Closet Eating Disorder?

Are there others out there who are closet eaters???

I have a tendency - and have had this since high school and I'm almost 40 - to "sneak" food when no one is looking. 

I need to understand this behavior more so that I can break myself of this self destructive behavior!

I totally do that. Sometimes I just don't want people to know that I'm hungry so I make an excuse to go somewhere else and grab something to eat. I don't know if that's an eating disorder or just a weird shyness to having people watch me eat while they aren't, but you aren't alone!

I am normally not hungry at all when I do this!

I think if I hear about other people's experience with this behavior, and if we can figure out hte base emotion behind the behavior, then I can start working on myself emotionally and mentally to stop this.

Thanks ...... even tho i wouldn't wish this on anyone, i am relieved to know i am not alone

I am.  Especiall at night.  Even a few nights ago I even planned it out that when hubby goes upstairs ill eat one cookie real quick.  I'll even hide it sometimes if he comes back downstairs like it never happened.  Its always with something I KNOW I shouldn't be eating too.  I know something is definitely wrong with that but I can't help it. 

I've been a secret eater since I was a girl.  Although I doubt that my mom was fooled much.  Anyway, all during the time I was overweight I preferred eating alone so I could eat the crap I thought I wanted to eat and hide it.  Of course, the weight is impossible to hide! 

I think you're really onto something here by identifying this as a pattern.  Part of the adjustments in thinking about eating and food as I lost weight and since I've been maintaining has been to out myself - whenever I feel like eating in secret, I bring it out in the open.  If my husband isn't "allowed" to see me eat it, maybe I need to rethink whether I should eat it at all. 

Finally, log everything.  You can't lie to yourself.

OMG Yes I totally do that!

Someone somewhere out there must have some tips nad advice and guidance for us!

Thanks Megan - and yes I log it ALL even when I don't want to.

The little voice inside me seems to take over even when I am trying to talk myself out of it.

I am guessing it will be a long journey to stop this behavior.

oh  my gosh this is exactly my problem. FOR YEARS

i do this too....have for a long time....

Hey! My sister does this.  I think i read somewhere that if you sneak and eat it's is sort of like Bulimia IF you also do some sort of purging.  AND the purging does not necessarily need to be vomiting...could be excessive exercise, getting rid of stuff, starving for days...take care, just practice eating without hiding, it could help. :)

I did this for a long time, & sometimes I still struggle with the messed up headspaces. For me it is important to convince myself that:

Food is delicious.

Eating for enjoyment is ok, not pathalogical.

It's not embarrasing to like food.

It's ok to overindulge when I feel like it; EVERYBODY does it & it's not a disease if I don't get in the messed up mindspace over it.

There is no bad food.

It's a constant process, but it has gotten easier for me with mantras. The more I eat things that I want to in front of others & admit that it's ok, the better I feel.

Good luck everyone. It's a mind thing, for sure, and like any messed up mind habit it's really difficult to "break." Be good to yourselves.

For me it's also important to regularly exercise. That doesn't mean "excessive" (i.e. trapped by) exercise, that means regular exercise. When I overindulge it's easier to not starve/purge/feel badly when I know I'm a normal healthy person.

I also think it's ok to "work off" overindulgance, as long as I don't trap myself with it & I'm doing it to feel good (not because of guilt or secrets). For me, it's definitely a mind/perspective thing.

I've always done this too!

I get very anxious about people making comments or drawing attention to what/how much I'm eating. Even if it's just a joke, I still find it embarrassing for some reason.

For example, I was once at my ex-boyfriend's parents house, and as I finished dinner, his mum said 'well, I can see you have a healthy appetite.' I could have died. The message I heard was 'no wonder you're overweight, look how much you eat.' Which is ridiculous really because a) she was too nice to mean it like that, and b) I'm not even overweight - just not skinny!

I know I can be very irrational somtimes. :D

I am so so relieved to know it's not just me out here with this issue.

Is ti bringing me comfort to closet eat?

Do I do it becuase I'm embarassed?

Why does hte compulsion to do this over power my normal rational thought?

Am I feeling judges/criticized so I hide so that no one will judge me?

Ever since high school at least I can remember these episodes ... while babysitting at other's houses I'd totally raid their pantry/fridge, I sneak bites of things in the dark kitchen when my hisband isn't paying attention, when younger and still living with paretns, I would wait till they went to sleep then raid hte cupboards ... and yes all of this happens mostly at night, but not always.

So what is this behavior doing for me?  What am I "gaining" from this?  Why am I sabotaging my success?????

Please let's keep talking becasue I am seriously looking for answers.  I've tried finding a therapist around the Atlanta area who specializes not just in eating disorders, but in over/compulsive eating.  Guess what?  Unless your anorexic or bulimic, apparently you don't have an eating disorder.

i do it sometimes. when im with friends i wont eat alot or ill eat something really healthy, but if im alone and have candy or junk food available ill devour it! i feel sometimes that i got to leave the impression that im a constant "healthy eater" with control of what i eat all the time! but i think that with everyone taste buds and cravings are hard to ignore, so i eat fatty foods when im alone...

so i do it cuz im embarassed and dont want to be judged i guess

Original Post by nancybehrend:

Ever since high school at least I can remember these episodes ... while babysitting at other's houses I'd totally raid their pantry/fridge, I sneak bites of things in the dark kitchen when my hisband isn't paying attention, when younger and still living with paretns, I would wait till they went to sleep then raid hte cupboards ... and yes all of this happens mostly at night, but not always.

 

So what is this behavior doing for me?  What am I "gaining" from this?  Why am I sabotaging my success?????

 

Please let's keep talking becasue I am seriously looking for answers.  I've tried finding a therapist around the Atlanta area who specializes not just in eating disorders, but in over/compulsive eating.  Guess what?  Unless your anorexic or bulimic, apparently you don't have an eating disorder.

 

 

 i did that too! when i babysat my neice and nephew my sis had a cuboard full of candies and cookies etc and she would be like "help yourself!" and as soon as she left i would ravage through it....

i really think i do it because i dont want people to think "what a fat ass! eating junkfood!"

i dont do it as much now. now i think that i have more self control because i am more carefree about what people think of me. and if its only once in awhile thats not bad at all!

i think that if you hide what you eat to me that is an eating disorder!

i hate when others watch me eat. i feel like I'm being stared at. it's annoying and crazy. lol

 is it like you rly binge and just go crazy or is it just for like a quick little snack?

I don't think i really binge binge .....  I definitely don't go absolutely berserk with food, but like hte other night, hubby fell asleep on couch and I sneaked over to the kitche and ate about a half can of fat free pringles without really thinking about it.

Thanks goodness I do not allow a lot of crappy food in the house - so when I do something like this, it's normally something on the healthier/less bad side anyway - like the fat free chips. 

Normally after about 15 minutes or so or whatever behavior, I can stop myself.

It's almost like getting a thrill from the secrecy.

I don't have any other issues eating in front of people.  But for some reason I am drawn to the closet/secret eating.

I know there's no magic fix, although I wish there was.  I really want to understand the WHY so that I know what to tell myself when I catch myself in this pattern of behavior.

I do the SAME thing. 

For me I think it's that I want to seem like i'm doing good and I don't want my husband to be disappointed or think I don't have disipline.  Also I'm an emotional eater so if i'm really mad I find I do it more but yeah...I really try not to keep junk food around because i'll go straight to the unhealthiest thing too.