Posts by court2335

Thank you everyone for responding. I still don't know what to do or where to turn but just hearing your stories is lovely

According to many people, I look like hayden paneitttere and barbie????????? ha ha

Uhhhh mines like 2.59 at LEAST in Cali

I know...I understand what you are all saying.  Should I just stop hanging out with him completely?  Its just that I have never felt this strongly about someone before and I truly care about him so much. Isnt that worth trying for?

Hey!  Im 20 and 5'4.  about 145 lbs.  Im willing to join you if you want me too although i live nowhere near NY.

So let's just get some stats:

HW, CW, GW, sex, age, height.

135, 135, 115, 19, 5'4

Now, for the juicier stuff:

Describe a bit about your family, social and romantic life.

My family is really disconnected, unloving, etc.  We don't really show much affection, love, or anything of the sort.

My social life is getting better at the moment, as i have gotten a lot more attention from people than when i was 90 lbs or lower.  I still am self conscious about my weight because i have put on about 40 lbs. in attempt to recover fro anorexia last year. 

My boyfriend of 5 years just broke up with me for another girl....

What category would you say your eating disorder falls under?

Anorexia with bulimic tendencies.  Now it has turned into BED.

What circumstances would you say triggered your eating disorder?

High school, bad breakup, and never feeling good enough or pretty enough, combined with the stress of college.

What made you realize you had developed your eating disorder?

When size 00 pants fell off of me.

Do you have a history of eating disorders? Are there others within your immidiate circle of family and friends witheating disorders?

Yes, my mom as well as about 5 friends

Describe any changes you've noticed in your own behaviours since the eating disorder began.

Oh, wow.  I started lying to everyone about eating as well as everything else in life.  I cared too much about my appearance and food and less about friends and having a good time.  I wouldnt go out because food was involved and i threw away enough food to feed a country.

Describe any changes you've noticed in other's relationships towards you since your wating disorder began.

People avoided me.  I had always been popular and full of energy and suddnely I was sick and bony and tired and it scared people.

Have you managed to keep your eating disorder a secret? Who have you told? Has anyone found out on their own?

I'm sure everyone guessed when i was about 85 pounds and 5'4 but I never admitted it, even in the therapy my parents made me attend.  I just gave lie after lie until they stopped bothering me.

If so, how did they react? Have they been a help or a hinderance?

What would you say is the hardest thing about your eating disorder?

The obsessive thoughts and never truely being satisfied with yourself.

What would you say you actually enjoy about having an eating disorder?

Its made me stronger and yet I realize that people who are stick thin are not always happy.

Describe some of the emotions you have had to face since developing your eating disorder.

shame, guilt for all the lies, terrified someone would hear me throwing up or find the food wrappers or food i thre out.

Do you have any rituals/ obsessions with food or excersise? Describe them.

Well for about 6 months i only ate 1 pack of m&ms a day.  I was a stick.  I shopped for clothes in the toddler section.  I also hoard food, hide it, and anything else abnormal.

Have you ever had to use trickery to fool others about hyour eating disorder? Your family/ friends/ doctor?

Ohh yes.  I would fill up on water and put rolld of quarters in my pocket when i went to the doctor and hope i could get the sscale to 100.

Do you have a therapist or any kind of professional help?

Not really

Describe any physical and emotional changes you have noticed in yourself since you have developed your eating disorder.

Im not as open, i dont trust people as easily, and i take everything way too personally.

Feel free to share any other stories/anecdotes that have to do with your eating disorder, whether they are particularily painful or, conversly, particularily amusing.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? 10 years?

No clue.   hopefully not too skinny, but healthy and with friends and maybe a boyfriend or husband

Who or what would you say has/have been your biggest motivators for recovery?

no one but myself.  I havent told anyone abuot my disorder

Describe the difference to you between a good day and a bad day.

A bad day is binging and purging or just binging and feeling disgusted with myself.  A good day is full of healthy eating and friends.

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I do this everyday! I will make sure I wat like, less than 800 or so during the day and then after 8 pm or whenever I get home I will just eat and eat.  It's like I look forward to it and enjoy just sitting and eating. It's kind of disgusting and I have no idea how to get over it.

Thnk you!  I have gotten the toothpaste and my dentist recommended a mouthwash.  I do smoke, does that contribute to it in any way?

Soup

Broccolli

La tortilla factory tortillas

Coffee

Vanilla ice cream

I lost my period for three years because i was so underweight.  I'm 19 now and I tried everything to get it back (eating a lot of fat, etc.) but the only thing that got it back was gaining 25 pounds to get to a healthy weight.  I'm sure I look better to everyone now even though Im not totally OK with it.  But you should try to gain 10 pounds or so so you dont get osteoporosis and have trouble later in life.  Good luck

cheerleading, boyfriend cheating on me with a much skinnier girl, and I think it went deeper in the sense that if I couldn't be the best student or the best athlete or something then I needed to be the skinniest.  I felt such a sense of accomplishsment in lying about what I had eaten or hadn't eaten and seeing my friends eat while I watched made me feel proud and perfect at something.  I am not close with my family at all and I think the remarks they used to make about my huge intake of sweets as well as my "weight problem", althought I was never overweight, pushed me over the edge.  I also think my mom has an ED although I would never mention it to her but she has control issues and a major food problem.  I am also a perfectionist and I loved the feeling of having my clothes hang off of me, even if they were 00's.  Oh...this all brings back such hard memories.  Of course, my anorexia has turned into bulimia and I am trying so hard to get rid of it.

one slice, or 25 grams, would have 95 calories.

January 2007:  90

January 2008: 115

This sucks...am I the only one who has gained weight!?!?!?!