How did you keep your child in their own bed?

So I've already asked at what age you all moved your children out of their cribs.  Now I have another question.  How did you keep them in their new big kid beds at night? 

We finally got my 2yo's room all set up-just in time, too.  He started climbing out of his crib yesterday.  Yesterday was a fight to get him to stay in his new bed.  He wouldn't nap in it, so I let him skip his nap.  He ended up falling asleep in my arms at 5pm, so I put him to bed, and he napped for less than an hour.  Last night was just horrible!  I put him to bed 6 times.  He just would not stay in his room.  He usually sleeps until at least 8am, but he was back in my room before 6am (I blame the construction across the street for that.  They were pouring a foundation before dawn!). 

Does anyone have any tips on how to get him to stay in his bed?  Or do I have to face facts and know that I'm just going to have to keep putting him back to bed all night long?  I really don't want to lay down with him because I don't want him to get in the habit of having to sleep with someone.  And I do NOT want him in my bed.  I just want to nip this in the bud because our next baby will be here in August, and I don't want to be up round the clock with both of them. 

Mother of 4 here!  Keep putting him back in his bed.  Eventually this game will wear him out too.  And if all else fails--beg, plead and bribe him with "big boy" rewards.

 Good Luck!

Have you read The Baby Whisperer?  I haven't read it in awhile since my youngest is now 4 but I'm sure I remember this topic being covered.  A few of my friends swear by this book.

On supernanny, she always makes the parents say the first time, "its time for bed" and then the second time "bed" and then youre not supposed to talk to them anymore. if you talk to them thats a chance for them to argue or whine so just keep putting them in bed and not saying a word. on the show, the first night sucks but after that it takes less and less time.

I skipped cribs completely with all three of mine. (They are expensive and cheaply made.) Can he open the door by himself? If not then close the door. Worst case the first few nights he will fuss and you might find him asleep on the floor instead of the bed but eventually he will get the idea. If he can open the door then I agree with the above posters. Say "Bed" and keep putting him in the bed. I know for a fact this works. My 18 month has been sleeping a bed since she was 11 months. She can't walk but she makes up with that detail with her continual fussing. It took 8 days for her to get the idea. My oldest took the longest with over a month, but that was more just finding her on the floor instead of in her bed asleep. My second went straigt to sleeping in a bed with no fuss. Both of them we moved at a year also. Now all three of them prefer to sleep in the same room! Good Luck!

Just stick to your guns; eventually you will win. It will take time, he is determining boundaries, and now is the time to set them. Don't give in now, it will be even harder to break later on. So, stick with it. When my son did this, I would do this, I would remind him the first time, that it was bed time. Every time after that I would say nothing, and just put him back in bed. It took about a week to get him to actually stay in his room, but it worked.

So, stick with it, and best wishes. :-)

Thanks!  I figured I'd just have to keep making the trip back to bed. :( 

I have not read the book, but I will look for it.  That reminds me, I do have another book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" that helped tremendously when my son was a newborn.  It also has a section for toddlers, so I'll dig that one out, too.

I need to start watching Super Nanny again!  I never talk to my son if wakes at night.  He rarely would wake at night in his crib, but when he did, I'd tend to him without saying anything.  I used to talk to him at night, but the book said not to.  I had no idea it was a no-no.  So, I'll be keeping up with that idea, too. :)

Unfortunately, he can open doors.  My husband suggested putting the child proof knob on the inside and shutting the door.  I think it's kind of mean, but he has no reason to leave the room.  He's not potty trained yet.  I do have an air mattress that I can put on his floor if he'd rather sleep on that. 

Now I wonder if moving them earlier is the key?  So many people responded to my previous thread saying they'd made the move before age two.  Maybe I'll try that with my next child.  At 2 years old, my son is so stubborn and headstrong.  I'm thinking this would've been easier when he wasn't so 'independent.' :)

I moved my son from crib to bed when he was around 2 years also - he is now 8.  I have always believed that toys have no place in the bedroom, and I used the childproof knob on the inside.  I had a baby monitor so I could hear if there was some real reason he needed out of his room.  His room was also pitch black at that point.  He would stay up for over an hour sometimes entertaining himself in his room in the dark with no toys - it was really funny to listen to him!  Because I was determined to not allow it to be a fight - it just never was.  Bedtime is bedtime - and unless he could give me a real reason for a discussion, there just wasn't one!  It worked really well for him - I will let you know in a few years if it works as well with my daughter (5 mths)!

I am just now making the move to his own bed at 3.5. Actualy we stopped using a crib at 6 months old an co-slept and I KNEW It was going to be battle. I don't know anyone yet who has a child that stays in bed every night no matter what age the they moved from crib/co-sleeping to a big kid bed. (Okay I do know a five year old but he co-slept until one night he decided to go to bed with his older brother)

However I have no help for you. I know my DS will stay in bed when he is tired. The rest of time its a no win situation.  He's up until he is tired enough to stop and lay down.

There is new book in the NCSS seris and its called

NO Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers.  Some of my co-sleeping friends made the transition easier with some of these methods. 

 

Cecily, I'm a Mom of 5, with 14 grands, 2 great-grands. I was a very active La Leche League leader when my last 3 were small. Sleeping alone, like potty training, is something that each child is ready for at a different time. Two can be a very hard time. There are many new experiences and things to learn and adjustments to be made. Exactly how old is he? If he is closer to 2.5 that is a typical time for going through seperation anxiety. If so, sleeping alone in a new bed will be doubly hard for him. I know that this suggestion will be frowned on by some but it worked for us and my boys are now parents on suffered no ill effects. I layed down with my boys when they had trouble going to sleep by themselves (they were quite a bit older BTW) and would get up & go back to my bed when they were asleep or relaxed enough to be OK. Two is very young to be sleeping by himself. I see others have suggested reading matterial & I would like to add "The Family Bed" to the previous reading matterial. Now, you don't have to bring him into your bed, but reading that book (which covers sleeping habits from a historic and cultural points of view) will give you a different & interesting view and perhaps see this more from the point of your child. It's only a suggestion, I hope something works out for both of you. I'm available if you'd like to chat any time.

Gramma Patsu

I would've gone (even more) crazy without my baby gate! And I refused to go into the bedroom if there was screeching or if he was out of bed. Only if and when he was calm and in his bed would I come in yet again and retuck and rub his head and reassure him. And then do it all over again in 5 minutes.

It does get easier every time, trust me!! :)

Good luck!

caydison, I agree about toys in the room.  I've never kept more than a few stuffed animals in his room (about 3 or 4).  My son has a giant toybox my dad made, and my husband would like to put it in his room (since it takes up so much space in my office :), but I've already protested that idea, so here it sits in my office space.  I may try the child-proof door knob tonight-or I may wait it out and see how long this takes.

weddingmama, I knew this was going to be a battle too!  My little man is so headstrong.  He slept great in his crib, and used to sleep from about 9pm-8am.  Now that he can crawl out, he's not inclined to put himself back to sleep if he wakes.  That's also another point of frustration for me.  He never cried at night, but I know he does occassionally wake and he always put himself back to sleep.  I read through my No-Cry Sleep Solution book, and it was useless.  The section for older children seemed to assume that they're all still nursing, thus waking at night.  My son is no longer nursing, so none of the suggestions really fit our problem.  So, I need to find the newer book you mentioned and see if it offers better advice. :)

patsu, my son is 25 months old today.  Whenever we go out of town, he won't lay down with just me.  But he will fall asleep in a bed with just his daddy.  So, my husband said that he'll try laying with him tomorrow night to see if that helps things (he works tonight).  I may try it tonight if I have to, but a twin bed isn't that comfortable for my giant, pregnant belly and a toddler. :)  So, if Daddy can lay with him and help him sleep, I'm all for trying!  

behindvance, I wish we could use a baby gate!  My son figured out how to pull/push it down a long time ago.  That's when I had to resort to closing all the doors in the house.  Then he learned to open them all. :/ 

I think my frustration lies in that he slept so good, at least 11 hours a night, without waking (well, I should say, without waking the house up).  Now he won't stay in a crib, and won't stay in a bed.  Yet, he's tired and fighting sleep.  Why?!?!  He used to snuggle into his crib as soon as we'd lay him down, then, all of a sudden, one night he figures out how to escape and never wants to sleep again.  *sigh*

Ok, people laugh when I tell them this but we used the "Sleep Fairy". My daughter was getting out of bed several times a night and I was pregnant with baby #2 and did not want to be getting up with both of them several times a night so we called in the "Sleep Fairy". I explained to her when I put her to bed at night that if she stayed in her bed all night like a big girl that the Sleep Fairy would bring her a surpise and it would be under her pillow in the morning, but only if she stayed in bed all night. We used small pieces of wrapped candy, but cheap little toys would work also. We had to be a little creative on getting it under her pillow in the morning without her seeing us, but kids are pretty gullible. One morning of not getting that candy and she decided it was worth it to stay in bed. I know, not the most healthy but its not long term, once she gets used to staying in her bed all night you can wean her off the Fairy, hehe. Hope this helps.

 

I'm a family bed supporter as well.  My oldest slept in our room until she was 4 or 5 and just decided she wanted to sleep in her own room which always had a bed available.  Her younger sister was maybe 1 or 2 when she moved out on her own as well - didn't use a crib and both girls knew our bed was always an option if bad dreams occurred or whatever. 

My girls are all grown up now (18 and 21) and in all honesty the oldest who slept with us the longest is the more "stable and well adjusted" than the younger. 

I like the sleep fairy idea. :) My DS loves "treats" for any reason.  This might be the trick I might use later on..for now I just need to get him on a regular sleeping schedule.

Denise

Original Post by cecilyb03:


Unfortunately, he can open doors. My husband suggested putting the child proof knob on the inside and shutting the door. I think it's kind of mean, but he has no reason to leave the room. He's not potty trained yet. I do have an air mattress that I can put on his floor if he'd rather sleep on that.

I think the family bed idea suggested by patsu and dbackerfan is a good one. Or the Supernanny solution is good too.

But perhaps putting a childproof knob on the door or shutting them in if they can't reach the doorknob might be setting you and them up for problems later. Especially if they happen to be prone to night terrors, etc.

However, you might not want them to think they need a parent to lay down with them in order to fall asleep.  The supernanny solution seems best if your little one isn't prone to nightmares, etc.- just keep walking them back to their room without saying anything, apart from "these are the rules."

I think it might depend on the child...Some kids are more sensitive than others. Maybe you need to evaluate his situation based on his disposition and his age. My brother for one might probably have been able to deal with being shut in. If it'd been me, I'd have gone nuts.

In any case, I think the more we can offer the kids relationship dependability and fulfillment vs. deprivation, the better foundation we set for their future well being.

Cecily

     Well, Hon, I think you have a couple of problems going on & there is not going to be an easy fix.  The fact that he was sleeping so well before going to the new bed and not after is a telling symptom.  Now that I see that he is just past 2 and there is a new baby coming says several things.

   I believe he's too young (age 2 is still a baby, too) for this new big bed and I see some other problems looming as well.  I would allow him BACK in the crib.  I believe you mentioned that he was beginning to climb out so I would drop the side rail and put something near the bed so he can climb out safely.  (He'll climb out anyway and this will give him a safe way to do it.)  This may solve your problem of his sleeping through the night again all together as now he'll be back in familiar surroundings.  He'll probably be in and out of it because he CAN for awhile, but as soon as the novelty wears off he should be comfortable enough to be back to sleeping through the night again.  (Then purhaps the sleep fairy of a simular treat system to reinforce staying in bed, might be effective.)

   However, I see problems on the horrizon.  I mentioned the seperation anxiety in my first post.  This is often brought on when mom disappears and then returns with a new baby, especially when the birth occurs in the those critical months around 2 1/2 years.  (You probably noticed his first one at around 9-12 months when they panic because mom goes out of site and cry when anyone want to hold them even when someone he was comforable with previously.)  My suggestion would be to not make any new changes now.  Most kids "revert" when a new baby arrives so mom ends up starting over with them anyway.  So, build up his self-esteem and reinforce the bond between him and yourself and especially your husband to soften the effects of your absence when you have the baby.  If possible where you'll be delivering, have him with you & the new baby for several hours a day while at the hospital.

   Also, steel yourself to the fact that you will be getting up with both children at least for awhile.  The more you stress over it the more your children will react and yes even brandnew babies do react to tension.  So, my advice is to relax and take one day at a time and don't start any new "big boy" stuff for now.  (Shortly after the baby's arrival, if you've successfully built a solid relationship with this child and he feels secure, he will begin to want to differenciate himself from the baby and the "big boy" influence will actually work. 

     It is hard at the moment you are living an even to look beyond how tired you are and the minute to minute difficulties.  When my last 2 were born I had 3 in 3 different schools (not on the same schedules) and a husband on a totally different schedule.  For me having some of them in my bed and lying down with one in HIS bed so I could have MY bed with just the 2 smallest ones.  With cooking, handing school schedules and different baby & todler schedules I had to take care of myself in order to care for them.  It was never a conscience decision in the beginning, I just started falling asleep while tring to nurse which sounds awful I know but in the long run we all benefited from a mom who had some sleep and therefore was able to laugh & love & play as well as cook and running the older kids around.  Take tme to look into their faces, read stories, play trucks, and remember the miracle that each of them is.  Most of all remember that you will never get these next few months  back again.  The best lesson I ever learn (and it came amost too late) was to enjoy every age and not to rush through those more difficult ages because there is wonder with every age (and less than wonderful).  Believe it or not, it is often the worst times that you laugh at later.

Best of luck with both babies & I'm sorry this got so long but I hope you can find a grain of help in it,

Patsu