 months that i haven't binged. I don't know what you mean by a binge day then a normal day but i certainly think it's better than binging everyday. But i think i'm getting better :):) i'm sooo much happier and not so freaked by my binging. I'm eating less compulsively so not as fast, not as much and not thinking as negatively. eg. If i've eaten 3 cookies, i might as well finish the whole packet, etc and i can actually stop when i feel a bit full not when i'm totally stuffed :) I'm sooo psycho now from the prozac so my pschiatrist let me reduce the dosage and i'm slitting my wrists less often. prob about twice a week instead of everyday. but i do have like a cross scar on my stomach coz i hated the size of it and some scars on my arms. Oh well...at least if i become a dietitian and help others in ed's i can have evidence that i went through the same thing i'm glad i'm a lot more positive but i'm still eating about 600 more cals than i should really...so i have like 2600cals when i'm supposed to have 2000cals...therefore i only gain about 1 pound every week which i'm not completely happy about but then again not so sad about it. I really am praying for you guys and sympathesise. I look forward to good reports and to the one day of a week that i don't binge :) hey why do we binge eaters know how to eat healthy and eat like 100cals packets and cottage cheese and diet stuff? Do you think that's wats making us binge? that we try to eat too healthy sumtimes? I always seem to give into chocolate but always but fat free yoghurts and crackers etc. thanx for listening :) lil tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jul 19 2007 10:48 (UTC) |
496 |
| dear everyone,
does anyone ever feel so helpless?Like they know that binging is bad and have heard of strategies to prevent it yet at the back of your mind, you badly want to binge and eat until the cows come home? I used to be anorexic, then i became bulimic for a while. i was 33kg and now i'm 53kg gaaaaaaaaaaaah....my mum fully got me upset because today she asked how much i weighed and i felt so fat and disgusting. Everyone watches me eat and makes sure i eat junk food coz they worry i will be relapsing but it's soooo opposite. I know exactly how to lose weight and how to prevent diarrhoea by avoiding dairy coz i'm lactose intolerant and ironically i want to be a dietitian!!! YET I'M STILL BINGE EATING. My mum just said to eat less and you'll lose weight. As if! ITS NOT THAT EASY. my counsellor who specialises in eating disorders has blew me off for months now coz she's really ill and i have no idea how to find another person near me at an affordable price. I'm still taking prozac and still slitting my wrists and i just feel like such a pig. NO one in my life understands me. i wish i was like them. To eat and stop when they're full and eat when they're hungry and think about other stuff than calories and food. Whenever i put a thing in my mouth, my head is calculating calories! I feel so fat, having to change my whole wardrobe coz i've gone up a size and avoiding the camera and it's winter so its too cold to exercise. I seriously just hate the feeling that i want to binge even tho it's wrong. I wanna be a dietitian, i noe how to eat healthy, i noe how to lose weight, and how many kj's i need daily yet i'm MAKING MYSELF FAT!!!! slittlepeace, i sympathesise for you. I do binge so that i can purge because i feel so much better after i purge but i've been getting opened coldsores from it and it exhausts me so i've tried avoiding it. i haven't purged in 2 weeks :) Good luck to you too Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jul 11 2007 06:55 (UTC) |
521 |
| hey well does anyone noe why i feel like no one can help me? no matter how rotten i feel after binging, i tend to plan to binge the next day and look forward to eating.
I feel so addicted to food yet regretting this coz i was once skinny and able to control my cravings. now i get diarrhoea everyday and i went into hospital for laxative overdose! I feel so helpless like i'm turning away from God and the counsellors that are trying to help me coz i still enjoy binging at the back of my mind. the holidays have made me gain so much weight that i can't even fit into my old pants...argh |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jul 03 2007 09:47 (UTC) |
545 |
| hey to all u purgers....is it normal to not be able to purge after purging too many times? coz i vomited 3 weeks in a row once daily and got coldsores from it coz it's winter and so i stopped and wasn't able to purge until 1 or 2 weeks after.
and ur face swells from it and plus i get bleeding noses from it. is this normal? argggh stupid wedding cummin up this weekend. and i'm the ONLY BRIDESMAID...lets hope i fit the dress still...gaaah |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 26 2007 12:00 (UTC) |
576 |
| hi tully, thanks for replying! I'm really grateful that you have made the ffort to give me support and show how much you understand me. Hm...thanks!that journal sounds great! and well i get confused with wat diets mean...are diets when you go on a "grapefruit diet" or when you try to lose weight or when you just forbid yourself of carbs or chocolate? OH, now i get what you mean. So are you saying i shouldn't restrict chocolate? it's hard. Once i have a fun size freddo, i go out and buy more coz i can't stop at 1 piece. Sometimes i just binge for the sake of it. just this urge that is unbearable. and most of the time, i can't have the food coz i end up in the toilet with diarrhoea or farting rotten smells in front of my friends!!!hahahah (lactose intolerant) Well i have actually bought the book called "overcoming overeating" and it hasn't helped coz it seems too mainstreamed. It seems like theyre directing it to yo yo dieters whereas i have an actual eating disorder where my anorexic mind is fighting my binging mind and i have this urge to fill up this empty hole coz my family has broken apart. But you were right on overeating as a calming problem. It does calm me but then makes me even more horrible afterwards coz of the weight and bloat i get from it. Everyone is watching me eat coz they're scared i'll relapse to anorexia again! It's so frustrating coz i'm actually going the opposite way!!! Thankyou again. I agree that i have been addressing it. I am seeing a youth counsellor, an eating disorder counsellor, a psychiatrist, my school co ordinator and a dietitian and they have helped a bit but sometimes all they do is listen and tell me wat to do but when i binge i seem to forget my strategies coz a part of me actually wants to binge. I'm on anti depressants. They have helped heaps and on the pill to regulate my periods when they stopped as i lost them when i lost weight and all these things are supporting me. The frustrating bit is feeling like i'm sabotaging myself coz i have all this help but my hands keep stuffin my mouth coz i can't be bothered to try the strategies! graaaaaaaaah Thanks again. I appreciate your help. Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 26 2007 07:41 (UTC) |
578 |
| I'm confused....is this forum for support or what? it seems like everyone has their own story and no one seems to care...like they don't even read other's replies and just talk about theirs.
It wasn't like that before coz i got heaps of support but suddenly this is just like riting in a diary really which can be helpful but no one has said anything about my strategy. is purging hard for some people? I find i can only do it once or twice a day everyday for about 2-3 weeks then it's really hard. So i take a week break and then can vomit again...it's weird. there hasn't ever been a day this year where i have eaten normally and not binge ever. I just wish for that esp when it's holidays and i'm a bridesmaid. Just scared i wont fit into my dress! eek...and mum can't understand me. She just thinks i'm making this binge eating disorder up.....it really upsets me how i used to have so much control that i lost 11 kgs/ 22 pounds and now it's impossible to just eat healthily without the urge to binge on chocolate, chips or cookies or pastry or cakes (or all of them at once!). Plus i get bad diarrhoea from these coz i'm lactose iintolerant. I hate seeing the scale number go up and up and never go down....argggggh... feeling crap today also cos it's been raining 3 days straight, got my clothes on the line and i can't go for a run with the dog and going to the shops just makes me want to buy all the nice smelling foods...grrrrrrrah gonna go and see my counsellor...cyall....plz reply to the one i sent on the 25th. Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 25 2007 06:05 (UTC) |
580 |
| Tully,
good on you...i'm so happy for you...means a start to recovery! i wish it was like that for me. :( My binging is soooo crap still. It's so frustrating coz i only want to lose to be 45kg but i keep gaining instead and now i'm 50kg now. i've never been 50kg!!!well it's not overweight or anything coz i'm 157cm and 17yrs old but it's so fat to me coz i used to be 33kg when i was anorexic. (sorry..you'll prob have to convert that to pounds coz i'm from australia and the cm to feet and inches) My goal was to gain just up to 45kg and look normal and petite for my frame but this binging is going on everyday. I've decided a strategy though. Maybe i could replace chocolate (it's my main weakness) to lollies for 1 week and then replace the lollies to fruit the next week and then reduce fruit to 2 a day and i'll be fine! then i'll have to deal with chips, croissants, pancakes, cereal, cookies too....argggh wat do u guys think? do u think this chocolate strategy might work? it's holidays too and plus i work at a shop so there's always chocolate available plus my mum's boyfriend takes us out to swanky restaurants every weekend. I can't escape from binging!!!!! Man i used to only eat like 590calories a day and now i'm eating 3810calories daily now!!!i hate getting so fat esp wen i'm bridesmaid in two weeks. I betcha i'm not gonna fit into my dress. How embarrassiing!!!esp coz i'm the only bridesmaid....grraaaahh ah wel i'm goin to see my counsellor now. the good thing is i'm not cutting my wrists for 3 weeks so it won't look noticeable at the wedding and it's too hard to vomit now coz i've been vomiting daily for 3 weeks so basically nothing comes out now unless i have a rest. sigh please reply and tell me how my anti chocolate diet might go. tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 08 2007 11:43 (UTC) |
601 |
| hey welins
i know wat you mean when you hate yurself for eating too much. I kind of figured why i'm binging from talking to a psychiatrist, a counsellor, a dietitian and an eating disorder specialist and a recovered binge eater (check out www.endbingeeating.com) I realise the reason i binge is a number of reasons...my family was breaking down years back and i had to take control over something so i controlled my food intake with a result of losing 11kgs so i was 44kg to 33kg and i looked so frail and skinny. Because i was so underweight,people kept telling me to eat...causing me to binge having those voices stuck in my head telling me it was ok to binge...eating all the foods i'd deprived myself of. then binging became my friend because it filled this empty hole when my whole family broke down and parents divorce, sister leave home to foster care bla bla bla...mum even tried to commit suicide. I've done stupid things recently...attempted overdose, been in bulimic phases, used to exercise 2 hrs a day or more, been cutting myself...so yea binging does ruin your life! i'm taking anti depressants, the pill to get my periods back coz i lost them when i lost so much weight, and seeing my therapists weekly but it's going to take ages to recover... i'm still binging everyday but right now back into bulimia! don't hate yourself..you have a reason to binge...maybe your'e lonely, bored, tired, angry, sad...i dunno..but find out wats wrong maybe... hope you have better days! Tee |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 07 2007 10:40 (UTC) |
603 |
| argh i'm bak in my bulimic phase and have been vomiting 5 days straight now...it sounds wrong...but it feels so good when i vomit and cut myself...
then i start feeling stupid...thinking how can i think binging is fun and vomiting is good and cutting is good? why can't i be normal... sigh...i know the feeling of not wanting to not exercise coz u don't want the binge to turn into fat but ur too tired to exercise!!haha i haven't gone for a run for like 4 days now...but i still do my stairs and aerobics... hmmm where do u get paxil? And has chromium ever helped anyone here? i'm taking blackmores atm but it isn' working..:S btw chromium apparently helps reduce cravings for carbs..but not fats! Do you guys know why you binge at all? I seem to do it because my whole family has broken down and i used to be a control freak but i think my body has rebelled against eating 600 calories a day. And binging fills up this hole in me. Do you binge because you are lonely, bored, angry, sad, or tired??? anyhoos betta go and study for exams tmw |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 06 2007 07:16 (UTC) |
607 |
| Hi everyone...i'm having a crap day today....
most of my friends support me and this bed so everyday this frend of mine brings a fun size choc for me at lunch. But she ran out so i bought a bag of 20 freddos and put it in her bag today... BUT i've been going thru her bag all day to steal them and now there's only 9 left...THEN i bought a huge chocolate bar as well and now i'm eating anything there is at home because i cant go out and walk my dog coz it's raining. my goal weight is 45kg and i was about to become 50kg but lost to 48.5kg due to vomiting. but it's so painful to vomit everyday consecutively so i'm scared i will go up again but i can't stop eating!!! argh....and exams are coming up and all this crap is going on at home...dad lives with another woman and my sis has left to live wit her bf and uggggghghhhh binging is like filling up an empty hole. |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 05 2007 09:57 (UTC) |
609 |
| Fragile-frame,
Wow...you're home schooled? that must make it so hard!!!whoa....i really hope you get better....i'm in a biggie atm...i'm vomiting again. It's really bad because it's in the shower and then i have to clean the bath tub up so no one knows. I get so tired from it too but still exercise and have to study for last year of high school. I know what you mean when you just eat anything there...i binge on anything i can get my hands on.... I hope you find some very helpful tips :) actually i drink 4 litres of water because i'm always thirsty...i'ts coz i do so much exercise! I hope you are strong tonight. lil t88 |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 04 2007 10:34 (UTC) |
611 |
| fragile-frame,
I'm so glad you are my age and struggling with exactly the same thing! Yep i know how you feel trapped everyday and binging everyday. It's this voice telling you need to binge...I always have this voice after school when i'm tired and as soon as i am in the house i rip open the fridge and eat whatever i see!!! I have very weird routines and rituals with my eating though so i don't ache in the morning. In fact, i feel great in the morning. I stop eating after 7pm and exercise and in the morning exercise and then have 1/2c broccoli, 1/2 toast, 1/2 soy milk and 100g yoghurt (all no fat mind you)...weird aye??? and i have gum in my mouth all day. ALthough i still binge, i still have this anorexic behaviour of eating diet foods. But my main weakness is chocolate and chips and cookies. From the chocolate and cookies, i get heaps of diarrhoea because i am lactose intolerant. So i get consequences beside weight gain! I'm so sick of people saying i look so healthy now because i'm not. My face is so swollen from vomiting and binging and i hate photos now. But i'm glad you'll check out the website. You'll thank me cos it helped me heaps. Try seeing a psychiatrist or counsellor. it mite not feel like they're helping but after a while, you'll feel more calm. I also pray you can continue to move forward. Never give up because you are given these obstacles to make you stronger. You'll recover one day and i will too. Even though it feels like a long way away! Thanks! Anna, It's hard i know to stop eating when you feel free because you are underweight to eat as much as you can. But as soon as i ate like this, i felt fat although i didn't look it. People were constantly telling me to eat and these voices stuck in my head and was an excuse for me to binge. Don't worry, joining a forum is a step to recovery. Try talking to someone you trust about it. It certainly helps and don't be afraid they will judge you. Most of them will still love you but don't know what to say but support you anyway. Hope you can one day love yourself the way you are! I'm trying to still! Dear ozfiz...thanks for your tips...very helpful. I binge on anything realy! like cereal, 97%fat free muffins, condensed milk, jam, milo, anything. So trying to keep something away from home is hard! |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 03 2007 07:04 (UTC) |
617 |
| Hi Cathy,
I wish i read this about 20 mins ago as i have just purged after stopping for a month. I was bulimic for a month but i was getting too exhausted i couldn't study or do my routine exercise and my therapist and dietitian was advising me not to. But i have eaten so much today...i feel horrible for stealing half a packet of tim tams in my church's cabinet and then coming home and eating a bag of chips and 4 muffins. Now i have a birthday dinner to go to. I always dread dinners... I am trying to eat healthy and move on even though i struggle everyday all day with food. It's cluttering my mind and I feel worthless. It's so caring of you that even though you don't know me that you thought i was beautiful inside and out. I look forward to the day when i can agree with that and accept myself for who i am but right now i'm just trying to live each day and move on. Thanks again! |
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| Health & Support | ~~Bingers Anonymous~~ | Jun 03 2007 06:04 (UTC) |
619 |
| Hi my name is tee and i'm 17 yrs old.i have only started binge eating about 9 months ago after being anorexic for 1 year and losing 12 kgs/27lbs. I was very frail and exercising 2 hrs a day and only eating 600cals a day and 2g fat...i lost my periods, looked like a little girl and it was horrible. And then i started eating anything i saw because i was sick of people constantly forcing me to eat when i was eating. I just wasn't eating enough. I felt so out of control the first time i binged and got sick vomiting it all up because i ate too much and lost even more weight but now i'm used to eating 3000cals/day although i try really hard to eat 1500cals. I'm seeing a therapist but it seems so slow because she doesn't provide any advice at all. I'm on prozac and have attempted overdose and was bulimic for 1 month. Now i'm cutting myself and it just feels so horrible and frustating. But try this website...www.bingeeatingdisorderhelp.com it has helped me so much and I've got the ebook and all these newsletters from her. I'm still binging everyday now..mostly after school for afternoon tea and every weekend too. I get to the point of eating secretively stealing chocolate at work and in my mum's room! I just feel so shameful of my eating behaviour. But i really look forward to the stage where i will only be binge eating at the most 2 days a week instead of everyday. Then it will be possible for me to be binge free for a whole week, a whole month, a whole year and maybe for the rest of my life. It's really hard i know for sure and especially coz i used to be so skinny, it's shocking to put on like 2lb/1 kg overnight or more from binging. People think i'm normal now because i don't look so skinny but i feel so fat inside because i'm preoccupied with the number on the scales, i repeatedly stuff myself, exercise 1-2 hrs everyday and think about food all day. It's ruining my last year of high school and from getting A's to C's and D's is horrible. i'm trying to get through this but i always give up and binge anyway. When i don't binge, i lose 1lb straight away the next day but then end up eating twice as much and then gain again. It's impossible but i'm really grateful that there are others struggling too. |
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