CHEATERS....What is America Coming to?

HEHEHE..so check it it people…

I knew America was F’ed up, but DAMN!!!! When you are married…that’s it man…no more chasin’ booty.  They have a site where married people can go on and cheat on their husband or wife.  WTF.  And get this….ohhhhh you’re gunna love this...the site: AshleyMadison.com is named after the guy’s daughters…and they are like little kids.  I guess this really is the home of the free and brave where people can profit off of cheating spouses.  Not only that, but he even made the slogan “Life is short…Why not have an affair”…hahahaha.  I gotta give it to him though…he is exploiting something that will make him rich….QUICK!!!!!.

I told my girl if she ever saw me on that crap … that she has the permission to shoot me in the eyeball and rip off my balls.  I mean what do you think seeing a site like this? By the way…some women might want to check and see if their husbands are on there…you might get a RUDE surprise!!!!!!

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

^ yes, it used to be illegal to cheat on your spouse

now, it's just something that will allow your spouse to get the better end of your divorce agreement

Midwifery was grounds for burning at the stake too. Times change... and a good thing that is for midwives.

Original Post by moonikins:

I was thinking the same thing sully. After all, this country used to approve of slavery, segregation, spousal abuse, child abuse, child labor, etc., etc.

Uh... yeah, that too! ;)

Original Post by monarch777:

 Gosh. I wonder who this might be? (*eye roll*)

I think this hypothetical person has already made up his mind. That said...cheating is an empty pursuit. Completely.

I'm not naming names, but you MAY know of him. ;) Hey, it was 5am when I wrote that and his was the most recent example I could think of at the time. Despite his predisposition towards searching for some strange, the example is still valid.

I fundamentally disagree with the concept that seeking to fill one of the most elemental human needs is empty. From a biological standpoint, our primary instinctual motivations are to survive and to replicate. We can use our brains to suppress those instinctual desires, but it makes for a pretty miserable existence. The trick in life, it seems, is to work out how best to fill those primal needs without stepping on the emotions of those we care for or damaging ourselves in the process.... I say that as a guy who ballooned up to past 300 pounds, so I freely admit that I may not have mastered that particular trick QUITE yet.

I disdain "cheating", which I define as a violation of the emotional bond of trust with your partner, but when there's a severe lack of sexual compatibility in a relationship then extra-relational sex has to be a valid solution if the relationship is important.

Let us take another scenario... you're a young couple in a loving relationship. Perhaps you have kids, a nice home, a decent life but, through a tragic medical mishap, it was impossible for you to have sex in any meaningful fashion. You can still live, love, enjoy each other's company, snuggle and do all the things lovers can do EXCEPT THE SEX. Which then would be the better solution... enforced chastity, or working out an arrangement where physical needs can be met, but the emotional bond remains sacred?

It's easy to immediately toe the societally approved line of "o noes, teh extramarital sex iz teh bad! I can haz divors lawyur?", but not every situation categorizes easily, and it is possible to have extramarital sex without it damaging the emotional bond of the people in the marriage.

Original Post by kathygator:

Hata you amuse me.

There. I said it.

Awww... I love you too hon. Kiss kiss!

Original Post by coffincritter:

That reminds me, I have to log on and post my latests Lion King/Siddhartha fanfiction, which I typed with one hand...not to worry though, the other hand was busy sketching a rendition of that iconic Che Guavara photo where Che is like some Disney style furry wolf in a beret. YIFF!

I know someone who would give his middle nut for a t-shirt with a furry Che on it. Silkscreen up one of those for me (black on red?) and I could give it as a belated christmas present.

Working out an arrangement in the above outlined scenario is by definition not cheating, Hata. It's working out an arrangement, that may or may not be acceptable to society, at large, but works for the couple in question.

Cheating, on the other hand, is breaking one's oath. It's not an act of desperation, it's an act of weakness.

What has changed in our society is that many are no longer taught that one's oath is one's bond. We measure our worth by our possessions or by the view others have of us, not by the strength of our character.

Original Post by kathygator:

one's oath is one's bond. We measure our worth by our possessions or by the view others have of us, not by the strength of our character.

 

 QFT

If you don't have the guts to approach your spouse with the problem and work out a solution, don't pretend you're doing them or your relationship any favors by sneaking around behind their back.

Original Post by kathygator:

Working out an arrangement in the above outlined scenario is by definition not cheating, Hata. It's working out an arrangement, that may or may not be acceptable to society, at large, but works for the couple in question.

Cheating, on the other hand, is breaking one's oath. It's not an act of desperation, it's an act of weakness.

What has changed in our society is that many are no longer taught that one's oath is one's bond. We measure our worth by our possessions or by the view others have of us, not by the strength of our character.

Okay, we're on the same page there. So many people equate extramarital sex with cheating unequivocally, and there's a pretty large gap between the two although they are often linked. My original point is that a site like this is an artifact of something that's been in human society for untold millennia, and that not every situation is a simple black-and-white scenario of "He's bored and wants some new ass." (or she, as applicable). Again, as someone has already pointed out, people have been cheating for a very very long time. The bond, as it turns out, has never been as strong as some might like to believe.

... and I cannot agree enough that the modern ideal of "personal development" these days seems to be adding zeros to your portfolio balance. I'm a small business owner and I've been on that treadmill in the past (part of the reason why I'm as large as I am... cushy desk job + long hours + wife who can cook like a madwoman + kids who can run to the store for munchies = me with enormous ass) and it's easy to fall into that pattern of chasing the red queen. The problem is that to reject that idea is to reject a significant portion of society, to turn oneself into a pariah in whole or in part and risk significant hardship by turning away from the consumerist system. That's a daunting choice even if you know with 100% certainty you're right, let alone in the wishy-washy realm of "how to live best".

Personally, I've got a strong parrothead streak in me. I would be perfectly happy tending a small bar on the shore of a white sandy beach and sailing the carribean 'til my end of days... but I'm fairly sure if I tried to impose that dream on my family, I'd be barricading the door of my office while they milled about with torches and pitchforks.

Okay I guess I have to "defend" my moral compass statement/position.  Please remember that at the start I my post  I stated I wanted to play devils advocate.

First - I don't believe in cheating.  If you feel the need to go elsewhere don't make up a BS excuse get the heck out and don't look back. 

Moral Compass going south as compared to when - I think with the easy access to information we now hear more and more of what is really going on out there.  Cheating has been around since the dawn of time, but now it appears to be more widely open/accepted.  I know that some cultures took the .do it but don't talk about it stance, now we do it and talk about it. 

Yes we had (and still have in some countries) slavery, child abuse, spousal abuse, crime, poverty, it just appears that mainstream america has accepted it as the norm.  I don't believe in slavery, I personally feel child abusers and molestors and rapists should be shot, etc......

The guy that started the cheating website has gotten great publicity here. How many of us have gone out and at least looked at his home page?  Nothing better than free publicity.  Why did we look at it? Curiosity, and maybe even some looking for a hook up

I don't think it necessarily means you've got to turn your back on a large portion of society, but I do think it means that there are very few opportunities to do the right thing. When faced with the chance, no matter how small or rare, the choice is all.

I do think society would be better served by letting go of the assumption that what goes on in other people's bedrooms has any relevance at all in the grand scheme of things.

Original Post by kathygator:

I do think society would be better served by letting go of the assumption that what goes on in other people's bedrooms has any relevance at all in the grand scheme of things.

"The state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation."
~ P.M. Pierre Elliott Trudeau (1969)

I sure haven't looked at that site.

I already get spam offering me "young girls but legal" and piles of viagra - i'd hate to see what a visit to that site would mean to my spam quotient.

nomo - I haven't looked either, it is blocked from work.  I will probably forget the site by the time I get home.  I also don't need anymore viagra, young girls or penile extension spams.  I am a female. 

me too! 

but i guess they can't tell my gender from my email addy, not that they would care

stoopid spammers...

Although the one where Doctor N'gay Nuchola wants me to have his 12 million dollars seems promising. ;)

Kathy - is that only after you give him all your personal banking information.  Phishing expedition was a success. 

I wonder thought, what I might do with a bigger......  i will have to ask the hubby?  Maybe he will hav a suggestion.  Okay that was uncalled for, but 35 minutes left at work and i need entertainment.

Original Post by ignayshus:

If you don't have the guts to approach your spouse with the problem and work out a solution, don't pretend you're doing them or your relationship any favors by sneaking around behind their back.

 My thoughts exactly!

Some people have thrown out some odd marriage scenarios where one's sexual needs are just not being met.  But the fact remains that cheating is not ok.  If someone is in one of those marriages, then I really feel for them.  But they need to do the responsible and adult thing and talk to their spouse to determine the best solution for them.  This might include an "open" relationship.  Heck, it may even include the spouse saying "I won't ask you what you do as long as you don't tell".  But shouldn't the spouse at least be given the opportunity to help in making that decision before just being cheated on with no choice in the matter?

Original Post by theresa5656:

Kathy - is that only after you give him all your personal banking information.  Phishing expedition was a success. 

I wonder thought, what I might do with a bigger......  i will have to ask the hubby?  Maybe he will hav a suggestion.  Okay that was uncalled for, but 35 minutes left at work and i need entertainment.

Nah.  Not uncalled for.  I sometimes wonder what my husband would do with a bigger.......Heck, I wouldn't know where to put it all 

Original Post by theresa5656:

I am going to play devils advocate here. 

Yes our countries moral compass is going further and further south, but why are we the public so interested in what everyone else does?  If we spent less time worrying about wether other people were cheating maybe we could spend more time fixing the problems within our own relationships. 

Marraige vows should be lasting and should be able to hold a couple together, but what if they don't?  What if there is love but no physical intimacy, who are we to judge.  I myself am not a cheater and neither (as far as I know) is my spouse) but I can't be bothered with what other people do with their free time.

This country was set up and marketed as the land of the free, golden opportunity here, so if this is how this guy chooses to make his money, more power to him.  Law of supply and demand.  People obviously want to cheat and he is giving them the means to do so. 

 

 Because there is nothing wrong with my relationship...

all have to say is...Adultry....that's why...

Original Post by eddiepotter:

 Because there is nothing wrong with my relationship...

all have to say is...Adultry....that's why...

Okay, maybe I'm reading this the wrong way...

... but that looks suspiciously like you're saying "Because my relationship is fine, I therefore am entitled the right to pass judgement on others."

Or, one could say that because my relationship is crap...I am entitled to screw around. Entitlement is everywhere. Not just the judgemental people corner the market on it.

I think if one's relationship is crap..they should get out of it expeditiously...and THEN screw around. It's only fair. If you choose to have extramarital sex, you also invite the judgement. That's the way it goes.

Original Post by monarch777:

Or, one could say that because my relationship is crap...I am entitled to screw around. Entitlement is everywhere. Not just the judgemental people corner the market on it.

I think if one's relationship is crap..they should get out of it expeditiously...and THEN screw around. It's only fair. If you choose to have extramarital sex, you also invite the judgement. That's the way it goes.

 Right on, girl!!!