close to relapsing, could use some support?

** i don't think this is triggering but it MIGHT be for some people so just a warning **

well i have considered myself "recovered" and completely ed-free, it's been about a year since i got discharged from rehab and i have been mantaning a healthy weight

but since i joined this site i realized that i wasn't eating enough calories as i "should" be for my weight and height even though i wasn't underweight, so the past 4ish days i have been eating my reccomended amount of calories

but i have lost weight doing so..i asked for advice on it and i am going to take the reccomendations to eat even more

but all this calorie-counting and my recent weight loss (it was only a couple pounds but still) has made me focus WAY too much on food again, almost as much as i did when i was restricting

now i won't eat anything unless i type it into here and find out how many calories it is

also i ate the reccomended amount of calories today and i feel extremely full and bloated which is also triggering for me

should i delete my account and just go back to just eating when i am hungry the way i did before? i know it might not be enough according to all the calculators but maybe it's just right for my body?

i just don't know what to do because i'm feeling really triggered right now and i think maybe i should delete my account and stop worrying about food again, but according to this i was undereating before, so i'm just confused

i thought i was completely over this but i guess i'm not

Personally in my opinion, once you're maintaining you shouldn't be obsessively calorie counting! Right now the only reason I'm calorie counting is to make sure that I'm getting to my daily cal goal so that I can gain weight. But once I reach a healthy weight and can maintain, I want to stop calorie counting. (I know it'll be hard but I don't want to cc all my life)

Thats the point of recovery from an ED, isn't it? To not obsess about food again. So maybe you shouldn't calorie count anymore, and sometimes the calories logged here aren't exact as well. Anyway, you shouldn't be following EXACT numbers because thats obssessive!

So my advice is to just eat when you're hungry, because it looks like you've learnt how to follow your body's hunger signals and thats a great achievement. Just feed it whenever it calls out for food ^^ It needs it.

Obsessive calorie counting might draw you back into the ED, so don't get absorbed by numbers again! Just live life happily, go out with your friends, eat anything you want, whenever you want, and don't let your life focus around food =)

Hope that helps xx

If this website is making you obsess and bringing you toward relapse then stop using it. Anything that brings risk of relapse shouldn't be there to tempt or trigger you. Move away from it until you can trust yourself not to obsess again and if you can't then... just... don't come back. I'm not saying this to be mean or just to go "oh, go away" - I mean it. If CC is being more a hinderance than a help in recovery then I would avoid it.

Falling is right on that you need to just eat when and what you want while managing enough calories for your height, weight, age and activity level. If you were undereating before then do up your calories, but you can do this without counting by just having slightly larger portions. Either way, whatever you do, I wish you luck.

I myself had to walk away from this website a few years ago to recover, but now I'm back and I simply don't log m y food, I only use it for the journals and the forums.

An eating disorder is only really a problem when it either affects you physically in a negative way, or affects you mentally in a negative way. If you were maintaining your weight by just eating when you were hungry, I'd say that was absolutely perfect, no matter how much you were consuming. The fact is, you were free mentally and physically from the harm of the ED. Try to get back to that!