Posts by liveforgod1

 Hey! It is WONDERFUL that you are trying to recover from an eating disorder- and it it completely normal to bloat and be anxious about ti.

   When I recovered from anorexia, I bloated so bad that numerous people asked if I was pregnent (even though I was clearly emaciated, just not in the stomach!). I went to the ER and many other doctor over and over again because of the bloating and water weight- and they could give me nothing to help out. So, I thought I would forever deal with these problems. BUT- there is hope! Months after eating right now, I am no longer bloated!

 clay010- please do not get discouraged! It will go away- honestly- even if it does take a couple of months. The BEST thing though is that once you start to get used to your new body or momentary bloat, you will start to be more comfortable and okay with everything.  My counselor would always use this analogy:   Imagine that you just were rescued from some foreign place, island, etc. and were sick and emaciated from circumstancs you could not control, or like you recovered from a severe, almost fatal disease. You would want to gain weight, it would be a positive thing. You want to love your body and realize all these funny things that are happening are NOT negative, but a step towards health and happiness.  It is hard to look past the present and into the future, but you seem to be off to a good start! Stay strong! Jessica

Hey toridl!  It seems like a lot of people who come through anorexia also have some binging issues afterwards too.  I have been gaining weight after my second relapse into my ed for about 7 months- and I have had a problem with binging too. Even though I am at a normal weight and have been for months- I still feel the urge to binge- sometimes up to 7000 calories! It is almost like a subconscious thought that I must stuff my face just in case I ever want to starve again.

But, the good news is that , at least for me, it has gotten a little better. After you eat and eat and eat... you eventually just relax and begin to live life without food controling your thoughts. But if you are still underweight, your urges might level off a bit more once you gain a little more- anyhow, it is a good thing to be hungry and want food- it means that your metabolism is working!  Also, I find that I want to binge more if I restrict. 

So, hun, just remember that you are going through recovery but also a learning process. Ups and downs can be hard and depressing- but at least you will eventually even out and live a much happier life somewhere in a happy and healthy middle! Jess :)

LOL! Me too! It is soooo hard hearing people talk about wanting to lose weight when I am at their weight now. Losing weight can be a good thing, but it can become a terrible obssession. I wish I never ever started worrying about nutrtion. I know what you mean- -I feel like 90% of my past 7 years have been about ME- what I look like and what I eat. It is like everything else revolves around that, and you lose interest and happiness in everything else. BUT, I am starting to enjoy life again. It just takes lots of time.  I am starting to not plan as much and now that I have more energy, I can go out with friends, have fun, go shopping, walk my dogs, etc.  So Arguskin- hopefully things will get better for you soon :) Don't ever beat yourself up for these problems because I really think that some people are naturally prone to having ed's.  It is awesome that you realize how crazy and irrational some people are and you know that at a higher weight you were happy.  Just don't get too discouraged-  life will be so much more enjoyable without an ed, and even though it takes a ton of time to get over one, at least we are learning alot about our bodies and are having to look at how we think about things. Have a good night yall-get some sleep! Jess

arguskin- I am so glad that someone else knows how I feel! By the way, I think that we have pretty similar stats. My lowest at 5'4 was like 80 the first time, then 95-98 here recently, and I "recovered" physically and went way past my goal weight of 115 and am at a happy 130 (even though their are always those little problem areas!).   I think your phrase "normal is so foreign to me" desrcibes my relationship with food PERFECTLY!   

Cookie-love- yes! The positve of going through stuff like this is that now we are much more knowledgable about nutrition and healh, and we mentally know what it takes to be healthy- though we don't always follow what we know.  Haha- I think I know more about nutrition than the ABC's!

Hun, 5'3 at 110 pounds could never be big or chubby. Your pictures are beautiful! Your body is very slim and you do not have any pouch.  When we start to recover from an ed, it takes such a long time to finally realize that we are not big, or to focus on every little imperfection.

Here is a quote that my ed counselor gave to me when I rambled on about my fat thighs or flabby stomach.....  "my illness does not allow me to have an accurate view of my body at this time."      &nb sp;          

College is sooooo hard when trying to not obsess or get all worried over our bodies, but you have to be rational - I am positive that everybody thinks you look awesome, at 110 and 5'3 you are tiny tiny, and you were not healthy at 98.   Hun, fight any thoughts that tell you that you are anywhere near chubby. Don't let  eating disorder thoughts control you- you can do it!

Hey lala- I know what you are going through! The first 5 months into gaining I was so bloated and it was extremely painful. I had many people ask me if I was pregnant. It hurt so bad that I was rushed to the ER- I thought I was dying! I got every test done on my bowels, kidneys, etc. at many different hospitals with different specialists, and all they found was possibly IBS. 

Now that I have been eating for months now, the bloating has gone down a little. For me, it just took a lot of time.  If it continues, I would go see a doctor, because you never know what effects starvation can have on the body. Don't get too discouraged- it won't last forever! I have a whole new wardrobe of flowy, non-skin tight shirts that I wear to help hide the bloat when it comes, so maybe you could find a way not to think about it too much or cover it up, because nothing (even that bulging tummy!) should prevent you from getting back to a healthy body! Jess

Hey lilminie- I think that we have bad days on the same days, because I have had an awful day today too! I was eating more cals to prevent a binge, but today I went CRAZY with food, and Im too embarassed to say how many calories I ate. More than enough to gain 1.5 pounds :( :( :( (sooo saddd)  

I know that out of control feeling, it is like thinking, "how in the world could I ever starve so long and not give in to these cravings like I do now?"  I know I could not even go two days without eating, how could I ever go weeks?

Hun, let me tell you from experience, when I started eating more I obsessed about exercise, but it just made me hungirer. After two weeks of  2-3 hours a day, I was burned out. Please do not stress your body hun, it is not worth it and you will wear yourself out quickly. Dont get started down another path of obsessive behavior that could become a big issue.

I do not know what weight looks best on you, but 100 pounds is TINY! I thought in recovery that I should be 110 at the MOST, but I didn't get my period unitl uppper 120's! Maybe you are losing your hair and not having a period because your not at a natural weight. Please do not be scared to gain weight if that is what it takes to get your body working its best again! You deserve to live the best, healthist life possible, and I have learned that comes at being at a higher weight sometimes. :)

Agruskin- You will have those days! I have broken so many plates/glasses during my ed. I have dumped plates of food on my mothers head and thrown soup on my dad. I have thrown food out the car window when my parents weren't looking, etc. After crazy bouts of fear and anger, I always took time to look at what was really bothering me and grew a little each time. Don't get too discouraged! Jess

Okay girls, so today I made myself eat lots of calories and food. I binged awful awful awful yesterday, so my mind kept saying, "Just eat 1000-1200 today", but I am up to 1500 already, with lots of healthy fats and protein. I feel so alert and energized even after one day! This is the first day that I have not restricted/binged and willing ate more than 1200 cals without binging. I am going to try to eat 1800 tomorrow too. I even ate my two worst trigger foods without going over- peanut butter, and oatmeal with chocolate. I am so happy, let's just hope it goes well the next couple of days too. I am going to keep posting to hold myself accountable!

Thanks for the comment on my post, and even though we may not have any answers, at least we know that others go through the same stuff! I know what you mean about that weird feeling. I guess after restricting for so long, our bodies handle food differently when we eat more than we normally do.  Yeah- my stomach is hurting this morning after eating way to much last night, but it is a pain that seems to be on skin, not a stomach ache. My body even gets red and sore too, and I think that maybe it could be from bloating/water retention. Haha- even my bra felt way too tight this morning, but I know it will get better in a couple of hours!   Light exercise and wearing clothes for a couple hours that aren't too skin tight helps me until it goes away.  If you ever want to talk about anything, just send me a message :) Jess

Well....I am a christian obviously, but here's my thought on it-

There are some "religious" people who will try to "convert" you and try to make you feel bad about yourself, but that is not what the Bible teaches. I believe in loving everyone and not trying to make other's feel guilty, etc.   I am not a "religious" person, I am a spiritual person who values a relationship with God and others.  If I talk to others about my beliefs, I do it when the subject comes up and I never try to make someone feel bad. I just know how much happiness and peace I have in my beliefs, and I like to share that with others, but not force myself on someone because that can come across negative. For all of you who have been questioned and asked about being saved and have gotten offended and annoyed, please do not think that all christians act this way because they are arrogant, etc. Many just like to talk to others out of love, kindness, and curiosity, even though their way of showing concern might not be so tasteful in everyone's eyes.  Have a great weekend yall :)Jess

Hey olamm- check out your inbox because I sent you a message :) Jess

 Thanks:) I just had to get it out, and it is always good to have other peoples (semi) unbiased opinions. Yeah, justkeeprunning, it is pretty sad that I have to express myself over the computer and not to the real person, and thank you for the honesty!  Thebledx3- Why can't guys be more sensitive and understanding like us girls?! Im sorry about your bf, but its good that yall worked things out a bit. I really try not to talk about how I feel about my weight, etc., because it makes him mad, but I had no choice tonight.

Well, I tried to "move on" by going out and buying a bathing suit skirt from a local store. Im just nervous about what everyone will say. But, me and the bf will be talking about the way that he reacts to me, because yelling and stuff is not the best way to communicate! Thanks, and have a great 4th!

  Hey! I bet that you look great at 130 pounds!  I have struggled with anorexia, and I always get discouraged when I hear that you should be 100 pounds at 5 feet and 5 inches per every inch after that. I am 5'3, 5'4, and after I recovered from my ed the first time, I went to 120-125 naturally. I felt great at this weight, with muscle and curves, but others always weighed less than me at 5'3. Now, I am 5'4 and 120-130 pounds, and I feel great. When I get below 115, I lose my hair, period stops, and I look sick. So, do not go by other's standards. Hun, it is hard not to compare your weight to society's ideal sizes, but each body frame is totally different and holds weight differently.  So, please don't worry about a number, because that number truly means nothing. Congratulations, girl, for being healhty and overcoming that stupid ed! Jess 

Yes! Yes! Yes! I lost weight eating a fair amount of food, but was never too hungry, except at night. Now, I am eating all the time! I eat, then am hungrier after I eat, then eat agian like two hours later. Even when I have binges, I still am hungry afterward! Yeah- feeling hungrier and eating more is pretty scary for someone getting over an ed, but lets be positive and remind ourselves that it is just our metabolism speeding up! Also, I find that I feel lethargic and tired eating 1200-1800 cals a day. I feel like I have to eat well over 2000 to have energy (but I am now above my original goal weight). But, it is totally normal to always be hungry in recovery. I hear this all the time, and my counselor says that it is the bodies natural response. 

One more thing- protein helps keep you fuller, but not just one or two servings keeps me full. I eat tons and tons of protein, and that helps some :)

  Hey- Im doing the same thing, except Im not weighing myself but going by pants sizes/inches. I recovered from anorexia twice now, but my weight/ sizes are skyrocketing to crazy amounts. Here is what I think (might have been said already!) I eat so much fiber, vegetables, oatmeal, soup, etc in big volumes. I eat like 200 calories worth of broccoli in a couple of hours- that makes me look bloated and feel soooooo heavy. I feel so big and like I am eating sooooo much all the time, but my cals will only turn out to be like 1000 or 900.  I will get hungry after this, but my stomach feels big. Oink- you say you have stomach problems, so do I. I have seen countless doctors, and no help yet. I gain5-10 pounds all the time(when I used to weigh myself) if I did "go" in a couple of days. I don't think its the best choice for those getting over an ed, but laxatives, prescribed by the doc and used correctly, are keeping me a little saner and lighter feeling.  I will relpy in a couple days to see if my body will stop growing after eating 1600-2000 a day. Keep going gals- you are doing the right thing, and that will bring good results in the end.