Posts by kate777

For the past few days my wrist has been hurting, so I've had to refrain from doing pushups lifting weights.  It's been bothering me of course, but I just have to remind myself that resting it will help it heal quicker.  Even though ED's saying, "Do it anyway, it doesn't hurt that much does it?" I'm going to take my mom's advice instead (she's a physical therapist) and leave it alone----and I'm still going to eat to gain too.

It was good that I didn't spend time doing them tonight because I was able to get some homework done instead.  All of my homework isn't done yet still, but at least I've got more time now :)

spekgirl, the mushrooms in honey sound really good actually; mushrooms have that light, spongy texture, with a bit of a creamy flavor, and honey, especially raw, is one of the best tasting sweet things...I haven't had honey in a long time, and even thouhgh I didn't plan on having tonight, I think I'll have some anyway :)

I love having baby carrots and grapes together too (especially with a few pistachios or peanuts)

heating up baked sweet potatoes with red delicious apples in cinnamon with a little bit of extra sharp cheddar cheese and some peanuts is awesome, especially if you take them down slowly to let each flavor bounce around in your mouth 

Thanks alot Tessa, heh, I know what you mean.  I feel much calmer than I did several hours ago, and I'm actually glad that I didn't waste my time going outside in the cold wind and pouring rain just to walk off some calories because I got to talk to my boyfriend on the phone and get some homework done instead (<---something that is a responsible thing to do).  Most nights I'm lying awake with thoughts of homework I haven't done yet spinning in my mind while ED says, "Well, you should just get up earlier and work out faster so you can get to that homework Kate," but because I finished some tonight, I don't feel as anxious about sleeping.   

I've been reading through this thread ever since it started, and I think I posted something before, not sure...anyway, I think it's a really great way to keep ourselves motivated to moving away from our EDs, so I guess I should start posting more often too.  Well, this summer proved to allow me FAR too much free time.  Instead of doing something useful with it, I just ended up more focused on my ED thoughts.  Though I didn't starve myself, I managed to keep my activity level high enough and my calorie intake low enough to make me more underweight than I already was, and then, because I knew I needed to gain, I became OBSESSED with eating one very small meal during the daytime, and then gorging all night and early morning.  Lately, because I've been eating such a large amount before sleeping, I've been waking up bloated and constipated for hours, and now when I go running it mainly serves as a way to speed up my digestion so I can even go, rather than a calming experience where I get to enjoy the weather outside, breathe deeply, etc.  It was unbearable today.  Before my run I spent about 3 hours in the bathroom just trying to go, and then during my run I felt like I had a ball of throbbing spikes bouncing in my stomach.  It got so bad at one point that I actually had to stop (something I NEVER do) halfway to use a bathroom. Also, my head was throbbing painfully because I'd felt too uncomfortable earlier to eat anything.  When I finally got home, I was really upset and I felt frustrated and stupid too because I knew it'd all been brought on just because I've been letting myself give into ED.  If I want an actual life, I'm going to need to get a handle on this. So tonight, even though I neglected my eating earlier, I'm not going to stay up till all hours so I can be alone and gorge and gorge. I'm going to eat a snack, do something else until I'm tired and then fall asleep.  Tommorow's another day, so I'm going to eat more meals and go to bed at a more reasonable hour because school is starting. 

Great job to everyone else out there who's fighting against their ED :) We'll all overcome it someday

"Well instead of degrading their intelligence why not 'help' them..."

I agree, I mean do you think it's ever helped a fat person to call them "stupid" for eating too much?  I'm sure that most of these teens are trying to do the right things, but they haven't realized that the "right" thing for one person probably isn't the "right" thing for everyone else.  In general, an active teen doesn't need to eat a super low calorie diet (1200) to lose weight.  MOst of these super low calorie diets are geared towards inactive adults, and even some inactive adults can lose weight on more than that.  To lose, maintain, or gain weight, you have to find out what's right for YOU, not for someone else.

I'm 18, and I live in Southern New Jersey where there's hardly any help for people with EDs.  Any therapist that I've gone to has always been at least 45 minutes away.  My family doctor was really good to me, but that was because his daughter had suffered from anorexia and depression...she unfortunately commited suicide...he really helped though because he actually got me into the Renfrew Center for two weeks of the summer of '07; within just a week of being there my period suddenly came back.  I thought I could maintain it when I came back home, but once I got back, I lost some weight for X-C, and thus lost my period again.  We've looked alot---my parents do all they can---but there's just not much help offered around here.

fidget84 I really regret asking about these things because everything you said is true...I just...I dunno...the way that that woman seemed to shrug it off was just a way different reaction than I've had from people, and I guess---even though my thinking isn't as skewed as it was---I still want to find out that I don't need to gain weight afterall.

I do know that I have to gain more weight for health, but I have such a hard time wanting to because I'm comfortable with my weight, I always hated getting my periods, and I feel fine.  Her answers and nonchalant attitude seemed to have fueled my desire not to change, so I guess I posted those questions because I knew I needed people---other than family or friends---to combat those unhealthy desires.

Your replies really do help me, so thank you all for setting me back on track with this :) 

So many teen girls (well females above the age of 5 in general these days..) say they"feel fat."  Look, doodlegurl, you're 15 (<---fast metabolism), you're at very healthy weight, you're active, you look great in your picture, and you've already started eating healthier.  You sound like you're living a very healthy lifestyle.  PLEASE don't start focusing on the scale and let it screw this up for you.  Already, you're  talking about not wanting to eat again "when your really hungry." IT IS NORMAL FOR A GROWING TEENAGE GIRL WHO IS ACTIVE TO GET HUNGRY.  If you're feeling more hungry than usual and you haven't lost any weight this may indicate that your metabolism is slowing down because your new "healthy" diet isn't supplying your body with enough calories.  Im curious: What are you currently eating on a daily basis?  What do the calories add up to? Do you skip meals? I'm only asking this out of concern because when I was younger, just a little older than you actually, I became obssessed with my weight, excercise, and food because I'd never liked how I looked and I thought it would make me feel better about myself.  In truth, all this obsession did was make me MORE critical of myself, less loving towards myself, and more and more distant from everyone and everything I loved and enjoyed before.  Its a waste of time.

If I could turn back time for myself when I was about 120 (I'm 5'5" so we have pretty similar bodies), I would've focused on strength training like girlfighting27 and rwnorth suggested. Think about it: instead of just losing weight, you could lose some fat and gain some muscle.  Your body could end up weighing more (muscle is heavier than fat), but you'll probably look and feel a lot more confident with yourself because of the new strength of your healthy and toned body; and you'll know that it was all from your hard work too.  With your new strength, you'll probably get way better at your sports too. 

I know you probably think I'm just going on and on, but, please, take care of yourself; you look so healthy and strong in your picture...don't take these things for granted.

To gain weight, my dietician suggests that I eat at least 2500, and on active days (which is basically everyday) to eat around 3000.  Unfortunately, the anxiety from my ED continues to make meeting this goal consistently quite difficult, and I'll go from eating 3000-4000 to only about 2000, thus I'm often just gaining and losing the same weight.  But most active teenage girls, from my understanding, should at the bare minimum be eating 2500.  Of course, some girls aren't as tall, or some are very tall, so calorie needs will always vary from person to person.

twilitwing for your health's sake, you seriously need to eat WAY more than 1200 a day.  Or at least cut out the excercise.  I know you probably feel as if you're being stronger by working out consistently and eating very little, (trust me..I've been there), but all you are doing is harming your body.  If you're not already there, you are just going to end up weak, cold, pale, with a very slow metabolism, and a loss of your periods which can lead to infertility and osteoperosis at a young age.  Imagine working out when you're 25 or so and breaking your hip because you've let your bones weaken so much; imagine never being able to have children---imagine how hurt your friends and family will be if you die just because you wouldn't take care of yourself.  That kind of restriction goes deeper than you just wanting to lose weight.  Please talk to someone you trust, and start getting help.  Honestly, the sooner you do that, the better.

Thank you very much for all of your replies. wistfulxthinking I think there's a possibility you could be right, because (bleah, I know) I've often been getting constipated.  Before I saw the blood in the toilet that day, I had been constipated, gassy, and bloated all day, and had finally gotten myself to go a little bit and let out some gas too (ugh lol).  My mom, aware of this, asked me later if I thought it came from my anus, and I'm honestly not sure.  When it happened I wondered this too, but I'm really trying to be optomistic.

Once again, last night, I waited too long to eat my dinner and ended up filling up on too many vegetables (ED says, well you need more FIBER, and vegetables aren't "scary" so just eat a bunch of them with everything else).  I had felt hungry all day pretty much, but I was too stubborn to eat with my family at dinner time (they had said 6 o'clock, but were ready around 5, so I got panicky and ended up taking a walk). It was 9 by the time I felt "ready" to eat, and at that point I had only had about 400-600 calories so far.  Needless to say, I was very hungry, and there were so many vegetables (my "safest" munching foods..) in the fridge, so I just basically inhaled them.  I know I'm supposed to get up to 2500 AT LEAST everyday, but I didn't start thinking about eating higher calorie things until I started feeling ill, and by that time it was about 11 anyway.  In addition to eating more regularly, I'm also trying to get more sleep too (I tend to deprive myself of that during school) so I just felt defeated mentally and phsically.  Sleeping was almost impossible last night because my entire body was aching all over, I was constipated again, I felt like I was ready to throw up, I felt dehydrated but too full to drink, and I was getting severe chills.  My mom didn't know, but when she got up to take me to school, I told her about everything.  She's very understanding, and instead of scolding me for being stubborn yesterday, she just told me to treat this as a learning experience, and to take better care of myself today.  I stayed home, I've already eaten a bigger breakfast than normal, and I plan on resting instead of doing a bunch of meaningless compulsive excercises.  Hopefully I'll get to bed at a decent hour and feel better tommorow.  Its weird though, because my body still aches all over, and not like regular muscle fatigue.  Its more like weights have been put all over my body and they're pulling at my legs, lower back, and head.  My chills are gone, along with most of the nausea, but now I'm wondering if I'm actually coming down with something.  Hmm...Prom is this Friday...I wonder if I'm just unconsiously stressed or something.  Heh, I don't really know why I wrote all this..maybe you guys can once in a while just yell at me or something to be smarter or something lol.

Anyway, thanks again for all of your input.  I'm going to start writing a schedule out again for myself to plan out my activities and eating times.

Has anyone regained thier cycle without taking BCP's?  Also, what kind of an excercise routine did anyone have where you actually got healthy again? I know that lifting weights is the ideal choice and that cardio is detremental, but I'm curious of how much is too much or too little.  I'd like to get stronger as I get healthier, not just fatter, you know?  Thanks for all of your replies so far.

I'm not always 100% clear-faced either, (God do I envy you lucky people who are lol) but a product that really did help my acne alot was Pro-Active.  I know its over commercialized and pretty expensive, but it really does make your skin clearer and softer after just a few uses.  Now don't get me wrong, everyone's skin is different, so it may it not totally clear you up, and using too much could really dry your skin out pretty badly too---nothing's perfect---but if your acne is truly severe, you should definately look into start using it.  Ugh, I feel your pain, so I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!

Oh great, thats so relieving to hear...and yeah, gi-jane, I do panic a bit about other foods as well...lately I've been getting a little more panicky about the ingredients in food labels than I was before.  For about 2 years, I've restricted the notoriously worst 12 dangerous ingredients (High Fructose Corn Syrup, Monosodium Glutamate, Sodium Nitrite and Nitrate, Olestra, Aspartame, etc.), but recently I've been reading about some other ingredients that might be just as bad that I HAVE been eating obliviously.  It seems to have been making my anxiety level pretty high these days (no matter how much I'd like to deny it...), and I'm having a hard time feeling good about most of the things I eat because I don't know if their actually healthy.  For example: carageenan and sea salt.  I eat quite a bit of 4% cottage cheese (<--carageenan) and black beans and red kidney beans (<--organic, but prepared with sea salt) for extra protein (trying to gain weight/muscle), and I'm just curious if I should continue to eat them, or just drop them for safer alternatives.  Anyway, thanks for all of your replies, they're very helpful :) 

If you're struggling to get above 1500, you may need to increase your daily fat intake.  I'm assuming that you eat alot of vegetables and fruit because they're super healthy, very low-calorie, very filling, etc., but you can't let yourself forget to incorporate healthy fats like olive oil, nuts, avocados, etc. into your diet as well.  Just a little bit of any of these, along with the rest of your food, should help you get to about 1700 calories without feeling uncomfortably full.  In fact, the fats will probably make your meals more satisfying and stave of hunger for longer periods of time.  Good luck with everything!