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| Health & Support | need to end this | Sep 24 2007 08:23 (UTC) |
7 |
| I feel the exact same way. Exact same history.
Was oblivious to anorexia. Started bingeing. Saw a dietican/psychiatrist. Bam- anorexia with binge. And now I'm just bingeing. I've binged everyday this week. And I really hate myself for it. Dona, I totally understand what you're doing through. I feel pretty hopeless now, but I want to tell you that two mths ago, I managed to stop bingeing for two whole weeks. TWO WHOLE WEEKS. I don't know how the hell I did it, but it means its possible. Feels so hard now. BUT know that someone has done it and its possible. My psychologist also tells me that there're many many people who've overcome this. Good luck. Feel free to message me to rant. |
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| Health & Support | need encouragement :( | Sep 24 2007 03:44 (UTC) |
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| Hey thanks everyone who replied to me. The encouragement keeps me going. Though I just binged last night and am depressed from it. :( Sigh. I'll keep your words in mind today. | |||
| Health & Support | Ramble before you binge... | Sep 24 2007 03:41 (UTC) |
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| Ibinged lastnight. Binged a little this morning at 6am. It's 10:30am now and I can't believe I'm hungry. I don't want to leave my room because I'm afriad of bingeing. Admittedly, I just feel gross still eating after pouring calories down my throat. I am 1.76m tall, about 60kg, bmi 19.3, perfectly healthy. But I come from Asia and the girls around here are small/petite and I just feel like if I have to be tall (hey I love being tall), I should be tall, slim. Not tall and huge and stick out like a monster walking around. Ahhhhhh. I can't believe 'm still hungry. I can't believe it. :(:(:( And I'm afraid the bingeing will make me huge. Am so upset with myself. Am so worried I'll binge because it's my dad's birthday today, and I really want to be able to be in a good mood and enjoy a birthday dinner with him. And skippyskippy, I want to thank you for your encouragement. All the best to you. | |||
| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 23 2007 15:55 (UTC) |
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| crap. I just binged without coming here :( WHY. | |||
| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 23 2007 02:28 (UTC) |
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| YES MOONCAKE IS A BITCH. I haven't but I'm so afriad I'd binge on them. Helpless, where are you from that they sell mooncakes too? Somewhere in Asia? Message me to tell me. :)
I LOVE MOONCAKES. Why are they so fattening. |
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| Health & Support | Ramble before you binge... | Sep 23 2007 02:10 (UTC) |
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| Oh, and tof, maybe you should seek help. Do you have a therapist? I see a psychologist/psychiatrist who both specialize in eating disorders. It helpful to a certain extent, with medicines and all. And because they've seen so many patients.. they will understand what you mean by your 'binge radar', lol. Normal people just don't get it sometimes, and I don't blame them.
I wish i had a more normal relationship with food. Good luck to you! |
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| Health & Support | Ramble before you binge... | Sep 23 2007 02:08 (UTC) |
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| Thanks for the encouragement, everyone- helpless, tof. Add me as friends if you want to talk! I'm amazed by how encouraging/helpful strangers around this site are!
I almost binged this morning. Well, technically I did. A few twisties, a few mouths of cereal, and probablh 3 teaspoons of milo powder. Well, it was a binge already... but probably not by the quantity. So glad I decided to lock myself in my room and come see my own thread. I should use my own thread more. Why is this so hard!!! I hate it that I think of food ALL THE TIME. :( I shall not let this get me down. Technically that was a BINGE, but considering it wasn't really a lot, I shall not let it get me down. As long as I survive the rest of today, I'll give myself a pat on the back and count it as binge-free. In fact, it could probably be breakfast (and ultra quick one though!) Gosh I'm really rambling. But doesn't rambling help? I'm so glad I decided to lock myself up in my room with my computer. I tend to spend a little too much time around here when I'm avoiding sometime.. but seriously, it's a MUCH better way to avoid stuff than turn to food, with all its depresssing consequences. I was probably just tired. Shall try to sleep.... Opps, sorry for rambling. *hugs and encouragement to everyone* |
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| Health & Support | This is kinda long - but every woman and girl on this site should read it!!!! | Sep 22 2007 16:14 (UTC) |
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| This article makes so much sense. I've a confession though... I don't judge others by how they look, but I judge myself! It's as if I've a whole set of different expectations for myself than others...Oh well.
I'm really trying to learn how to have a postitive body image... it's like a dilemma. YOu want to be happy, accept yourself, and get on with life..but a part of you still wants to be perfect. Anyone feels like this? |
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| Health & Support | need encouragement :( | Sep 22 2007 14:49 (UTC) |
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| added you to friends list, heavenly body. Thanks.! | |||
| Health & Support | Ramble before you binge... | Sep 22 2007 14:43 (UTC) |
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| I KNOW I"M GOING DOWN THE SLIPPERY SLOPE. After dinner I had some grapes, sushi, chewed and spitted mooncake(long time since I indulged in this anorexic habit, yikes) and a few raisins. I'm SO DETERMINED NOT TO GIVE IN TODAY.
IT"S ALWAYS THE HARDEST> THE FIRST DAY AFTER DAYS OF BINGEING. Well, at least for me. Yikes. Help. I will not give in i will not give in I can't. I can't! Someone help me :( I think I shall practise the piano. I don't want to do my work, yes... but there're really better ways to waste time. I'm depressed because of my poor body image, but I get 10 timesmore depressed when i binge. So... i really feel much better not bingeing. |
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| Foods | Post your wierdest eating habits here! | Sep 22 2007 08:27 (UTC) |
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| Oh one more thing- I hate ham in bread, it makes everything mushy. | |||
| Foods | Post your wierdest eating habits here! | Sep 22 2007 08:26 (UTC) |
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| this is hilarious. Here's mine:
(1) I dunk cornflakes in coffee. (2) I thought I hated milk and didn't drink them for 15 years... recently I realized they're fine, but I don't dare to drink milk out of a glass because i think seeing so much white stuff will freak me out. AND I don't dare to try full-cream milk because...it sounds too 'milky'. (3) I hate eating fish, but I absolutely adore raw salmon. (4) I like tabasco and grapefruit. (5) I like dipping toasted bread into coffee. (6) Heck I dip anything into coffee including waffles and pancakes. |
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| Health & Support | need encouragement :( | Sep 22 2007 07:34 (UTC) |
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| skippyskippy,
Of course. I would love to speak to you. I just feel that people with eating disorders need support from each other, because... we understand best! I wanted to drop you a message on calorie-count, but I don't know how to! So drop me a message and I'll let you know my contacts. =) Determined not to binge today. Was so annoyed that I woke up with 'ahh food' thoughts... but confessed to a friend that I was having such thoughts. Sometimes, overcomming your pride/shame and confessing that you feel like you want to binge is the best defece mechanism. BUt I've trouble putting down my pride sometimes.. blah. Hope everyone's having a good day. |
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| Health & Support | need encouragement :( | Sep 21 2007 16:56 (UTC) |
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| Thanks guys for the replies. Sigh, popthebubbles, I find it so difficult to really believe that IT WILL STOP. I've basically binged my way up to a normal weight over the past FIVE months and well, it still feels like I do it. The feeling has passed for tonight though. I've to confess, the binges today were mainly a result of 'this is the last time I'll do it before I diet my fats out' mentality. Keep forgetting that IT DOES NOT WORK. :( I hope to make a buddy who goes through the same thing for support/encouragement via online chat/E-mail. Anyone up for it? Please respond if you do. It feels like...only people who go through it can truly understand. |
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| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 20 2007 11:23 (UTC) |
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| Oh crap. I almost binged. Ate 1 piece of bread, 1grapefruit and 2 cans of mushroom. No biggie, but I'm sooooooooooo tempted to skip dinner from all the guilt. Trying to tell myself that I didn't have a good lunch today so that made up for it and I should NOT SKIP MEALS. And having dinner doesn't necessarily lead to bingeing. Just asked a friend to come down have dinner/study with me just in case something happens... ahhhh why is this so hard :( |
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| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 19 2007 18:58 (UTC) |
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| I binged tonight :( Chocolates, 1 mooncake, 1 piece of bread and some biscuits. Without coming here, I confess. :(
Anyway, instead of being depressed, I decided to think through why I practically binge once every two days and I realized... I basically let it bring me to depression, and use depression as an excuse to avoid everything I don't want to do. Great excuse to cry and 'sleep it off'. I've decided that I should learn to face up to the world. And feeling fat isn't going to change anything. And 'feeling fat' doesnt mean i can't do other things. (I'm not fat... but I just feel fat ever since I put on weight through bingeing post anorexia... :s) I don't know why... tonight, as I was buying my binge food, I was able to convince myself not to buy a huge loaf of bread and a huge packet of biscuits, but I couldn't convince myself not to buy a small packet of biscuits and a small packet of chocolates. :S Sorry. Rambling. May tomorrow be a good day for all. |
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| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 18 2007 16:00 (UTC) |
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| oh my i reached for the silly corn the moment i stoppedtyping. I just kept it away finally.
To whoever happens to read this now, i'ts my promise to you that I will not binge, not even on vegetables! Typing really helps. I think someone should set up a thread which allows anyone to type aimlessly/endlessly until we don't feel like we're going to use our hands to shove food down. haha. Opps, sorry for three posts at a time. |
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| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 18 2007 15:55 (UTC) |
43 |
| sorry i sound so ridiculous. I mean...corn kernels? haha.
Oh and the sad part about me is... I feel guilt eating basically ANYTHING proper. On days when I'm not binge-ing... it's always fruits/vegetables/diet soda. :( I hate it. Once I try to eat anything else, I feel so guilty and depressed that I start abusing myself by throwing more food down my mouth. Or I'd be thinking, 'I can't bring myself to eat all these things outside a binge, so I might as well eat all of them now.' Then I feel worst, binge more, until I get back to my vegetables... I know this sounds absolutely crazy? But I've a terribly long list of binge food, which si basically EVERYTHING normal people eat :( And it has grown longer lately because while trying to avoid my binge food, I start bingeing on my 'safe foods' and soon they become binge food... I just can't eat them outside of a binge because I either feel (1) Guilty (2) am reminded of horrible binge memories and feel nauseated (3) terribly anxious that I'm about to binge if I put any of it into my mouth. It's truly 'all' or 'nothing.' I know I sound so screwed up, but is anyone like that too? I literally live on fruits/veg outside binge days. Lately I calculated my binge... and it amounted to 5460 calories, which totally freaked me out. I never knew it could add up that quickly, it's ridiculous. Happened the past three days. I've a feeling I'm going back to my vegetables again tomrorow. Sorry for rambling... I guess I'm still trying to distract myself from the corn kernels. (damn it, I KNOW that I can't binge on those things... my body doesn't accept that as a real binge and I've to move on to other stuff. So just stop!!) |
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| Health & Support | BEFORE YOU BINGE ... | Sep 18 2007 15:49 (UTC) |
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| OH my I'm so glad i saw this thread at this time. I had a binge today... and was just in the process of my second binge. Well, I was just throwing corn kernels into my mouth in an attempt to binge in a 'healthy' way, until I saw this thread. And I remembered that no matte rhow hard I try to binge healthily, it always leads on to other things... because when I binge, I'm craving for junk and all the things I denyed myself through dieting/mild anorexia.
Whew. I hope I'm safe tonight. :( Still feel like eating corn kernels though... ARGHHH. Someone encourage me if you happen to see this now... |
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| Health & Support | Any Binging Anorexics Out there?? | Sep 16 2007 14:24 (UTC) |
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| Oh yea. and I haven't had my period too. Even after getting back to a healthy weight (unfortunately, by bingeing).
Bri, u'd like to chat online or something? :) I feel like I can totally relate with you. And actually, many people here. haha |
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| Health & Support | Any Binging Anorexics Out there?? | Sep 16 2007 10:22 (UTC) |
5 |
| I totally understand how you feel.
I was mildly anorexic for close to a year (not aware of it then, just felt that I was extremely 'healthy' and mildy paranoid about some food), and was bingeing about once a week. Then all of a sudden, it developed into non-stop bingeing and that was when I realized I really had a problem. Recently, I had 5 good days of eating healthy... (not undereating! but filling myself with healthy food and avoiding certain things which always throw me into a binge) and last night, I just binged til this morning. Like, it just came back :( and I feel awful. For the first time, I counted my binge and it came up to about 5500kcal...I don't think it's a great idea to be counting calories, but at least it made me so nauseaus I've stopped for today. Sigh. Sorry I ain't helping much bri, in fact, I'm just using this space to rant because I'm feeling so awful about the whole episode. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. =) Sigh, tomorrow's a new day i guess. I wish I knew for sure there's a way out. |
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| Health & Support | Just another binging anorexic... | Sep 02 2007 03:49 (UTC) |
11 |
| Anyone feels like if you can't control your food, you can't control the REST OF YOUR LIFE? That's how I feel sometimes. The moment I try to eat 'normally', I feel like I've broken a rule and I go all out and break all rules,even in other aspects of my life.
I'm going to try living by my rules the whole of next week. Which means I'm giving up being 'normal' for a week. :( It feels like the onyl way to grasp a hold of the rest of my life. |
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| Health & Support | Body Dysmorphic. | Aug 31 2007 15:03 (UTC) |
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| I don't ahve BDD but I know how it feels. When I first started bingeing very badly, I was so convinced I must have grown massively huge that I assumed every mirror I was staring at was one of those mirrors which make you look thinner.
It kind of helps if I remind myself not to look at the mirror so much and focus on other things. Kind of bad to think this way, but I've to tellmyself 'Even if I think I look ugly, I can do other things'. It's a bit self-deprecating, but it's the only way to keep myself focused on other things in my life and get on with other aspects of my life, for now. good luck all. :) stay strong. |
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| Health & Support | Just another binging anorexic... | Aug 31 2007 01:46 (UTC) |
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| I totally can emphatize. EXACT SAME STORY. =(
Been swinging between undereating and binge eating. Just hit my minimum healthy weight, but it makes me feel so fat and gross. Unfortuntely, 'feeling fat' makes me want to binge, the irony of it all. I'd just like to mention one other thing - After talking to my therapist yesterday, I coffessed that I feel that when I can't control my food, I can't control my life. So on days when I binge, the whole day is literally 'shot' because I feel like I can't do anything else (and don't even want to get out of bed most of the time.) And yes, it's not even about weight/size/numbers. It's a warped relationship with food. Hey you guys, hang in there. Let me know of your progress. I'm so glad I read this post this morning, because somehow, I feel motivated to work hard at recovery today. :) |
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| Health & Support | Trying to eat properly. In recovery from Anorexia and Bingeing | Aug 19 2007 06:19 (UTC) |
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| oh, just another note. From where I come from, a lower BMI is acceptable as healthy. So I need to be about 57kg to be of a healthy weight.
Feels like I'm close to it coz I weight 56kg after bingeing. Don't know how much of it is water/food mass and I'm so temped to go weigh myself tomorrow to assure myself I didn't grow that fat. But as I just promised myself not to... we'll see in a couple of weeks when I see my doc again! :( :( :( ps: I know I sound like I'm crazy. But it's really so hard to tell myself to stop thinking about the fact that I seem to have put on weight and not weigh myself. :( :( :( trying trying. |
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| Health & Support | Trying to eat properly. In recovery from Anorexia and Bingeing | Aug 19 2007 06:14 (UTC) |
2 |
| Thank you trustwomen for the encouraging post about forgiving myself. This is so hard, but I just typed this out in my blog- _____________________________________________ ________ Truth is, I know what's going on sometimes. I've been trying to recover, but I'm not ready, not ready to do what it takes, to face a full recovery. It's hard to admit this, even to myself. I want to stop overeating, but I can't let go of undereating, all the unhealthy obsessions with food. And I'm not completely ready, no matter how hard I'm trying to convince myself. But I'm sick and tired of this warped love-hate relationship, and I know full well that I'd have to face it, eventually, so why not try now. I'm making a few commitments today- ( 1) Stop obsessing over food and eat what I really feel like eating. (2) Don't think about what went into my mouth. (3) Not weigh myself until my next appointment with Dr Lee (4) Do something whenever I'm depressed until the feeling passes. (5) Stop lying. Damn it. Just stop already. I can't even say how hard it is for me to believe I can do all these. And the last commitment - (6) Stop expecting a perfect road to recovery. Dear friends, if I ever call you crying for more than 15 minutes and refuse to just get my ass to doing something, please just hang up on me. I so no I'm going to feel like a hypocrite for not living up to all these promises one day. Whatever, I'm doing the rational thing today. Dear Ed, You're telling me. No! No! You're growing fat. You can't do this. You don't want to do this. Yea you're right, I don't want to do this, but I know it's the rational thing to do.' With hate, Me I read something encouraging this morning, from someone I don't even know.- 'Forgiving yourself is NOT kidding yourself. Forgiving yourself, i.e. moving on, is the only possible rational response to something you can no longer change. Not forgiving yourself is, by definition, maladaptive.' Well, maybe forgiving myself is kidding myself, BUT seriously, it's better than crying over spilled milk. I don't even want to publish this :( _____________________________________________ ______ Thank-you so much for your words. It's going to be hard (I honestly feel like such a liar, hypocrite for even typing all that out), making that commitment and all. And I so know I'm going to screw up in between and really hate myself. But I'm telling myself I want to try. And I do need some support. :( If anyone's willing to help, please please drop me a message. I'll send you a blog invite. Blah, I feel pathetic for saying this, but I need encouragement.:( |
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| Health & Support | Trying to eat properly. In recovery from Anorexia and Bingeing | Aug 18 2007 17:12 (UTC) |
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| Thanks for the replies! And I am seeking professional help. But I've relapsed so badly. Have been bingeing on and off for aweek. AND THE WHOLE DAMN DAY TODAY :( I feel so ashamed of myself. But in between binges, I just can't eat properly because I feel fat/ too stuffed /guilty. I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I've tried everything I can' think of.
And I just feel like I've gained 5kg in a week or something. I'm trying not to look at the mirror, but I do, and I hate it. I can't seem to stop torturing myself. Sigh. I keep telling myself, forgive urself, move on. But when you keep forgiving yourself, it feels like you're kidding yourself. I don't know what to do. Help. Sorry. Ranting. Am very discouraged. I know I can't die, I won't kill myself, but the voices won't shut up. |
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| Health & Support | Trying to eat properly. In recovery from Anorexia and Bingeing | Aug 10 2007 03:32 (UTC) |
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| I've another question I forgot...
After the bingeing for one week (and I mean, REAL 3000 calorie plus binges, more than once a day, sometimes throughout the whole day - so ashamed of myself ;S ), I thought my weight would increase tremendously and I felt terribly 'fat'. But when I visited my doc, I weighed EXACTLY the same. How is that possible? And my wasitline expanded, then shrunk (back to normal now, whew)... I suffer form constipation and sometimes when I can't 'clear my system' after bingeing, my stomach gets bloated and HUGE for days and I feel terribly gross. Is it due to that? Actually, I just want to know what exactly happens in your body after a full-blown binge. If anyone knows, please reply... it'll really help me out, because I just want to be more assured that my body knows how to regulate itself. Eating disorders sucks. :( THanks, sorry for the rambling! |
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| Health & Support | very very very confused about bingeing and depriving yourself of binge foods | Aug 10 2007 03:14 (UTC) |
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| Hi,
I binge on cereal too. (and am still struggling with various eating disorders :S) Anyway, not depriving yourself does not mean you go stock up on cereal and eat it whenever you like. I'd go for the advice on buying small packs. It's not economical, but that's the ONLY way for me. i've come to learnt that even if I tell myself, 'this time, I'll just take a little out of this huge box', it NEVER works. And don't buy too many small packs, all you might rip them all open and binge, haha. Anyway, the other way would be to stop eating cereal and save it for 'weekends' or a certain number of days a week. In that way, you'd have something to look forward to rather than binge on them. Personally, I had to stop buying cereals for half a year before I got off bingeing on them. Then I progresse to buying small boxes. After I went back to big boxes, all went haywire! |
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| Health & Support | Anorexia/ Binge Eating Disorder | Aug 06 2007 11:43 (UTC) |
12 |
| Hey...
I think bingeing has two parts - (1) due to starvation (2) eat to avoid something (this is subconscious for me at times) I binged again this morning. I didn't binge until I was uncomfortably full, but still felt pretty shitty and proceeded to have a normal lunch, which I can't decide if is a binge. And I went about to do stuff for the afternoon to get off the depression, got home, and had yet another mini-bingge (stopped myself below 100 calories). It's ridiculous. School's starting and I guess subconsciously, I'm worried about what would happen when I move back to the dorm and all. It feels horrible because I always end up calling my mum AFTER bingeing, and crying... it's like wanting attention sometimes. My mum's great, but I feel like I'm relying too much on her despite being 21. And I guess, I'm unknowingly afraid of being in the dorm alone, even though I keep telling myself it'd be easier there, coz I don't stock up on my binge food. (which is a little hard at home, since I'd affect the REST of the family) It's so hard to get out of the cycle after almost a week of consecuritve bingeing :( I know it's possible, because I've done it before, but I'm feeling increasingly lost over all these... Thanks so much for all your kind responses. Anyone willing to exchange e-mails and support each other? ps. I honestly don't know whether I should eat my dinner since I feel like I've eaten way too much for the day. I guess I shall, the last thing I need right now is to wake up in the middle of the night and binge... and just go for a long run after that... sigh. Sorry, I'm ranting. It's just frustrating sometimes! Buttlessbabe- I kow what you mean. I've tried throwing up too, but I've given up. It's not healthy, I can't throw up for nuts (seriously, I didn't even throw up when I overdosed on medication one), and all I'd end up with is a sore throat the next day. I hope things work out for you, for us.. |
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