Posts by geedawg

I give you my hugs for this tough time.

If your mom's offering, go to her, please. I have yet to admit my ED to my mother, but she knows, and basically did the same thing you did. I'm the same way; I don't want to worry her, so I like to pretend that nothings wrong to ease her mind, but honestly, that doesn't help at all. She'd probably be relieved if I finally admitted something and took her help, because than she knows she's done her best. That being said, I have, unfortunately, not taken my own advice. =(.

I told one of my closest friends, and besides it being off your chest it really didn't help me. My friend's not really in a position to tell me what to do, because she does not know how to treat this or anything, nor does she understand any of it. When I told her, I just blurted it out, my heart was RACING.

I totally understand if you have trouble talking to your mother about this, but reach out to a professional, a doctor or group session or counsellor, because these people know how to help you. Even though I'm trying to recover myself, it's becoming increasingly difficult as I'm going back into triggering situations, and outside help is there for you. Please, reach out, they know what to do.

More hugs, because you can never get enough.

Somewhere deep inside of me, cliché haha, I knew I had an eating disorder, because you don't normally do this to yourself, but I never admitted I had a problem, nor thought it posed any negative consequences, until I started losing my hair. Clumps came out when I touched my hair; this devastated me. After adding essential nutrients into my diet my hair stopped falling out.

Good job on trying to leave behind your unhealthy habits! I hate to preach when you are trying so hard, but 1000 calories will not be enough to repair the damage done. You may be genetically disposed to be underweight, but your body's undergone a number of painful changes. Let your body settle at a weight, than concern yourself with maintenance. Don't worry, be patient, because it will take time. Keep up the good work, and good for you coming forward. Now that is one of the hardest obstacles.

When i decided to recover it took me awhile, but I jumped from 300 calories to 1200 overnight, and the first week i already had more energy (I even lost more weight than previous weeks), my body really appreciated it. In order to be healthy you'll have to make some decisions, and some risks, you really don't want to, but think of the physical and emotional benefits that will arise.

Two days? That is impressive. I can't say that I've kicked the habit, but I made it twelve days without any sort of purging behavior is my record, and I intend on beating that.

I agree, get up to 1200 calories. If you exercise, your body NEEDS more than that. High calorie foods are fine, especially if they are healthy and contain your essential nutrients. Your body needs vitamins and minerals it's been deprived of. Find a distraction that works for you; reading, walking, music...I clean a lot and play the piano.

Have you thought about therapy? or something along those lines to figure out why you do this and deal with those issues to prevent relapse? I know that's worked for lots of sufferers.

Take care. =)

I used to get bloated all of the time now I've figured out what works for me. I drink TONS of water, no white flour and no pasta. I don't get bloated any more. I hope you find something that works for you, cause bloating=HUGE irritation.

HW, CW, GW, sex, age, height. 185, 148, 125, female, 18, 5'2

Now, for the juicier stuff:

Describe a bit about your family, social and romantic life.

I love my family. I could not have asked for better people to be in our little nest. There is not love lost in my family, they are supportive and very caring. They know that I used to have an eating disorder, but I'm not being honest enough right now to admit I'm struggling.

Social life, eh? I used to go out a lot in high school, but I moved and starting attending college early. I have problems making new friends, so I go out significantly less, maybe once a month? It's gotten better over the year.

Love life, I've become more and more withdrawn as I've gotten older. I can't accept my body, and am definitely too afraid to give anyone else the chance to see me.

What category would you say your eating disorder falls under?

When I was 12 I had BED, than from 13 to 15 I had bulimia (which for me was the worst time in my life), and I now it falls under EDNOS.

What circumstances would you say triggered your eating disorder?

Moving across the country triggered BED, depression and bulimia went hand in hand, and unfortunately, a healthy regime taken too far has gotten me to where I am now.

What made you realize you had developed your eating disorder?

It was only recently actually. I looked in the mirror and saw that I was pale, dark circles, my hair was falling out, brittle nails, my voice was starting to go etc... I still don't think it's that big of a problem, and I often tell myself I'm fine, but than again, I know that restriction/purging is not normal.

Do you have a history of eating disorders? Are there others within your immidiate circle of family and friends witheating disorders?

No one in my family has ever had an eating disorder. I have had three friends who have had eating disorders, two of them are recovered, and I fear for the other's life.

Describe any changes you've noticed in your own behaviours since the eating disorder began.

I'm irritable, unhappy, I no longer care about anything but what goes into my mouth and what can come out. I'm here to get healthy and leave that thought process behind.

Describe any changes you've noticed in other's relationships towards you since your wating disorder began.

I still have a very strong circle of friends, of which all remain pretty much oblivious, thankfully. My friendships have not changed, for that I am extremely pleased, because friends mean the world to me. My mother, on the other hand, enjoys following me around to the bathroom or snoooping through my room to make sure I'm doing okay. Kind of bothers me, but I understand.

Have you managed to keep your eating disorder a secret? Who have you told? Has anyone found out on their own?

My family figured it out themselves. I've told one friend, and that was only recently.

If so, how did they react? Have they been a help or a hinderance?

My family thinks I'm healthier now, and think that it was an unintentional thing, and how my body coped with the move. My friend was shocked, and had no idea. She often tells me how scared she is for my life, I hate being a burden on her, but she's also helped me a ton.

What would you say is the hardest thing about your eating disorder?

It makes me really unhappy. I've been unhappy for so long, and I was such a cheerful/bubbly child(self conscious, but still content), so I just want to smile and laugh more.

What would you say you actually enjoy about having an eating disorder?

It's made me think deeply to figure out why this has happened, and what I can do to stop it. Also, I know what it takes to be healthy, and once I get there I can appreciate it that much more.

Describe some of the emotions you have had to face since developing your eating disorder.

I've realized that I'm a different person that my eating disorder wants me to be. I have morals, I'm healthy, I love life/want to live, I don't care if I have a zit etc...My eating disorder tells me that I'm a failure if I don't try harder, it doesn't let me think about school, I'm not allowed to go out for dinner or enjoy myself.

Do you have any rituals/ obsessions with food or excersise? Describe them.

Everything that went into my body used to have to come out. Now I refuse to purge healthy food, so big step in the right direction.

Have you ever had to use trickery to fool others about hyour eating disorder? Your family/ friends/ doctor?

hmmm yes.... I hate being deceitful or untrustworthy, but I guess that's what I've become. "I ate before I came" "Not hungry" "Don't feel well". I used to work a lot so I wouldn't ever be at home and no one could follow my eating habits. Mostly friends and family. I lied flat out to my doctor.

Do you have a therapist or any kind of professional help?

Nope, but I'm seriously considering it, because I'm beginning to realize that it doesn't happen alone.

Describe any physical and emotional changes you have noticed in yourself since you have developed your eating disorder.

Physical = loss of hair, pale/dry skin, dark circles under my eyes, brittle/peeling nails, lost my voice, sore throat, my teeth are starting to fall apart, always exhausted, constantly nauseous, can't stomach too much at once, sleepless...so really, makes you wonder why I continue if I see all of the negatives.

Emotional = Depression, I feel like a failure all of the time, I feel so self absorbed, but it's getting better. I just have to work hard.

Feel free to share any other stories/anecdotes that have to do with your eating disorder, whether they are particularily painful or, conversly, particularily amusing.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? 10 years?

Honestly I have no idea. I see myself getting rid of my eating disorder, because I deserve a life without it. I would love to get a phd and would love a big family.

Who or what would you say has/have been your biggest motivators for recovery?

This is going to kill me. I'm only eighteen, it's not my time yet.

Describe the difference to you between a good day and a bad day.

Good day= days where I smile, I enjoy myself, I go out with friends, I don't throw up.

Bad day= I withdraw, and beat myself up and only focus on food, exercise, purging and calories. Those days are becoming less and less frequent.

Feel free to ask me any more questions. Thanks for reminding me how far I've come.

congratulations! you look beyond amazing! you must feel even better!