Posts by raye_23

Hey,

I'm currently in recovery for anorexia, and through my recovery I went through a phase of of binging and purging. The one thing that helped me the most was seeing a nutritionist. I've only been to her three times, but those three times did wonders on keeping my binging (and therefore, purging) at bay. I would recommend seeing one, it really isn't as scary as you might think and most nutritionists will work with you, at your own pace, so the process doesn't become overwhelming. It's really important to understand your eating habits; why you binge, when you binge, what you binge on, etc., because knowing this will allow you to make the changes you need to avoid the binge all together. Therapy, as I am in as well, has also helped me tap into these things and has made recovery less frightening than when I tried doing it alone.  

Part of recovery is learning how to eat again. Sounds silly, but before, you would binge with the knowledge that purging was your way out, therefore making the binge ok. Not allowing yourself to purge is a HUGE step in recovery, so you should be very proud of yourself for making as far as you have with this. Gaining the weight sucks, sitting through those uncomfortable periods after a binge is one of the worst feelings in the world, but you're getting through it. Try not to beat yourself up over the changes your body is making because right now your body is trying to heal and get use to the fact that you're eating and not getting rid of it. Seriously, I applaud you for kicking the purging for the time you have. 

Also, real quick, a great motivator for me has been what eating is doing for your metabolism. Every time you purge, your metabolism stops, and forces your body to store what it is fed as a survival tactic. In turn, your digestive system slows down. When you eat, your metabolism kicks up a little bit, but because it was shut down before, you experience the bloating, water retention, being "backed up"....all the nasty side effects that are difficult to deal with. If you continue eating however, and not purge, your metabolism will eventually recover. But every time you purge, the cycle has to start over again. So when you have that urge to get rid of your food, or starve yourself, remember that it pretty much guarantees a period of feeling crappy.

Whew! I'm sorry this was so long, I've just been on this road for awhile and understand that it is FAR from easy. Hang in there and I'm really glad you've decided to tackle this; don't turn back, you won't regret it! If I can offer any more advice or you just want to chat you can message me or something.

Good luck and take care!

Hello!

I just wanted to add my two cents in regarding recovery. I started the process not too long ago, and I am moving forward at snails pace. I've gained about 5lb in about a 2 month period and because the gain was slow, I didn't notice the change. This took me to the mind set, 5 isn't too bad, why not try 5 more? It is good to start slow, because moving too fast and shocking your system will cause all the symptoms that may send you back to where you started and the goal here is to recover, right? So, slow but steady is a good way to go in my opinion and experience.

Like everyone has said, choosing energy dense foods like nuts/nut butters, granola, whole grain breads and pastas is a good way to start without it seeming so overwhelming. You don't have to consume dairy as long as you are ok with drinking soy milk. I actually prefer soy over dairy, so I'm with you on that! Also, if you have any kinds of foods that you view as "bad" (for me, it was any type of carb: bread, pasta, muffins, etc. and sweets), once you get comfortable with eating, you should try to add some of those items back, so you can begin to change your view of food as well. To break me into eating pasta again for example, I made a serving, them loaded the pasta with veggies and tossed it in a little olive oil and lemon juice. Having the veggies out number the pasta somehow made me feel "better" about eating it, and helped to break the fear I had associated with that particular food.

Anyhow, I think you are on the right path with the amount you are eating and not exercising. It is good to see how your body acts without exercise, and will give you more of an idea of how many calories you should be taking in without burning any "extra". Good luck and stay strong! It's a long road, but well worth it.

It is so odd that within this disease I feel completely and utterly alone, and yet I can come on here and within a few seconds connect with people who are struggling as well. Your letter hit the nail on the head as to how I feel a lot of the time.

When I think about what I would do if anorexia was a tangible being, it almost scares me. I feel like she would be the best friend that betrayed me in the worst way, but because of everything we've been through I wouldn't want to let her go. I think about that, and wonder how that fits into recovery. I wake up every morning fed up with myself, determined to make today better than the last but throughout the course of the day I screw up, then tell myself tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow happens, and so does the cycle. It's like for some reason, I'm hanging on to anorexia by a thread because I believe it's the only thing keeping me whole, when it truth it's the only thread that had frayed.

It is crazy how attached I've become to a disease, and how much love-hate is involved. I'm not happy you are struggling as well, but it is comforting to know I'm not in this alone.

I was going to therapy at one point because I wanted to begin my recovery process as well (and still working on it, so I know where you are coming from!) and she told me to consume smaller meals more frequently, as opposed to the three main breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The reason is it is supposed to prevent you from crashing and overloading at mealtime and it keeps your metabolism at a steady pace (or, most likely in your case building back up at a steady rate). I would probably guess the weight-loss is due to your metabolism increasing, because it was most likely at a halt from a while due to your ed.

I know 3000 cals seems like a ton but I would really try not to focus on the number...because it can be done without it feeling like you gorge everyday. Incorporating things like nuts and granola will give you the calories you need (as well as sustained energy) without having to eat a ton of it. You could experiment with different nut butters (Tahini is SOOOO good!), which again will give you calories but it will also give you a ton of variety with what you can make! Also, incorporating milk and fresh juices will add a little to your daily intake, again without the bulk.

If you have the time, I would suggest meal planning, even if it just a rough outline, or create a one day "sample menu" so you have a visual idea of what, how much, and when you should be eating in order to reach a target number of calories. It is a little time consuming but I think it will pay off!

I wish you the best of luck, and stay strong!