Posts by yoon2

breakfast
Spring Mix Salad with Chicken Breast
High Protein Pita with Bacel
Frozen Fruit Mix (Kiwi, Peach, Grape, Strawberry, Mango, Cantaloup, Honey Dew, Pineapple)
Snack
 Veggie Sticks with Herb & Garlic Cream Cheese (Carrots & Celery sticks)
Lunch (on the go)
Chocolate Mint Clif Bar with Black Tea, Oranges
Snack
Oranges
Dinner
Spring Mix Salad & Steamed Butternut Squash with home-made Sesame Oil Dressing
Frozen Fruit Mix with PC Fibre First Cereal
Snack
Larabar (Apple Pie)

coldthindream, I thought when I read your last post that the problem was not ED but something deeper-rooted. I suffered depression for about 5~6 years (pre-ED) and I felt like I was strapped and there was no way out. I felt like there was no one to talk to, nothing I tried seemed to work, and no matter how hard tried life just didn't get better. I felt so alone all the time and soon my feelings became numb until life had no meaning. I was just existed but wasn't "alive".

I'm not saying that you're suffering from depression, but I think you need to look deeper into the real "problem" not the ED. What I learned from my therapist when I first started seeing her for my depression was that anger was a secoundary emotion, many times to cover when we truly felt, whether it be sadness, shame, confusion...etc. Please know that professionals CAN help you, and things CAN get better, but maybe the focus right now should not be ED itself. Most of all, please remember that there are still people who believe in you and have not given up on you - everyone on this forum and I sure haven't!

todpire - I was surprised to find that there were so many people suffering from relapse when I came back to this forum as well. (I stayed away from internet for a while to avoid calorie calculation..) Maybe change in weather has to do something with it? I'm in Canada and the weather is DREADFUL nowadays. I heard lack of sunlight can make you feel depressed.. But I'm definitely with you on revery. I'm SO DONE WITH ED!!! Ugh!

etoile.

I posted a reply on your previous post about my experience so please know that it is not uncommon for anorexics to go through binges while recovering. I felt like a piece of trash while my binges were happening like you do right now. It was SO triggering and I wanted to starve myself and actually give up the fight against ED. I was SO bloated I couldn't button my shirts and I felt REALLY uncomfortable. But Etoile, please know that IT WILL PASS. Give your deprived body sometime to adjust to the newly introduced nutrients. If you can, it is the best to stay away from the scale. While your body is trying to adjust, there's NO WAY the scale can tell you your accurate body weight. For instance, your tummy may look pregnant from all the binging, but your wrist is probably as thin as it used to be, right? The number on the scale is SO deceiving. Don't let it ruin your recovery!

It was hard for me to go through the binging stage as well (there was a day when I ate like 5 doughnuts in one sitting - more doughnut that I had my entire life) but I assure you, IT WILL PASS. If you restrict again, your body will be confused even more and you will face more horrible binging in the future. To tell you the truth, the food craving you're having right now is not even binge - they're more like re-feeding.

So be strong, hang in there! You can do this!! Trust me hon, the binging WILL NOT stay with you forever. You were strong enough to take the first step to recovery, and I'm sure there's strength in you to step forward:)!!!!

Hi all,

I'm here today to celebrate MY FIRST PERIOD IN 1 YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, TOM came tonight, and I haven't had that visit for over a year. YEAH!!!!!

Recently I've decided that I was too thin and decided to gain some weight and upped my calories A LOT (500+). in a few weeks I sure did gain, and I felt miserable. I didn't know how to cope with all the extra meat on me (especially because it was all around my tummy - I couldn't even button my shirt!!)
Now that a few weeks have gone by, it's distributed a little more (mainly around my thigh and upper arm) and I felt whole lot better, and even enjoyed a slightly more curvious leg:) (instead of two wiggly sticks)

AND TONIGHT, quite unexpectedly, my period came back.
It's a sign that I'm at my healthy weight, right?
My journey wouldn't have been the same without you all, and I just wanted to thank you all for your inspirations. Gosh, I feel GREAT:)!!

carmen, similar thing happened to me too quite recently.. about 3 weeks ago. I didn't purge, but I ate A LOT of food in such a short period of time (maybe 1 hr?) I ate more food during that time than I had for the entire day! I felt like I was in a trance as well while I was stuffing myself.. I didn't purge only because I knew what it can do to your body (human bio major. ha!)..
For about 2 weeks afterwards, I did A LOT of chewing+spitting in the toilet. It was awful. But I think my body needed to go through it to keep me from dying! I did gain some weight because of the crazy eating episodes and was scared to death because I was moving away from anorexia to bulimia, but my eating went back to "normal" after 2 weeks and I've lost 90% the weight I gained during the past week (I don't think it was weight anyway. Probably water..)

Maybe you needed some good fat and/or carb (if your body demanded pizza?)? Or maybe you're retricting too much and your body needs is overpowering your will power?? And if you can, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't purge.. It can do A LOT of damage to your body, and certainly can sabotage your recovery.. I too still have certain foods I just can't seem to have, and I just stay far far far away from them. I know if I get the food in my system, I will be petrified and that will be my downfall (they are not healthy foods anyway).

Don't worry TOO MUCH about it - you're not alone. Little steps at a time, right:)? Don't linger on that little side track and move forward! You've come so far! You can do it!

coldthindream, I also had a CRAZY chocolate craving for about two weeks aver a week ago. I think I ate more chocolate during those two weeks than I had my entire life lol. I think I ate chocolate every meal and snack!

Just wondering, what type of sweetener do you use? I can't seem to use them - they all taste all werid to me, especially splenda..:(

Carmen, I too have a family-friend and they NEVER eat veggies - only TONS of meat. Not necessarily deep fried or fatty meat, just A LOT of meat. Sometimes My mom and I go grocery shopping with the mom, and we buy some meat together. She'd buy 3 times more than what we'd buy, and they'd finish it within days while we keep it in the freezer to be consumed over a few weeks. Yikes!!
But strangely, all the females in that family is overweight, while the males look sort of underweight... (I HATE the fact that a lot of my guy friends usually NEVER GAIN ANYTHING no matter what they eat!!)

Linny, I too eat little bits of things ALL DAY. I feel like a sheep grazing on the grass all day long lol. When I was gaining weight super fast, I ate what came to my mind whenever I wanted, and that was pretty much every hour or two. Right now I have this bizzare eating pattern: I eat a very satisfying breakfast at around 7:30AM which holds me until around 11:30AM~12PM. Then I eat lunch, only this time I eat just small amount of whatever I want to grab..then I start grazing all day long. lol. I had to go away for a week on a trip as well where I could only eat 3 meals/day as it was provided to us from the hotel. At first I was STARVING because I couldn't eat in between meals (and this was the time when I eating practically every hour). So I ended up saving a few toasts and jam/peanut butter from the breakfast bar and have it as snack. Whenever I saw fruits I grabbed them and kept it with me so that I don't faint with hunger before dinner..hahaha. I ended up losing a few pounds after the trip, but gained it back after about a week. I don't think changing the type of food in your diet would matter much. I mean when you break it all down, they're all simple ions/electrolytes/micronutrients, right? I guess as long as they are balanced, it shouldn't matter. But you probably want to keep a few things here and there like cass877 said. Good luck!

Breakfast
Baked Sweet Potato
Salad - Turkey Ham, Lettuc, Grape Tomatoes
Lunch
Apples
All Bran Cereal
Boiled Sugar Snap Peas
Snack
Kiwi Fruits & Apples
Dinner
Baked Sweet Potato
Sweet Grape Tomatoes and Noodles with Cilantro Raita
Carrots
Snack
Cereal Mix (Multigrain Cheerios, Kashi GoLean, Kamut Puffs)

Hi,

It's been a long time since my last post.. I don't even know if any of you remember me.. haha. I'm doing great with my recovery, and I've even hit 1600~1700cal/day:)

I have a question I'd hoped some of you could answer. Recently, I've been having PMS-like symptoms WIHTOUT the period. I crave sweets, starchy food, and fatty food. I've never experienced the craving this strong, even before ED. The other day, I sort of lost myself and I think I consumed about 3000cal (or MORE. I'm not sure since I don't count anymore). This was last Sunday, and since then, I can't seem to stop eating. I've never had a binging problem and I feel like I'm getting one now. I never liked sweets, but now I just feel like I NEED them. Yesterday I had 1/3 container of full-fat choco-mocha-almond icecream. I've never had this kind of craving, not this intense even before ED.

I'm worried that this sort of craving will persist and I will just become a big giant ball of fat..:( Anyone with an advice or with a same experience?!

Breakfast
PC Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with Light Strawberry Cream Cheese
Steamed Snow Snap Peas
Snack
Cereal Mix (Kashi GoLean + Kamut Puff + Multigrain Cheerios)
Fuji Appke
Lunch
Cooked Pearled Barley with Bean Stew
Fish Roll
Taro Pudding
Snack
Reese Wafer Bar

I don't know what I will have for dinner yet.. Maybe salad?

 

Original Post by charming_imy27:

yoon2 - Oh!! How bad is anorexia?? I think the only thing that keeps me away from asking the nurse for a thorwing up pills in a parrt of me know that starving myself will NOT make me loose weight and I could become MUCH fatter if I do so...

 

ED is a serious illess and there's nothing fancy about that. If you ask me how "bad" it is, it's just as bad as every other illness, maybe worse because YOU are killing yourself, not some other pathogen. If you're getting excited about ED, I think you need to seek help.