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| Motivation | RANT: Help, teetering on the wagon! :( | Aug 14 2008 01:36 (UTC) |
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| That's exactly it - ALWAYS the envy. It seems like everyone is thinner/prettier/more athletic/richer/more professionally successful/some combination of the above. I know it's idiotic to dwell on it and give in to envy - and I often have weeks when I succeed in NOT dwelling on it - and then, it just comes upon me. And not just NYC either, envy has always been a problem of mine. A friend of mine went on a diet a couple months ago and is RAPIDLY losing weight. (But at a healthy pace.) It's driving me crazy that I'm so much slower. It's like my body does NOT want to move past 150. I don't think thin girls look unhealthy (unless they are like those scary runway model photos), but you're right, I associate a fragile look with beauty. (So does my boyfriend.) And I know I will NEVER look that way (and every time I think about that, I want to cry and chuck it all), but I'd at least like to be sleek and athletic-looking. Thanks for continuing to talk to me; I think it's helping. Then again, I've just had a workout and a cup of blueberries; the world is a pretty good place at the moment ;) PS - you'd never know it to read my rantings but I actually went to Seven Sisters school and consider myself a feminist. I HATE the way the culture is going, but I have to play the game by the rules of the world . . . and I am NOT well-armed. |
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| Motivation | RANT: Help, teetering on the wagon! :( | Aug 13 2008 21:31 (UTC) |
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| I know I'm probably not "fat" . . . ugh, words like that are so subjective anyway. Well, "non-thin" is what I mean, I guess - as in, someone probably wouldn't use "slim" to describe me. I am at a medically healthy weight, but the fact is, I was maybe 5-10 lbs away from that when I STARTED, and, unfortunately, my health isn't the chief motivator here. (I'm Eastern European and I live in New York City; looks are a big deal here.) I'm 5'8"-5'9" or so, depending on how tall the person next to me thinks they are ;) Sigh. Thanks for the replies, guys. I've been trying to get into a more positive mindset. It is NOT working yet. Haven't been this low in a while, not sure what's going on in my head. I don't think I'm anywhere near an ED or an unhealthy weight (I'm tempted to add "unfortunately" here, but I know that would be wrong), but I suppose it's possible I have some kind of mild body dysmorphia (just learned that word!), because when I look in the mirror, I really do see that I am significantly larger than I ought to be. Not HUGE, but definitely too big for comfort. Or maybe I'm perfectly sane and my friends are just lying to be nice. (I think they are lying b/c they keep using the word "tiny" and there is no universe where I am tiny.) I know, I know I need to stop wishing to be someone else . . . ugh, sometimes I just wish I could have a brain transplant and just learn to be HAPPY, you know??? |
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| Motivation | RANT: Help, teetering on the wagon! :( | Aug 13 2008 02:44 (UTC) |
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| And I don't mean to seem like I'm resisting - I do appreciate the help here. Thanks a lot for taking the time to respond. It's what I always do - I always overthink things and manage to convince myself of negatives. I suppose I need to work on that, but I am just not sure how . . . the best thing for my self-esteem is losing weight, and when that stops, I am lost :-/ |
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| Motivation | RANT: Help, teetering on the wagon! :( | Aug 13 2008 02:37 (UTC) |
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| LOL, maybe, but I can't afford a therapist, whereas I *can* afford a gym membership ;) I get what you are saying, and I probably need to work on my mental state (and I HAVE been, actually) as well as the physical one; I just can't believe that THIS is the body I am meant to end up with. I'm not even 27, I've never had children . . . what's my excuse for dragging all this extra fat around??? So many other women my age are slim and healthier-looking than me - and I don't mean models, just people in the streets. I believe I will eventually get there, it's just so FRUSTRATING now. I know I could probably lose faster if I had a stricter diet, but I just can't deprive myself of ALL treats :( |
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| Fitness | How fast do you gain muscle? | Aug 12 2008 17:23 (UTC) |
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| I drink about 1.5 l of water a day - even more actually, but that's counting what I drink during my workout (during which I LOSE water, I understand). I'll try and get some more in there. And yeah, my sodium's probably higher than it ought to be, between the Soy Crisps and the turkey and all, but I can't really think of easy, viable alternatives to those . . . I guess I'll try and drink more water to balance it out. Thanks for your help! Pezzle, it's the strangest thing - whenever I go on a binge for a week (like a vacation or something), where I eat what I want and drink alcohol, I come back thinner. It's always puzzled me. |
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| Fitness | How fast do you gain muscle? | Aug 12 2008 05:44 (UTC) |
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| *breathes deeply* Okay, I'll trust you on this. Guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Anything I can do to stop the water retention? I try to eat some sugars and proteins immediately after working out - usually a Lemon Zest Luna bar, sometimes a bag of Soy Crisps and a banana, sometimes a turkey sandwich on multi-grain (depending how hungry I am). And drink a bottle of water (maybe a bit less than a full bottle, but I drink 700 ml DURING my workout). Anything more I should be doing? I suppose it's probably all normal, it's just demoralizing as hell :-/ |
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| Fitness | Post the fun things you have ever done that doubled as a good workout :) | Aug 12 2008 02:21 (UTC) |
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| Celtic or swing concerts! My favorite :) Long walks through the city/country/beach Hiking up hill along the most beautiful (AND steepest) trail Shopping, yeah :) Fast dancing Sex . . . sometimes ;) (You know it's a good workout when, afterwards, you think "this burns more than after the thigh-cruncher machine!") |
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| The Lounge | CC local support group. NYC and around | Aug 12 2008 02:14 (UTC) |
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| I am! I'm having a rough time right now and would love to meet people who won't roll their eyes whenever I start talking yet AGAIN about diet/workouts :) |
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| Motivation | RANT: Help, teetering on the wagon! :( | Aug 12 2008 01:57 (UTC) |
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| I don't know how to :( And I don't USUALLY hate myself, I can usually see the big picture, I'm MUCH better now than a year ago (caution - the 175 lbs pic makes me look better than I really did; which is why it didn't get immediately erased; so, not really accurate, but the only "before" pic I have), but lately, it's just so FRUSTRATING. Argh. Went to gym, though, then ate fiber bar. (Perhaps TMI, but I'm a tad blocked up/gas-bloated, so that may also be why I feel so BIG.) And all I want is to reach 140 . . . God, it's so HARD. |
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| Motivation | Anyone else afraid of the scale? | Aug 11 2008 23:10 (UTC) |
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| I effin' HATE the scale lately. I've added quite a bit of weight-training to my routine, so I think I've added muscle. I am pretty SURE of it, actually, since people comment that I look smaller, but the numbers are NOT going down (in fact, creeping UP) and it's so incredibly depressing. I was 148 a couple of weeks ago, now I'm ~150 again. It's driving me crazy :( | |||
| Fitness | 1 HOUR of exercize a day!?!?!? | Aug 06 2008 01:36 (UTC) |
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| To the OP - you're 15 and clearly bubbling over with the insecurities and assorted self-esteem/self-understanding issues that are characteristic of your age. Most of these issues are something you should take up with a counselor or perhaps a good friend or a trusted adult. But I can tell you this - I have spent a total of 7 years at two Ivy League universities (Columbia and U Penn) and it was pretty much routine that the smartest, most academically successful people were also in good physical shape and usually also excelled at something extracurricular - music, sports, school activities, etc. AND they had a thriving social life. It's because they had the mentality and the habits of most successful people - they were able to prioritize their tasks and make time for everything that needed to be done. The same applies to the adult world - I don't know a single professionally/socially successful, well-informed, intelligent adult who is in really bad physical shape. They aren't pro athletes, but many run marathons, triathlons, etc. And many were athletic in high school too. |
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| Fitness | Need Help Starting Weight Routine | Aug 05 2008 22:47 (UTC) |
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I'm totally not qualified to give advice as to WHICH exercises to do (I'm just learning myself - and the people here are a wealth of information), but just to encourage you - I was in the EXACT same boat as you, butt-wise. (Heh, butt-boat :) Lost some weight and my butt flattened to nothing. I added more resistance to my elliptical workouts (a LOT more resistance), then threw in just about 5 mins on the StairMaster per workout . . . and I noticed that my butt was kind of coming back. Then, on the suggestions of some people here, and some that I know in real life, I've been doing weighted squats and working out on the quad press machine for a couple weeks . . . and this week, I noticed that I actually have a ROUND butt. And it's way higher than it used to be. It actually looks totally different - where it used to be full/round, on the bottom, it's now rather small and kinda . . . well, not sagging, but soft. I want to firm it up. But on top, just after my back curves out, it's round and firm. I kinda love it! :) Also, I've been doing lat pulls for about a month now and I think it's really sculpted my back/waist, which also makes the butt look curvy in comparison. I know weights can seem boring sometimes - but, trust me, if you're lifting heavy weights, you'll be too focused on performing each rep to be bored. (If you enjoy the "burn," anyway.) Also, maybe find some good music for weights - something that isn't too fast, but has a good, intense, heavy beat. When you're lifting heavy weights, you can get just as exhausted and "purified" as you do during cardio. I've actually started to enjoy weights a lot more than I thought I would - even though, as I said, I'm still a fairly ignorant newb. Also, just FYI, in the weeks that I've been more serious about weights, I've lost maybe ONE pound on the scales, but I am noticeably smaller/tighter everywhere. Even my abs - nowhere near flat, but definitely FLATTER than before. Trust the weight gods and goddesses around here, they know whereof they speak :) |
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| Fitness | Your workout Music | Aug 02 2008 18:50 (UTC) |
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| HAH! GBSFan, are you on the OKP by any chance? |
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| Motivation | Unrealistic hopes | Aug 01 2008 16:50 (UTC) |
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| Don't focus on the weight loss, focus on the health aspect. Even if it's an outright lie, tell yourself, over and over, "I'm not doing this to lose weight, I'm doing it to be healthier." Do this for a few weeks and then, the weight-loss rewards come (no matter how slight) and it gets much easier from there. And remember, just because you can't SEE the difference, doesn't mean there isn't one. It's a very gradual process, but just keep telling yourself that EVERY SINGLE workout, EVERY SINGLE skipped doughnut makes a difference, and your body will eventually find a way to thank you for it. And don't forget to congratulate yourself on everything you do. So if you weigh in one week and you haven't lost anything, don't get discouraged, just say to yourself - hey, I worked out X times this week! I ROCK! Seriously, patting myself on the back all the time REALLY helped me stick with it long-term. That's what I never did all those other times I went on a diet. CC forums are great for that, b/c you see how supportive everyone is and how they realize that every little thing counts. Good luck! |
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| Motivation | Lost over 40 lbs, have a good BMI, but I still feel fat. | Jul 31 2008 21:20 (UTC) |
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| I totally feel you on this. I'm just 8 lbs away from a goal I set for myself a year ago and didn't even consider realistic. I look better than I've looked in my ENTIRE LIFE, I weigh less than I have since I was 13. I should be celebrating and sometimes, I do, but it's like - when will I be BEAUTIFUL? Well, all I can tell you is that's something that probably isn't about weight loss. It could be a number of things - it may partly be that you don't want to let go of some of your self-loathing because you feel that's what got you to this point. Or maybe you really just have low self-esteem in general. Or maybe you have unrealistic expectations. Or maybe you're just not used to celebrating yourself and ESPECIALLY not your body, so you zone in on the flaws. There will ALWAYS be flaws. I've been through a few of these cycles already, and in my opinion, as weight loss slows down and gets harder, you go through some psychological development in addition to the physical one. You learn to stop freaking out about how slow it is and you learn to live with yourself - not in a complacent way, but in a healthy way. I think, by the time you lose the last 10 lbs, you will probably have found your way to a positive mental space that will match your new body :) I don't know what to tell you to do about it, because I'm in the same boat. The one thing that helps me is verbalizing to myself - either "saying" it in my head or writing it down - that I've come a long way; longer than I have to go. That I've learned so much about myself and that I've improved my life and my looks so much. That I look so much better now than I did, and that I did it all by myself, using just my own body and my own intelligence. It doesn't ALWAYS work, but it helps. Also, NEVER EVER say, to yourself or to anyone "I'm fat." Not even if your friend says "I'm so fat!" and you want to say "Me too!" Because you're not, you're simply NOT, and words have magic powers sometimes - they make you believe in their truth. Just keep going, congratulate yourself on your progress and mentally focus on the positives. |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 20:21 (UTC) |
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| RNJT - thanks again! Tried your way today and it was GREAT - really worked my legs AND abs. Just a couple questions - do you hold the ball between your thighs? That's where I had it, I found it was the only way to hold it without dropping it. Also . . . does your lower back hurt when you do this? My lower back hurt quite a bit after 12 reps and I had to STOP after 14. Am I doing it wrong? |
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| Fitness | Do you sweat when lifting? | Jul 31 2008 20:18 (UTC) |
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| I definitely sweat more during cardio, and I used to hardly sweat at ALL while doing weights. Then I started to really push myself with reps and amount of weight. I definitely sweat more now. Like, beads of sweat pop out on my skin. Especially if I do weights AFTER having done cardio, then I just drip all over. (Yeah, it ain't pretty.) | |||
| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 17:37 (UTC) |
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| RNJT - thanks for the tip! I normally do feel the burn in my thighs (front thighs . . . is that hip flexors?) - actually, I usually need to stop at 50 reps because my thighs hurt, not because my abs hurt! But I'll try it with the medicine ball, that sounds good! | |||
| Fitness | Need to get toned for Hawaii - 2.5 months! | Jul 31 2008 17:06 (UTC) |
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| I'm not qualified to tell you which exercises to do, but, from personal experience - if you join a gym, especially one that's on the pricey side for you, you WILL go. 'Cause I tried the whole thing with waiting to see if you work out outside a gym before you join . . . and I never did. But when I joined, I couldn't stand the thought of losing all that money, so I started going :) Good luck to you! |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 16:33 (UTC) |
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| Thanks for replying so fast, guys - Sauce, great to hear the story about the plateau. I think I'm going through that now - hit a plateau of 148 lbs for the last couple weeks (I'm 5'8-9", so I'm also not "huge," which makes losing harder), but I feel smaller/tighter and people are commenting that I look better, so I am thinking maybe some ounces of fat have been "turning" into ounces of muscle. Ahh . . . it's so slow, but I have to keep the faith that doing this stuff is making an invisible difference somewhere. Smartjock, I may try your way and alternate muscle groups. This runs counter to what I normally do (I'm happiest in a rut, believe it or not) but it sounds more efficient. Amethyst, thanks - that sounds right! Sorry, I should have figured it out myself. But it's really helpful to read it all laid out like that. |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 15:51 (UTC) |
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| OK - ONE more question :) When it comes to increasing weight/reps, how fast should you go? Does it work like this? Week 1 - Day 1 - X lbs, 8 reps (3 sets) Day 2 - X lbs, 10 reps Day 3 - X lbs 12 reps Week 2 - Day 1 - X+1 lbs, 8 reps Day 2 - X+1 lbs, 10 reps . . . And so on (obviously, that's not actual numbers, but the gist), or do you increase the reps in terms of WEEKS, like - Week 1 X lbs, 8 reps Week 2 X lbs, 10 sets, and so forth. Thanks a lot, and sorry if these are really obvious questions. |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 15:24 (UTC) |
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| Thanks! That's actually something I didn't do - I would always START with a low weight, work up to a higher one. I'll do it the other way around now - it makes sense, now that I think about it. I'll keep doing cardio too. I do enjoy it :) Maybe I'll just do it for shorter periods though, to allow for more weight work. Thanks a LOT guys, you've been a BIG help! |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 15:00 (UTC) |
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| Also . . . this may be another trademark stupid question . . . but I should keep at it with the cardio anyway, right? I mean, it's still SOMEWHAT helpful (health AND fat-loss wise), right? I mean cardio in ADDITION to the weight training. | |||
| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 31 2008 14:56 (UTC) |
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| Thanks so much for your comprehensive answer, Smartjock! Actually, yesterday, after posting here, I talked to a girl who used to be an athlete and she also touted the merits of squats. I think I may try it out today! And I'm not at all worried about bulking up - first, I've read enough here to be convinced that's not a real danger, and second - right now, I'm jello. I'm pretty sure there's quite a long road between this and Scary Bulky Woman, so I can always stop somewhere along the way. (Not that I think it'll be anytime soon, unfortunately ;) Thanks especially for explaining how to "work up" in weight/reps - I always wondered what the proper protocol was for that. This is great, I feel like I have a clue of what to do now. Also, one more question - how long should you rest between sets? I read about a workout here, it's supposed to burn fat fast, that said it's important to rest only 60 seconds between sets. But if I do a set TRULY to failure and only rest 60 seconds, I can barely get through my next set; and then, 60 seconds after that, a third set is basically impossible beyond a couple reps. So is the 60 second rule wrong? Or maybe do a set to failure, wait 60 seconds, then another set at a lower weight? (That I can do - that's what I've been doing, actually.) |
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| Fitness | OK . . . so are you SURE weight lifting burns more fat than cardio? | Jul 30 2008 23:19 (UTC) |
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| Thanks for the advice, everyone :) Question - I do this one move called the reverse crunch. Basically, I lie on my back, bring my knees up to my chest, then straighten until my legs are at about a 30 degree angle to the floor and back again. Is that a compound move? Any compound moves that target the abs? As for the amount I lift - that's what I was curious about - should I focus on lifting a LOT of weight a few times (er . . . how many times? 8-12 TOTAL?) or lift progressively heavier weights ~45x? (That's what I've been doing; 3 sets of 15 with whatever I lift, and I've been upping the weight as my muscles get stronger. I usually do 1 set with a heavier weight, though, trying to work my way up.) So you're NOT supposed to do a lot of reps then? I'm sorry, I'm still new to this and a lot of it is very different from everything I've been told about fitness/weight loss. Also, how often should I do this per week? |
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| Fitness | Calling all apple shaped women to this thread. Show me I'm not alone :( | Jul 29 2008 22:44 (UTC) |
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| Oh! So that's what you call it. Apple-shaped. Wow, I think I hate apples now. Apple-shaped here. Managed to lose weight just about everywhere BUT my stomach. It's going nowhere. Lost my butt (didn't even WANT to!), arms and legs got thinner . . . jeez, even the back fat is going away finally . . . and the belly is still here. And there's muscle under the fat, I KNOW it, I can FEEL it, but the fat isn't going anywhere. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Can't do a damn thing about it either. |
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| Fitness | Your workout Music | Jul 29 2008 22:35 (UTC) |
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| I've turned my workout mix into a motivational device - I've filled it with songs I really LOVE to listen to (not just fast, mindless beats) and I ONLY listen to them when I work out. Gives extra incentive to go to the gym. As for my mix, it isn't for everyone, but it's a mix of random fast Celtic tracks (like Dropkick Murphys, Great Big Sea, etc.), fast Hawksley Workman tunes and a few singles that I happen to like ("I Kissed A Girl," "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree," etc.) |
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| Fitness | Is weight lifting/working out really worth the time and effort? | Jul 29 2008 22:24 (UTC) |
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| VERY impressive results. I am just looking through the forum, trying to convince myself to switch my workout around, do more weights than cardio. I may just do that tonight. And, irrelevantly, I love Rorschach :) |
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| Motivation | What's your inspirational quote, image, mantra, etc ? | Jul 29 2008 02:21 (UTC) |
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| My favorite one, that I saw somewhere here, is "My body is not a garbage can." I repeat that to myself every time I want something like a greasy burger or a sugary doughnut. And I've got it written in big red letters somewhere in the first few pages of every journal, with an entry about my weight loss and what it means to me. It works in tandem with something this nutrition-obsessed guy once told me - "I don't think of food as something to be enjoyed, I just think of it in terms of proteins, fat grams and calories." Not that *I* am like that (I LOVE good food; but only REALLY good food), but I try to see the tempting "bad" foods for what they are - lumps of useless sugar or fat, with very little nutritional value. Garbage. And my body is not a garbage can. (Unfortunately, that mantra only works with cheap junk foods. Gourmet stuff is my weakness. Thank God it's expensive.) I generally just try to always think in terms of what "makes my body happy." Like, literally, sometimes, after a work-out, I'll sorta say to it (in my head), "yeah, that was GOOD, wasn't it? You're WELCOME and thank YOU!" Yeah, I'm a little nuts :) |
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| Weight Loss | Does a fat woman looks LESS attractive in guy's eye? | Jul 26 2008 03:06 (UTC) |
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OK, this will probably piss people off, but . . . First, to the initial poster - you are NOT fat. Really. You're just not. And that's the reality of it. Ditto to what everyone else said re: guy calling you piggy, etc., but most of all - you are NOT fat. Please, just take it as a fact. I know all about cultural pressures (I'm Eastern European . . . you know, where all those models come from? I look NOTHING like a model; it sucks), but . . . well, just trust me. YOU ARE NOT FAT :) Second, more generally . . . I have been in a relationship with a guy for ~6 years. For 5 of those years, he wanted me to lose weight. He was nice but commitment-phobic; we had a decent sex life, but he never really LOOKED at me (you know, THAT look, the I-want-to-@#$%-you look). And he told me, many times, that he really likes me, but he'd prefer it if I was thinner, that it was a serious barrier to falling in love with me. Jerk? Maybe. No one who's met him thinks so. NO ONE. Not even perceptive, intelligent people. And he's really kinda NOT one. Just a little shallow, as most are. Anyway, so a year ago, I started losing weight. Lost ~30 lbs. Starting at ~15 lbs loss, things changed. He became more attentive, sweeter, more caring, nicer. Sex got better and more frequent. It's all been getting better and better. And he finally told me he loves me about 6 months ago. After almost 5.5 years. I called him out on it - that he only got nicer and started liking me more because of my weight loss. He didn't deny it - said he wasn't SURE that was why, but it may well be part of the reason. Partly out of increased attraction, partly from the pride and ego boost of now dating a hotter girl, partly because he respects my discipline and commitment. (I like the last one best :) And he still wants me to lose some more weight - as do I. Once again - jerk? Maybe. Have I considered leaving him? Yes. But the fact is, any man who wants me NOW will be seeing me AS I AM, and there is no guarantee that he would have still liked me when I was 30 lbs heavier. Similarly, I am sure there are many men who do NOT want me now who WOULD want me when I lose another 10 lbs. So, from MY perspective, yes, people are more attracted to you and are NICER to you when you are physically more attractive. And when I say attractive, yes, I mean closer to the popular "unrealistic" ideal. (And it's not unrealistic. There are gorgeous modelesque girls aplenty where I live.) It's harsh and feel free to dismiss it. Also, I'm, as I said, I'm Eastern European, AND I live in New York, capital of skinny beautiful people, so it's possible I have a skewed view of the world. I am sure there are many exceptions. I know couples where a guy is madly in love (and lust) with a woman who isn't physically beautiful. To be fair/honest, the guy is usually no looker himself. But they are happy couples, so it's not like it's impossible for a bigger girl to find love. She just has fewer choices to pick from. So there's my personal truth, totally unvarnished. In answer to the question, and bypassing all the wonderful and genuinely useful lies told to oneself to improve self-esteem . . . most guys like fit/slim women. Sure, some would date a bigger girl for her personality. But even guys who genuinely like "thick" chicks (that means extra T&A, not much else) prefer their bellies to be on the flat side. From my experience anyway (and I have lots of guy friends). It's not fair. But what is? Make ready the flame-throwers, if anyone got this far into my novella :) |
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