Changes in Sexual Desire

Everyone's libido changes from time to time.  Sometimes its circumstantial, like having kids and not getting enough sleep for two years!  Sometimes its pressure from work seeping into the home-life.  Sometimes its depression or anxiety.  Sometimes its medications.  Sometimes its due to a traumatic experience we had.  Sometimes we are coming around to a failing love-relationship.  Sometimes we are discovering a new sexual-preference.  Sometimes its the changes in age, illness, surgery, divorce, exercise, or lack thereof, new love, old love, dead love. 

Its been my experience with myself and in speaking with others about this that women tend to wane & wax sexually more than men do.  Since this community is dominated by women, I thought it an interesting question to pose. 

So lets hear it ladies, and men - you can join-in as well.  What's your 'baseline' libido been like (how often do you want sex) and what and when did you notice changes in your life.  What do you think you can attribute the changes to?  Has anyone noticed a change in desire for sex but not a change in desire for self-pleasure? 

I am curious about a consensus.  So gab away, y'all!  I wanna know.  I'm not going to tell about my waxing & waning until some others have posted because I don't want to influence what others post.  But I will.  Just keep checking back. 

Original Post by victoriagirl:

cptbunny, that seems like an awfully high price to have to pay! Have you tried some different types of contraceptives? I also have PCOS, and had terriblly irregular, painful periods when not on the pill, in fact the year that I went off the pill was the only reason I found out I even had PCOS....hormones all wonky like yours. But there are lots of different hormone combos, if one has too many negative side-effects your doctor should have you try another. And another. I am on Yasmin and it seems to be fine, though I have read that Yasmin is not recommended for women with PCOS, can't remember why cuz it doesn't seem to affect me....but I was also on Triquilar and Triphasil in the past and that was fine too. My sex drive has survived all through it!

My first BC was Yasmin. :) Unfortunately the pain came back 3 months later. Because of endometreosis, I'm told I can't have my period because it's safer not to have it...and this is when the Depo shot came to be. I was on seasonale also, but the periods...they were horrible. If it's safe to skip my period on other birth controls, I'd definitely give it a try. Unfortunately, the shot is in my system until March, haha. :)

I will definitely ask my doctor about other options in March because I just can't take it anymore, haha. I'm gonna explode! :P

Original Post by cptbunny:

Original Post by victoriagirl:

cptbunny, that seems like an awfully high price to have to pay! Have you tried some different types of contraceptives? I also have PCOS, and had terriblly irregular, painful periods when not on the pill, in fact the year that I went off the pill was the only reason I found out I even had PCOS....hormones all wonky like yours. But there are lots of different hormone combos, if one has too many negative side-effects your doctor should have you try another. And another. I am on Yasmin and it seems to be fine, though I have read that Yasmin is not recommended for women with PCOS, can't remember why cuz it doesn't seem to affect me....but I was also on Triquilar and Triphasil in the past and that was fine too. My sex drive has survived all through it!

My first BC was Yasmin. :) Unfortunately the pain came back 3 months later. Because of endometreosis, I'm told I can't have my period because it's safer not to have it...and this is when the Depo shot came to be. I was on seasonale also, but the periods...they were horrible. If it's safe to skip my period on other birth controls, I'd definitely give it a try. Unfortunately, the shot is in my system until March, haha. :)

I will definitely ask my doctor about other options in March because I just can't take it anymore, haha. I'm gonna explode! :P

I was diagnosed with endometriosis back in the 80's.  I took Ovral 21 without the 7 day break for my period for a full year and it stopped my periods and the pain subsided.  Though I was not diagnosed with PCOS, I had ovarian cysts at midcycle monthly when not on the pill.  It has come & gone over the years,but a low-dose pill helps me a lot and seems to have eliminated the cysts altogether. 

I though Depo was basically just an injectable OC, for the most part, taken every 3 months.  I am not sure what the difference is between taking an OC continually to stop periods and Depo.  BUt whatever works for you.

I know the pain of endometriosis and PCOS.  Its horrific.  Perhaps you were more libidinous w/o the hormones but if you were like me, sex was painful often.  Enough of that will kill your libido.  I know from experience.  Wht you don't need is the emotional association of pain with sex.  Its better to just not really be into it, but to enjoy the process of loving your man.  A freind just told me a couple of days ago, she's been married like 13 yrs or something, that she doesn't always have orgasms, but she doesn't have to.  Inever really thought about it but I feel almost obliged to orgasm lest my man feel sexually inadequate.  But she's right.  I think that the loving process of making-love is something probably more easily understood by the femal mind-body.  Men tend to be more orgasm-oriented than women.  I enjoy it becasue it feels so darn good! 

As for the body hair.  I use tweezers.  I have a bit of Italian and Romanian lineage.  I think our lineage can have something to do with how much of certain chemicals we tend to produce.  Italians tend to be passionate and hairy - testosterone.  Its testosterone that fuels the libido.  Once a week sounds about right to me for a married couple.  But its just me.  I used to want it lots more, w/o OC or SSRIs, but it wasn't really pleasant.  I mean, who wants to feel like they are in heat every other day!?  Sex is important, but so are family, work, home and other aspects of living. 

Original Post by mspw:

As far as nuva ring is concerned, or injections, I would recommend trying the pill before that. If you can't tolerate the hormones you can just stop taking it. with the ring & injections its in you for a longer period of time. That scares me.

The ring takes 2 seconds to pull out if it's bothering you. I think I remember it also being lower hormone because it's 'localized'.

My sex drive sucks.  Seriously.  I *maybe* want sex once a month, but it can fluctuate depending on how nice BF is being to me, how well rested I am, and, like others have said, what books/movies/foods/music I've been taking in that day. 

Original Post by mspw:

Original Post by cptbunny:

Original Post by victoriagirl:

cptbunny, that seems like an awfully high price to have to pay! Have you tried some different types of contraceptives? I also have PCOS, and had terriblly irregular, painful periods when not on the pill, in fact the year that I went off the pill was the only reason I found out I even had PCOS....hormones all wonky like yours. But there are lots of different hormone combos, if one has too many negative side-effects your doctor should have you try another. And another. I am on Yasmin and it seems to be fine, though I have read that Yasmin is not recommended for women with PCOS, can't remember why cuz it doesn't seem to affect me....but I was also on Triquilar and Triphasil in the past and that was fine too. My sex drive has survived all through it!

My first BC was Yasmin. :) Unfortunately the pain came back 3 months later. Because of endometreosis, I'm told I can't have my period because it's safer not to have it...and this is when the Depo shot came to be. I was on seasonale also, but the periods...they were horrible. If it's safe to skip my period on other birth controls, I'd definitely give it a try. Unfortunately, the shot is in my system until March, haha. :)

I will definitely ask my doctor about other options in March because I just can't take it anymore, haha. I'm gonna explode! :P

I was diagnosed with endometriosis back in the 80's.  I took Ovral 21 without the 7 day break for my period for a full year and it stopped my periods and the pain subsided.  Though I was not diagnosed with PCOS, I had ovarian cysts at midcycle monthly when not on the pill.  It has come & gone over the years,but a low-dose pill helps me a lot and seems to have eliminated the cysts altogether. 

I though Depo was basically just an injectable OC, for the most part, taken every 3 months.  I am not sure what the difference is between taking an OC continually to stop periods and Depo.  BUt whatever works for you.

I know the pain of endometriosis and PCOS.  Its horrific.  Perhaps you were more libidinous w/o the hormones but if you were like me, sex was painful often.  Enough of that will kill your libido.  I know from experience.  Wht you don't need is the emotional association of pain with sex.  Its better to just not really be into it, but to enjoy the process of loving your man.  A freind just told me a couple of days ago, she's been married like 13 yrs or something, that she doesn't always have orgasms, but she doesn't have to.  Inever really thought about it but I feel almost obliged to orgasm lest my man feel sexually inadequate.  But she's right.  I think that the loving process of making-love is something probably more easily understood by the femal mind-body.  Men tend to be more orgasm-oriented than women.  I enjoy it becasue it feels so darn good! 

As for the body hair.  I use tweezers.  I have a bit of Italian and Romanian lineage.  I think our lineage can have something to do with how much of certain chemicals we tend to produce.  Italians tend to be passionate and hairy - testosterone.  Its testosterone that fuels the libido.  Once a week sounds about right to me for a married couple.  But its just me.  I used to want it lots more, w/o OC or SSRIs, but it wasn't really pleasant.  I mean, who wants to feel like they are in heat every other day!?  Sex is important, but so are family, work, home and other aspects of living. 

 

Well technically me and my husband don't have intercourse because it is absolutely impossible. There is nothing but pain. I told my doctor this and they said there was nothing they could do. =\ My husband and I have a work around at this point that works for both of us but I'm never in the mood to do any of it anyway. >_<

I'm also going to be put on an SSRI soon so I'm sure it's only going to get worse, haha. Hopefully I don't have to stay on it forever. :)

I'm going to ask about low dose BC options, I know if none of them work that my depo shot is waiting for me. :p

I seem to be 'in the mood' the most at night or in the middle of the night, and he's primarily in the mood in the mornings...and in the mornings, nothing about me functions, let alone my libido. I don't want to be the married couple that has little sex, that stereotype sucks! :P

hmmm...well, when I was on the pill my libido completely disappeared, same thing happened I had an eating disorder--my sex drive completely went down the drain.  When I recovered, I felt like a raging hormone because I wanted sex all the time and my bf at the time was very happy to comply.  I'm not in a relationship at the moment, so it's pretty much gone back into hibernation and perks back up depending on my monthly cycle.  (i.e. before ovulating or a few days before my period arrives).  I guess that's normal, right?

cpt: My advice, if your doc says there's nothing they can do, is to get a second opinion.  There are MANY options for endometriosis.  In the extreme cases laser surgery is done via laporoscope.  Don't give up on it.  But do whatever you need to do for yourself and the sanctity of your marriage.  Beware of feelings of inadequacy and letting that motivate decisions about your health. 

Original Post by tahitisweetie123:

hmmm...well, when I was on the pill my libido completely disappeared, same thing happened I had an eating disorder--my sex drive completely went down the drain.  When I recovered, I felt like a raging hormone because I wanted sex all the time and my bf at the time was very happy to comply.  I'm not in a relationship at the moment, so it's pretty much gone back into hibernation and perks back up depending on my monthly cycle.  (i.e. before ovulating or a few days before my period arrives).  I guess that's normal, right?

I haven't the slightest idea about what normal is.  But I know that, before I was on the pill, when I ovulated, I'd get in the mood pretty righteously around ovulation and just prior to menstruation.