Posts by irishdancer365

On the brightside, there was no swimming today - only a sub and a video that  no one payed attention too :].

Still ate more, though. It gave me a stomache :/, but I DID it.

Now, I must tackle dance, hopefully get through that one.
Only because I haven't gone in two months for hehem -unknown- hehem reasons, and my butt will be getting severely whipped. Crossing fingers its the good teacher.

Hope you are all okay, thank you all for your replies <3

lala,

Thank you for your always quick and helpful replies <3

I have thought of bringing it up with the school, however, I would be much more comfortable to not be looked of upon as different, with special treatment, and monitors all around me to make sure I do this, I don't want special treatment or sympathy from my teachers.

While, ED is still in my head, I'm learning to make the adjustment back to the rational part of my brain. I refuse to let swimming to be justification for anything. However, I do know to be extra careful on those days to get more calories in so I don't loose any more weight.

I suppose this may sound stubborn in not wanting to take it up with my school. While my health is important, my mental health is too, and I found that with people constantly watching me (even more then they are now) I get very upset. I have found that telling my parents to let me do this, and not have them calculate every more, just push me back when I need it, I am much more sucessfull.

Does that make sense?
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Thank you to everyone <3
I know that I NEED to do this, and if I don't like it, well I will simply need to get over and learn to like it, and hopefully myself too.

As for today, well, I tried. I, unfortunatly, didn't push myself as hard as I wanted.
(I think the nutritionist gave up with exact meals just makes me need to get to x amount of calories with as much fat as possible)
Unforunatly, I haven't been good the past weeks, and went back to lying about what meals I ate, kept skipping lunches, etc.

Today, I had my cereal (2 cups, skim milk - yes, I shouldn't have skim, but since I grew up with it, whenever I have whole milk I get the worst stomache aches ><).
Throughout the day I finally got the courage to nosh on my peanut butter sandwich (4 tbsp. of pb, 2 natures promise whole wheat bread) that I have thrown out since, ever :/.

AND, for dinner, I pushed myself - not my mom bothering me - to have some pizza.

Okay, so not a lot, and not even slightly near what I should be eating - but, I am trying, this is double what I use to eat :/, and I WILL be healthy, I just need to increase day by day.

I've got to do this. I will be healthy. I will have stamina. I will be able to focus. I will get rid of my anxiety. I will be social. I will enjoy my life. I will.