Posts by withinhershadow

Forum	Topic	Date	Replies

Health & Support	Starting Bupropion SR	Feb 24 2008 16:34 (UTC)
The main question is, can you function? Go to school and work, get things done without having to force yourself? If so, and if suicide isn't a constant/daily issue, then I agree with cryllia. To me, the ability or inability to function is what separates mild depression from severe. If yours really is mild-moderate, then Bupropion might work for you. Like you said, though, everyone is different, and no medication will affect every single person the same way. I tend to be pretty med resistant, so maybe you'll have better luck with Bupropion than I did. I guess you won't know until you try for yourself. If you find that it's not helping as much as it should, you can always ask about switching to brand name. Let us know how it goes! :)
Health & Support	Starting Bupropion SR	Feb 21 2008 23:32 (UTC)	8
Bupropion is generic Wellbutrin, right? I've been on Wellbutrin XL for a few years now, and it's honestly the best antidepressant I've ever taken. I tried almost all the SSRIs and none of them had any affect whatsoever, but Wellbutrin (which isn't an SSRI) is amazing; it completely changed my life. For the first 2 or 3 years, I took 300mg, but recently the dosage was raised to 450. My only advice is, if you can, try to get brand name Wellbutrin. I was on Bupropion for a month last year, and it's crap. It was like taking a placebo pill, and my life was hell until I finally figured out that the problem was the change from Wellbutrin to Bupropion. After I switched back to brand name the next month, I was fine. I've heard a lot of people had the same problem with generic Bupropion. Unfortunately, Wellbutrin isn't covered by insurance anymore, so now I have a $50 copay. It's worth it, though. Seriously, Wellbutrin is amazing, especially for people who are worried about weight/sexual side-effects, or haven't had any success with SSRIs. Good luck!
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Feb 21 2008 00:12 (UTC)	2
oomboo2- Yeah, I know. This is an old thread, and it's kind of scary looking back on all of this, realizing how deep my denial really went. I recently found a new therapst, though, and right now I'm checking out some treatment centers. I don't want to gain weight, but I know I'll have to. I just can't do this anymore. Being thin isn't worth everything I lost (friends, relationships, etc.) trying to get there.
Health & Support	ED recoverers: post your worst ED memory	Feb 19 2008 16:43 (UTC)	138
Hm, that would have to be this morning. I had a 9:30 class and, as usual, I showed up at school 15 minutes early just so I could park as far from the building as possible (about a mile) to burn a few extra calories. Well, after 5 minutes of walking I had to stop and sit down--in the middle of the parking lot. My heart felt weird, fluttery, and I couldn't breathe. I was dizzy, and the wind was so strong I thought it would literally knock me over. I told myself I was just being lazy, that I must be out of shape, and forced myself to keep going. Well, I finally got there, but I was 10 minutes late for class because I had to take so many breaks. I could barely push open the door to the building, and as soon as I sat down I just started crying. My heart was still racing, I felt so weak, and I was worried I would pass out in front of everyone. When I could breathe again, I left without saying anything (I think my professor knows I have a problem, so she's been really tolerant) and went to the medical building next door. It was closed. I took a shortcut back to my car, called my friend in tears because I was so scared, and made an appointment with my doctor as soon as I got home. How sad is that? I can't even walk across campus anymore. Being thin just isn't worth it.
Health & Support	How do I tell my parents about my ED?	Feb 18 2008 04:09 (UTC)	4
jevw- I was hospitalized for my ED when I was 17 (I'm 22 now), and the year before in a different hospital for a related reason. So yeah, I know what it's like, how much it can suck, and that's why I put it off for so long. The thing is that I can only admit it now because I have nothing left. This, my eating disorder, is my life. I wake up, remind myself of why I can't eat that morning, take meds, exercise, weigh myself, exercise, cry, write speculative journal entries on the meaning of life and the Point of it All, weigh myself again, lie in bed for hours trying to sleep, give up when it gets dark out, eat, purge, exercise, try and fail to go to sleep. Repeat the next day. I'm cutting classes because I can't focus, lost my A average, I haven't seen my friends in months, and I just can't live like this anymore. It's not worth it. The other night I told myself I had to make a choice between life (recovery) or anorexia. I made a list and told myself that if the benefits of recovery didn't outweigh those of anorexia, or if I didn't see enough hope in my future, I would kill myself. Luckily - because I really didn't want to die - I decided to give life another chance. There are more reasons behind my decision to find an inpatient program, but that's the main one. I don't trust myself at all right now and I think, under the circumstances, this really is the best option. I like your idea about telling them with my therapist. I'm seeing him tomorrow night, so I'll talk to him about it then. Thanks! bahamamama & gf3dcb4- The letter thing is a great suggestion, and I'll probably do something like that before actually talking to them. I've tried things like that in the past, though, and every time my parents' only response when I ask what they're thinking is, "...It was very well written." o.O Yeah, so I'm a little hesitant to try it again. But things like this are easier for me to write than they are to tell, so I'll probably end up doing it that way anyway. I just know it will take much more than that, and "the talk" is what I'm most worried about. Thanks for the advice.
Health & Support	Am I Slowly Becoming Ana	Jan 05 2008 16:08 (UTC)	3
No one here can diagnose you, and I won't directly accuse you of anything, but the subject line of your post was a little suspicious. This is the DSM-IV criteria for anorexia: A) Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height (eg, weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight less than 85% of that expected or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected). B) Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight. C) Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self-evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight. D) In postmenarchal females, amenorrhea ie, the absence of at least three consecutive cycles. (A woman is considered to have amenorrhea if her periods occur only following hormone, eg, estrogen administration.) Obviously there's more to it than that, but those are the basic guidelines most doctors will follow when making a definitive diagnosis. Whether or not you have an ED - whether or not it's anorexia - if you feel like your eating problem has gotten out of hand, then no matter what any of us say, you should get professional help (I would suggest a psychotherapist instead of a school nurse, but it's up to you). If and when you do, and you're still confused or don't think you're getting the help you need, come back and give us more details. It's very hard to form an opinion, let alone give advice, based on the information you listed. And a side note: You'll probably gain more sympathy if you avoid words like "ana" and "mia."
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Oct 09 2007 21:45 (UTC)	14
Look, I know that to most of you it sounds like a stupid question I should already know the answer to, but I've learned not to trust my own perception of myself, and that's why I asked. I think a lot of people got the wrong impression of me, what I was saying (or trying to say), so I just want to clarify: I know that I'm not eating healthily, and even if I'm reluctant to call whatever my problem is a "disorder," I do recognize that it's a problem. And it's not something I want to worsen because I've "been there" before, know what it's like, and am terrified of going back. I'm not stubbornly pushing friends and family away in a conscious effort to starve myself to and past emaciation, you know? I worked really hard to build the life I have right now, and when I look back on the person I was a few years ago - shallow, vain, ONLY cared about weight and appearance - I'm humiliated and angry that that girl was me, that I messed things up so badly. I do want to be thinner, I can't deny that, and I probably always will, but as long as I don't act on that desire to lose the weight I think I'll be all right. Physically, anyway. My concern was that I was slipping physically, that my friend was right and that I just wasn't seeing something everyone else could. So I asked a seemingly ridiculous question, and I probably should have explained a little about my background, but it's still a sensitive issue, and I'm usually a very private person. I didn't want to share my personal history with hundreds of strangers on the internet. It ended in that anyway, but it wasn't my original intention. Contrary, I know you're right about the doctor thing, but understand that I've had a *lot* of bad experiences with doctors over the years, so it's not as easy as picking up the phone and making an appointment. The therapist has already been fired (she made things worse and triggered me a lot), but my insurance company is giving me a lot of problems, and I'm having a hard time finding someone else to see. I will go to a doctor if it gets to a point where I don't think I can handle things on my own, but at the moment I'm well aware of the risks of eating disorders, and I'm already being treated for several of them (mainly osteopenia, GI problems, and irregular periods). So it's not like I'm not being monitored. As I said, my main concern was for my physical state. I already know that my mental needs work. Thank you to everyone who responded. I appreciate your opinions and advice.
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Oct 09 2007 06:27 (UTC)	21
No, no, they're old. Really old, like from 10 years ago. I was a stupid kid, I screwed a lot of things up and I'll never have a normal life because of the mistakes I made, but I don't do that anymore and I hate myself for starting in the first place. It's humiliating, I can't ever wear short sleeves in public because it's so obvious what happened. The stereotype is the worst, people thinking I'm doing it for attention or something. I hate it so much and I'll never be able to escape from it. I thought about surgery at one point, but from what I read, it didn't seem like it was very effective, and I can't afford it anyway. Are they that noticeable, really? I didn't think the ones in the picture were that bad; I didn't even realize they were visible until you pointed it out. I'm in between therapists right now, but I see a psychiatrist once a month for meds.
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Oct 09 2007 05:12 (UTC)	26
carmenxox - To get to this weight, about 100-300 cals a day, but I was stressed at the time because a lot of things were going on in my life, and honestly I just didn't have much of an appetite. Now I'm closer to 300/400 calories, some days a little higher. Reading this, it sounds bad, but when I eat it feels like so much more.
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Oct 09 2007 03:12 (UTC)	31
contrary - Usually I would agree, but in this case the opinion of "anonymous internet people" is exactly what I wanted. I know what my doctor would say, but at this point I'm not looking for a medical opinion. nycgirl - I'll be 22 in about 2 hours. :) I don't know if I'll lose more weight or not. I'd like to, but I don't want to push away the friend I mentioned before, and the weight thing is a big issue between us. I've already gained 3 pounds since she first found out, and I'm not happy about it. Things are very confusing right now, and I just don't know what I want. carmenxox - I try to build muscle, but it never happens. I do exercise a lot, though. Probably more than I should. About the eating disorder... well, a few months ago my temp. therapist assured me that I didn't "look" like I had an ED. She isn't the most competent woman in field, obviously. But to answer your question, I have a history with ED NOS. That comment about not looking like I have an eating disorder is probably the most triggering thing anyone has ever said to me. I haven't been evaluated in a while so I don't know what, if anything, my current diagnosis would be.
Health & Support	Too thin or just right? (old thread)	Oct 09 2007 00:16 (UTC)	40
Thanks, but yeah, I was really unhappy at that weight. I didn't like the way I looked, I felt terrible and was miserable all the time. I lost the 6 pounds because I was starting to get obsessed with my weight and lost focus on the things that really mattered (school, future career, etc.). I'm more comfortable and can function better in the 90's, I guess. I do work out a lot, but I never build muscle, and that's what bothers me the most about my body. I wouldn't care so much about staying below 100 if my body fat percentage was lower.

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