Posts by jessinca

first week: 94.4

last week: 90.4 (after a hospital stay for a kidney infection) 

this week: 94.8

hopefully this is mostly genuine (although up over four pounds in a week is slightly frightening) due to the fact that it's around 'that time.' has anyone else gained so much in one week/how do you reconcile it? I know that I should see it as entirely a good thing but i don't want to frighten myself with too much too fast, ya know? thanks

(sry i know this is a double post-i weigh on tues- but it was the last post on the previous page and, therefore, wasn't seen)

okgo-you should be SO proud that the scale hasn't determined your mood- that's a giant step. are you sure about your 'ultimate goal weight' though? I agree with agruskin that it's still underweight and you've been saying all along that 115 is merely a mini-goal; what changed your mind? Just curious, not attacking, promise. 

lala-i think it's great that you emphasized compensating for activity- it's true, we often forget how much chasing and bopping around (after kids/animals/whatever) takes out of us

i wish to gain myself (and my self- respect and self- love) back

1. happy birthday!! Celebrate, and here's to another healthy happy year, figuring out what works for you. How old are you? Sorry, i get excited about birthdays

2. I don't think littlemaylinda meant anything negative when she asked if you're really a personal trainer. her tone made it seem like she was more curious than anything and may want to seek training advice in the futures; plus, I know that I, for one, will take what you have to say re: fitness as having more authority than just any poster, ya know? Plus, the rest of her reply was really kind and insightful/empathetic with your isolated situation. So I'm sorry if you felt attacked, but I really feel as if it was coming from a place of no harm.

I've been taking lots of comments in everyday life the wrong way recently. I'm currently gaining and in recovery from anorexia- though not at a Low low bmi, I know that having a low bmi is enough to affect mood and mindset (again, NOT attacking your bmi, just mentioning in my personal experience). Your posts have really helped me as we're about the same height (5' 41/2 or so? If I remember correctly...) and your insistence that you feel and look better at a healthier weight have been invaluable in reminding me that I was happy and looked good at an appropriate bmi. Thanks so much. 

Happy birthday

and in response to the original post- with your previous muscle tone and healthy habits, I doubt that you will gain a full two pounds and Even if you were to, I Fully doubt that it would be two pounds of fat. Plus, once you go back to your healthy habits your body would naturally go back to it's "set point" that you've found anyway, right? I know it feels out of control to binge, and I'm very sorry you're lonely. If you ever need to rant and don't feel like judgement or too many responses you're welcome to pm me because really, you've helped me a lot and I don't mind listening.

end novel ;)

I went to a counselor and am working on getting a team set up. I am slowly becoming accustomed to the fact that putting school on hold for a while is the Right decision for myself. I proved that I am ready to beat this once and for all instead of continuing a cycle where I convince myself that just because I was able to regain the weight on my own doesn't necessarily mean I was mentally where I needed to be. I am accepting myself. Take That disorder, you're going down so that I can go onwards and upwards!

Ladydanger: don't worry, I'll be a F***ing cheerleader too (though I was always the soccer player whose dad/granddad scorned the cheerleaders, haha). We can totally beat this!!! Not can, we WILL. As long as these thoughts stay, we Must continue to follow through the only way we can- physically. Stay on track, stay on point, stick to your gaining amounts- ACTIVELY fight back. As mad eye would say: CONSTANT VIGILLANCE! (yup, just quoted harry potter.... awk!) P.s. your post about it being Not right for a twenty two year old to seclude themselves hit home with me as well. I'm twenty and a half, and it is Natural to go out- why are we fighting against nature by listening to these illogical voices? Let's take control of something important- our Health, and make it the best we can!

Speaking of fighting back. The E.D. thoughts didn't want me to eat enough for dinner tonight. I put it off as long as possible and then just said, screw it, I WANT dinner (I don't have hunger signals, so that's hard for me to say).

I went to the store and got one of my favorite things: fish... and I got a pound of it. And I ate the whole thing, with side dishes.... and now I'm super full but whatever, I'm STILL going to have my nightly yogurt snack because, unfortunately, I didn't come on here early enough and see someone's fantastic comment about Not feeling guilty and having to remember that we shouldn't exercise quite as much and I went for a longer jog/walk then I really should have this morning. So Screw you E.D.... I deserve to be at my best: healthy (both mentally and physically) and HAPPY!

melodee: like freshleaf said, being tempted to restrict after a binge only may promote another binge. Don't let this survival instinct deter you from the strides you have made. You have come So far and will continue to gain your life back! I understand what you mean about telling your bf you'll be less busy, kind of. I have a (very) long distance bf and am actually going to spend xmas with his family. I'm worried because I'm staying with them/him 24/7 and SO want to be able to just let go and not worry about such trivial things as how many calories something is, so I'm going to try to make generally healthy choices, remember that I'm gaining, but most of all remember to Savor the time that I have with he and his family and that it's a fantastic time to be alive!!!

My grandma got me the Cooking Light Cookbook for valentines day (yeah, we're eachother's valentines, so what! haha) and it is Fantastic!! There are a Ton of recipes as well as tips on basic methods and ingredients and tips for a beginning cook. It also provides the nutritional info for everything- Highly recommend it!