Posts by crombiexbabe

i haven't been on this site in awhile either, triggered too much!

anyway, i started out at 125 lbs, 5'3 in may 2007. perfectly normal weight for my body. in august, i was 108. by december, 92 lbs.

after having gallbladder surgery last may at the age of 20, my i realized how much i had harmed my body. i slowly began gaining weight and got up to 120 in may of this year. now, i'm anywhere between 115-120, depending on the day. i'm much happier, and though i watch what i eat, i am nowhere near the obsessive and sick person i was.

i've had one, it's no big deal! they put you under anesthesia and you wake up feeling like 3 seconds had passed. your throat may feel a little dry/sore for the rest of the day, but it's really a quick and easy procedure!

Original Post by cx3_lalonde:

get over the fact that your not a 00 and you dont 'look' like you used to.  Im 5'2 and 184 lbs and I dont look it.  EVERYONE has a different body structure, but how you eat, your MENTAL HEALTH and your activity will affect that.  For instance, if your someone that only lazes around all youll have what I call the snow man shape.  However, if your someone that does total body workouts and eats properly for their body youll have an ideal figure.  However, starting at 123 to lose weight tells me that you have a body image disorder, and used an eating disorder as a way to gratify some unrealistic need.  Ive had that same problem, and actually went down to a size 8 before skyrocketting back up to almost a 14 in a few months.  If all yourweight is in your belly its probably because of stress.  If I had gotten that Ill from my eating disorder I'd be stressed to.  Your body will metabolize foods differently depending on what it needs and how your feeling.  Take it from someone that at one point wanted to end their life because of bullies picking on them over their weight that was compeltely out of their control, size isnt everything.  If your someone that reads a lot fashion magazines and watches tv, THROW THE **** OUT AND TURN OFF THE TV!!!! Its nothing but mindcontorling, brainwashing garbage.  You are what you are, it makes me sick that people are so obsessed with being thin and looking like something that isnt real. Do yourself a favour, start looking into bigger isuses in the world, like the fact that the power you consume to go to the gym, GO ON A CRUISE, drive a car, type on a computer, etc etc. is KILLING our planet.  Think about the fact that there are over a billion children living in poverty right now, who could only dream of eating your crash diet. 

Sadly, 20% of the world has the ability to live a flourishing, thriving life that will allow them to successfully pass on knowledge and culture to their offspring.  Your part of that 20%.  Start thanking God for that and get over the fact you can't fit into 00 jeans some poor child in a sweat shop made.  Start looking towards God every time you gain  a pound, because as you gain that weight your body needs to stay healthy theres a child dying of starvation so America can live its affluent luxurious life. 

Also know that if your trying so hard to lose weight when you dont need to lose weight (123 pounds - WAKE UP!!! You dont need to lose weight, you want to look like a magazine model that your not) Your compromising your immune system.  Think of your immune system as your body's army - if you dont eat healthy, which sometimes means maintaining a weight of a size 5 or so, your putting yourself at risk for disease.  Without proper nutrition and exercise (which doesnt always mean MORE exercise, sometiems means less) you will rewire your DNA, so your body will function differently and youll end up with diseases because it can't function normally anymore.

As to our bulgy issue, when you gain and lose weight rapidly through illness and an ED you will gain it back as fat first, often in your belly, back , and thights.  Your skin also increases its elastisity to allow for this, which is why fat ppl have stretch marks, because their skin has streched to far. 

From the way you describe your mental state, you sound like I used to.  What you need to do is forget everything you know about body image and what an ideal image is.  If your trying to attract a man, believe me, there are PLENTY of men.  Just be a real women and youll get one.  Get into adbusters and culture jamming, and youll see that every magazine, tv show, billboard, radio show, etc is nothign but commercial garbage.  Get over products, shopping, plastic, designer clothing, etc.  Its garbage.  Its to control you. Im a HUGE activist now and belive me, its that that saves you from your own insecurities.  No diet or exercise will help you anymore...just some good education.

Take my advice.  Adbusters.org, turn off the tv, buy nothing, etc etc.

cx3 - i understand you're only trying to help, but i really dont appreciate many of the comments you've made.

first - "get over the fact you're not a 00" - yeah, i'm working on that, thanks. i obviously know i'm not going to fit into a 00 anymore but it's TROUBLING to me when pants that i COMFORTABLY fit into 2 weeks ago - 0's - don't fit me this week.

i'm sorry you had a rough time in your life with getting picked on, but i've never had that problem. i never even really had a problem with my image until i decided to lose 5 lbs which turned into 20. i have several anxiety disorders and i am prone to depression, which are underlying factors for my disordered eating and a manifestation of my anxiety.

i don't sit around reading fashion crap nor watching those stupid shows on tv - while some people might like that stuff, i'm too busy for it. i'm concerned about ME - not comparing myself to people whose image is totally out of reach for me. believe it or not, i'm a realistic person.

and to be honest, yeah, there are bigger issues in the world - but i'm really not concerned with 'tackling' them right now. i enjoy going to the gym, GOING ON CRUISES, driving my new car, and going on the computer. what i'm concerned about right now is MY MENTAL WELL-BEING, finishing up my bachelor's degree within the year, graduating, and moving to go to graduate school.. not those other things - as selfish as that may sound. being healthy and in a healthy state of mind is my priority right now. i also feel terrible about starving children, but you know what? there's no need for you to be criticizing me for not eating or 'CRASH DIETING' as you stated, when it's actually a MENTAL DISORDER. so please, don't try guilting me into feeling BAD for having the issues that i do - that's not your place nor is it anyone else's. you can sit here and preach to me about God this God that, but again, that's not your place. you dont know my religious beliefs, etc .. and i honestly just am offended that's you're saying "get over the fact that you can't fit into 00 jeans some poor child in a sweat shop made". are ya serious? i just think your comments are rude, and you're making assumptions about me. i'm not trying SO HARD to lose weight, i'm CONFUSED AS TO WHY I'VE BEEN GAINING WEIGHT WHEN I'M EATING AND EXERCISING PROPERLY - so please read the thread before going off on your human rights and planet earth activist rants.

i appreciate your time to respond to the thread, but a lot of your comments i just found offensive.

Original Post by lalabanana:

I had a close friend who would wear jeans a size too small and muffintop all over the sides. They did not flatter her at all. Yet when she wore her trousers that fit her she was shapely, lovely and there was no pinch or squeeze that could literally make you wince if you looked at her. I should add, she is not at all large, but simply wore the wrong size. The point is, you should not adjust yourself to fit into clothing - clothing should be made to fit you. I second Jane: buy a new pair of jeans.

And to add to that, a number in your trousers doesn't make you as a person.

At your present weight you are at an ideal. Focus on building muscle and maintaining, not losing any weight because you do not need to. Furthermore those with a history of eating disorders, particularly restrictive ones, are very likely to go down a very slippery slope - a few pounds becomes ten becomes too much.

Love yourself for who you are, because from that photo, you are gorgeous.

And in regards to your weight gain - have you spoken do a doctor? Sudden unexplained weight gain can be a sign of an underlying problem. However, if you're still not eating enough for what you need this could ironically also be the cause. Have you worked out your burn and needs?

thank you, i really appreciate it.

and no, i haven't spoken to my doctor about this. i just figured i'm gaining weight because i'm eating like a 'normal' person again. maybe 120 is my body's comfort zone, but what i'm afraid of is gaining even more! you always hear about those stories where people starve/crash diet & end up gaining back what they lost plus 20 pounds or something like that.

i am just so frustrated, i don't know what to do. for some reason, i dont trust the burn meters. not sure why. but anyway, here are my stats and perhaps you could try to figure them out for me:

5'3", 120 lbs, 21 yrs old .. i have a small frame which is probably why i feel like i don't look too great. my boyfriend tells me i look so much better than i did when i was 100, 105, etc .. and my friend's boyfriend has even made a comment to her about how i look so much better than i did over the summer. i do feel better - i can actually get out of bed in the morning, whereas when i wasn't eating enough .. it was a struggle to even do that.

i'm just so frustrated. i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i do plan on buying new jeans, because i will probably never look how i did when i had the ed (hopefully wont!!) .. so i need to get over the whole pant size thing. i don't weigh myself obsessively, especially now when i don't like what i see on the scale. it's weird - i remember FREAKING when i had the ed when i stepped on the scale and saw 108. i FREAKED. it's ridiculous. i don't want the ed to take over my life again. i will never go back to starving myself - i'll just end up in the same place i am in right now - or even worse - dead. i had surgery in may 08 to have my gallbladder remove and when i was waking up from the anesthesia i had the nurses all on top of me because my blood pressure was so low and i wasn't breathing. there's no doubt in my mind that this had something to do with the fact that i was depleting my body of what it needed.

i'm going to try eating more protein rather than carbs, and see how that works out for me.

now, the only thing that stinks is that i have expensive taste in clothes & i'll have to definitely break the bank to buy some new stuff

thanks, gi-jane. i'm definitely working on trying to love the new me. i can work with what i have, i just wish i didn't feel so flubbery. i consistently do cardio & weights, i dont know why im not seeing results :( it stinks.

i'm 20 years old and i had mine out in may of this year after being diagnosed with chronic cholecystitis (gallbladder disease).

if you haven't already, you need to go to a gastro doctor and have them set you up with a few tests. you'll need a sonogram to see if you have stones, and they did a test where they inject you with the hormone CCK which makes your gallbladder contract. if you feel the same pain during the test as you do after eating, it's probably your gallbladder.

before all these tests, i had several others done to rule out more common problems. i've had an upper endoscopy as well as a small bowel test where they make you drink that barium.

anyway, like i said - i had mine out in may. i had it done laprascopically. my sonogram that i had done a few months before didn't show and stones, but when the doctor took out the gallbladder he said it was extremely inflamed and diseased. the surgery was at 9 am and i was home by 8pm the same night. it took about a week to recover from the soreness, and for me, about a month to feel totally normal to the point where i can now eat whatever i want without feeling sick anymore :) it was very discouraging to have to wait a month to feel better, i thought the surgery didn't work. you need to give it time and be patient. it's been 6 months and i'm glad i did it, because i don't know where i would be now if i didnt get it done. i was in your boat - couldnt eat, lost a lot of weight and just looked very sickly.

if you and your doctor come to a consensus about getting the surgery done, i'd say go for it. i don't know what 'horror stories' you've heard, but a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) is a relatively common and very SAFE surgery with fairly little complications afterwards. i know some people may experience diahrea for a brief time, but in the end it's worth it.

oh and btw, you do NOT need a gallbladder to survive. they used to serve a purpose hundreds of years ago, but now all they do is store bile between the liver and the intestines. trust me, i'm not missing mine and i don't feel any different than i did when i had it besides the fact that i dont feel sick anymore :)

Original Post by direwolf689:

TO EVERYONE- I'm SUPER sorry about yesterday. I think I might be PMSing or something. I dunno, But I didn;t mean to make anyone upset. I just want it to get here already and end the nightmare. Like an idiot I forgot to write down WHEN it started again (It started, like, 10 days after my other one), so i'm just hoping all of that is water weight. SOO hoping.

Anyhow, I just needed to get away from the Calorie counter for a day and my older sister TRY to find things not fried/meat-filled/super sugary on the Boardwalk. :/

I'm still scared to even THINK about how many calories I ate, but, I guess since it was some pretty healthy things (You should have seen the look on the lady's face when I asked for just a plain frozen banana, which, by the way, ARE SO [explitive] AWESOME!), it should be Ok, right?

anyway, Lala, thanks, I'm sorry I'm so bloody annoying to everyone on here. It's just hard to deal with a lot of things and know that what I do isn't working when it had -sort of- for so many others. I am trying though, it's just, It feels weird to have these thoughts and panic about gaining weight when my BMI is already on the higher end. :/

DIREWOLF- you keep doing the same thing over & over -- you keep apologizing for it, but yet you keep doing it.

i went to see my psychologist today .. and lately i've been feeling pretty crummy as far as my body image goes. he KNOWS that i'm not happy with how i look. so what does he say to me?

"you look like you've put on weight!"

.........thanks? .. i seriously feel so sick to my stomach right now :( my stomach has been feeling so flabby and i feel like i've developed these love handles .. idk. i just feel soo crappy about myself. i'm 5'3, 107-108 lbs .. i feel like i've lost a lot of muscle from restricting my diet so much in the past, but yeah -- he explained that i look 'fuller' and better now, compared to when i had mono/wasn't eating much .. i was 103 lbs back then and looked sickly.

i know he means well and probably meant that i look BETTER, but that makes me feel liek crap ..

Original Post by passi0n4fashi0n:

Original Post by crombiexbabe:

Original Post by passi0n4fashi0n:

Hey, I really want to be part of this. Although I didn't realize it, I was borderline anorexic, and on/off bulimic for a long time. I would restrict myself to around or less than 1000 cals a day, maybe 1200, but workout for 30 mins+. I would restrict myself so much that I would just binge out and then throw up. Every binge was the last one. A few times I did it so much that I couldn't throw up anymore. Gross, I know. I really want to get better. Its so hard. Especially now that Im trying to eat more and gain a little weight (my boyfriend and mother are the two extremely concerned ones), I find it hard to take my focus off of food. I just want to be normal and not think about food all the time, planning my next meal, trying to eat more, etc.etc. Does anybody know what I mean? I feel so preoccupied and I can't stand it! I need some support :( And Im here for anyone who needs help, not that anybody needs my screwed up advice

i totally hear you with thinking about food constantly :[ it sucks so much.
while i've never purged, i believe i, too, was 'borderline anorexic'. i restricted my calories about 1000-1200, sometimes less .. but did a ton of exercise on top of that. at first, it was just out of ignorance but soon enough i started realizing what i was doing to myself :[

just know that you're not alone with your preoccupation with food -- i'm currently in the same boat! we'll both get through this in time, we just have to give it time and be patient i gue

Its so comforting to know i'm not alone, you have nooo idea! I just feel like Im such a freak, especially because Im surrounded by people who hardly care at all (think big Italian family.) but hopefully if we both keep posting, talking, working together on this, it'll be easier to get through. I'm nottt giving up

you're definitely NOT a freak (i hope not at least, because that would make me one too! lol) .. and i also come from a big italian family! none of them care what they eat but yet they don't seem to balloon up like i feel like i will. i know logically that by eating i'm not gonna turn into some huge blimp, but for some reason my mind's telling me that. i'm here for you whenever you want to talk & definitely willing to work through this together!

having kind of a rough day today :( .. i'm going to try and post here as much as i can because i'm hoping i can get help from some of you girls.

okay .. so i can't get my mind off of food. i CAN'T. i'm constantly thinking about it, and i honestly just want to scream :[ i can't stand it anymore.

like i've said, i've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder .. but i do believe i fall into the category of EDNOS (trying to get over this).

for the past few days, every time i eat, i keep thinking -- 'seriously, you're eating TOO MUCH! STOP!' .. maybe because i'm thinking about food all the time i feel this way? i don't know.

here's what i've eaten so far today, it's 4:15 pm here in new york.

6:30am - 3/4c oatmeal with a few blueberries & cinnamon
10am - fat free greek yogurt, 1c strawberries
12pm - 1c canteloupe
1:15pm - somewhere between 1-2 tbsp of peanutbutter on light wheat toast with a banana
about 3/4c special k protein plus cereal
3:45 pm - between 2-3c of special k red berries cereal (this is seriously my WEAKNESS!!! it's not even THAT GOOD! i just keep eating it, i don't know why) and 1c skim milk

so yeah, i know that doesn't add up to too much .. but for some reason my mind keeps telling me it's A LOT. but .. it's not.

i hate this :[ i hope it gets better.

thanks for the response gibbit!

yeah, i hate being scared of eating certain foods .. and i'm even more terrified oflosing control and binging.

when i was 123 lbs, i could eat basically WHATEVER i wanted and wouldn't really gain. i don't know why i'm afraid to even eat HEALTHY foods and i'm scared of gaining.

blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i just want a NORMAL relationship with food again, but i don't know if that'll ever happen ..

yeah, definitely seemed like more when it was all in my head.

i don't count calories .. i used to, but then became way too unhealthily obsessive with it so i tried to give up on it. i just try to eat as healthfully as possible & TRY to watch my portions. for some reason, i always feel like i have to eat everything that's in front of me .. regardless of whether i'm starving, not-so-hungry, or so full that i'm sick.

honestly, i think she looks disgusting.

again, thank you everyone for your replies!

i'm going through a really rough time right now; and my aunt, who has been suffering with cancer for the past 3 years just passed away yesterday. i'm still contemplating taking the lexapro .. we'll see how i feel.

as for the buspar, it's not exactly what i was looking for when i asked my doctor to prescribe me something to help with my panic attacks. i was looking for something more along the lines of a benzo .. something that would calm me down right away .. something for short term use! i'm calling him today and asking him to prescribe me something like xanax or ativan for whenever i feel i need it.