Posts by mujirushi

How about this:

I am 5'9" and 145.5, and I'm a size 10!

When I weighed 136 last year I was a size 8...

Weight and size are so individual. I do have a small frame - my fingers overlap an inch on the wrist test.

Sigh.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your replies. I just read them and my eyes filled up with tears. I'm so glad that I'm not alone in feeling this way. And so moved that you would offer me such sincere and thoughtful advice. I had been feeling really alone in this.

First of all, I have been in psychotherapy for many years and still go weekly. I have brought up my issues with "fat" over that last few weeks and talk about what "feeling fat" really means to me. It's so complex and frought with anxiety, but I am working on it.

And to those of you who mentioned that restricting calories to an extreme during the week has caused you to binge on the weekends: That sounds just like me! Because I cannot "diet" on the weekends, I have been trying to create an 700 - 1000 deficit Monday - Thursday, hoping to achieve the magic 3500. As of Monday (two days ago) I decided to take it easier on myself and have maintained a deficit of 450 - 500 for the past two days.

As for exercise: I think I may be overdoing it. For the past 3-4 weeks I have abandoned most of the weight-lifting portion of my workout so I can do more cardio in order to burn more calories. I do 75 - 90 minutes of level 11 or 12 elliptical and really work up a sweat. While my logical mind knows it's important to do the weights (I love looking muscular), my fat-obsessed mind just wants to burn burn burn.

Is it possible that counting calories has triggered my old ED, or aspects of it? I have also been talking about some pretty unsavory stuff in therapy, stuff that happened thirty years ago. I started binging/hating around the same time I started focusing on that particular event in my life.

My logical mind does know that 5'9" 145 pounds is NOT fat! In fact, 145 was my goal weight when I was 175 in 2001. Then I weighed 143 - 145 for several years until I got sick last year and dropped 10 pounds or even a bit more. As soon as I got better I went up to 139 and felt fat.  And then Christmas came, my birthday, vacation, and I am now feeling hideous at 145.

I am going to up my weekday calories to 1900 so I have no more than a 500/day deficit. Maybe that will prevent the urge to binge this weekend. I will also try to be less hard on myself. Easier said than done.

Thank you again for your messages, I cannot tell you how much reading them helps me. And if anyone has anything further to share, please do.

Thank you for replying, abednorz! We are the same -- I also often blow 4 days's of deficit in one weekend... I tried reaching a 3500 deficit over those four days, but it was a bit too extreme and I felt like eating even more on Sat/Sunday. I swear, sometimes I think a part of me is trying to sabotage myself.

It's hard for me not to have wine with dinner, it's such a part of me and my husband's life. I abstain Monday - Thursday, but we go out for dinner on the weekends (we are hard-core foodies) and it's a big part of enjoying what we love.

I need to get over the all-or-nothing mentality, too.

Yes, trigirl, that makes sense. Thank you.

However, I have always added my cals burned read off the machine at the gym to my RMR, so I have been overestimating my cals burned by at least 100 calories a day for a long time! I was just assuming the CC burn meter was off or that the estimate was just and estimate...

Sigh.

Can I ask you another question? If I burn 800 cals and eat 200 less and achieve a 1000 cal/day deficit that way, is it too much? I never eat less than 1500 and my BMR is 1400.

Thank you so much for your replies!

jensin4: My heart rate is 140 - 157, sustained for 60 - 90 minutes. Usually it's around 146 - 151, and that's only read from the flimsy HR monitors on the cardio machines at the gym. I have been exercising in this range for many years. I would like to go with 500 - 700 deficits like you but my weekends prevent me from being able to lose weight at that deficit level, sigh.

cckeepsakes: My BMR is around 1400 and I rarely eat below that. I may eat around 1300 on my day off from the gym (Thursday). I was hoping that the zig zagging would help me, too.

I am still concerned that 1000 cal deficits three days a week will push me into starvation mode -- even if nearly all of that deficit is from exercise, and even if I eat at maintenance (or more!) two days a week.

I would love more advice, if anybody has some to share, thanks!

I'm 5'9" 145 and am a size 10 in pants!!!

My goal is 136, where I was last summer, and at that weight I am a size 8.

I have a big booty... I also have a small frame, so the extra pounds really are meatiness.

Thank you guys so much for your replies. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this problem, but it is really ruining my weight loss efforts and making me feel like a fat failure.

I tried having a smaller deficit during the week, like 500 cal/day, but I still binged on the weekends. I am now increasing my weekday deficit to 1000 through extra exercise.

I blew it again this weekend and feel like a moron. I was good Friday night and Saturday day, but Saturday night we went out for an early dinner with a couple bottles of wine and it was the beginning of the end... On Sunday I was hungover and didn't go to the gym and ate badly and just realized I packed away 3,400 calories! This nearly entirely wipes out my entire deficit achieved last week.

I really need help. Any ideas on how to break this cycle? I'm getting depressed and disgusted with myself.

Sigh.

Hi Everybody,

Great News: I finally dared to get back on the scale this morning and I was back at 140, phew! I think I gained about half a pound, as I was just under the 140 mark Friday, the morning of that blasted party.

So, you were all right! It was WATER WEIGHT. The booze, extra food, sodium from Chinese and then Japanese food and of course PMS.

Now I can get back to dieting. I was so dismayed that I started eating an extra few hundred calories every day this week. I have been just 200 - 300 under my maintenance level. I have to start up the 500 + deficit again. And I will NOT go overboard this weekend!

rozie06: I am 5'9" but have a very small frame. When I do the wrist test my thumb overlaps my middle finger by a good inch. Now I am 140 pounds and a size 8 in Gap/Banana Republic and a size 10/12 in designer pants. My ideal weight is 136, where I look juicy but not flabby.

What is right for me will not necessarily be right for you. My frame is very small, so unless you are bird-boned you will look best weighing more. It amazes me when friends about my height who weigh more are much smaller sizes than me. We are all so different. Please choose a goal weight that is right for your individual body type.

Thanks again, everybody, for your support in my time of bloat!

Thanks, mgosie! I can't drink any caffeine, can you recommend an herbal tea that might help with the bloat?

I'm just so surprised that I am still bloated on Tuesday from transgressions on Friday/Saturday. I'm glad I didn't weigh myself on Sunday or Monday when I felt even more swollen! I bet I weighed over 146...

I guess the bottom line is that the math doesn't lie. The most I could have gained is a pound, not four. I can deal with that.