Posts by laura916

i also can't begin to fathom how painful life has been for you.  i'm so sorry this has been such a long and dark journey for you.  asking for help is such a strong move.  how incredible.

i'm not going to advice you on the ECT treatment because i think your doctors are the only ones qualified to help you decide how to proceed.  i will suggest, though, that you and your parents see if you can find an adolescent dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy) program in your area.  unfortunately, they are very common and it may be difficult to find an outpatient program.  there are more options for inpatient and i think you would meet criteria for most programs based on your level of suicidality.

good luck.  keep fighting for this. 

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by laura916:

Original Post by amethystgirl:

And then there's always the one poster who thinks that everyone is just being too hard on the OP, thereby validating everything the OP is hoping is true.

Now that you mention it, I do think everyone is agreeing a bit TOO strongly with GI Jane.  Maybe there's a little LESS merit to what she's saying? 

I'm not quite sure what you mean...? If I don't agree with Jane, I'll post it, but in general, she takes more time and consideration with her responses than I could.  Especially when it comes to ED posts, where I'm all too tempted to simply write "Stop hurting yourself!"... so I just flag the thread.

edit: when I mention "OP" in my earlier post, I meant a theoretical OP, not Jane. Just in case that was the confusion.

oops...oh dear.  i was just joking--making a play on your post in the reverse for this thread.  sorry for the misunderstanding (as per my other post, i agree with her as well)

I think part of the frustration is that many posts that are ED-related receive responses that are intended to direct the poster toward healthier behaviors.  These responses are often met, in turn, with defensiveness and anger (which are typically a symptom of the disorder itself).  The result is that the post is unproductive for everyone involved.  It's the same idea of using therapy as a means of catharting--many people think it "feels good," but research strongly suggests it does absolutely nothing to make people better.  

I'm going to leave this be, because it IS frustrating to see how badly you need help and how little you're willing to rearrange your life to get it. 

And digestive issues ARE functioning as a game for you, Bethany.  You've used it as a reason for not adding fat to your breakfast (because that makes you have to go when it's not convenient) and now you're using it as an excuse to continue with physical activity (so that you can be regular).  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm not saying this to be critical and I'm guessing you've already come up with 5 or 6 "reasons" why you're "right" and I don't understand your specific situation.  But the truth is that right now YOUR mind is not your friend.  It's an ally of your ED.  And so long as you continue to let it make decisions for you, you will be stuck. 

Where did you find snarkiness in my response?  I wasn't trying to be snarky or dismissive.  I know how much you're struggling and, frankly, it's heartbreaking to see.  I want you to get better--to get your life back so that you can be the mother, wife, and strong woman that you are.  And, I know that in order to do that you need to find the kind of help that will lead to real change....not just "feel better in this moment" kind of change.  You deserve more than this.  If you're really struggling to find a therapist, there ARE resources.  It may mean readjusting things in your life, but sometimes that's exactly what you have to do to get better.  I'm not dismissing any of this as easy.  I'm just trying to make a strong point about the level of care that you need. 

my concern is that "successfully" and "ok" mean hearing that people have stopped exercising and not lost control over eating to the point where they gained a lot of weight.  if that's not what you mean, i'm open to hearing differently. 

there is nothing about this process that is or will be easy.  it will be painful. you will struggle with thoughts and fears about weight gain.  your emotions will run amok. 

AND considering you have all of the above even when you're not being healthy....you might as well work on getting healthy because it means you can rejoin your life in a way that is truly vital.  you can absolutely do this.  but it means tolerating the reality of gaining weight.  i've read a lot of your posts and usually they are about getting some kind of reassurance.  reassurance would be great if it lasted more than five minutes.  the problem is that it's no cure for anxiety.  it's hardly even a bandaid.  so, what you need now is NOT reassurance...it's to start the work of making this journey EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ANXIOUS.  needing to feel OK about it will just leave you stuck in this place for a long time.  it will not feel OK.  and it's worth it.

i think you need to be in treatment.  you've been trying to do this on your own and it's not working.  this makes sense, because it's a HUGE task and you have a super full life with a husband, kids, and school.  logic is not going to work right now because it hasn't worked for the past x months when you've been doing so much damage to your body.   can you find help?  you need to be seeing a medical doctor and a therapist at minimum.  there are community mental health centers that operate on sliding scales.  you need to start SOMEWHERE.  you're not taking care of yourself and it appears that you're not willing to do so until you can be reassured that you won't get fat.  so long as that remains your primary goal (i.e., not being fat), you will not be healthy.  there is no way to both recover from an ED and hang onto the fear of being fat at the same time.  so you need to start with that fear and i think you need professional help to do so.  it's a tall task.  you DESERVE this care.  i urge you to find the resources in your area.

I'm also dropping in for a quick hello.  I've been totally buried in work, not having much fun, and not having much to report.  But...I wanted to say hello.  I leave for the conference in NYC on Thursday AM.  I'm excited for the trip, but not for the work leading up to it. 

Sara: You sound like you've been really busy.  I know you go to rehearsals regularly...when does your show open?  I've only been skimming the posts, but I read what you shared about your weight gain and loss.  It sounds like a tough situation, because you ate with your friends and had fun, but then gained some weight and didn't like that.  For what it's worth, you're still really thin and young.  When you get older, it's normal to gain some weight.  I think you're still undereating for your age and activity level.  There's no reason why you and Chrissy, who is 8-9 inches shorter than you, should be eating the same amount of calories to maintain.  When you joined the group, you were interested in increasing your cals some, but I don't think you've been doing that?  I want to encourage you to continue with that plan.  I can't begin to understand the pressures of appearance that come along with acting and performing, because I've never really taken part in much of that.  That being said, I would hope that it never becomes something that contests with being healthy.  So, I want to encourage you to resume your orientation toward becoming healthy.

Eva:  Congrats on being done!!!  Woohoo!!  That must feel great.  Well done on committing to eating more.  I'm glad your nutritionist supported that advice.  Indonesia, eh?  I have a friend who went there for almost three weeks in August and LOVED it.  Would you go with friends?  I bought FOUR cans of pumpkin yesterday and thought of you!  Have you been able to stick to the 2500 plan? 

Karey:  I'm sorry your trip ended with getting sick!  That really sucks.  I agree 100% with your assessment of Vegas.  I only went for two nights and I was soooo ready to come home by the second night.  My bf keeps asking me when we're going to go back and I say "we were JUST there."  He likes to gamble, so I'd watch him play black jack and just get free drinks because it looked like I was playing.  When his money ran out (which was very quickly), we just SIT at the slots machines---not even playing--and get free drinks whenever the waitresses came by.  It was so sad.  I hope you're able to get back and find your routine soon.  I'm glad you're allowing yourself to ease back into things.  My shoulder is about 85% recovered from last week. My chiro reset it, which was SUPER painful, but it helped.  I'm changing my lifting routine at the moment because the heavy heavy plan is a bit too hard on my body.  How are the animals doing?

John: A new bike??  How exciting.  And what a friend to drive you 100 miles to get it!!  Sheesh.  I've never eaten at  Mongolian bbq place before, but I've heard they are wonderful.  I found some scallops at the store on Friday marked 50% off because they were due that day.  They cost $2!!!!  God they were AMAZING.  I'm taking it as a preview to my big seafood dinner in NYC this Saturday.  Did you watch the Pats game last night?  What on EARTH was Bellick thinking?  That kind of craziness is what makes him a great coach and a horrible coach all at the same time.  And, in other sad news, what the heck is going on with my Celtics?  And your Lakers?  Tough sports weekend.

Debra: It sounds like you're doing really well.  I love the goal of making weight just part of your life, rather than the center...especially since your life sounds like it's filled to the brim with wonderful people and activities.  Has sugar re-entered your life?  Is it mad at you for banishing it?

Chrissy: Did you continue with your baking ventures over the weekend?  How is school going?  I won't hear back about my applications until mid-December--thanks for checking in about that.  You asked a while ago what was fun about the wedding I went to.  I like my bf's friends (who were at the wedding), so it was fun to see them.  The alcohol facilitated most of the fun, though...until it became too much fun. I'm sorry work at the gym continues to be a source of stress for you.  That really sucks.  I think my advice would be to make your decision based on what works best for you, rather than based on how other people are making you FEEL.  You get to choose how you feel about yourself.  If you stopped working because your boss and/or coworkers aren't nice, you're choosing to let their behaviors make decisions for you.  If working at the gym is a good thing for you, then continue, even if the personalities there aren't super charming.  I think it could actually be a good opportunity to practice tolerating the feeling that people "don't like you."  I'm not saying these people actually don't like you....I'm saying that it could be an opportunity for you to learn how to live in situations where your mind says "they don't like me."  How can YOU show yourself some respect here?  Don't let yourself be bullied by those thoughts.  Choose your own path.  With regard to your cals, awesome idea to bump them up.  Two weeks is NOTHING though.  Absolutely nothing.  My advice?  Bump 'em and don't start weighing yourself for a month.  Even then, give it TWO months at least.  You've been eating less than 2000 for a long time.  Your body will need a chance to reset it's energy expenditures and it may take more than a month.  Awesome, awesome work though.  I support you 100% in this.  

My hamstring continues to improve, though it's not at 100%.  I'm shopping for a new weight lifting routine right now, which means I'll test out a few in the next couple of weeks and see which one I want to do.  I'm going to back off from trying to gain strength because my body is getting beat up from lifting so heavy.  The good news is that I DID improve my strength.  My bench press, deadlift, squats and should press all improved.  But onto something else now...

Have a great day!

i'm giving you feedback:

EAT MORE.

you need to be back in treatment.  if you can't figure out why, show your posts to your parents and therapist. 

you are 1) eating below what is healthy for a teen and 2) eating to lose weight when you are already at the minimum of what is healthy. 

your stance on EDs and your behaviors are, apparently, in contradiction.  i'm sorry you're still struggling with these issues.  you have not recovered. 

niffer: i actually have no power to keep anyone's posts off this site...only the power to consequent unhealthy posts with my response.  i'm sorry if my response to your post made you feel unhappy.  i'm not questioning your intentions.  however, your methods were not healthy and i felt strongly about pointing that out.  and that's not really a matter of opinion.  when you encourage someone to burn more calories than her body needs to maintain it's basic functions, that's not a healthy suggestion and it's not something that "works" to lose weight in a healthy fashion for ANYONE. so, my intention in responding was to point that out.  again, if that means i am picking a fight, then i'll own it. 

Original Post by tealparadise:

Original Post by laura916:

tealparadise: what kind of "violence" are you reading?  hyperbole much?  people are just telling her that there's no magic to losing weight. 

giabash: why does she NEED to up her exercise to 60 minutes 6 times a week?  she's only eating 1600 calories.  exercising a few days a week is great, especially for someone who is just starting out.  for someone who is compulsive about her exercise, however, i can definitely see why it wouldn't be enough.  thanks again for another "healthy" contribution. 

It's hard to see the violence when it's something you agree with.  You may be surprised to hear that your own post is pretty mean.

My official stance on calorie counting vs. atkins is that both are just belief systems like any religion.  People lose weight on Atkins and say that it's the only thing that has worked for them, people lose weight on CC and say that it is the only thing that has worked for them, both are probably right and there's no reason to get up in arms about it.  The explanation behind Atkins sounds just as legit as the one behind counting calories, and so even though  I've never  tried it, I'm not going to bash on people for doing  it.  In fact, I never bash on ANYONE for following a diet that I don't agree with.  (Okay, once I kind of snapped at some girl who was going to the gym 8hrs per day 7days per week, but I tried to do it kindly)

I especially never use my assumptions about someone's lifestyle, based only on what I've read on an internet forum, to discount their opinions.

maybe we just have different definitions of violence?  when i think of violence, i think of threat of physical--and sometimes emotional--harm.  telling someone that cutting carbs won't help her lose weight if she's not eating less than she's burning doesn't appear to be a threat in my mind.

what does seem threatening, however, is when people advise other people to engage in behaviors that could be unhealthy.  i make no assumptions about gia's exercise habits.  if you read her posts, she says openly that she engages in 90-120 minutes of cardio every single day, no matter what.  this included immediately following SURGERY to repair her colon, which was likely damaged as result of her eating habits.  the definition of compulsive exercise is exercising even when there are physical and emotional costs.  i'm not sure of a better example than this.  this is sad.  but what is disgusting, in my mind, is the way gia suggests that other people should engage in similar levels of compulsion as if her way of living is healthy.  is this a judgment?  absolutely.  but i'm willing to stand by it because i think this website should engage in the promotion of healthy behaviors.  gia's relationship with food--characterized by HER report (read her profile) by extreme restriction of entire food groups and excessive consumption of very low calorie foods despite the fact that she is visibly UNDER weight--is not healthy and nothing to be promoted on this website. 

hey guys!  quick hi to say that i'm alive.  i've been busy busy busy with work and trying to stay focused.  the wedding over the weekend was...er...too much fun and i spent all of sunday...recovering.  fun like that should not be had very often, if at all.  my stomach has been giving me problems since, but i'll accept it as punishment for misbehaving!  to make matters worse, the food at the wedding was yucky and i wanted to call debra to commiserate!  so maybe it's no wonder i relied on the alcohol for comfort.  :)  my hamstring is improving and i was able to run almost freely yesterday.  i'm still watching it carefully though.  i hurt my shoulder bench pressing on monday, however, so apparently i'm destined to be a disaster. :)

it sounds like everyone here is doing well. 

karey:i've just been skimming the post and it sounds like vegas has been fun!  i'm sorry the gym is such a rip-off, but congrats on making due.  your body may enjoy some time off from formal training for a while....it's good for it. 

chrissy, all your baking is making my hungry.  i don't like pumpkin pie but i love pumpkin flavor and your cheesecake with the brownie crust sounded yummy!  how did your lesson go last friday? i made pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes this past week (to nurse the hangover) and they really hit the spot!!  do you have the day off?

eva: well done on increasing the cals!  i'm glad you got this feedback from a professional as well.  you're so young and there's no reason why your body shouldn't be zooming through all those cals! i hope you enjoy the food and good luck wrapping up your exams!

sara: i'm glad you made it to the last volunteer session over the weekend!  your commitment is endearing.  when do you leave for thanksgiving?  how's the paper coming? 

john: gasol is totally a dinosaur.  did you see the footage of elizabeth lambert?  i used to be rather aggressive when i played field hockey and once got a card for it...but that was unreal!!  do you ever listen to npr?  frank deford did a commentary on bret favre this AM that was hilarious.  i noticed your huskers got a nice upset over the weekend.  but can we talk about the f-ing suns???!!!  i hope they slow down soon.  good match up tonight.  for your pie: do you make the pudding from the box? or do you buy it premade?  i'm going to nyc next week and one of my best friends is taking me to what she deems as the best seafood restaurant in the city.  i'll order seconds for...me...and think you while i eat them!

ok...gots to run.  hope everyone is doing well!!

Original Post by giasbash6260:

Doesn't seem like your calorie intake is high enough, but if you plan on increasing it you need to make sure you increase only the protein content.

 

It's wonderful that you strength train 5 days a week! Perhaps you could up your cardio a bit more... or up the intensity? Do you feel as though your work outs are easy now?

 

Oh and are you drinking your calories at all? Sometimes people forget that drinking calories can contribute to a weight loss stall!

 

Good luck girlie! While your at a healthy weight right now, I know what it feels like to not be happy with what you see in the mirror.

 

DISCLAIMER: I am not promoting anything - people can take or leave my advice.

giabash: stop talking out of both sides of your mouth.  you are telling her to both cut calories (via watching her consumption of liquid calories) and do cardio AND telling her she's not eating enough.  it doesn't make ANY sense.  and what rule is there that one should only increase cals via increasing protein? 

you ARE promoting a particular lifestyle, gia, by giving people advice.  your disclaimer is empty.  your attachment to excessive cardio and rigid patterns of eating, however, continues to bubble over even when you try to qualify it.  you're NOT providing helpful or healthy advice. and so long as this continues to be your contribution to this website, i will continue to post in response to your "advice."

and niffer: if the OP is only eating 1200 calories, she doesn't need to be working out a TON to lose more weight, especially since she's already at a healthy weight. 

I love scallops, but I also can't afford to eat the best all the time.  I've found the frozen ones at TJ's to be an acceptable alternative.  I wouldn't eat them raw, but they taste pretty good cooked and are very delicate like sushi grade.