Posts by saykyoku

sorry, i'm not goign to reply much today, as i'm off to catch up on work. i did quite badly in my maths exam, much worse than i should've done by my standards, i was extremely disappointed, but didn't make a big deal of it at school. my friends thought i didn't give a crap haha. this is probably the first time i have really really cared catually, probably because i never did this bad before.

i'm with you gibbit on being sick of being around books!

hm, yes, with the the coffee; i did think afterwards i should've complained about the customer service, but i guess at the time all i was thinking about was you know WHOLE MILK! btw aquaev. i don't think i look THAT thin. the girls there were more like (from what i could see) didn't really know much about customer service; chatting, slamming cashier, and when she used the milk she was just like oh, whatever, just pour in a bit of skim milk. (coz she just grabbed a bottle without looking, she didnt pick whole milk on purpose)

by the way, any ideas on marinading/flavouring fish?

hi all!

fallingstar: i've never had a bagel before! :O and now i'm scared to eat one, as you said, the ones in aus are just made from a whole heap ofplain flour!

well. i just had exam week. eek. was quite terrible, i havebeen a naughty girl this year and basically literally left everythign to the last minute. i crammed on the night before; but thsi isnt meanign cramming via studying my notes, or studying; for history, geography and science i was basically LEARNING the whole years worth of stuff. quite terrible, but i must say i think i did ok for those subjects. it was just maths and english i flunked quite badly haha. HOPEFULLY results won't be too terrible! and yes, this was the first time i was really really angry at myself after exams, so hopefully that will encourage me to be more conscientious next year.

hmm, and i received the dress.. (if anyone remembers haha, i havn't been on here in ages and this thread progresses at the speed of light!)
IT'S TOO BIG!!! OH MY GOD!. stupid ed =(  and i think the size might be a bit off too =(

hmm. also news..
oh also for those who remember, that girl in yr 9 has come back from hospital. she was only in there for 4 weeks and i was quite surprised because she looks like she only gained a little amount of weight, and that hospital usually makes you stay for quite a while until theyre happy with your weight

 i talked to her online, and she told me how angry she was at being misdiagnosed; she believes she has orthorexia, which i guess a lot of us have to some extent, i'm pretty sure i do, and i think gibbit you mentioned being very concerned about nutrition now in recovery as well. she says she's not anorexic, although people think she is, and she doesn't care about being fat..

but then, she told me how angry she was at also that her parents were making her eat fruit STRAIGHT after dinner; she said "the natural sugars would go straight to fat" .. my first thought was, wow, what a strange rumour, and two, that is not just simply an orthorexic thought. she was also very concerned abotu the "timing" of eating foods (we have all experienced that eh?)

anyway, i thought i'd research it, and on the first day of my exam week (i just felt i HAD to) i spent a lot of time researching the myth and researching stuff about HCFs, fructose, fruit, etc. and all the misconceptions surrounding it. then  explained it as best as i could to her. But i think she's blocked me >_< maybe i've done the worng thing!! i feel so bad! i was thinking, maybe her ED doesn't want her to listen to all this stuff, just wants her to keep believing this stuff you know?

oh and we also had a bitch about the nurses in there, and she told me they all hated her because she was the sus-sest in the ED program; she hid food all the time. >_<;;

yeh, i personally think she's still in denial of the fact that she has anorexia as well. the doctors themselves diagnosed her with it (but i agree those doctors often think they know everything .. when they don't haha. but when i was in hospital, they did diagnose one other patient with other EDs not anorexia/bulimia, as they weren't concerned about being fat)

i'm so worried even though this is technically none of my business! am i taking this too far and too personally?! and am i making judgements too irrationally?! i hope she doesn't have to go back to hospital!

today:

breakfast: oats, milk, strawberries, vanilla essence, peanut butter, almonds, wholegrain toast

Perhaps you are still in or still experiencing the effects of "starvation mode".

Search it up, there are many threads on it.

Ok, so I bidded on the Size 8 cream dress yesterday, before posting on this forum, under my mum's instructions. But I didn't realise the sale ended before I returned from school.

And so I've been outbidded, and it appears that I'll most likely get the red dress after all, (if I don't get outbidded of course). Haha, seems like fate eh?

Ok guyss! THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUGGESTIONS!

okgo: yay! maybe you can make 2000 calories tomorrow? But if not, it's all good, as long as your consistently improving and the 2000 calories is something of the near future! :)

mashedtatties: havn't met you either! but congratulations on the butter! And yes, it's great that you managed to tell your mum to check on you! Awesome! Sometimes we just need that little push. But you can still do it on our own of course!Stay strong!

agruskin:  i love you! you've improved so much! good on you for the more and more normalized eating! this is what recovery is all about! in hospital all i kept saying to the docs was I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL KID AGAIN! It's not as easy said as done, but... it should be! We need to beat that stupid voice in our head !

I hope I don't sound silly, but what is a slip?

Ok, sorry guys, I hope I don't seem ungrateful, as I havn't been posting on here for a while now, as I'm busy (exams exams exams!).

BUT a quickie, i just thought i'd like to ask you guys for your opinion on these two dresses;

http://caloriecount.about.com/id-like-suggest ions-formal-dress-ft117677#last

Because if I am to buy one of them I'll have to bid tomorrow,, coz tomorrow's their last day on sale (on eBay). I'm just extremely unsure about which dress better suits me. (eek. feeling so self-conscious *sigh*)

THANKYOU IF YOU REPLY. AND SORRY FOR TAKING YOUR TIME.

KEEP ON CHUGGING ON ALL OF YOU!! :)

OOH. AND YESTERDAY I DID THE MILE RUN FOR OUR SCHOOL FITNESS TESTING AND I GOT A PB :) YAY.

edit/doublepost

oh my god! it's so hard to keep up with this forum! one-two days ( i THINK) i havn't visited and about 5 pages of replies haha. I've read them all this time though! ANYWAY QUICKIE COZ I HAVE GOT TO GO! WILL POST BACK LATER maybe!

PSYCHOJ: CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS! oh why can't i get my period !  ironically i got it for the first time (in my entire life haha) just before onset of my ED. and i think it was one of my triggers.. somehow i felt like period=fat. maybe coz i was always a skinny kid, and i was start of beginnign to get curves HAHA but still no boobs. omg. = =

AQUAEV: I know how you feel!! I found this for you (though you may have already seen it yourself). I know as ED recoverers we shouldn't give a crap about high/low calorie etc., but I think it's better to understand what you're eating and be comfortable with what you're eating (because i think a lot of the time you can't really tell what they've put in there with the curries and stuff) rather than end up freaking out after you've eaten, then overestimating and restricting and what not. 

So yeh; if you want something less creamy/saucy etc. for your main:

• Matar pulao (rice pilaf with peas)Sauced rice dishes Fragrant steamed rice
• Chapati (thin, dry, whole-wheat bread) or naan, roti etc.

but since it's a meal out with your dad and all, i would take it as a treat, and though i personally admit i wouldn't be comfortable with eating a very creamy dish etc. (i have a thing where i would rather have unhealthy "snacks" or sides rather than an unhealthy main meal. but i've conquered takeout pizza!) i WOULD indulge in something like samosas etc.

WAIT. ITS YOUR FATHERS BDAY! (sorry i missed that part somehow, just looked back again)

OMG. ITS MY DADS BDAY TODAY AS WELL!

which comes too: i'm having ice cream cake for dessert most likely today haha. and ever since that day i went out to the city, i've gone out everyday and had icecream haha! :) and the weather here is SOOO "icecream weather" hehe.

ooh and aqua again: YES you should have had a bone scan at the beginning of recovery! i had one at the beginning of entering hospital, leaving hospital, and one year after leaving hospital. AND OMG. YES . even the hospital i went to (public) SUCH !@($!*)$@(!*$)(*!

They took advantage of the fact that i'd just entered hospital, and my mum was extremely you know.. anxious, worried, confused etc. And the fact that as it was the first day (we completely didn't know i was going to end up in hospital, it was supposed to be my first outpatient appointment) so my mum didn't have a translator, and my dad wasn't present.

So they asked my mum for her PRIVATE insurance card. (but my stay was a public patient stay, and should be covered by our medicare card) my mum asked them why. And they said something like "in case". But i think they didn't explain anythign properly to my mum. So they took her card, did something with it and gave it back.

But ANYWAY, afterwards, after i was discharged, a letter was sent to us DEMANDING over 200 000 dollars AUD!! Apparently, they logged me in as a private patient (now why would I be a private patient, when I was on the public hospital programme, and did not receive any special treatment compared to other patients, nor did I have my own private room, or private doctors etc. etc.) And not only this, our private insurance wouldn't cover the cost for this anyway. (I can't remember why). SO. My parents called them many times. We went to the hospital, walked around trying to find the right people we were supposed to talk to many times. Spent a long time trying to explain to them what was wrong. AND every time they said, "don't worry! we'll fix it and we'll call you back/send you a letter!"

AND EVERY TIME, we got no feedback, and a month later, ANOTHER letter demanding money. And then afterwards, on maybe our 4th attempt  of trying to fix it up, demands of taking this matter to court etc. !! WE WERE SOO ANGRY!!! I mean, they already get a lot of money: each APPOINTMENT as an outpatient costs over 100 dollars (though our insurance covers this). ARGH.

So i was like drowning in self-guilt at the same time as being extremely angry.

And on our last attempt my dad went to see them himself and was extremely extremely angry . AND i think it's settled now. I HOPE.

They havn't sent us a letter in a while!!! Which is good, meaning they're not asking for money anymore.. but I WOULD think they would have bothered to send a confirmation letter, so that we could be sure, and not worry about that tiny possibilty that a letter is still coming our way demanding a fortune.

Oh my, I said this was gonna be quick, but I've rambled!

omg. ok i am quite sure i have missed otu on page and pages of posts. !! i feel really guilty but i'm quite busy! i dont think i'll be replying to many posts in the near future.

ANYWAY i wanted to say holbee & fallingstar: I BOUGHT THE MULTIGRAIN WEETBIX! YUMYUMYUM :)

YES. yesterday i went to docs. and i havnt gained ANY WEIGHT (EXACTLY NO WEIGHT) in 4 weeks. and (yes.. i admit) I HAVE BEEN COUNTING MOST DAYS FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS. and i've been eating at around 2200,2300 at least. so yes. must increase eh?

ANYWAYS. i got my bone scan, blood test results back. and apparently:

• my hormone levels are low
• my thyroid levels are low (does anyone know what that does/mean exactly)
• my bones have gotten A LITTLE thinner/smaller and lost calcium (but they should have GROWN in this time).. i don't understand because i eat a LOT of dairy. i get at least 1000mg most days. more usually 1200-1500mg.
• hahha: the doctor seemed quite confused and i was quite happy because apparently ive put on a large proportion of muscle. ... i dont know what he means by large though haha.
• my body fat percentage is low.. though im not sure what he means by low either haha. what IS an ideal body fat percentage range? (not BMI)

SO. Are there any particular foods to eat to increase hormone levels? or is it just a matter of eating and eating and eating some more? Haha.

Well anyway, yesterday I went out to the city. And I felt sortof gross but proud of myself: I had icecream (that new streets MOO with 300mg of calcium. and it tastes nice and creamy :) it looks so cute too. oddly-shaped with brown and white splotched like a dairy cow.. ) and then mum decided we had dinner (i had mixed feelings, but was happy in the end coz i was starving at the time).

and i ordered a seafood noodle soup. MASSIVE BOWL right. and it looked a lot of veggies at the top and some prawns and calamari and stuff floating about. but hidden underneath was like A WHOLE MASSIVE CLUMP of egg noodles. LIKE seriously, i mean seriously i think there was a whole packet of noodles in there. like 400g? yeh if it was that woulda been like 700 calories right there just in the noodles.

BUT i ate it all. AND i didnt even say to my mum LOOK HOW MANY NOODLES THEY GAVE ME, even jsut to show her how much i ate. I ATE IT FOR MYSELF!! NOT TO MAKE MY MUM PROUD OR ANYTHING (well maybe a tiny bit ahha)

AND THEN. we went out

AND WE PASSED GELATISSIMO. and i was SO FULL. but me and my sister looked at each other and my mum was like, do you want icecream?

and then i spotted these mini cones called BAMBINO cones, so we decided to buy one of them each. I had raspberry, and my sister had mango. It wasn't until i started eating it did i realise it was covered in coloured white chocolate. AND i DETEST white chocolate, even if it wasnt calorific. and ED was considering in the back of my head, drop the cone! drop it, don't eat it! you've eaten enough today! BUT i resisted. I ate it all even though I didn't like it. :) though i regret it now, and reckon i should have just gotten a scoop. woulda tasted wayy better. haha.

AND AFTERWARDS when we got home. i went upstairs to watch tv. but ended up falling asleep at like 9pm coz i was so tired (i usually sleep at 11pm, and past week ive been waking up at 5-6am for some reason...) In the morning i woke up at 6am AGAIN. Had breakfast. But was still tired and you know what? I ACTUALLY WENT BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN. even though it was just for an hour. but normally i NEVER go back to sleep after waking up ESPEECIALLY if ive had breakfast already.

oohhyeh. then after breakfast i had an extremely oily fried dumpling. i feel bad about that one though. coz my mum didnt make the dumpling personally. so i have no idea what they put in it exactly.

ANYWAY sorry for the longg long post. i just felt like sharing with someone! and you guys are the only people who understand what a big deal tihngs that seem so small can be to me! well i hope you do hehe.

dana: you're eating way too little fats! fats are especially important to people recovering from EDs, and it is advised that normal people have about 20% fat in their diet; you are WAY below that! maybe cut out a bit of protein and replace it with good fats; nuts/nut butters/avocado etc.

holbee: I was smiling the WHOLE way thorugh your post! Haha =) You inspire me so much tehe, you seem so happy and bubbly and honest too =). You definitely sound like your enjoying life atm haha :D which is what we should all be doing haha. And wow, sounds like you have a good relationship with your bf :). OH and i love your dp! You look BEAUUUUUTIFUL :D so happy and pretty :) haha and the guy with you seems so stoned haha.

OH. just wanted to say. I had takeaway pizza for dinner today with no restricting at all through the day (i knew i was having pizza fro dinner, which i guess stopped me frmo panicing as i MIGHT have), including restricting fat amounts etc. :D

YAY. i have holidays now!! (i'm guessing you too, holbee and fallingstar)anyway! weather getting warmer too here!! yay. no more freezing my ass off. AND MAYBE BEACH!! off to manlyy like you said aussiegirl!

hmm. news for me: i've gotten asked to my year 10 formal, ironically, by this extremely skinny guy (like his bmi is like 16 and he is 183cm tall!!). and i said  yes ( as friends ) but i think he likes me.. he keeps being extremely nice to me.. to the point of TOO NICE. like he tries to do all my work for me even when i say no >_<;; he tried to sign me up for some random thing sports coaching thing, and keeps asking me to sign up for other things? its getting a bit frustrating. i know its not his fault but its kind of getting annoying - should i just confront him? He asked me about a week ago so that part isnt really new news. i'm freaked out about wearing a dress though ahha, i havn't worn one out since yr 3, besides my  school uniform.

oh. and the girl in the grade below me i was talking about before.. has been sent to hospital. i guess, inevitably i saw that coming :( All the best to her. It's the best thing for her at the moment i think =).

OH. and quite disturbing.. one of my friends (also in the grade below me) was violated yesterday!!! a boy in her grade was putting his phone up her skirt on the bus taking photos!! i told her to report it to a PE teacher coz its so serious!! i mean, if he continues like this, what will he do when he's an adult?!!! it's quite disturbing. apparently the vice principal will be calling up his parents... my friend is extremely freaked out

agruskin: my bmi is erm high 16s i think

holbee: aussie too eh? and if i'm not mistaken, weet-bix is 50 cal each (100 cal per serving which is 2) so you're probably overestimating.

xfallingstar: YO! im from sydney too!! :) . is fruitybix good? i always see it on the shelves but i've never actually bought it ..

Okay, so I am going to try e

YESTERDAY

BREAKFAST: Oats (30g rolled oats, 220ml skim milk, sliced strawberries). Slice of wholegrain toast. Cannelini and green baby lima beans in a mild chilli sauce (w. diced red capsicum and carrots) microwaved with baby spinach, mushrooms and mozarella cheese. YUMMM :). Half a grapefruit.

SNACK: One cup of soy milk, Be Natural honey and nut trail bar, Granny smith apple

LUNCH: Subway 6 inch roast chicken sub on wheat bread, Large Gloria Jeans skim latte, 5 almonds

SNACK: Strawberry and pomegranate yoghurt, Kiwi fruit, 3 cracked pepper Vita Weats, 3 almonds

SNACK: One cup soy milk, weet-bix, microwaved egg white with cracked pepper and baby spinach

DINNER: Half a grapefruit,
WENT OUT TO RESTAURANT (CAFE DE MACAU): white rice, very nice lamb hotpot with  (i usually don't like lamb), beef steak with wasabi sauce (my first ever steak.. no kidding.. and it tasted like pork!?!), and some other nice dishes. I was pleasantly surprised. I expected the dishes in particular, the hotpot dishes to be very salty and taste the same as other restaurants. But it wasn't!

And proud of myself; ate foods that I have never eaten before, and didn't really want to eat. And found they tasted nice. :)

Next time I go there I want to try the grilled teriyaki chicken. This time I went with my cousin and his girlfriend so they picked all the dishes, thus they were not the "healthier" options I would I have chosen myself. But it's all good :D

gibbit: wow, chocolate pasta, that sounds interesting !

agruskin & aussiegirl: yes i am maintainingon whatever i'm eating. i have no idea how much i eat for dinner.. but i estimate i eat about 2200 calories. more yesterday i think coz i went out for dinner

aqua: aw, i hope you cheer up today.  (: i often feel the need to drink tons of water too  =\ btu i hate feeling uncomfortably full as well.

oh dear.. i gtg

will post yesterday's food later.

ok. first foodies in a while

• B:
  Wholegrain toast w/ thin spread of ricotta and blueberry jam
  All the raisins from a fruit muffin (the actual muffin was gross and dry.. )
  Chocolate oats made with 2 scoops chocolate sustagen powder
  At least 6 almonds (caught myself counting and so stopped)
• S:
  Oats again xD (made with 200ml nutrient fortified soy milk)
  4 sesame vitaweats
  An apple
• L:
  Toasties made with; 3 slices of wholegrain bread, 1-2 tbspns of mozarella, chicken breast, tomato, cucumber, lettuce, mushrooms, ground chilli
  A few slices of sweet potato, few almonds
• S:
  200ml skim milk
  9 grain english muffin
  Kiwi fruit
• S:
  Like a quarter of a whole watermelon LOL. (coldd and juicy (:)
  It was soooo good. yesterday was the hottest day in like a year !! i think winter is FINALLY over! no more heaters YAY.
• S:
  Mandarin, some pear, couple of strawberries, more watermelon ahhaa
  200ml skim milk w 1 weetbix
• D:
  A bowl of jasmine rice (im iffy about this)
  "Seaweed soup" with lean pork and seaweed of course.
  Stir-fried bok choy
  A couple of almonds
• S: TODAY IS MOONCAKE FESTIVAL. but yesterday i had..
  Half a mocha-flavoured "snowy" mooncake.
  These are sooo good!!
  I HATE normal mooncakes. especially as they have salted egg yolks in them.
  These mooncakes have a thin wrapping of glutinous rice flour (it's white instead of  that rich pastry kinda stuff). It's sortof i guess like mochi.
  And then inside theres many different fillings (in our freezer we still have red bean, mango, strawberry, blueberry) not traditional i know but the mocha one was DELISH.
  Ohyeh. I forgot to mention. You keep them in the freezer. And you take them out to defrost for 10 minutes before eating. It's sorta icecreamy-ish but not. :)

Haha. Actually i'm quite proud of myself. I ate that right before i went to bed. :D And i was telling myself. I'll just slice a little bit to try. BUT. i ate all of it :D

wow, this thread is so quick paced.ok ill try reply as best as i can (i might forget some, but i've read them all this time!)

agruskin: im 169-170cm. so i think thats 5 "6-5"7??no idea. and now about 48kg (106 pounds?). i was 82 pounds when i was checked into hospital a year ago O_O. i still can't believe i was that light!!. anyway, im afraid that i might've lost some weight in teh past 2 weeks but luckily i dont see docs for a while :D so i can fix that up.
sounds like you did well in your interview! you sound so much more confident , and isnt it GREAT when food doesnt pop up in your mind in the middle of everything.
ohyeh. i'm15 1/2 yrs old in case you wanted to know that too.

fhchicky4: good job on the french toast and icecream!!.  i have never ever had french toast before!!

toasttoasttoast:oh good luck for your final exams when they come up :D im sure you'll do well.

gibbit: wish you all the best!! i wonder what its like!? i live in sydney so i have never ever experienced anything like that before. haha and i can be possessive with my food too haha. like when i make my sandwiches in the morning for school - - NO THATS MY BREAD!! why did you use my bread?! theres a whole loaf in there.
hahaha then i realise how stupid i sound.
ohh. and same same with the changing tastes. i seriously dont have the urge or desire to eat fried foods anymore. but i feel obliged to eat them , for fear my mum will start lecturing and before you know it a fight will erupt =_=

aussiegirl: ooh. psychology sounds interesting. i've been wondering what i wanna do later in life too. what are you studying right now? oh and i SORTOF feel your pain. i'm having the opposite (bowel problem wise). though i think yours is probably much more painful >_< keep eating though!! don't let it hinder you too much.

charliebo: what is Ezekiel bread? is it just a brand? everyone seems to list it here.

likear0ck: eek. im like that too. im either unhappy for eating too little. or unhappy for eating too much. but i try to go to sleep. and forget what happened the day before. so if i ate more, i wont restrict the next day. hasnt worked evrytime though!

hmm. not much good news on my friend. i had a long talk with her though when she was resting in the sick bay feeling sick. but i think shes ignored it/pretended we never talked. but i cant blame her :(. i was probably similar (except minus the long talk. just denied having an eating problem when confronted)

ahh. im hungry. off to lunch!