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| Health & Support | Need a balance.....help please!!! | Nov 04 2009 19:56 (UTC) |
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Thankyou for your kind words - its really helpful knowing im not alone because noone around me seems to understand! When I was underweight, I could understand how exercising that much was bad for me but now im just into the "healthy bmi" zone i feel i should exercise as much as i can. I feel i have no excuse not to exercise and especially because i get so much enjoyment out of it. I feel happier knowing im now free on Friday so i can still fit in 3days this week but im already panicking that someone will ask me to do something and i wont have as much time. Im going to struggle abit for the rest ofthe night because my boyfriend has just gone to the gym and we usually go together! I "feel" moments when i realise im not being driven by exercise etc but i ruin it straight away because i feel"naughty" for forgetting about exercise. Itsa never ending cycle!xx |
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| Health & Support | Constant Food Thoughts | Oct 21 2009 13:50 (UTC) |
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Hi guys, Thankyou all so much for your responses, it helps just knowing that im not alone in these issues! Im getting better not thinking about them and perhaps im expecting too much too soon for it all to be "gone"! That was good advice about not doing anything associated with food - im in charge of the cooking now (which i prefer) but i keep looking for recipes to impress my boyfriend with but maybe for someone whos had anorexia, thats not the best thing! On another note, for the past month iv had alot on and its been so much easier without being concerned/ as obsessed/worried about food - i don't think iv eaten much more or exercised any less (apart from this week because iv been ill and not enough time), however now that things have slowed down i feel "fat" and "unfit" because i cant remember properly what iv been eating (i purposly have been trying to not care). I want to not keep track but im genuinely concerned about my weight - i want to keep slim and make a concious effort to keep on top of my diet and exercise (without restricting). I enjoy healthy food so you could never accuse me of eating unhealthy (and the same with exercise) but im worried about not "keeping up to my normal standard"....yes ok il admit it - im worried about losing control still slightly! Can anyone relate??!? xxx |
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| Health & Support | Don't know where to go from here....! | May 06 2009 19:10 (UTC) |
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Thankyou for ur responses... I dont like to look at it as recovery because all i want is to be normal so im tryin to live the way i want to for the rest of my life. \The thing is, my views etc have become so skewed that i dont know what is normal for me and i have no trust/respect/faith in myself. Since gaining, iv had comments that i look better and i know i do but sometimes i just cant take it - i dont want to lose weight again but i cant accept it. I look at old pics of myself and cry because i look so nice (at 20lbs heavier) but i feel like even if i got back to that id panic and think that im capable of weighing alot less. I just cant get my head around "heavier = better". Iv allowed myself to eat the chocolate i got for easter (a couple of bites a night) and got over any issues by saying to myself "its ok, u need to gain abit of weight". Now that iv gained some weight i feel like i "shouldnt" be having any bite of chocolate and there is no excuse to miss a gym session. Sorry if its long...all i want is to be normal ... xxx |
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| Health & Support | Help on my exercise addiction... | Mar 23 2009 18:22 (UTC) |
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Again, thankyou for your kind responses it is greatly appreciated. I really dont see that im THAT underweight and i feel like i eat enough to keep going for it to affect my period. I have gained a couple of pounds from my lowest....and i still had periods at my lowest. Im surpised at how well im doing with no exercise...but it scares me the fact that i never thought id sit here and have no interest in doing any. Im worried that il turn against it and never want to do it again and become lazy etc. How can i not have any muscle? How do i manage my running if my muscle has wasted? Im obviously going to gain weight by eating the same amount without exercise but i dont understand what "sort of weight" it will be? Is it fat or muscle? I used to be naturally muscly ... have i lost that forever now? Il admit that this is the longest iv gone without exercise for nearly 2 years(5days) but somehow (even with swollen tonsils and ear aches), im already feeling better. Iv got some emotions back i had lost and finding interest in things i "couldnt be bothered" with....is this due to relaxing? Thankyou all againxxxxxxxxxx |
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| Health & Support | Help on my exercise addiction... | Mar 21 2009 15:16 (UTC) |
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Thankyou all so much for your help, beleive me hearing people give me advise like that really helps me because i have huge self confidence issues and dont trust any of my thoughts or decisions anymore. I feel like i can do this and im quite excited to "change my life" but i know how unpredicatiable i can be and im terrified that after a few days of not exercising il "breakdown". I know there is noway of knowing how my body will change and where the weight gain will appear first but im so scared of becomming "wobbly". Iv always been naturally toned and muscly (and never needed to lose weight in the first place) but im scared iv messed my body up and im going to become "podgy". When do you reccommend i start exercising again? As for my period, im on the pill (never missed one, not pregnant) but for the past 4months iv hardly had any periods. I thought this might be to do with all my "issues" but i thought that the pill would make you have them regardless?? Thankyou all again for your support!
xx |
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| Health & Support | is it the execise making me feel ill? | Jan 05 2009 12:06 (UTC) |
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Thankyou for all your comments, i think its time to accept that im one of those people who needs a higher amount of food! Another question...Iv never been a great sleeper and struggled extremely when i was in the depths of my anorexia. Lately iv improved alot on my sleeping and feel better but iv noticed that the nights i dont sleep are the days when i have exercised. I know that if you exercise too close to going to bed you may not sleep but this happens even when i exercise at 10;00 in the morning!!
Does anyone have any thoughts? xx |
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| Health & Support | is it the execise making me feel ill? | Jan 04 2009 16:40 (UTC) |
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thankyou for the reply.. As far as im concerned now, i eat the same amount as everyone else: Breakfast: 1tbsp raisins, 1 of seeds, 1 of oats, 1 of sultanas and 2 of yogurt Lunch: 1 tortilla wrap or pitta bread with tuna salad Snack: Apple Tea: Whatever my family is having (ranges from fish, veg and rice - cottage pie - lasagne - chicken stir fry) Snack: 2 ricecakes or go ahead bar My boyfriend doesnt eat as much as that, nor do my friends so i dont get why im so ill...is it possible that me as an individual needs a high amount of food? I get hungry all the time even when everyone else is too full to move! Im starting to think that maybe i need to accept that i might require alot of food because it was only a couple of years ago that i ate the following everyday: Breakfast: big bowl cornflakes Morning snack: Slice of cheese on toast and hot choc Lunch: Sandwhich, crisps, goahead bar, banana Afternoon Snack: Flapjack bar (a jolly big one too!) Tea: Family tea, kitkat, sometimes ice cream Supper: 2 digestive biscuits and hot choc! I cant beleive i used to eat that much and i wasnt half as active as i am now! I went out for lunch today after the gym and tucked into soup, half a small roll, jacket tatty with prawns and coleslaw....that was only a few hours ago and im hungry again already!
xx |
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| Health & Support | Is this my fault....really struggling again! | Oct 23 2008 11:13 (UTC) |
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Thankyou for your replies.... gi-jane: I do have regular periods (although i am on the pill), the tissue in my eyes seems to be pink, i suppose that my skin is dull and sallow looking but this is why i cant accept that i m not well beause i dont think i look ill. I have been to the doctors and have had blood tests but im all fine...which tells me im not medically ill. bananee: i really appreciate and understand what you are saying but to me, i just think that thats all extreme and for someone eating 600cals a day and weghing at least a stone lighter than me. I dont want to carry on feeling like this for the rest of my life but i cant seem to change things when i know how too...why? How can i have 2 brains in my head?! I have the logical one that knows eating is required for health, doesnt see it as naughty or weak and wants to feel strong and healthy. Then there is the devil brain who sees me getting up at 5:15 to work 7-3 everyday then going to the gym for an hour 4times (sometimes 5) a week and managing it. The brain who says "this is how you have set your life now, this is how you have been living for awhile so this is you, everyone else can eat and not be greedy but your not like them". I feel like im going insane!xx
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| Health & Support | What happens next? | Jul 16 2008 09:16 (UTC) |
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Thankyou, my bmi is 18.5 but on the NHS website, it said that was healthy? Another question for you all to ponder over......SInce iv started putting weight back on i have been sweating immensly in the night! I wake up and i am literally soaking wet to the point where sweat is trickling down my legs! Its like someone has poured water all over me and my bed!! Has anyone else experienced this?! xxx |
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| Health & Support | i did it...! | Feb 08 2008 09:09 (UTC) |
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thankyou for your replies! i had a huge fruit smoothie last night too and some dried apricots but i did start to panic abit because i have no idea how many calories are in the smoothie! (it was made right in front of me on a stall but i couldnt calculate all the amounts of fruit quickly enough!). I know its healthy etc but i keep thinking of all the sugar! im taking small steps at a time and at the moment, im concentrating on having carbs with one meal a day...noodles with my stir fry tonight, mums making lasagne tomorrow, shes making a roast on sunday and im going to have a potatoe! i keep panicking about it occasionally but i know i have to take control over those stupid thoughts! oh and on another note i made a huge decision yesterday but its the right one...im leaving university! feel so relieved but abit confused too!! my depression and eating are getting worse being there, i need to be at home to sort myself out! hope you are all well and keeping up those positive thoughts! xxxxxxx |
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| Health & Support | Help..i dont know when im hungry anymore! How do i regulate my hunger?! | Jan 24 2008 20:37 (UTC) |
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i would love to see an expert but my doctor said that i can only get access to one if im in an eating disorders clinic and im not bad enough for that. if i had a professional directing me, i feel like i would listen. im meant to be having cognitive behavioural therapy (im on anti depressants) but im having trouble contacting the guy! (he is off sick!). i dont "feel" hungry but i cant stop thinking about food so when i tell myself i should eat and do, i could just kee going and going so i have to stop myself...is this a sign that i was actually hungry? on a different note, i keep having a tight/sore chest that really hurts...is that a sign of not eating enough? xxx |
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| Health & Support | Help..i dont know when im hungry anymore! How do i regulate my hunger?! | Jan 24 2008 16:45 (UTC) |
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thankyou for all your replies... it all makes sense! think im scared of feeling hungry because like you said iv trained my body so it feels naughty or "wrong" to be hungry and even naghtier to eat!! i dont really know what the answer is! im trying to eat more and listen to my body but im really finding it difficult to add bread, pasta, rice and potatoes back in! im actually scared of them now! i had a jacket potatoe when i went out for my meal last night and my stomach was so much more settled and less bloated. I know you need wholegrain/healthy carbs but they seem wrong to me to add back in! i confuse myself so goodness knows what you guys are thinking!!! xxx |
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| Health & Support | scared of food.. | Jan 20 2008 12:33 (UTC) |
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its so comforting to hear someone thinking like me....wish you lived near me(because noone else seems to undertsand!). im the same with recipie books etc too!! i spend hours researching new recipies online and love going into book shops to look at recipie books. I also love going food shopping (but hate it too) because i love looking at all the food id love to eat! Someone once suggested to me that it sounds like i dont like myself because going into a shop to look at all the choclocate etc and then walking away is a way of punishing myself. Hmm? Im trying not to let it affect my work and you should too, i try and use work as a distraction and im really trying to throw myself into it this term. But it has majorly affected my social life, i love my parents and friends comming to visit me a uni but i panick too because i know it involves eating "out of my norm". It has really upset my family and i feel bad but they have to understand its not my fault! As for the chest pains, i cant really explain it properly...sometimes abit tight feeling but then like getting nervous butterflies. Is that what you get? I think that maybe we need to alter our feelings and take a leaf out of little_butterfly's book by turning it round and feeling like we have lost control if we dont eat at least 1,200 (because thats the minimum we should be giving our bodies). Our bodies have done so much for us and we are abusing them and disrespecting them..perhaps we need to start appreciating them? Thankyou for the advice little_butterfly
xxxx |
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New journal post How to start weight training? by nefertiti 13:52 |
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New journal post December 2, 2009.. starting AGAIN.. by lisafigueroa 13:49 |
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kelism added behappy87 as a friend |
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erikalsiek added ari_mar as a friend |