CHEATERS....What is America Coming to?

HEHEHE..so check it it people…

 

I knew America was F’ed up, but DAMN!!!! When you are married…that’s it man…no more chasin’ booty.  They have a site where married people can go on and cheat on their husband or wife.  WTF.  And get this….ohhhhh you’re gunna love this...the site: AshleyMadison.com is named after the guy’s daughters…and they are like little kids.  I guess this really is the home of the free and brave where people can profit off of cheating spouses.  Not only that, but he even made the slogan “Life is short…Why not have an affair”…hahahaha.  I gotta give it to him though…he is exploiting something that will make him rich….QUICK!!!!!.

I told my girl if she ever saw me on that crap … that she has the permission to shoot me in the eyeball and rip off my balls.  I mean what do you think seeing a site like this? By the way…some women might want to check and see if their husbands are on there…you might get a RUDE surprise!!!!!!

Original Post by hatamoto:

I think the term paternity fraud is a legal one, as fraud usually has very specific connotations within the courts and specifically requires that there be wilfull misleading of the victim to the fact of / suspicion of a different father.

Accidental pregnancy without the mother's knowledge wouldn't fall into the legal definition... although I suspect scenarios are limited to as how a woman could get accidentally pregnant. Passed out at a party, perhaps, or group sex with faulty birth control or something, or some sort of dissociative mental state post facto.

I've not done a whole bunch of research on the topic, but it seems that the majority of the cases turn on a statute of limitations basis, and not on the actual genetic heritage... which seems to me more than passibly strange. There must be a lot of common law historical baggage going on there.

hata...I was never "angry with you personally"..how could I be? I don't know you. Nor you, I .  And like you said, it was a "sensation"...if you had a specific quote or some logic behind it,....anyway...

I could look at this from both sides. What would it feel like to want to cheat, and what would it feel like to be cheated on? Either way, I still maintain that if it were important enough to me to bed someone else...and in lying it might be discovered out anyhow..why not just present the truth? I highly doubt that a person who is really happy in their relationship would actually cheat or even want to cheat. I agree that sexual differences, money, power struggles etc, all add to the factors that lead to looking elsewhere. I feel that you should leave the original relationship if you cannot work it out. Freeing up BOTH parties to seek contentment elsewhere. But if you lie to, or deceive the person you promised fidelity to...you steal their choice in the matter. If they choose to live with it, forgive you...stay with you. Cool. That is also their choice. It happens.

Original Post by monarch777:

hata...I was never "angry with you personally"..how could I be? I don't know you. Nor you, I .  And like you said, it was a "sensation"...if you had a specific quote or some logic behind it,....anyway...

Fair enough, and 'nuff said.

I could look at this from both sides. What would it feel like to want to cheat, and what would it feel like to be cheated on? Either way, I still maintain that if it were important enough to me to bed someone else...and in lying it might be discovered out anyhow..why not just present the truth? I highly doubt that a person who is really happy in their relationship would actually cheat or even want to cheat.

I don't think that's necessarily the case. I'm very happy in my relationship, but I've also been very tempted at times. I'd never want to hurt my wife, and in keeping with that desire if I did engage in some illicit dalliance, my natural instinct would be to conceal it... not just to save myself, but also to save her from the resulting drama.

That said, it most likely would come out. I'm a terrible liar.

I agree that sexual differences, money, power struggles etc, all add to the factors that lead to looking elsewhere. I feel that you should leave the original relationship if you cannot work it out. Freeing up BOTH parties to seek contentment elsewhere. But if you lie to, or deceive the person you promised fidelity to...you steal their choice in the matter. If they choose to live with it, forgive you...stay with you. Cool. That is also their choice. It happens.

You use the phrase steal their choice repeatedly. Honestly, it's not their choice in any circumstance. It's that one's choice alone to remain within the limits of the relationship or to violate them, just as it would be the other party's choice to stay in the relationship or not based on what s/he knows of the first person. Neither can force that relationship to stay intact, nor force the other to remain faithful (short of pathological horror movie style scenarios).

The withholding of information does not equate to the denial of a choice. It's more honorable to disclose and discussing scenarios before things are in the heat of the moment is a very mature and healthy thing to do, but we are all still individuals. The only people responsible for our choices and actions are ourselves.

Edit: Fixed seriously confused NGSP usage.

All that legal and biological humdums are nice to know as far as social creatures are concerned.  The real crux is:  Can you wake up every morning, look into your partner's eyes and say, "thank god, I have you in my life."  

Will your heart beat faster once he finds you from a sea of people at Grand Central?  Can you feel completely in-love dancing with him at someone else's wedding?  If you ask, "Do I look fat in this?" and he says you've gained a few pounds, you know it's OK because he loves you anyway. 

The bottomline is that we all know it is natural to want more from everyone and everything.  When it comes to a great relationship and sustaining it, we just need to accept the fact that love can falter but it is absolutely up to us to do something about it.  It is absolutely up to you and your partner to keep the fire stoked...the passion alive and madness stirred.  I think once we TRULY realize "life is short" and does too Love, we wouldnt waste time sweating the small stuff and spend more effort enjoying each other.

Original Post by hatamoto:

I agree that sexual differences, money, power struggles etc, all add to the factors that lead to looking elsewhere. I feel that you should leave the original relationship if you cannot work it out. Freeing up BOTH parties to seek contentment elsewhere. But if you lie to, or deceive the person you promised fidelity to...you steal their choice in the matter. If they choose to live with it, forgive you...stay with you. Cool. That is also their choice. It happens.

You use the phrase steal their choice repeatedly. Honestly, it's not their choice in any circumstance. It's that one's choice alone to remain within the limits of the relationship or to violate them, just as it would be the other party's choice to stay in the relationship or not based on what s/he knows of the first person. Neither can force that relationship to stay intact, nor force the other to remain faithful (short of pathological horror movie style scenarios).

The withholding of information does not equate to the denial of a choice. It's more honorable to disclose and discussing scenarios before things are in the heat of the moment is a very mature and healthy thing to do, but we are all still individuals. The only people responsible for our choices and actions are ourselves.

Edit: Fixed seriously confused NGSP usage.

 The witholding of information equates to denying the other person the ability to make an educated choice.

Original Post by trustwomen:

[snip]

Then again there is the usual scenario: one or both partners secretly cheating occasionally, maintaining the illusion of fidelity and therefore the intensity of the pair bond. BTW, I'm not sure that many people's main reason not to cheat is "well, my partner hasn't cheated, so I shouldn't" despite wanting to and being able to. If you haven't cheated, it's probably either because you are inclined to do so but haven't had the opportunity, or you aren't inclined to do so (i.e. you are naturally the monogamous type). I don't believe that there are that many people actively denying themselves out there.  [snip]

So you don't find that more men hit on you or that you meet the most interesting men once you're no longer single?

That's my experience.  Pisses me off actually.  Where the hell are they when I'm single???

Original Post by trustwomen:

I don't think of marriage as sanctimonious, per se. I think of it as a patriarchal institution of social control that was created to prevent extra-pair paternity under penalty of death, which is why I won't do it. But that's another story.

But I do love the idea of pair bonding, the emotional and physical commitment to another human being with the intent to last a lifetime (which, to be fair, is what most people are thinking of when they get married these days). I could see myself joining in a civil union, I guess, which is in my opinion the modern reimagining of marriage without the historical baggage - the ideal that's about the love and commitment, and not about the women-as-chattel thing.

 I feel the same way. It's one of the reasons why I'd like to see the U.S. do away with allowing any kind of clergy to officially marry people. I'd like to see a legal civil union and then marriage being done by clergy if those people want to be married in a church.

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

So you don't find that more men hit on you or that you meet the most interesting men once you're no longer single?

That's my experience.  Pisses me off actually.  Where the hell are they when I'm single???

This happens to guys too. After I married my wife, there was a dramatic uptick of women who were making eye contact, preening, or 'accidentally' were gently bumping into me. I've noticed the same effect before then, when just starting out with a new girl that others paid more attention to me.

I've got my theories about why it happens, but it's the worst sort of dime-store pop psychology so I won't get into it. Helped some when I took my ring off, and now I'm too pudgy to wear it... which is kind of a bummer, but I'm working on it.

Very odd how the same icon tends to repell men and attract women.

If you're referring to a woman wearing a wedding ring, it doesn't repel men.

Quite the contrary.

 

i think that every one cheats in some way or another if it looking or lusting so why get married to just break a promise.

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

If you're referring to a woman wearing a wedding ring, it doesn't repel men.

Quite the contrary.

Really? Not that it ever stopped me from having a chat with them, I'll talk to anyone... but I've met several who've worn a ring just so they can say "Sorry kiddo, taken. Run along."

YMMV I suppose.

Original Post by saadiavonnie:

i think that every one cheats in some way or another if it looking or lusting so why get married to just break a promise.

Henh? Looking and lusting is cheating?

If that's so, then I've cheated on my diet about a million times in the last month.

Sorry, I don't subscribe to the idea that I'm committing mindcrimes when my lizard brain gives me a hormonal jolt on seeing a beautiful woman.

Hata, what nomo means is that a wedding ring doesn't automatically repel the men. They'll still hit on you. They will back off if you show them the ring and tell them you mean it.

Ah okay... well, that's just 'cuz we have tunnel vision. Extraneous details on the periphery is ignored while we're on the hunt.

I think it DOES take away a person's choice. I spent 20 years with a man who deceived me. How nice for HIM. I could have been getting an education and looking out for myself rather than moving around the country for his career and having HIS babies. If I had been told the truth, perhaps I may have looked out for myself more instead of giving my whole life to him. Really.

I did divorce him eventually. He now can't manage to keep his **** together. Seems I wasn't good enough in marriage, but now he blames my leaving him for his crappy life. For someone who made feel so insignificant, my not being with him ruined his life he claims.

So yeah. Lie to a spouse who cooks, cleans, does your laundry..pays the bills, works, raises your children...(mostly alone because you are off doing whatever) and keep him or her on your chain. Let them think you are on their side. Lie your ass off !

Karma. Sweet karma.

Yes, I am bitter.

I am btw, remarried. My ex can't even find a date. Any takers?

Original Post by trustwomen:

Wow, lots of thread drifts, but...let's see, since we're talking about bacchanals, I guess Roman Pagans? The Bacchanalia, like the Dionysian mysteries, were apparently secret, so it may be hard to know, really. Records describe all sorts of stuff going on at them, but if you read up about it, it's hard to say if it's accurate or written by detractors. (The rites attracted a lot of negative attention simply because of the freedom allowed to women in these rites, attitudes embodied by the character of Pentheus in "The Bacchae".) In general though, I think it's been recorded that the Romans liked their orgies, or at least the upper-class and noble Romans did. They also came up with a practice we're not supposed to discuss on this board in concurrence with their excessive feasting and such. In general though lots of Pagan cultures had practices that might be thought odd in our largely Christianized society; heiros gamos, temple prostitution, you want some kicks and giggles look up the fertility rites some of the Priestesses of Ishtar had to perform!

Polyamourists--I know long term relationship ones, and I know ones that quarrelled and fussed and eventually broke up. Which is the exact same thing I could tell you about the monogamists I've known. Fortunately none of the ones I know are looking to recruit--though from when I was polyamourous I imagine that comes from eventually growing tired of explaining your relationships and how they work again and again to incredulous monogamists, so eventually I just refrained from mentioning the whole thing.(Currently I'm non-exclusive but not in any relationships serious enough to warrant being labelled "monogamous" or "polyamourous" yet)

my point exactly.

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

So you don't find that more men hit on you or that you meet the most interesting men once you're no longer single?

That's my experience.  Pisses me off actually.  Where the hell are they when I'm single???

Art Imitates Life... and almost on cue! You'd think that whoever makes QC is a member of CC... ;)

What if they started a site like that...

And nobody showed up?

Hatamoto

I don't give a rats ass if I'm passing judgement or not...lol...the fact is I'm just saying what I feel...hahahaha...I don't need to explain myself to you bud...I was just making an observation, and putting down my opinion. plain and simple...don't read into it too much....you might hurt yourself with thought.

WTF

In some states you can actually sue the third wheel or whatever you want to call them. I don't remember the name of the law or whatnot. It used to be a wide spread thing, but as some states did away with it more followed. It wasn't difficult to cause them a lot of trouble. Lol

  I actually think it's a law that should've stayed in place for homewreckers. The reason for which being potential financial burden wakes people up. It causes them to want to handle things in a respectable manner. I don't care how many people use the excuse " I didn't know " it's your duty to find out. Be accountable. Sometimes fear of consequences can cause unhonorable people to consider their actions.

I don't understand why people are flattered by attention coming from someone dishonorable.It's dishonorable to persue someone that is married. It makes me look down upon someone that attempts to flirt with someone married. It also unnerves me that so many people hide the fact they're a mother or spouse. I proudly display the fact I love my family. I can't help but air the news that my role in life is that of a loving and happy wife/mother. It's not flattering when a married woman or man are trying to run their game on someone single either. The attention of someone married isn't flattering in any way. It's frowned upon in disdain by me. I don't understand why people act like it's the cats meow. Yuk.  It's disrespectful to you as well as their spouse.

I understand that someone single may see another person and be drawn over to them unknowingly. However, the moment they realize the person in question isn't available they should move on. Period.

For instance. I was sitting waiting on base ( navy hubby ) for my appointment to see someone. A man asked me if the seat next to me was taken. I told him that it wasn't and he sat down. He went on to say " How long have you been in the navy?" Me: Ooh. I'm not. My husband..  I started to go on to tell him how long my husband had been active duty, but he cut me off. " Oooh my gosh. I am so SORRY... I thought you were single.. I didn't notice the ring ect.. Sorry... I've made a fool of myself. I hope you have a wonderful day! Then he left.  Whatever.

I laughed. I told my husband about it later in the day because it was funny. It was just so refreshing that he apolgized. It was completely unacceptable to him to come on to me in any form.

We met again at a bbq come to find out he's a good friend of my husbands.He immediately told my husband all about it. We all laughed about it because we'd all exchanged stories about each other, but never met.

I don't understand how someone can continue down a path they realize is dishonorable. The moment you realize something isn't kosher.... back away. Stop. Apologize. Move on to find something that is available. Regardless of others attempt to justify it to amend their actions it's still dishonorable. imho.. We should have harsher punishments for homewreckers as well as adultery.

It's pathetic. People remain in marriages while breaking every vow. Those that are unfaithful should date others that have full knowledge of the fact it's none exclusive fun amongst other single people. ( Key word: Single )

Marriage should be taken seriously as should having children.Our marriages as well as other peoples marriages. Too many people are playing pretend.  I just want to scream " Stop playing house! " There are too many part-timers out there. Part-time parents. Part-time spouses. It's disgusting. It's time for people to start being accountable for their choices in life. There is no shame in waiting until you're ready to fill a full time position. A lot of homewreckers think if they can get your ' man ' or ' woman ' it somehow validates them in comparison to you, as if they're trying to up you one in order to feel ' better than ' or to the ' same ' level of existence as you. It's sorta pathetic and sad in my view. Just as some cheaters think it makes them more desirable knowing ' more ' people want them so they seek the attention. As it makes them more desirable than they were previously.