Posts by alysha_

Hmmmm..

-4 cups of water (2 bottles)

-1 cup of apple juice

-1 cup of soymilk

:]

Agru: Thanks, I've been trying to talk to him about it all day... he seems better today but still stressed, I don't know what's wrong with him, I guess I just have to leave it alone for a bit...

Aqua: It's okay. :] He probably isn't, you're right. I've been trying to "figure him out" for a while but I think that's not really helping the situation. Should I really up my cals?!? Or is this just a fluke, ahhaa? I still don't trust my metabolism.. it's evil! And yes, kashi bars!! My mom found them. :D Also, I'm sorry you're having a bad day.. I know the feeling, it's just kind of like you're "numb".. I feel like that after a good cry sometimes, just kinda feel like nothing matters anymore... anyway, feel better girl :(

Likearock: Thanks. D: I'm just hoping if I give this guy some time, he'll eventually come around... because he's really sweet, and it just makes me feel sad to think of never really seeing him again... agh.

Theo: My ex, or the new guy? I didn't tell the new guy off, I know what he's going through.. just gonna give him some time.. but thank you. :( I hope I eventually find someone like that.. I told my ex that I never want to speak to him again, although he still kind of follows me around..

Gibbit: It's okay! I think he does, really. Like I said above, just need to give him some space.. :) I'm really happy with myself today, and I don't know why. I'm enjoying this. Thank you so much.

Okay so.. I've been doing some thinking today about life... about myself... about who I want to be/be with.. I think, I really need to stop drinking my problems away... and need to stop the smoking... and need to stop getting attached to everything. Then, I shall be normal. And normal is good.

Also, I figured out that yesterday I had 4000+ calories, which is insane. I ate 2700, plus an entire bottle of champagne, and I just remembered that I downed a HUGE slushie. I can only imagine how many cals that had. :)

There's my food today. Found it kind of hard to eat in the afternoon because I really wasn't hungry and didn't feel like eating... but I still forced myself to eat a banana and a pb&j sammy. ;)

G'night everyone... good luck with things!

Hey guys... feeling kind of down today... Sort of numb after last night. I ended up not going to school because I stayed up all night crying. My new guy told me last night (after we'd both consumed about a bottle of champagne each) that he wouldn't talk to me again until I got some self-esteem... :( I think he was having some problems as well, though, so maybe something I said was bringing him down.. He goes to therapy, I found out today. Poor guy.

The scale scared me this morning... I finally got on, after many many days of not weighing myself (yay) but it said 98lbs. I've still been eating the 3000 at LEAST. Either it was a fluke that my scale said that weight, or I actually weigh that, because IU don't FEEL any smaller. I haven't been exercising as often as I was before, but I've been walking around more because of school & dates and such.

Aqua: Butter was totally a FF of mine as well, though my nutritionist said nothing about it when I mentioned it to her; she said I didn't have to eat it as long as I met my calorie goal. But, I tried it anyway. :) I NEED to stop hanging out with my ex, or something... but every time I go off to do something else, he always follows me... or finds me.... and it's like I'll never have any time to myself during school. Thank you. :]

Aussie: Well, I'm pretty much at a healthy weight right now, my bmi is something like 19- but as agru said, it's better for ED sufferers to reach a bmi of about 22 or something close to it to have a stable weight.. I never got to an extremely low low weight though, so I wasn't in as much danger as some of you are/have been, so I'm not sure. At least I know my body is able to function at this weight. :]

Agru: 78g of fat sounds good, I guess pretty much any fat is "good" fat when you're recovering. :] And yesss, I had a bagel! I bought a bunch from my bakery and froze them so I could have one whenever I wanted! Hehehee. The pizza thing I had was this silly "diet" type pizza my mom bought, frozen of course... It was really crappy, actually. :/ Wish I could have just had regular pizza. And the meat loaf thing was like... deli slices of meat... that's just what they called it, ahhaha. :) Thank you.

Charliebo: Thank you so much. >_< I'm happy with my progress. Hahaha.

Yesterday's food:

*Plus a bottle of champagne... don't even know where that brings me, calorie wise..

Today's food so far:

Banana (118), huge banana chocolate chunk muffin (530), two cups soymilk (240).

Also...Welcome to everyone that's just joined in. :]

YEEEE!! Bottom up:

Slr: A LOT of us on here love love looovveee oatmeal. You can easily make a 800+ calorie breakfast by adding pb, nuts, dried fruit and sugary yummy things to your oats. :] And it's a great grain, as well.

ilovechai: Yes, I agree, school is stupid. >< I really hate being there just because, well... I kind of have no friends. And the friends I DO have are VERY unsupportive. Blahhh. It's awesome that you're starting yoga and eating back the calories. :] Great job.

Aqua: Yesss~! I think not counting did actually help me somehow. :] I feel much better about what I eat, and... guess what?!? I ATE BUTTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE, FOREVER. HAHAHA. I missed you guys though. :3

Aussie: Thanks. :] I wish it could've gone more smoothly, though.

Agru! YAY! I TOTALLY MISSED TALKING TO YOU GUYS! Ahhh.. where am I without my precious CCers. >_< I'll write about my day below! OH and the date! I can see this turning into a long post, hahaha!

Okay, so my DATE: It was quite spectacular. :D He and I went for a very long walk and ended up on this "iron bridge" thing that was half burnt down (how safe, lol). I still had some alcoholzzz, so we sat on the bridge, drank rum straight and talked about things for roughly 5 hours.... it was incredible. Like, I've never met anyone who actually liked the same bands as me! Most people haven't heard of Sigur Ros (my favourite) and he started laughing so hard because he hasn't been able to find anyone who likes them either! Ahhh... >__< And as it turns out, he was once on prozac, so he understood what was going on... It was pretty cool. :] And yeah, I know I'm not supposed to be drinking because I'm young and blah blah blah BUT, we had a fairly decent time and didn't do anything we'd regret. ;)

And my first day back at school: UGH. They screwed up, I think, and gave me NO classes. So I had like, a full-day SPARE. Barf. :( So I spent the whole day walking around with my ex and his dumb friends... (who I was surprised to see, geh).. but then we ran into the guy I went out on a date with, and I talked with him for a bit. LMAO, and my ex got so pissed. He's like that, still thinks he owns me even though we're not together. >< Sucks, but what else can I do except ignore it. BUT ANYWAY... I think they didn't give me any classes because I stopped attending last year? Stupid ED wrecking everything. >__<

I'll post my foodies later... not done eating yet :D

EDIT: OMG, I TOTALLY FORGOT TO MENTION- I GOT MY PERIOD! HAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

I think it really depends on the person/their body composition. But for me, personally, I'm 5'2" (ALMOST) and it took me a good 15 lbs to notice a size difference, and then I only saw it in my legs, which is where I usually gain.

Since you're still technically a "teen", use this site to figure out what you need to eat just to maintain your weight: http://www.kidsnutrition.org/bodycomp/bmiz2.h tml

To gain a pound of muscle  each week, eat 500 calories over your "maintenance" allotment and make sure you lift some heavy weights. :] But remember, rest days are important.

Gibbit- OOoh, sounds like you had an AWESOME time. :] I'm glad you had fun! Also, yesss, I need to stop so badly. >< I'm really going to try. Though I feel crappy even if I don't weigh myself, because then I get anxious about how much I really DO weigh and I keep thinking that I've probably gained 10lbs and I always feel disgusted with myself... I actually am very stressed out, just by the fact that I'm going back to school in less than a week, my boyfriend is totally out of the picture along with 90% of my friends.. so I feel like I have nothing, and this year will be the same as last... bahhh I hate life right now. :( It'll get better though, I know it will. I was planning on taking a nice long hot bath tonight! :] As long as I can find the plug for my tub.. lol.. if not I'm going to be sad :( but I'm excited for bagel-shopping tomorrow, hah! Agru convinced me to buy bakery bagels so now I'm gonna go buy a whole bunch and enjoy every last delicious bite of them :D Have a great night!! I'll be back on in a bit if I can't sleep. Hahaha.

Agru- Okay. :] Yeah, when I started recovery my bmi was 16.5 so I guess I'm doing pretty well. I was at 117lbs before the ED really took off, and even then my bmi was only 22.5 so I was still healthy, but I felt way too large.. I dunno, I think I just have a really tiny bone structure or something. :( And I gain weight on my legs way too easily, hehe. I think, also, next time my mom makes burgers I'm going to have one. Just to kick that damn ed's butt, ha! I want a real life too! :( Thanks, you're doing great too! How many cals are you eating now?

Also: Good luck at the interview!! Y'know employers really shouldn't be looking at your appearance, other than your clothing (y'know, appropriate work attire and all) but I know they still do. It's sad. :( I'm sure you're beautiful though, so don't even worry about it! And I do hope you get that job! :]

Agru- I'm now ALMOST 5'2" and 105lbs. guhhhhhh. I wish I could go for a while without weighing myself but it's so difficult. >< I tried it for like a week and was fine, but now I'm weighing myself like 5 TIMES A DAY just to see the fluctuations!! I need to stop! :( I'm really afraid that I might relapse. >< It's just so easy to not eat enough, blahhhh. And seeing my weight go up like a pound a day or MORE makes me hate myself so much. I also don't really remember how I used to eat... I wish I could learn to listen to my body. I saw your forum topic on mechanical eating, and I was wondering about the same thing, ahhh.. anyways- everything's alright, I suppose. School starts in less than a week and I have to choose between going to my dad's this weekend, or going to my aunt's cottage. >< I dunno, I'm thinking of going to the cottage just to get away from things for a bit, but then again, I haven't seen my dad in a few weeks and I miss him. :( Blah, decisions..  And I actually got to sleep last night at an appropriate time. Yay!

Agru- I should probably be counting like you. :( I'm still obsessed with getting enough protein, not too much fat, not too many carbs etc.. I know I shouldn't be like this. We def. need to break out of our ED ruts, indeed! I think I will have my bagel with pb on it one day, but I have none at the moment. :( Actually, I was planning on doing a small shopping tomorrow for some seeds/soymilk/meat, maybe I should pick up some ww bagels while I'm at it? OR, should I go to my bakery and get a few fresh ones? XD Mmm.. I've also been diagnosed with IBS and I take pills for my acid reflux! It seems like a lot of people who've suffered through EDs have these issues :[

Agru- YESS! PB&J is awesome. XD If I was going to make a chocolate sandwich, I would use this hot fudge topping that I have and spread it on one side... MMmmm :] Except it has transfats... ewww... hahaha.

Agru- Hahaha!! I totally should have made FISHSTICKS! Except I would have had to thaw the fillets, and that means leaving them in the fridge for 8+ hours, because I don't like the taste of microwaved meat/fish. v__v I usually cook stuff from frozen anyway, hahahaa. Unless I put it in the fridge the night before.

Also: Yes, well.. it's my second year of grade 12. =_= because I failed the first time. So technically last year was my senior year and this is just.... an extra magical year. Hahaha. I'm also worried about getting way too stressed out over the work again... I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm constantly dropping classes to give myself some spare time to think and I never use it to my advantage... what ever I do, I still fail, because i don't try hard enough.. And I'm not very sociable because I have issues with people eating around me... like I completely freak out and have anxiety attacks if someone starts chewing.. it's horrible, and I can't make it stop.. I've never told anyone else this before but it's something that effects me constantly. I can't even eat with my family. It's hard to sit in class and pay attention because all I'm ever thinking about is if someone is eating around me, what food I'm going to eat next, etc. Ugh.

It's difficult to make friends that can understand my issues..

Lala- Thanks. v__V I know now that he's totally not worth it... I guess I was pretty blind to this before, considering how I was going to give him a second chance and all. >< Also, I eventually got to sleep after eating some pineapple & almonds. I tried calming music, but that didn't help... :( I wonder why I always fall asleep after eating something.. Thanks for the kind words, too. >< I hope you're doing better today!

Sayuri- You're welcome. =) And yes, "stats" is just short for 'statistics', like your height & weight and stuff. By the sounds of things, you're about as tall as me, and I weigh about 45.5kg. Personally I think that 45-46kg could be a good weight for you! I feel okay at this weight, and even I have a very tiny bone structure- as I know you probably do. :] Your dietitian is right, you may want to stick with a structured meal plan until you're all caught up, weight-wise, just so you can get your metabolism back in working order. 3500 is an awesome accomplishment. I'm only eating 3000 right now, but I wish I could eat more without gaining terribly. :] Keep it up!

Aqua- Thank you. I just feel like it's a very big mistake, because I skipped class to be with him... thus failing school (which was also partially the ED's fault, but also HIS) and I'd been with him so long, that I really just don't know what to do anymore. I'm alone now, and I never have been before like this. :(... Also, it says ICE CREEEEAAAM! because I had to add that myself XD they didn't have my brand. And I eat the light & fit because it's what my mom likes to buy. >< I sometimes buy full-fat yogurts, and sometimes tubs of plain stuff, but my mom likes the little sugary tubs of crap. Lol!

Charliebo- I know, I'm devastated hahahaa. But my mother's going to try and order me a new piece for it. >< If she can. Also, I've seen frozen breads in the health food section at my store, and yeah they were quite expensive :S I bought one and didn't like the taste, but it wasn't Ezekiel bread, it was some random "gluten free" thing with some other brand name on it... I still have some in my freezer. XD I'll keep looking for Ezekiel, maybe we do have it.

Gibbit- Thank you. :( Now I guess is the best time to focus on myself, having no one else to worry about... blarg ><

Agru- Yeah I know, my computer monitor is just like the only sort-of-heavy thing I can still get a grip on while doing squats, hahaha.. Hey, whatever works. :) Also, what happened was I found that that not only had my long term boyfriend cheat on me, but with TWO different girls.. ugh. One who I thought was my friend. >< Thank you, I'd love to message you sometime.

ilovechai- Thanks, I'll keep looking for it then. :]

Theo- awww, I'm sorry you're feeling crappy. :( I think I'm kind of like that too, relying on calorie count to tell me when I'm hungry, I mean... I can't even really tell at this point. That guy's comment was funny though. :D Hehehe.

Food so far:

Mon, Aug 25 2008 Grade Grams Cals Breakfast Pineapple A 275 138 Almonds, Dry Roasted - Without Salt Added A- 28 167 Oats, Regular And Quick And Instant, Unenriched, Dry A 41 155 Salt, Table
0 0 Wheat Bran
20 40 Dairyland Skim Milk Fat Free A 250 91 Brown Sugar
9 35 Peanut Butter, Smooth Style - With Salt B- 37 218 Apple Butter, Organic - Fruit & Juices/Sauces and Butters B 75 100 Bananas A 118 105 Lunch Salad, Vegetable, Tossed - Without Dressing A 345 55 Greek Vinaigrette Dressing - KRAFT SIGNATURE Dressings B- 25 83 Nectar - Whey Protein Isolate A- 35 117 Light 'n Fit Nonfat Vanilla A 113 40 ICE CREEEEAAAM~

150 Beans with Pork - Canned Goods A- 250 350 Snacks Banana Bran/Oat Muffins B- 88 200 Total Calories Consumed 2,044

Aaahhhhh.. What the heck should I make for dinner?!? I'm not feeling very creative with my food today... D: I'm thinking pasta, but... I haven't eaten any meat today so I need some protein, and all I have is tilapia... hmmm...

Hahaha! Don't worry, I'm excited to have healthy bowels. :D When I was basically starving myself, I would only get like... a couple of rabbit turds every few days. But now it's a big one every morning! LOL! Talking about BMs is so funny and awkward XD

Kiss my ASS, ED!! >:0

Also, kiss my ASS Magic Bullet. Your stupid plastic motor wore down to nothing after only a few months of usage!!