Posts by vesnar

Hello all I would love to join! I have always naturally been around 115-120, however then went on exchange to Mexico last August and halfway through the year I am at 135!!! Looking to get back to 120, I dont even feel like myself anymore...so as its the 1st of this new exciting year I really want to get back to normal!!

Uhmmmm im in mexico till july so something HAS to give before then hahahaha....ahhh im also very sedentary but I am finding it hard to keep to those kind of numbers because i sleep so little and end up eating to feel awake, today i went crazy and ended up over 2300, uhh!!!! so frustrated!

Hello All! I would love to join this group, you all seem like such a positive bunch! Anyhow, my deal is that I was always under 125 then got sick this year and lost a lot of weight putting me underweight...so I made a concerted effort to put on weight since having arrived in Mexico on exchange in Aug..However the excitement of stuffing myself silly got a bit out of control and now I am all the sudden at 130! Would like to get back to normal at 125 but it is so hard because I got used to just eating terribly!!! Anyway, basically I would like to lose the 5 by about Xmas or New Years but not sure how possible it is.... I am 5'7 by the way!

Hello all, havent been around all week, been struggling a lot. I think the speed of gain that was happening freaked me out and I have been struggling to eat enough to gain. I think I need to get used to this weight before I move forward, i dont know if thats a good way to go about this but its all I feel I am up for at the moment..

lalabanana thanks for the tip! i actually did that today, i still got to 3000 in the end (it was sooo hard - my head kept tryin to restrict and i just tried to relax - we had a big bbq with family friends) but 90% of the cals were REALLY healthy foods (but did have two fun size snickers and some icecream!!)....I feel really proud of resisting the urge to restrict after how bad i felt last night and this morning!!!!!!!!!! i am very bloated tho...Also, I am pretty sure I have hit 116 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the tips guys! I have been using the "shutup and eat" mantra the past few days but last night i just got really upset because i pretty much ate 3000 calories of junk food, just because I felt like it..... I dont know,  messy head space - I am definitely better at this gaining business when I eat clean, it doesnt screw with my head as much....I am not doing any exercise at all at the moment which in itself is really hard, its raining constantly and i just want to go for a walk and be outside! im starting to feel like i live in a cave of junk food!

I had a small snickers bar today and I didnt feel guilty!!!!!!

kept it fairly healthy otherwise, just breakfast so far!

2 bowls banana and maple syrup oatmeal

too much coffee

4 ricecakes,

ton of mushrooms with cheese (like a sandwich - its delicious!!!)

popcorn

fruit salad with cream

Hello all! Seems like everyone is really getting somewhere with fear foods! Thats awesome and also empowering in a really strange way. whenever I eat a fear food for the first time I feel like I take its scariness power away from it!!! I have been doing this also, I had icecream tonight yay!!! although I still weighed it but I guess its one step at a time!

Im at home with my family until I leave to go on my year long exchange in Mexico on the 3rd Aug and I was worried id freak out because i usually eat so much at home (there is just so much food everywhere!) but at the moment I am just so busy that for once I am not thinking about WHAT TO EAT all the time and its just coming a bit more naturally..although i suspect it has been on the low side...

anyway i just wanted to know if u anyone can understand smth or has similar experiences - lately when i see myself in the mirror or window or smth i will think either "wow a bit tubby, maybe its time to maintain" OR i will think "i look like a ten year old boy, thats not attractive at all"..it just seems so extreme or the time - im either way huge or way small!

HEY caloriecountingme! Yeh u are right about the exercise and cals thing - i think it was what kept me in denial for so long...i thought "but im eating so much all the time"! I have changed my exercise regimen tons, for the last month i didnt run at all except a few times and very short runs, and have only being doing like stretching and yoga type stuff and only a few times a week when i feel like it. it does feel really weird tho eating so much stuff and doing nothing!!!

anyway in a few weeks im goin to be way busy anyway because im going on a year long university exchange to mexico on the 3rd of august - stopping off to visit ecuador on the way for 2 wks. so everything will change then. Im totally freaked though that im going to put on heaps of weight on exchange so its not helping my gaining mindset at the mo.

Hey all! hope u are all doing well...congrats linny on the deans list!

I am a bit freaked at the mo, staying with my bf's family for a few days and they eat...well.. very badly! even before the ED I felt really uncomfortable with their meals when I stayed here...basically they eat tons of fat sugar and carbs, like creamy pasta dishes loaded with sodium, chips, chocolate, pizza - and huge amounts - their idea of a salad is a piece of lettuce with mayo? its freaking me out, the thing is none of them are overweight but its because they are all exercise obsessed and do at least 2 hours a day - not something i even want to consider at the mo! I brought a lot of food along so I can eat my own more healthy stuff mostly but some meals I cant really avoid eating with them and its so awkward trying to avoid eating that stuff. I dont even like it! I find it really unhelpful because i feel i need to restrict the rest of the day to be able to eat that stuff....what to do??

Hey Agruskin! sorry the reason for the confusion is that this is an international support group! I am in australia so when I wrote that post it was still morning, yesterday was over 3000 cals and 1300 being my breakfast today! Having lunch now!

Thank you all so much for your posts, it means so much. Posting for the first time was really scary as it was like making the problem "official" you know, I go through denial every few days. The thing is yes I am thin, but I don't look THAT thin you know? so its hard to accept that I should gain weight. also I went to my doctor (i havent been diagnosed by anyone but with my bf who  is goin to be a doctor next year we have basically decided the prob is there) and my bloodwork is all good, he didnt say anything about my obvious weight loss and so i just think "well i must be fine then" but everyone around me has noticed and is telling me i look terrible...anyway, had over 1300 calories for breakfast this morning...trying to feel happy about it but its just such a tug of war in my head.

username21: I tried just eating when hungry and not counting too and I like you just naturally underate. I am also trying to just eat a steady 2500 daily but it just seems like so much, it seems like all I do is eat while everyone around me is active doing sports but I just feel soooo tired. I used to run at least 5 miles daily and do heaps of walking and stuff and now I am just doing NOTHING except a bit of stretching the last month while trying to gain, which makes me soo miserable! I think doing exercise will make me feel better about it all but its screwed up that I feel I need to exercise because im eating more.

ALSO, totally understand the whole 'yes i want to gain weight' but then when u weigh urself and u havent really being happy inside. its terrible and so confusing.

Hello everyone, I have been wandering around this post and weight gain forum in general for about a month never posting but knowing I have a problem and trying to deal with it myself with the help of my bf but I feel now that I need some support from others in a similar position.

I am 5'7, well just under 5'8 and I have always been thin, naturally under 125 always and always eating anything I wanted. I started seriously running this year and was also quite sick, and then started watching that I ate "healthy" - this with the exercise turned obsessive and I got down to about 107, where I realised I was in trouble and feeling terrible. I have been trying to put on some weight for the last month aiming for around 118-120 at least but I am having so much trouble. One day I will decide "yes I need to do this now" and I will eat like crazy between 3000-6000 calories, then after I will eat over 2000 for a few days and then suddenly I will irrationally feel BIG just start to restrict again to around 1400-1600. 1400 for me is enough for me to start losing and 1600 is probably too. Anyway I have put on some weight I think, I am varying between 112 and 115 I think (the scale is a trigger so I try to keep away) but my head is a mess? Is there anybody in a similar position to me? I just feel fully

Just to note, I never ate under 1200 while losing but with my exercise and always eating around 1400 on average it was enough to lose a lot of weight.