Posts by lewiskimlc

One thing to think about is adding some fluff to the tough.  Some may think it is cheating but it does help to keep your GPA up and it also helps to give you a break so that you arent so stressed out.  My first year was tough and my son's first year was tough too.  He had some trouble committing to the classes and working/staying focused, just like I did.  This year he is more on track and is planning to go to a university next year.  I graduated from a Master's program (a "few" years ago - lol). All is not lost.

Fluff could be adding a couple classes of something you are good at and then one hard one (maybe two).  Examples for me would be language classes or art classes.  I can always wrap my mind around this stuff with a natural effort.  Add the hard class and the natural ones feel like vacation and dont eat too much into your study time for the tough one. 

Chemistry is a hard class.  There is a lot of thinking in that class that people just arent used to doing or have little experience in.  That is a class that definately needs a little fluff around it.  Just so you know.  I work in medicine.  I barely passed chemistry.  My second semester of it I failed two major tests.  The final I studied so much for that I had chemical formulas taped all over the walls of my apartment.  I managed to actually pull an A out of it.  I have no idea to this day where that A on that final came from, other than the test was comprehensive.  perhaps I had learned the stuff from before - finally.  This teacher was a bit more pleasant and helpful.  She said that if I got an A on the final then I must have learned something and she worked with me to get a C in the class.  Sorry your teacher doesn't sound that cooperative.

Anyway, the point is that I work with chemistry every day now and I am very good at what I do.  I have gone through graduate school and did that with aces.  That low GPA that first semester/year did not affect my life or ruin my college carreer.  Be a bit more strategic (and I hate to say this) but work harder on the tough stuff by adding more study time or trying a different more intense study techniques.

I know it doesn't work for the hard teacher.  Its a general pep talk rather.  I hope it works out to your benefit.  It hardly ever hurts to ask and it often helps to approach people directly.  Good luck.  All is never lost!

You know, I dont know that i mentioned at all that I have moved out of the house.  I couldn't take being under the gun all the time.  My husband and I walk together every morning before we go to work.  No abusive comments or anything like that.  Sometimes he leaves in tears because he misses me at home. 

We go on bike rides together and try to look at the hopeful things in life, but every couple of weeks he goes through this three or four days when he says all these horrible things and screams about getting a divorce and all the other horrible stuff that I have mentioned.

In counseling I am able to talk to him about our impact on eachother in a rational way.  Sometimes it takes hold and lasts for a while, but then it is like he falls off the wagon.  Again I know that this can be just the cycle of abuse.  I havent ever challenged him and labled his behavior as abuse.  I would only do that with back up.  Not currently in counselling however.

I guess that I am just letting you all know that I am not completely under his control.  I have my own space right now.  It is just that some of the little annoying things that he says just get to me.  They are meant to of course which is why he says them.  I would rather just blow it off here in CC than to just stir the pot some more cuz he sucked me into some stupid argument.  Since I dont know a lot of people that I can poll about that comment -- no man would tolerate his wife writing ex lovers -- I just thought i would check.

Wow to all the responces.  So strange how sometimes we walk down the street and have no connection to anyone and then this online group gets such personal and intense responces and we dont even know each other.  I love it.

Such thoughtful responses.  I really was looking for the kind of range that I get here.  It is like taking a anonymous poll.

I think that compromise would be ideal.  I would really like to going back to being able to talk to people and I would let him read everything.  I only stopped it because he was fighting with me over things other people said or something I said that didnt mean what he thought it meant. 

I think it is a great question when asking what would help him to get stronger.  I suppose that I could ask him directly.  I've gotten a few questions in my mind as I read through this thread that I started.  I am writing them down.

I hesitate to go to pastoral counselors because he says so often that he has consulted with some and on...  I guess I feel tired of having him hold God over my head.  Not that God isn't over my head because God is everywhere.  It just doesn't work when my husband weilds him like a club when my husband and I brought us both to this problem.  His opinion is if I repented then I wouldnt talk to anyone.  Leverage like the divorce issue I think.

I know that I cant live peacefully with all the jealousy and suspicion.  I have to be able to let go of the conflict.  I guess I am at the point where I want to be able to say that I really tried everything and it worked out or it didn't. 

I do think that making some of this a goal like on CC is a great way of looking at it. 

Things got better and life was looking up when he was in counseling.  Then he stopped.  Yes he is jealous and insecure.  He definately has control issues.  We definately have our issues, both of us.  We both went to counseling a few times and he cancelled it altoghether for money issues.  This cancellation happened just as we started to talk about me writing others. 

I just hate the thought of divorce.  I feel like I would be a quitter and that I would be quitting on him.  It doesn't feel right to quit on people.  I know that the other reason is that God hates divorce.  I know there are conditions made for it, but it just feels terrible.

Anyway, I havent been sitting and eating the way I usually do.

So it looks like a few of you have said that you would "tolerate" it.  It isn't just me being difficult.  He just says it so much that I start to wonder, maybe if it is just me expecting too much.  Its good to know that I am not.  I know that divorce is a threat that he hangs over me.  Of course I moved out of our house in December because of it.  I am not willing to going back to not talking to anyone else and waiting at the window for him to come home like his child or a dog.  I feel like I am making the chat/writing my last stand somehow.

Thanks everyone!  I really like CC.

I dont know exactly how it happened that I dont know anybody anymore.  I never did have a lot of friends, but it seems like it started to be me waiting for him to show up.  He would go out to golf or play poker.  On occasion I was invited but mostly not.  Lots of broken dates, ect. ect.  I just realized one day that when my son moved out that I would only have my husband and stepson.  I started to panic that I would be living in this house and have nobody to talk to ever.  I bought a motorcycle and he has been riding with me even since we separated, but that is all that we do together anymore.  We dont talk when we ride. 

I know he would hate me talking to anyone.  I just wonder if people would really divorce somebody over this or am I just being stupid, stubborn.

I agree with trhawley.  Maybe it was only 600.  Some winters I was dead broke and living off of yogurt.  Didn't gain much weight those years.  I made up for it other years though.  I weighed about 130 when I graduated from high school.  I am aiming for less now.  I would be happy with 130 right now however.

I think that skinny jeans are really only made to tuck into a wonderful pair of boots.  That really takes the damage out of the tiny bottoms.  I also think that the curvy look can be great on a pear shape.  Its buying things too tight so that rolls hang over that makes it nasty.  My God, look at Beyonce after all.  She is pear shaped and hot!  She is so confident that nobody would question it.

That being said, I have one pair of skinny jeans and I got them only because I got these really awesome boots from my husband and wanted to give them their full due.  They are from American Eagle.

Who would have thought?  Easter eggs without all the dye.  That's cool.  Thanks.

Cool, thanks.  I love this website.  Answers for all the important things right at my fingertips!

Its true.  You do look younger.  Wow.  I cant imagine picking up a  100lb weight at the gym.  I'm still using the 3lb weights for calithenics.  I think that I better step it up to 5lbs. 

Your post motivates me not to be lazy or get lax and reminds me of what I have to look forward to!

Thanks.

seems clear that we all agree to use one scale and stick to that, digital or otherwise

It is best to use a digital scale, but even those can be off a bit.  I read this someplace else...place an object which you certainly know the weight of on the scale, such as a twenty pound weight.  If it is right then your scale is right.  If it is wrong the scale is wrong.  That way you will know if your scale is working right or not.

Manicmuse, I have been using calorie count for some time, but just starting this year I really became more serious.  I don't use pms or messinger, but we can post each other here on cc if you like.  I am quite a bit older than you.  You can read my profile.  No pressure if you are looking for somebody your age. 

It would be interesting to talk though because we have simaler goals.  I am also 5'3" and am aiming for 125 to 135 range (125 is the official goal).   My weight has been all over the place.  When I was in the military out of high school I was being weighed all the time and eventually I developed anorexia.  It was never treated officially or diagnosed officially.  I was running 5 to 10 miles a day and was down to 96lbs with stacks of clothing on.  At that time I worked to get "thin" and then crazily enough I didn't want anyone to notice how thin I was!

All the weight stuff is made more difficult by mood issues.  That's a private story that I prefer not to post to everyone really.

Since then I have gotten over 200lbs (I stopped weighing in at 200) and back down again.  Most of the time I have hung around the 150-170 range.  Its terrible at this weight for my height.  Shopping sucks and sometimes I feel like crying (okay maybe I have once in a while).  Right now I am trying not to shop for cloths because I am making such a concentrated effort to lose weight the right way.  That is eating the right amount of calories and exercising some, but not too much.

Anyway, I am on cc almost every day and I do post replies.  I would be happy to be a buddy to you if you dont mind over 40 and not still in high school.  I am sure you could get some buddys your age if that is something you would prefer.

you could also try seriously varying the calorie intake.  Try once a week eating the burn number and see what happens.  I give myself a break every sunday and it always seems like monday I lose weight. 

Whenever I am stalled out a bit I eat to my burn number for a day.  It is weird but it seems to get things going again lately. Maybe your body just needs a little more fuel once in a while.

Let us know if that works.

Oh yes, I just looked at that site and those vests look great.  There is a good variety of options as far as weight goes and the liner is a plus.  Thanks for the imput brandonm26.  I will probably get it from that site.