Changes in Sexual Desire

Everyone's libido changes from time to time.  Sometimes its circumstantial, like having kids and not getting enough sleep for two years!  Sometimes its pressure from work seeping into the home-life.  Sometimes its depression or anxiety.  Sometimes its medications.  Sometimes its due to a traumatic experience we had.  Sometimes we are coming around to a failing love-relationship.  Sometimes we are discovering a new sexual-preference.  Sometimes its the changes in age, illness, surgery, divorce, exercise, or lack thereof, new love, old love, dead love. 

Its been my experience with myself and in speaking with others about this that women tend to wane & wax sexually more than men do.  Since this community is dominated by women, I thought it an interesting question to pose. 

So lets hear it ladies, and men - you can join-in as well.  What's your 'baseline' libido been like (how often do you want sex) and what and when did you notice changes in your life.  What do you think you can attribute the changes to?  Has anyone noticed a change in desire for sex but not a change in desire for self-pleasure? 

I am curious about a consensus.  So gab away, y'all!  I wanna know.  I'm not going to tell about my waxing & waning until some others have posted because I don't want to influence what others post.  But I will.  Just keep checking back. 

I want sex just about everyday often times multiple times each day.

My boyfriend loves my sex drive.

I'd say on average we have sex at least 12-15 times a week some weeks more.

.What can I say I love sex!

^ What she said, only swap out boyfriend with husband.

^^ And I don't love just sex, I love my husband's sex.

Teens to 22, sex all the time.  Everyday. Multiple times per day.

I went on birth control when I was 22 and I completely lost all my sex drive.  Gone.  Vanished.  Was on the pill for a year and decided it wasn't for me.  Sex drive improved but not much.

It's finally getting back to normal (25).  I have sex an average of 4 times a week.

I find my drive changes throughout my menstrual cycle too.

 

Original Post by jewelsmcblah:

Teens to 22, sex all the time. Everyday. Multiple times per day.

I went on birth control when I was 22 and I completely lost all my sex drive. Gone. Vanished. Was on the pill for a year and decided it wasn't for me. Sex drive improved but not much.

It's finally getting back to normal (25). I have sex an average of 4 times a week.

I find my drive changes throughout my menstrual cycle too.

What she said. I find also that my sex drive has come back more so now that I am with a guy I find myself enjoying it with (still not the same as pre-pill but enough that I'm relieved it was him [ex] not me that was the problem).

My sex drive is like a rollercoaster.  It totally depends on my mood, the atmosphere, work, hormones, my medication, etc.  Heck, even the music I listen to, the books I read, and the movies I watch have an impact on not only my mood, but my....desires as well.

Hmmm.  Do ya think that's why my husband  brings home romance novels and gooey chick flicks for me?

I noticed a change when I was on the pill it was significantly lower.  Also, the more good sex I get, the more I want.  If I'm not getting any, my sex drive hibernates for the most part.

^^ what smwhipple said apart from the pill bit, never been on it.

Mine has always been very high with the exception of the last year or so that my ex husband was living with me-- and that was just because he wasn't nice and I was so sick of it and miserable and depressed that I definitely didn't want him to touch me.

Now I could definitely go with at least once a day. But it ends up happening about 3-4 times a week. My guy is a recovered alcoholic, and while I would never ever want him to start drinking again, as it affects his body drastically and he ends up in the hospital, I do miss the super high sex drive that the alcohol gave him. When he was drinking it would be several times a day, plus just a lot more touching and snuggling throughout the day. I remember being so upset the first week he quit drinking because he sat right beside me watching a movie and didn't reach out to hold my hand!

Being of the 'mature' female category on here (50 and over) I am probably out of the ordinary where libido comes into play.  I want it often.  Often being several times a week.  Unfortunately I dont always get what I want :-(

I had 3 kids in my twenties, so aside from procreational desires, the 20's were a bust for me, for the most part. (usually didn't want to do anything for at least 2 years after having a baby). Hubby was frustrated as heck patient.

30's have been pretty good for me, and very good to hubby, but occasionally a month could go by with no action and I'd be alright with it. Hubby still has the libido of an 18 y/o though, so a month of celibacy isn't in the cards.

I like this thread.

Once a day is good... with an occasional double dip.

7-10 times a week.

I wouldn't say my sex drive waivers very much... it has been pretty steady since 18.

My husband and I shoot for once a week. Honestly, we sometimes don't even feel like it, with having four kids ages 5 to 9 months old. We figure if we just do it once a week, that way we won't forget how;) We used to do it alot more, before the kids came along.

Honestly, being a stay at home mom to all those little kids is a tough job. They are very needy, being so little. By the time they are in bed, I really just need some space, some quiet, or to collapse on the couch and veg out with mindless tv. Having someone else touch me isn't really at the top of the list.

And as for the original post, my desire for intimacy with my husband has decreased since the kids, and antidepressants.....not because I am any less attracted to him, just because of our situation right now. However, I have a healthy relationship with my Hitachi Magic Wand (those extremely rare few and far between precious moments I have to myself), so I guess I still have some desire left in me.

 

When I was young and in my prime

I used to do it all the time.

But now I'm old and getting gray,

I only do it twice a day!

 

 

WOW.  I am so glad my husband doesn't come onto this site.

When we first got married and through my first preganancy I couldn't get enough.  Now 14 years and 2 kids later I am okay with once a week.  I have agreed to try for 2 a week romps, but i don't always reach that goal. Hubby and I decided I needed to be a little more affectionate.  He is a very touchy feely type of person, while I prefer less touching.  I am 40 hubby is 43, I think his sex drive just keeps going up. 

My libido is lower with some thyroid issues, but my BF and I have sex about 4 times a week.  We're both really busy, so sometimes we get to bed late and just want to sleep.  We always spend time being "intimate"... kissing and massaging each others shoulders or back, so I don't think either of us feels like we are lacking...

Probably will change now that I'm pregnant :)

 

No baseline, like you said it waxes and wanes. It also depends what stimulus I'm taken in--is the guy who wants to have sex with me attractive in any way? Has he mentioned anything unwittingly that has triggered one of my fetishes? Do I just plain old feel like it or not?

Among all the other evil things Seroquel does, it killed my sex drive. Prozac increased my sex drive. My current Abilify/Atirex/Celexa cocktail is somewhere in between, which I prefer. Ecstasy is said to increase sex drive(and tolerance to techno music), but all it ever made me do was want to bounce around and listen to the Misfits.

Something incredibly sudden and horrific, I've found, will create a need to have sex in the aftermath, but...in a different way, with no arousal or horniness...just this robotic need. Apparently from a psychological standpoint this is somewhat common and may be tangentially related to a survival instinct.

And lastly, and the reason I'm assuming most of us come to calorie-count, weight fluctuation is a big issue for my sex drive. When I am displeased with my weight I lose my sex drive, but as I lose pounds my drive increases. This is another evil of Seroquel, not only does it kill the libido itself, it causes weight gain which also kills the libido. It's like a double-whammy against your sex drive.

Man, this topic makes me really sad. When I was like 17-18 I used to want it at LEAST once a day. Now that I'm on the pill... I don't even care. I could do it once a week or once a month and I'd be fine. It makes my boyfriend feel like I don't like sex with him, or that I don't think he's attractive. But I do! I just don't ever feel the urge, and it's hard for me to remember "Oh, I should initiate sex tonight!" I miss my libido :[

I am 23, my bf is 22.

He wants it around twice a week.

I want it probably 4-5 times a week.

We end up with once a week, as we both work full time, and his sex drive is, to be honest, crappy.

It makes me feel unattractive and awful, but I'm working on the two not being linked. He just isn't 18 anymore I guess :\