Coffee is ready, come on in and tell me your thought's about some questions

After every high, comes a low. After every Question comes an Answer. After every Rain comes Sunshine.

Your wondering where I'm going with this, so I will explain.

What is happening in this world? How come people treat each other so misserably without even thinking? How come there is so much failure and not enough triumph? Or is it just me who is sitting in the dark wondering about stuff like that.

How come if you meet someone in a group, they act like complete jerks, but then you realize, that there is so much under that facade? You can't get them to say a normal sentence, but alone you could go on forever talking?

Who tell's the men, when is it right to join in an conversation or when to be quiet? Who tells them it's not menly to cry?  How come woman are open about there feelings, how come they can rant and then feel better.

Why do man hide behind macho saying, slapping on the shoulders and talking crude about each others feelings, then turn around and talk to there wifes so sweetly it brings tears to my eyes. The way they treat them. Why do other men talk sweetly in public, are being helpfull and full of nice things to say, then go home and treat the same person like dog poop?

Why are there woman, who act like your friend, but as soon as you turn your back, they tear you appart, with a viciousness that is unthinkable. They want to shine in this world, but won't let anyone else shine beside them?

How come the values from years back are dissappearing so fast that heads will spinn? Are we so wrapped up in this fast pace of live, that we forget the things our parents tought us? That we let them slide, saying, we'll fix it tomorrow!

What if there isn't going to be a tomorrow? Who will fix it for us then? Or are we just going to forget about it? Why are we praying for god, in any religion, to help, but as soon something goes astray we'll blame him for not taking care of us? Shouldn't he blame us, for not taking care of ourselfs with all the knowledge he instilled in our forfather's (?)to pass on to us?

If anyone has answers, but don't want to reply here, send it to me per e-mail. I really would like to hear your oppinion?

Thank you for reading this and giving me time to finish my coffee with you sitting around me.

Gabi

wow.. you are asking some very difficult questions.  i think there are many answers.  i think a lot more people in this world are more out for themselves than to help out their fellow man.. BUT there are many more people who try and do everything they can to make people feel good and comfortable. 

Values in this world (it's not just in america folks!) are becoming a thing of the past.. we put too much emphasis on feeling good for the moment rather than doing the right thing even though it is tough.  More and more people are looking for the easy way out of everything. that old saying that anything worth doing is worth doing well is now considered a joke... which is sad. 

it's hard to try and change the world. and it's impossible to change an individual..   but we can change ourselves and how we treat other people.  be kind to someone you don't know.. take a meal to a shut in.. give of your time to someone who is lonely.. thank your friends and family who have been there for you.. it's the little things like that that matter more than anything.  If each person on this site took the time to do just one of those things this world would be a better place because whoever you did something nice to would think about their situation and what they can do to make a difference.. (remember that movie pay it forward?) 

do something every day that would help another person and think about how much better the world would be if everyone did that.  do your part and maybe you might influence someone else to change their outlook too. 

Okay, I do not have all the answers, but I have a few opinions about some of what you said.

"How come if you meet someone in a group, they act like complete jerks, but then you realize, that there is so much under that facade? You can't get them to say a normal sentence, but alone you could go on forever talking?"

This is 100% normal. If you really think about your actions and behaviors, you are not always the same person. If you are it is very rare. Most people have a multitude of faces we wear to different people. For example, myself, I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a student, a manager, and I have different groups of friends. If you catch me in one place, you may be floored by the difference in my attitude or demeanor. When two of these mix, another me comes out that is a blended version of me. I enjoy having different attitudes. You may find me subdued and professional at work, but silly and uninhibited as a mother. Does that make sense? Some old friends of mine have the potentential to totally ruin a professional attitude I try to portray at work. See me at a club, and you'll wonder where the professionalism went?

"Who tells them it's not menly to cry?  How come woman are open about there feelings, how come they can rant and then feel better."

These are essentially learned behaviors. Learned from our mothers and fathers. Some believe that is biological, but dont we all learn from example? I have heard my husband tell my stepson what "boys" are and are not supposed to do, the same way I have caught myself telling my little girl that such and such is for boys not girls.

People really do feel better by getting things off of our chests. That is a proven fact, but men are much less likely to reveal their problems and emotions to anyone except maybe their wives. That is part of the reason the mortality rate drops for men by 200% after marriage, and only 50% for women. Women generally already have support systems in place, whereas men generally do not. Men do not usually disscuss private matters with friends. Perhaps they feel it is a sign of weakness??

"Why are there woman, who act like your friend, but as soon as you turn your back, they tear you appart, with a viciousness that is unthinkable. They want to shine in this world, but won't let anyone else shine beside them? "

Two words: Jealousy and Insecurity...these are toxic people...

"Why are we praying for god, in any religion, to help, but as soon something goes astray we'll blame him for not taking care of us?"

Okay, religion is very touchy, so I wont go to deep here unless you really want to hear it, and even then I prefer that you email me. Personally, I do not blame God for bad things that happen to me. I blame the other one. I am one to ask for help when I am scared or hopeless, but I have never felt as if anything was God's fault. That is just my opinion.

pumukkle, may I ask, what has brought on all these questions? Did something happen to trigger this introspection? If you need someone to talk to, you can email me anytime...

these are all such thoughtful posts, i would like to reply, but i have such a busy day going i'm might not make it back here.  so i'll just say what a friend once told me "bloom where you are planted."  i think of that often, esp since she died suddenly four years ago, and is now here only in memory. we have to be intentional about our lives. and not enough people make that effort. that's my view.

got alot on your mind Gabi?  :) Here are quick thoughts from me. 
I agree people are so wrapped up in living for the moment they forget their manners.  alot of people forget about others because they are too focused on themselves.  We moved to NY mainly because of my parents divorce, we wanted our kids to have family the way it should be, so we moved closer to my inlaws.  I know that sounds wrong but my family was ripped apart and I didnt want my kids around that.  I like to focus on the positive things in life and seeing your grandparents together is one of those things.  We also moved away from the fast pace we were in, in NC to be out of town!  we live on a mt, looking out on a small lake, we have deer, wild turkeys and even bear pass thru our yard.  We go on hikes thru the woods, walk around the lake and go on nature hunts.  my childern love to be outdoors and thats what life is about to me, appreciate what God gave us.  We helped a turtle  cross the road the other day and watched it crawl into the lake and swim away, the kids stood so silent watching and it made me smile.  We say our prayers everynight and lately my daughter has been Thanking God for all the flowers- that makes me smile. 

My point is the best way to Thank God is to smile at what he has given you in life, accept the struggles because those are what makes you stronger, God only gives as much as you can handle.  Only God knows what we can handle and then He will take over.  

Be as Positive as you can be, appreicate and Thank God everyday for everything He has given you, even the struggles.  Love your family and Please let them know you love them, they dont really know if you dont tell them and show them.  All we can do is teach the next generation how to behave proper but its their choice on how they act.  I like to think my parents did a pretty good job instilling family values in me, just wish they had listen to their own advice.  Focus on the good things in life and the bad dont seem so big.

God bless!  ( I know I just rambled)

Read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It explains a lot about men and how they think differently then women. Upbringing only affects so much, their brains are actually wired differently from women's brains due to evolution.

Very difficult questions, indeed.

I think there is a spiritual void and until that is filled with God people will try to fill it with self. And that never wholly works. Often people have it backwards, blaming Him for our struggles and pleading for His help, but when the realization hits home that God is not here to do our bidding; we are here to worship and serve Him then that void begins to fill.

Anyway, that is just my opinion.

I don't think there are any simple or easy answers for the big questions you've asked.  People tend to be insecure - even the ones who look like they aren't.  It can make them behave in negative ways becuase they're trying to avoid being hurt themselves.  People also tend to be selfish.  Few people actually stop and think about the consequenes of their words or actions and don't intend to cause the hurt that they do.

Our modern life style is so fast paced and so full of preassure from both the work environment and the media that we end up feeling inadequate and are constantly striving to be better, faster, more up to date and live up to impossible standards.  We're also much more demanding wanting more choices, newer stuff and more creature comforts.  It's like we try to fill voids in our lives with physical stuff.  I think that just as the surfeit of empty-calorie foods has made society obese, our high-paced life styles have become devoid of the important things in life.  We need to spend more time on the important things in our lives - family, home, friends, hobbies and taking the time to enjoy the moments as they happen.

Can I add a question instead of answering one? 

How come, after the huge outpouring of love and assistance after 9-11, did Americans go back to the way it used to be, when everyone agreed the "new" way was better?

Actually, pick a disaster, if you're not in the US, that pulled people together, made them one, and then ask yourself how that fell apart, why people started being mean again, and how people went from donating blood to buying a flag sticker at Hallmark for their car.

I think we are lost - look at how much values have changed since the 50's!! I would have loved to lived then - even without some of the so called gains we have made since then.  You were strange if you DIDN"T go to church, you helped your neighbors and they helped you - cause they KNEW you!! Family was the most important thing, children respected their parents and were taught to respect others.  The list could go on and on - in a nutshell I agree with Mary6 the most.  We are trying to fill a void with stuff when it needs to be filled with that which is spiritual - I am not one to talk though - I haven't been to church in years and blame alot of the turbulence and struggles I have had on it! 

i can answer yours saroful right now.. it's more popular to be unamerican and unpatriotic than it is to support your country and your fellow citizens.. we live in a society where it's more popular to be cynical and rude than it is to be nice and respectful.. think about it. what jokes get more laughs than jokes that pick on someone else. or jokes that pick on other people.. people who are in the media and are considered "popular" (like stars) are constantly talking about what a horrible place we live in.. why?  because they think it's cool to be cynical.. and they get that idea because they keep getting the air time..

ok.. i'm off my soap box right now.. :)  sorry bout that.. 

I will say this- I am an American and extremely proud to be one.  I stand up for what our country was built on.  We fly 2 flags at our house, the American flag and the old "Dont Tread on Me Flag"  I am very proud and since 9-11 I have been even prouder. I Agree, it was the "cool" thing to do after the disaster to be at home with your family and then people got on their soap boxes and decided it wasnt as cool anymore.  Im going to stop now because I KNOW I will say something to offend someone.  I love you all!

Yeah, but I'm not talking about being "American" or "patriotic" or supporting the troops or anything, I'm talking about just being frickin nice to people.  For the space of about 2 months, "Random acts of kindness" were everywhere.  People were helping old ladies cross the street.  People were buying groceries for each other and giving cuts in line at the supermarket if you only had one thing to buy.  And then it all seemed to stop and we all hated each other again.  Does something awful have to happen (a war, a tsunami, an earthquake) for us to be kind to each other?

Now, the real question is, _did_ it stop, or does it just not get any news time anymore?  I know strangers have done nice things for me recently, and I've done nice things for others.

I'm totally sappy  (not to be confused with "slappy" which is the quality of having a very clean house) today.

guess that means I better get busy cleaning.  I think the acts of kindness are found a lot less.  I notice it driving down the road, in the mall, sometimes I tell hubby Im going to jerk someone elses kid up! When I help at preschool I notice 4 yearolds being so rude, I make them say yes maam and use manners, I also notice the parents and understand the problem.  The respect is gone and its sad to say but yes It does take something bad to happen to make people nice and appreciate life. But Look at what happened down south after the Hurricane- you only saw about people being mean, rarely did you see anything nice.

so far I got answers I was looking for. But I was not only talking about america, I was talking about the Country's as a whole.

As everybody know by know, I'm german! I'm proud to be german, but I'm also proud to live here in my choosen country. Nobody held a gun to my head and said I have to stay here.

I've been watching different news channels. News from USA, Germany (online german live feed) News from India, Pakistan, Iraq Ireland. It brought me down even more then I was already. No matter where you turn, the news is bad. There is so much fighting in this world already, but then you hear about all the "regular" crimes in this world and I rememberd growing up, you could actually turn on the news and not get depressed about all the murder, bankrobbery's, rapes and childabuse! About killing innocent children and making it public that there was the attend to eat the child. Letting children starve, children bein kept in cages. You know as much as I do, that I could go on and on!

What happen about sitting on the stoop and having a nice conversation with your neighbor? Or running to the store without having to lock the doors and windows? Or just knocking on an elderly neighbors door to as if she needs anything from the store.

We should not have to be reminded in the summer or winter on public television to check on those who can't heat or air-condition there House!

I especially loved Amy's answer # 13. About teaching your children manners. I think the words  Thank you! And I appreaciate you! are words from the past for the kids of the future.

All you hear is snickering behind your back if your different! Rude answers and gestures. 

I'm Sorry! I will bow out and stay in the shadows again. Otherwise I will lose the few friends I actually have left.

Gabi

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul ~ Carl Gustav Jung~

Heh Gabi, why bow out?  You are just showing what a decent person you are and that you uphold values handed down to us by our ancestors but often neglected and forgotten when it becomes "inconvenient" - no reason you should lose your friends for that!  In fact, it just makes me respect you!  The world as a whole, is not a nice place and it is sad - what can we do about it?  It is the helpless feeling that is difficult isn't it?

YES!  I am so mad, sad and dissapointed at the moment. And I'm not even talking about my own situation. I will deal with that when the time comes for me to step up to the plate.

But I would like to watch a new's cast that has some nice, upbeat and wonderful news about the people that share this world and are running it in the ground. And NO, I'm not talking politics or religion.

I stopped watching the news, all cartoons here!

Dear Gabi, here is a website you might enjoy:

www.goodnewsnetwork.org

Maybe there is much good in the world we don't hear about because it doens't sell? 

I wish I could. But most of the time the news and the internet are my only link to the outside. But I'll turn the sound of sometimes, just not to burst out crying.

thank you! I will look at it much closer later on. I already put it in Favorites.