Is Chivalry Dead?

I live in the midwest and I'm a woman. I hold the door for people all the time...for anybody who happens to be behind me. Old people, middle aged people, young people. I've held the door for men on several occasions.

The other day, I held the door for two women and then the man with them took the door while I walked in. They were older--like an elder couple with their mother. The oldest woman looked at me as if I had broken the law--she almost looked disgusted. I couldn't figure out if it was because me personally that bothered her or the fact that I as a woman, held the door. I even had to say "Go ahead" for her to move. She actually looked angry!

And on a side note, is it so hard to say "Thank you." to someone who just held the door for you?! Or "Excuse me" when you cause someone to alter their direction or walk in front of them? You can even mutter the words, whisper them, and I am still satisfied. But holding the door for a 20 something guy and he doesn't even acknowledge my presence? This the stuff that causes other people to stop being nice.

So--is chivalry dead? Do you still experience chivalry (or manners) where you are? Do people hold doors? Say Thank you?

I don't think chivalry is dead, not at all.

I hold doors, try to be polite to folks - but I don't expect a 'thank you' for it. I do it because it makes me feel good to do the right thing, not with any expectation of reciprocity.

I think Chivalry as in the expectations that men would act a certain way around women is dead. I've heard all sorts of people, including numerous women, say they don't care for it.

I hope manners isn't.

Personally, I try to nod or smile when people do stuff like that, but I usually don't say anything.  But I am wierd and don't really like to talk to strangers that much.  I am not one for idle chitchat or whatever.  I hope people don't take it as rude. 

Also, I know that sometimes when I am walking around I start to day dream or think about work or something and just become a bit oblivious to things like that.  Again, I hope it doesn't come off as rude. 

I will typically hold the door after me, but I rarely will open the door, step back, and wait for others to walk through...its just not very efficient. 

I don't think chivalry is dead....but it's dying.

men hold doors open for me all the time...to the point of running ahead to get there before me so they can hold it...I mean ALL THE TIME...I honestly rarely open doors. 

Bob always does...and 9 times out of 10 opens my car door for me.

No one has really held my chair for me though, except waiters in fancy restaurants.

Why just yesterday I removed my outer-garment so m'lady wouldn't have to soil her silks crossing a muddy intersection.

I have to say I have experienced both... I work in a mall, so in and out doors often throughout the day...  I have had guys hold the door and wait for me to walk 30/40 feet to get through it, where as i have also had a guy walking just in front of me not even hold it slightly while walking through before me.  On the side in favour of chivalry still being alive.. I did recently have a guy offer me his hand while i was getting up from the table.

I like chivalry.  I can hold my own door, order my own food and I am perfectly capable of getting up from the table by myself...   however.. i like when guys do these things. I can vote, i can work i can change my own light bulb, sometimes, i still want the guy to kill the spider for me.

I also try to practise chivalry myself, holding of doors, if someone drops something and i can help, i will.. ( only two examples i could come up with) i wish i was more considerate, something i try to work on.. also being in retail, i am constantly with the smiling and have a good days and thank you so muches...

i dont think it is dead just under used and under appreciated.... 

I do think ettiquette in general has taken a big hit. Which is regrettable. So I guess chivalry, by default, has probably devolved.

haha you know what's funny? Guys held doors for me all the time when I had long hair. Now that I cut my hair really short (boy short then and now it's a bob), I noticed a significant (no i haven't done a scientifically experiment) decrease in guys-holding-doors-for-me experience.

I don't hold doors if the person behind me is far from me but if they are close, I'll hold the door so the person behind me - regardless of gender - won't have to open a closing door.

Original Post by trhawley:

Why just yesterday I removed my outer-garment so m'lady wouldn't have to soil her silks crossing a muddy intersection.

 baahaha

i don't think chivalry is entirely dead. i think some men still have manners and follow the "ladies first" rule.

the elevator in my building is for me a daily study on this. most men, when waiting for the elevator will allow the women also waiting to get on first and to exit first. when a guy just stomps on in front of me, i admit that i think "ugh, didn't anyone teach you any manners?"

i ALWAYS hold the door for people if i enter before them. one thing that irks me to no end is when you hold a door for someone, and they don't acknowledge you.  

Original Post by kathygator:

I do think ettiquette in general has taken a big hit. Which is regrettable. So I guess chivalry, by default, has probably devolved.

 ^This!

I think Emily Post would roll over in her grave if she saw the way some people view ettiquette these days.

i don't think chivalry is dead, but it may be on life support.  i hold doors, say please and thank you, tell my neighbours "good morning" when i meet them on the sidewalk, but it always surprises me how many people won't make eye contact and just scowl when i smile at them.

I think that when you do hold the door open for others you need to be aware that sometimes it's for a group that wants to stick together....so if someone takes over the door just let it go.

Original Post by peaches0405:

Original Post by kathygator:

I do think ettiquette in general has taken a big hit. Which is regrettable. So I guess chivalry, by default, has probably devolved.

 ^This!

I think Emily Post would roll over in her grave if she saw the way some people view ettiquette these days.

 The point of good manners is to put others at ease. Not barter for thank yous, IMO.

not around my bf! me loves it!

bf did open doors for his 5yo girl too when he first got custody this year, and she now calls him "her gentleman" sometimes. CUTE CUTE.

HOWEVER, sometimes she would pout when he didnt get her door and yell "WHERES MY GENTLEMAN!!!" he learned the error of his ways there real fast! he only does it as a treat now.

girlchild told me a guy she is dating, they are both about 20, holds her doors. and i said welllll? you like? or does it make you mad? she said she really likes it.

Original Post by kathygator:

 The point of good manners is to put others at ease. Not barter for thank yous, IMO.

 Yes.  Manners are intended to smooth the way for people.  I like to think that I can make someone's day a little easier or happier if I'm polite.

Original Post by annkatcom:

I hold the door for people all the time...for anybody who happens to be behind me. Old people, middle aged people, young people. I've held the door for men on several occasions.

i do that all the time too. never got any crap for it though.

this makes me think of my "fake polite" as Bob calls it...when I am dealing with idiots and really bad service Bob says I go from my usual polite to my super fake polite...basically letting them know sweetly they are idiots lol

this makes me think of my "fake polite" as Bob calls it...when I am dealing with idiots and really bad service Bob says I go from my usual polite to my super fake polite...basically letting them know sweetly they are idiots lol

if you open doors for men, you get to check out thier butts.  it's a win win really

I had a friend who would refuse to go through a door if a guy held it for her. Which in my opinion was a tad excessive. And in no way puts him at ease.

On the other hand, I hate when I'm in an elevator, the doors open (on the ground floor, so you know anyone still on it is getting off here), and nobody moves because they are waiting for the ladies to get off first. Well, I'm a lady, but I'm also stuck in the back, and I'd rather not have to push my way forward... kinda negates the politeness of it all.