Posts by doorfry

Hi momof2kt.  I just read your post and I thought it was interesting so I wanted to respond.  First of all, I am sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time in school with other kids.  I can totally relate as I changed schools in the third grade and was totally verbally abused by the other kids on a daily basis and the teachers did little or nothing to intervene.  As a matter of fact, some of them even joined in the "fun" of torturing me.  I am glad that we can overcome such treatment and be successful as it appears that you have done.  However, I was a little troubled by what seemed to be a dismissal of the abuse that others have suffered due to their weight.  I am getting this picture due to some of your comments that others are just concerned for the welfare of the overweight person and just don't know how to approach them.  Maybe I am incorrect in my interpretation of your comments, so feel free to correct me if that is the situation.  I do agree with you that some people might be mortivated out of a concern for their friend or family member whether or not that concern is legitimate or overdevelped due to insufficient and often misleading "evidence" of problems caused by "excess" weight.  However, having concern for someone does not justify the verbal abuse that these people have so often inflicted on others.  To be told by a parent, friend, or even a stranger that one is "disgusting" or "horrible" is not just an outgrowth of concern and does immesurable damage to that individual.  There are some people who truly do not want to hurt someone else, but they are just careless or thoughtless with their comments.  However, it seems to me that the more I observe people in general, the more I see that hurting people often inflict hurt on others.  This is what gives me compassion for those who abuse and assault another for whatever reason.  The only way that we are going to see a revolution in this country is to see weight bigotry and predjudice for what they are and refuse to excuse, rationalize, or justify it.  By the way, I applaud your attempts to help your children be healty.  That is excellent.  I would urge you to not force your young daughter to count calories or be too focused on her weight, but to continue to reinforce good eating choices and an overall healthy lifestyle.  It troubles me that a nine year old child is fearful of being overweight.  That demonstrates how our society is so focused on weight that it can cause problems for those who are not aware of it's impact and that would include many children.  I agree that many who make hurtful comments do love their family member or friend, but abusing them as a result is neither helpful or necessary.  I find it interesting that so many people are afraid that their loved one will have a hard life because of being overweight, but they are often unaware of pretend to be unaware that it is their attitudes toward weight that are causing that hard life in the first place.  If we would really accept others as they are without being concenred about their weight we would probably see a revolution in people's self-esteem.  We need to be mindful of the words of Jesus in the gospel of Matthew.  He said, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck out of your eye'. when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5).  I am also reminded of the old adage that says that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything.  I know that weight is a sensitive issue for many, but if people don't know how to talk about it without hurting others, then maybe they should refrain from talking about it.  Again, please understand that I don't know your full intentions with this post, and all I know about it is what I have read and I could be misinterpreting what you are saying.  At any rate, I hope that one day we can all get to a place where we are not judging others on the basis of any physical trait including weight, but until that day comes, I encourge those of you who have been wounded by the comments of others to not allow their negativity to change you and who you know yourself to be.  Have a great day everyone and God bless.

 Doorfry<><

Wow, I've had so many insults because of my weight that I'm not sure I even know where to start.  When I was a kid, I went to an elementary school where I was made fun of all the time.  The kids called me names and laughed at me every day.  It was really sad.  I never did fit in.  Also, every time my family has dinner with my grandparents, my grandpa makes some kind of comment on how much food I am eating.  He also does this to my other family members so it's not just me.  He looks shocked that anyone could possibly eat that amount.  It is so rude.  Also, he has directly asked me, my sister, mother, and brothers all what we weighed just out of the blue for no reason.  Like it was any of his business.  Anyway, also when I was a kid, my parents constantly talked about how much I was eating, what I was eating, how much I was exercising, etc.  Acutally, that hasn't changed.  I still get comments abuot how I need to lose weight.  My dad and mom once made me carry around a big bag of dog food for awhile so I could see how heavy it was and realize that I was carrying that much extra weight.  I was so embarrassed.  My dad also told me once that I would never get a boyfriend unless I lost weight.  I didn't know what to say to that.  Also, my mom used to make me walk our family dog each day during the summer so that I could get exercise and lose weight.  That doesn't seem so bad, but she didn't make my brother do anything.  When I asked her about it, she claimed that he was more active than I was and it is true that he played baseball once a week during the summer, but that's about it.  She says that he played outside with friends, but he didnt anymore than I did.  Most days he didn't even wake up until noon.  When I reminded her that I had friends over sometime as well, she asked me if they were imaginary because she couldn't remember them.  That is really cruel. To single out one child to "fix" is not a good strategy and does nothing for that child's sel-esteem.  I am not upset with my brother at all.  It is not his fault that this happened. I should also mention that both of my parents are very overweight themselves.  That makes it extra insulting that they would spend so much time trying to force me to lose weight and that they would use such embarrasing methods.  However, I know that my parents meant well.  They just used poor techniques, even if they don't know it now or never do realize it.  I wish that my mother could take some responsiblity rather than make nasty comments toward me, but that is just her.  I love my parents and know their weaknesses and that they did their best with what they had to work with and the knowledge that they had and have now. 

Doorfry<><

Hi Everyone.  Can I join your group?  I am 27 and weigh 301 pounds right now.  I have fluctuated over the past few months from my heaviest at 315 to my lowest at 289.  I'm not sure what my ultimate goal is, but I know that I do need to lose weight.  I have a hard time though because my appetite is insane.  I think it is at least paritally due to having PCOS.  Also, it could be due to stress and emotional eating since I live in a stressful and sometimes chaotic environment.  I really haven't been eating too much food, but I also don't eat the right kinds of food either.  I don't drink water much and I am addicted to soda.  I know that is bad for me, but I haven't changed.  I can only handle one problem at a time and right now another one has priority.  Anyway, I thought I would join you all and try to get and give as much motivation as possible. 

Doorfry<><

Hi Everyone.  I hope that you will let me join this thread.  I am 27 years old and I weigh 301 pounds.  My heaviest weight is 315.  I have been trying forever to lose weight, but it just does not happen.  I have PCOS, which makes my appetite a lot worse than normal, but I still would think that I could have lost some weight over the years.  I don't really eat a lot of food right now, but I do eat the wrong kinds of food.  I don't eat very nutrtious foods.  I also drink almost no water, and I am a soda addict.  My lowest weight reccently has been 289 pounds.  I am going to try to be healthier and see what happens.  I guess if I lose weight, that will be great, but if not, at least I will be healthy. 

Doorfry<><

Hey.  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  My family just lost a dog last month and it is still hard when I think about her.  Her name was Duchess and she was actually my brother's dog, but she lived with our family for such a long time that I was really attached to her.  I know that it is really hard to lose such an important member of your family and I will pray that you will have peace as you heal from this loss. 

Doorfry<><

Hi everyone.  I am also getting my master's.  Actually, I am getting two master's and an undergrad degree.  I am kind of crazy.  I am in the process of finishing my Master's of Divinity and it should be finished by this December.  Then I have to finish my Master of Ed. in counseling, but that won't be done until December of 2008.  In the meantime, I am working on a BA in elementary education.  Man, I am pretty busy, lol.  I have sort of been taking weight loss seriously, but I have let a lot of things slide.  I have had a lot of other things on my mind that have taken priority for me.  I have fluctuated between 285 and 300 pounds and I know that I need to lose weight in order to be healthier, but I have some trouble containing my appetite due to PCOS and I also have trouble working out because of a severe back injury and other physical problems.  I know that sounds like I am making exuces, but I am not.  My main problem is not that I eat a lot, it is that I eat the wrong foods.  Still, I have decided to love and appreciate myself at whatever weight I am at and not look to the future for when I can start  my life.  That has been a problem for me in the past and I won't let it happen again.  Anyway, it is good to meet all of you and I will talk to you again, later. 

 Doorfry<><

Hey Everyone.  I have another story for you.  I have a brother who is about a year and a half older than  me and when he was 14, he got a dog.  She was half foxhound and half blue heeler.  Her name was Duchess.  She was a great dog.  She lived with us for a while and then moved with him wherever he went, in his own apartments or when he came back to the family home at various times.  Anyway, this wonderful dog passed away from cancer yesterday morning and so I was inspired to share one of my favorite memories of her.  One day, Kaleb (my brother) and I were in his bedroom with Duchess.  We were about sixteen and seventeen or so.  I don't really remember that for sure.  Anyway., Duchess was very affectionate and she began licking Kaleb on the face.  He turned his head and said, "Duchess, your breath stinks!"  No sooner had he said this, then she bounded off the bed, ran over to his dresser, put her front paws up on the top, pulled a packet of breath mints off the top of the dresser, pulled one out with her teeth, chewed it up, and bounded back on the bed and kissed him again.  Once the shock wore off, we laughed hysterically and congratulated her on being the smartest dog we knew.  We loved her very much and will always miss her.  Thanks for listening to this story.  Your enjoyment is a great tribute to her memory. 

Doorfry<><