How do I get my child to eat more?

Okay, I am new here and was hoping I could get help with a problem I have been having for a LONG time. So...my daughters diet consists of:

Eggo waffles (regular and cinnamon toast), toaster struedels (strawbery/raspberry and cream cheese), lunchable (ham and cheese only), various crackers, cheese, cereal and the occasional sandwich (peanut butter and honey). Mainly the first three though.

I have been trying for YEARS to get her to try other things but it seams like every year another item gets dropped off her 'I will eat that' list and nothing gets added. It is so frustrating. She won't eat any fruit or vegetables (I even try hiding them in meals but she knows). Last year I tricked her into eating vegetarian "chicken" nuggets...now she won't eat regular chicken nuggets. What do I do? Should I just wait it out? I don't want to force her but her diet is so unhealthy.

BTW: She is 10, 4'5", and about 65 lbs.

A lot of kids are picky. I am not a parent but used to teach pre school and myself was a picky eater. Maybe if you can get her to help you cook she may be excited to try new things. Like say hey do you want to help me make a chicken stir fry and give her small things she can do. If you cut up fruits and veggies and add a dip like peanut butter or cream cheese dip she may be more likely to eat it then just plain and whole. Since she is already a little older new patterns will be harder but not impossible. I know that I was a picky junk food kid but it was because my mom gave me that option. She did start to transition to saying you can have this but also have to encorporate some healthy foods. So if you do a gradual like say she can have her usual but has to add in something new and healthy. Do you think this is just a case of picky or leading towards eating disorder behavior?Have you discussed this with your ped doc? Is that underweight for a child as it seems?

I am no expert, but what we decided to do with our children is have the good food that we eat displayed on the table. Gently encourage them to try it if they reject it, explaining what the dishes are made of and why they taste nice and are good/healthy, but without insisting if they are not tempted to try. Let them eat the food that they wish to eat so they don't go hungry. And no further comments.

The result of not being pressurised is that often they are actually tempted to try what they see we or their siblings are enjoying. And on the whole they get a fairly (if not ideal) diet.

We try to make meal times a place to chat and share our days, without putting too much focus on the actual food intake.

We also make sure we don't buy what we really don't want them to have (eg. sugar-laden cereals etc. They can have that when we go away on holidays).

Again, not an expert.

PS: abbi333's idea of getting your little girl to cook with you is also absolutely fundamental. I find that it makes a HUGE difference! Good luck!

i agree that you should let her be a part of the cooking process with you. personally, this sounds like a typical 10-year-old diet. when i was that age i was incredibly picky with my foods, and you would hardly call what i ate healthy. luckily i grew out of it, but sometimes it can continue on and become a bad habit. have you offered her any other types of lunchables? (they may not be the healthiest thing, but at least it would add some more variety). or try putting together an actual ham & cheese sandwich instead?

and when you're making food, make it plain & allow her to choose what she wants on it (for example, plain grilled chicken, let her pick the seasonings/marinade, etc). when i was that age i was SO ridiculously picky and only liked things plain, usually with ketchup.
what about making homemade waffles together? maybe if she sees how fun & easy it can be, then she'll be open to cooking other of her favorite foods (there are toaster strudel recipes online), as well as trying completely new things. good luck

wow.  that's a lot of processed food.  too bad you didn't get on this sooner; you're probably going to have a battle on your hands.

the good news is, at ten she's old enough to understand why change is important.  do some research on nitrates and other preservatives and the two of you can learn together about why these things are to be avoided.

she won't starve.  make fresh, healthy food available, eliminate the garbage convenience foods from your home, and be transparent with her about why you're making the change.

My family rule was everyone had to serve themselves something from every platter on the dinner table -- but it could be as minuscule as a teaspoon of peas (go figure, I  hated peas when I was little).

Mom made lunches that always included vegies (she would cut up carrot sticks, etc.), a sandwich, and piece of fruit, and a "treat", maybe 2 small homemade cookies.  It was a good variety.  There was some trading that went on, but we mostly were pretty happy with our lunches.

But, I would also say that you should not worry so much, and not surround food with too much energy.  Make dinner about conversation, make good, healthy food available, and eventually, she will eat.

I also wouldn't worry too much about it, my brother's children were incredibly picky eaters (I think they lived on Cheerios for most of their childhood), and they are now healthy adults, and actually eat a wide variety of foods.  Also, I remember that when I was in kindergarten, I ate Campbell's tomato soup every school day (it was a half day, I came home for lunch) the entire year.  My mom was ready to gag at the smell of it.  BTW, I don't think I have had it again in the intervening 45ish years!

Original Post by fallingupstairs:

 personally, this sounds like a typical 10-year-old diet.

Seriously? Really? It sounds like a whole load of processed junk to me. I would never have had the chance to only eat those things when I was a kid, partly because they weren't offered to me in the first place.

I don't want to be too discouraging but I have a personal anecdote which is quite relevant.

My best friend, Andrew, had a diet similar to your daughters while he was growing up.  His mother tried to get him to eat other healthier foods, heck even just what she was eating for dinner.  If he didn't like it he wouldn't eat it.  If she made him sit at the table he'd just sit there and not eat anything for hours.  If she wouldn't feed him anything he wanted (junk food or red meat on plain white pasta), then he would simply let himself starve.  If she forced him to eat something like a vegetable he would puke it up.

Well eventually she just gave up.  Now my friend's diet still consists of basically the same stuff as then, probably a bit worse.  His main staples are beef hot pockets and soda.  He mixes it up with bbq beef on white bread or a hoagie sometimes.  I've seen him eat white pasta with fat-sauce or meat on it as well.  He also likes donuts, cake, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, and most other candy.  There are no vegetables he will eat.  He will rarely eat a granny smith apple, which is literally the healthiest food I've ever seen him imbibe.

He was bitching to me a couple months back about his developing gut.  When he was younger he ate the same and was still thin as a rail, guess his metabolism is slowing down.  He is also developing a lot of dental problems.  Besides a ton of cavities, many of his teeth are sensitive from the high amounts of sugar and acid eating them away.  His doctor told him he is very likely to get diabetes, probably by his 30's (although Andrew claims it's genetic).

Basically for some people tastes don't just suddenly "change".  With some people they won't just hit a certain age and all of a sudden start eating fruits, vegetables, and lean meats.  Tastes are developed, you have to be fed something over a long period of time for your body to adjust to it and associate it as "food"(nutrition/living etc...).

Thank you all for your advice and inspiration!!!

I will definitely try cooking with her more often and try cooking her favorites from scratch too. Usually she cooks with me on holidays or when we're making dessert for some reason or another.

I have brought this up with her doctor in the past. She said that my daughter was healthy and not to worry about it so much. If I try to force her to eat something she would starve herself and she has in the past. I tried a suggestion from a friend a while ago: Put a small portion of something (whatever was for dinner or whatnot) and if she does not eat it for dinner serve it to her for breakfast, lunch, ect. She didnt' eat for an entire day...Not going to do that again.

I have been battling with this for a while now. Mostly because of my schedule. Currently I go to school at night (and my fiance sleeps-he works graveyard and goes to school in the daytime) and am not home to cook, so I buy her things that she can make on her own. I will be graduating soon and hopefully being home with her more often will help with this issue. I have been a single mother since my daughter was two. It wasn't until a year or so ago that I had help taking care of her. With my busy schedule (trying to finish school) most of the food in our house has been convenience food, though I always some have healthy foods too.

das1988: Thats scary about your friend. I know I was a picky eater and still kinda am, but there are lots of things I don't eat that I did in high school and many things I eat now that I refused to then. Hopefully my daughter won't be like your friend.

Original Post by hobo2103:

I tried a suggestion from a friend a while ago: Put a small portion of something (whatever was for dinner or whatnot) and if she does not eat it for dinner serve it to her for breakfast, lunch, ect. She didnt' eat for an entire day...Not going to do that again.

well...i guess we know who's in charge.

I have 2 (now grown) kids. I found that when they were young, they wanted whatever we were eating and drinking. I didn't serve babyfood or junk food. It just wasn't available so they didn't know about it. (We also didn't have cable so my kids didn't know about most of the junk on TV--but that is a different story.) My daughter insisted on tomatos when she was just over a year old! They both wanted my wine -- NO WAY! I have always hated condiments (ketchup and mayo are the worst, no gravy or salad dressing for me!) so they weren't big on them either.

My kids had to taste everything I cooked. It could be a very small taste, but taste it they must. It wasn't a "fight" or "struggle" (well, zucchini was tricky!) it was just the way it was. I think parents give kids too many options and it can be very confusing and stressful for kids. My kids would get 2 choices for breakfast (varying them of course). I would say something like this, "do you want oatmeal or an egg?" Or for dinner, I would ask them, "Green beans or brocolli (we called them trees)". I used frozen peas as a treat when they were teething. Meals should be fun (not a power struggle over what the kid is going to eat--which is what happened when you kept providing the same food your child refused at each meal)--  I agree with the above posts about that! And definitely let them help cook! That will change their tastes!!

I found that when my kids were REALLY hungry (like after playing sports or swimming all day) I could put just about anything in front of them and they would eat it--especially when their friends were over and they were gobbling it up! (I did this with cantaloupe after swimming--4 little 6-8 year olds could eat an entire cantaloupe!) Also, cook something ALL day that smells really good -- like a yummy pot of soup, or lasagna, or .... after smelling it all day and getting really hungry she may just take a bite and enjoy it! Take something she will eat and maybe make it a little different. I don't like the "hiding something good for you" in a dish -- seems dishonest. However, I used to put cauliflower in my mashed potatoes (because I liked it!) My son (in high school at the time) would RAVE about how good they were until he found out!

We took our very skinny, picky-eating 11-yr old Niece to Greece and Egypt for 3 weeks. She packed an entire suitcase of junk food. Meals were the most MISERABLE part of the trip. I will never take her on a trip again until she learns to eat what is available. She wants to go to Italy and I just look at her and say, "not with me, Honey, not til you learn to eat!"

Good luck! I think that once you are home more it will get easier. I realize that you have other commitments, but if you spend more time with her and can make real meals together and eat together, that this will probably work itself out. Just don't let it become a "power struggle" or I guarantee, one way or another, you will lose.

Most ten year olds are perfectly capable of making themselves healthy meals.  Even when I'm away from home for a few days, my daughter is asked to run the show and make sure her brother and father eat healthy meals.  She takes this responsibility seriously, to the point where she will leave notes for my husband about food he should eat.  When she does make bad food choices, she feels crappy and that's when we remind her that she probably feels bad because of what she ate, but we don't judge her.  She still eats sugar and processed food, but she is also expected to pay attention to the nutritional value of her meals, and generally she also chooses something healthy.

Maybe you need to make your daughter accountable for her own health.  Show her the food guide, and tell her to choose foods for the day from that list.  Try new foods with her and if she likes something, make sure you always have it on hand (at least until she's sick of it).  Be willing to change often, and be open to her ideas.

Finally, my daughter doesn't know I'm trying to lose weight, but I do talk about how I'm trying to eat better and exercise more so I'll be healthier.  So she does that too.

Original Post by rosieblue:

Most ten year olds are perfectly capable of making themselves healthy meals.  Even when I'm away from home for a few days, my daughter is asked to run the show and make sure her brother and father eat healthy meals. 

Why is a ten year old being asked to run the show when your husband is home?!

She doesn't really run the show.  I provide the food and the menus, but she takes charge and bosses her big brother and her father around while the three of them cook.  It works.  When I talk to her in the evenings, she's usually feeling pretty good about herself.

Hobo I just think getting kids involved can really help. It sounds like your daughter is strong willed and when you have tried to enforce a certain way of eating she responds with her brakes on like I will show you mom. So maybe asking her and talking more about your concern and how you want her to be healthier but she can still have her fun foods. Ask her can you put strawberries on your waffle? On a side note the typical kids diet is probably similar to this but I think in general things are out control with unhealthy choices. Go down the cereal isle and there are multiple sugar cereals or cookies I mean how many ways can they make an oreo. Someone is buying and eating these or there would not be so many. They are geared towards kids a lot of them.

Carolann5111: Thats a lot of great ideas!! I am certainly not going to make this a power struggle. You're right food should be fun and I plan on keeping that in my mindset at all times.

Rosieblue: I like the idea of putting your daughter "in charge". I will definitely try to do that when we get started on the diet changes.

Abbi333: I know what you mean...There are way too many sugary cereals out there. And they just keep coming out with them.I try to find the ones with less sugar (nothing with marshmallows) and of course "made with whole grains".

I have begun to talk with her about the reasons why I am trying to become healthier (she acts bored). I think for right now we are going to do this one step at a time and we'll see what happens. At least I have hope!!

i would recommend not "tricking" her to eat veggie foods and such or else you might permanently damage her feelings about meat, which should be a choice that she makes when she can better understand it. 

maybe if you expand on the foods that she does eat it could help, so make her a breakfast sandwich with eggos since she likes them, so cook an egg and put canadian bacon or something on it, you have one too and don't make it an issue or else she might rebel just because. don't even say anything about her eating. just make 2 of them and you have one and give her the other, if she says she doesn't like/or want it then just say can you please try it....i don't want to waste it and it really is very good. for lunch allow her the lunchable but add a 1/2 sandwich of peanut butter and banana with honey...tell her you saw it on t.v. and since she likes pb and honey you thought she'd like it. if she refuses then just put your foot down, don't force her to EAT IT but force her to TRY IT. if she still says she doesn't like it then don't make her eat it, but encourage her to be open minded. 

you could also stop buying the lunchables, and have her grocery shop with you. tell her to pick out 3 things that she's never eaten before and you choose 3 for yourself, and make it an adventure. something fun, tell her you bet your picks will be tastier and you'll like them more. then when you get home say, okay let's try em...them swap your picks and hers and make it a fun little game or something. 

go on a kids website and look at recipes with her on the computer and have her choose one to make each week and let her help. i think if you approach it with positivity she will be less likely to rebel, and just make it fun while all the while having your intentions at the back of your head. make her a grilled cheese and baked sweet potato fries, or something else kid friendly. or get her to eat homemade mini pizzas that she makes with you, and puts her own toppings on. have her make yogurt parfaits with you...take out tons of toppings like granola, whole grain cereals, fruit, nuts, and whatever else you'd like and then make it a fun little sunday brunch thing. hope this helps a bit :) 

My son is very picky as well... and while I won't profess to be as perfect as some of the others who have replied to you, it seems like the options that you are offering her don't quite mesh with your hope for a better diet for her. 

We introduced fruits and veggies as snack options very early on.  He asks for processed foods and chocolate, but he only gets those things on occasion.  The way I have tried to keep this going is to always have easy to eat or prepare fruits and veggies on hand and not a great deal of things that really none of us in our family really need.

What about oatmeal?  It is easy to fix in the microwave so no cooking on the stovetop without supervision.  Or Cheerios or some other flavor of unsweetened cereal?  How about yogurt cups?  If you limit the kinds of foods that are available in your home, you might be surprised at what she will eat.

I hope that your daughter isn't being influenced by her school friends or other kids too much.  I know that the girls in our neighborhood are much more aware of body image and weight than I ever was at 10 years old. 

Just my humble opinion here...

I'll try to keep it short:

1. Processed and salty/sugary foods will change the way a person's taste buds interpret fruits and veggies.  It could be that those foods really do taste absolutely disgusting to her.  The only way to conquer that is to cut them out of her diet completely.
2. If she complains of feeling sick when she eats other foods, it could be she has a food intolerance, allergy, celiac disease or irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).  I've had IBS basically since birth.  I spent my entire childhood eating the weirdest things (frozen hotdogs, pasta with nothing on it, pizza with all the toppings scraped off, mashed potatoes, etc).  Now I realize that those foods were easy for me to digest or soothing to my stomach. 
3. It could be she is choosing her food as a way of being in control.  Read up on Love and Logic - it's an invaluable tool for parents with kids who want to be in charge.

Good luck!

I would also recommend cooking together.....and not all those preservative laden foods - yuck. 

Kids will usually want to eat what the adults do, if it is not forced on them. Do you eat healthy stuff yourself? You shoud eat healthy too. 

So, they usually eat by example.....if not now, in the future. I have heard that pregnant women often crave the comfort foods that they grew up on....interesting thought....so nutrition is so important as a child.

I also think kids eat certain things, and a lot of them because they are growing, and certain minerals, vitamins, etc. are necessary for growth. I would let her eat intuitively - if her health is good.

I went through a long stage of eating like a bird as a kid, now I think in response to being forced to eat (super healthy food though) - and stay at the table for sometimes hours after dinner - though that was never effective in getting me to eat - gosh I was stubborn. When my parents stopped forcing me, and essentially giving me attention for "bad" behavior, I ate more, and different foods, and was less picky.

Her tastes will change over time too.

Original Post by kaseysmommy:

and while I won't profess to be as perfect as some of the others who have replied to you

Hmmm...

I guess empowering your kid is a bad thing?