Posts by thinny1980

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your comments and stories!

I did not try the shower last time b/c it was not available in the room where I was...I'll be sure to see if I can have that this time!!! I've got my fingers crossed that this labor will be easier, and I'm planning to talk with the midwives to see what I can do in advance to help calm my fears. I DO need to do the perennial massage...did not do that the first time.

Nat1968, the Birth Center is a place run entirely by midwives for the purpose of prenatal, delivery, and postpardum care. I thought about having the midwives come to my house so that I wouldn't have to make the drive home the same day as giving birth, BUT I decided I preferred to have the *mess* somewhere else, lol. And I'm glad...it was pretty messy :-/

Thank you again everyone! Your comments have really helped.

I also have a friend who has always quizzed me and given advice on things...too much advice to the point that it stressed me out! And now that I've taken a break from working to stay at home with the baby, and our income is cut in HALF, we certainly can't afford all that she recommends. So I hear what you are saying.

I would suggest that you research the travel systems because they are really handy...more expensive than a car seat and a stroller, but pretty darn convenient. I ended up purchasing a $300+ one (Chico brand...I was still working when I bought it!) which I really like, but I don't think it was necessary. I am now pregnant with #2 and will probably just head to target/walmart to pick up what works. I will probably still buy new stuff, since I'm nervous about used things and safety. Oh, and there's also the website csnbaby.com where you can get stuff with free shipping...

About your friend, it's helped me to just kinda nod my head and take it all in, then I just do the best I can with what I've got!

No idea.

My story:

I've got a 7-month old who used to wake up every two hours, eat for 30 min and then take her time falling back asleep. I was so exhausted....I totally undrestand your feeling of frustration and even deep anger! It's terribly hard to function on no sleep...and you've got 2 teenagers! So anyway my daughter used to sleep in the bed with me, but it got to the point around 5 months where I couldn't do it anymore. We moved her into a crib in her own room and did let her cry it out for several days. I had my Mom come with me on day 1 to help b/c I didn't trust that me and my husband would be able to do it. It was hard, and eventually we were not able to continue. It just felt wrong....now we do a modified cry it out method...something similar to sleep training. Instead of just putting her down and walking away, now I hold her until she is super drowsy and then I put her down. That helped her learn to go the last bit and fall asleep out of my arms, in her crib. If she fusses, I don't pick her up, but I stand with her (in the dark) speaking really softly and rubbing her legs until she calms down. Sometimes she wont, and then I leave the room briefly....that usually works. It seems that sometimes I am actually keeping her awake, instead of helping.

I also have a very strict nap and bedtime ritual...for naps, it's: eat, change diaper, read a few stories until she seems ready (yawns, rubbing eyes, etc.), finish with "good night moon" (always), turn on a short classical music cd (the same one, every time), give her a blanket to hold, and then hold her for a few minutes. Bedtime is similar, but with a bath thrown in.

We're actually to the point that when she sees that "goodnight moon" book she'll start looking up at me, waiting for me to put her to bed.

With all that said, she still wakes up every 4 hours....certainly better than every 2...and she'll go to sleep on her own after eating. I don't have to rock her to sleep. Now that she's adjusted, I'm planning on making the next change where instead of feeding her at 3 or 4 am, I'll probably let her cry a bit...hopefully that way instead of her waking up three times a night, it'll just be 2.

we shall see!

First of all, congratulations! Of course you want to be considerate of your friend and supportive in her grieving, but I hope you are taking plenty of time to do happy dances and stroll through the baby sections of stores!

I don't have much to add, but I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and your situation. It must be terribly hard, but you are a good friend to be taking your friend's feelings to heart and trying to work through this time for her.

My input:

Two of my friends have had miscarriages; one was a good friend, but we had grown apart by the time she miscarried, and the second was a friend from work...so we aren't terribly close but we spend time together. My first friend was devastated, she always dreamed of having a baby, got married later in life, had lots of health problems during her pregnancy, and then had a horrible miscarriage. I think the only reason she was able to get over it was that she ultimately got pregnant again and now has a beautiful little girl. My coworker already had a daughter when she miscarried...it was strange b/c she lost her baby at the same time when I had just told people at work that I was pregnant. SO, when she lost the baby, people actually tried not to tell me for a few days so that I would not get upset/stressed and complicate MY pregnancy (which I thought was really sweet). But of course, she being my friend, I noticed she was absent and contacted her husband..and found out. She was much more pragmatic about it...she is older, and although she wants another baby, she understood the risks. I talked with her about it as much as she wanted, and although it was strange at first since I was of course still pregnant, she did not resent me, thankfully.

In a different situation, a very close cousin of mine has a 6 year old daughter. She is separated from her husband, and in December of last year he took the daughter and disappeared from the US. It's been a horrible experience for her, and of course she is still trying to find her baby girl....an uphill battle to say the least. Our conversations are always a bit strained because she inquires about my baby, and I feel awkward to share much, or gush over first teeth, sitting up, crawling, etc. because I know she is thinking about her own daughter.

All in all, sorry to say, I don't really have any earthshattering advice for you. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. It is a really hard thing to deal with, and again I think it's great that you are deeply considering your friend's feelings.

My only suggestion is perhaps, if you have not already, have a heart to heart with her and tell her that you miss her. Ask her to be open and feel safe in telling you anything, and if she can't, just express your love for her. That's all you can really do.

Best wishes...

Definitely get rest, take your vitamins, drink water, and don't freak out about every little thing.

Oh, and feel confident in accepting or rejecting advice from people :) Everyone, even strangers (surprise!), will give you unsolicited suggestions and gasp at your decisions. Just be confident in your capacity to be a Mom and make wise decisions.

You will be fine!!

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