Comments that are bugging me just need to let it out!

Lately I have been getting alot of comments about my weight loss and some of the comments are just starting to get on my nerves.  Weird I know. These older ladies at my workplace (I am 25) that I used to talk to alot are now acting all weird from my weight loss.  They are like staring at me and looking at me up and down in a really uncomforatable way.  When i walk by them they woo at me, like as if i'm walking by those construction workers who holler at women walking by.  Its so weird!!!! I hate it and it makes me so mad when i'm at work and mind you very uncomfortable when i'm walking by them (they all work in the same area and I cant take a detour either).  Wherever I see them they are looking at me so strangely and making good comments, but in a way it makes me feel gross.

Another issue: I have a few friends who are telling me that I look "too skinny " now and that I have lost sooo much weight, but they way they say it is so not encouraging.  Its like as if they thinks its gross or something? The thought entered my mind that it could be jealousy, but they are my friends, shouldnt they say good job or something? On top of that.... I have only lost 15 pounds, with about 10 more to go.  I used to be at this weight about 5 years ago, and they didnt say anything about my weight then.  I actually was 25 pounds light and gained it all in about 2 years due to stress and emotional eating.  I honestly dont look skinny and I know this for a fact.  Because when i met them about 10 years ago I was average framed and slim. So why are they being like that.  I know they have about 15 pounds to lose too, so do you think it could be jealousy? Thats the only thing I can come up with.

Any thoughts?

that's a hard one, but i've heard that so many times on this forum & different ones.  its a common thing. i think it'll blow over once they get used to it & find something else to 'nag' about. unfortunately that doesn't help you now. maybe confront your friends and ask them what the problem is. or just explain to them how you are doing this in a healthy way, if they are concerned for you.  and just try to be happy for yourself.

When you lose weight, especially if you lost it quickly, your face can get gaunt looking.  People often see that and think you have lost too much.   In reality, it will even out in a while, but until then, you look like you have lost too much.

Your co-workers are just telling you they think you are looking good.  Talk to them a bit.  They are probably wondering how you did it.  If you tell then you are eating healthy and working out they will lose interest in a hurry.  A lot of people get negative reactions from older, heavier co-workers.  I haven't, but it shows up on the forums often enough that it must be fairly common.

What's your BMI now? 

I feel if you was 25 pounds lighter a few years ago, then it shouldn't matter what your friends think. I feel you are doing a great job.. I just ate over 700 cals today, and it was hard.. Thanks Gi Jane for the advice... I got another 650 to go.. I may hit it, and I may not... My problem I have with my friends are always... How did you lose the weight? I clean eat. I try to eat right. That's what I did, and I workout hard 3 days during the week and then light 2 days. Weight training and light cardio..  They don't want to hear about the hard work.. They want to hear about the easy way out.. So talk to your co-worker's and tell them what you have been doing so they want think you have ED. It's hard to face the facts on if your friends are Jealous or something, but I think they not ready to jump on board and lose the weight too. It's always easy when the group is leveled out. Same weight and same issues.. It's always hard to see one person in the group losing the weight. I know.. I hear it all the time from my friends.. Why are you trying to lose 21 more pounds-you look great the way you are.. I feel great, but I am doing this for me and no one else.. You have to remind yourself what you are doing this for.. It will all blow over.. Just don't let it get to you..

Part of the job of a friend is to be concerned and to ask those difficult and awkward questions.  There might be a smidge of jealousy in there too in addition to gearing up to asking you how you did it so they can learn from your successes.

So, since they're asking, do a health check on yourself (the questions I can think of off the top of my head) just to reassure yourself and so you can give them a concrete answer that isn't "I know what I'm doing".  Also, you can use it to grill them if they get obnoxious.

1. Check your BMI and your goal BMI (it's okay if it's higher since muscle does throw the calculation off but it's a good starting point).
2. Do you feel healthy most of the time or have a reason that makes sense when you don't feel healthy?
3. Do you eat enough calories and a good balance between carbs, fat, protein and the occasional treat?
4. Do you get enough exercise without overdoing it?
5. Are your stress levels under control?

rnjt - I know it seems to be so common.  Thanks for your advice!

clharr - About the face thing, yes that makes sense that is probably the case.  I did talk to them, and tell them how I did it, that I eat  healthy I go to the gym, etc.  But they still have not lost interest and this has been going on for the past 2 months or so, and its getting really draining i mean i see them everyday at work.  And all of the older ladies are like this. I just hate it.  I walk by a few times a day and they are like starring or like woww oooo woooowww , wooo look at you oooo wooo wooow.. its just like STOP!!!!!!! Its annoying really. It makes me feel gross in a way.

Gi - Jane - my BMI is 22.5

 

lynnhaslost - Yes I totally agree with everything you said! Regarding my friends, most of us are just a little overweight like maybe 15 pounds or so, not too bad, but I was one of the ones who put on the most and now that I am skinner I think that they might find it hard to see me doing so well that they are like, oh you're too skinny.  But i'm not!!! I really am not.  But in then end I am doing this for me and my health since my family has an overweight problem all the women are overweight, especially my mom and grand mother so I dont want to fall in that boat.  So i'd rather take care of it now.  But just the comments they make, it just upsetting, not all of them are like this just the few who actually want to lose the weight but are having a hard time, I have tried to help them but they dont listen, and their comments, they dont sound bad, but its the tone they use.  Like well i need to lose weight, but i dont want to be THAT skinny.  And then they look at me, and my body. But I dont look skinny and I believe I dont look bad.  Everyone else has been giving me great feedback, its just so hard to hear it from people you think are your friends.  But I do feel great.  Before I could barely walk for that long, when me and my b/f went on vacation i would always stop walking every 15 minutes and tell him I need to take a break.  But he is more athletic so he has no problem.  But now I feel great and I can walk for hours.  Thank you though, youre right I shouldnt let it get to me. Its just hard to ignore.

smwhipple - a part of me thinks that some of these friends are not concerned with my health, and I really feel inside that its more jealousy, simply put - since I became the bigger one and now that i am smaller they are now the "bigger" ones.  The health check is a good idea. My BMI is 22.5 I want to lose another 10 pounds and be back at the weight that I was before my stress/depression occured.  And I've answered yes to the rest of your questions.  I just wish if they were to say something be straight up instead of trying to say oh you're too skinny now.  B/c they know that I want to and am going to lose the rest of it.  So i think it "scares" them in a way.  Its just so hard, since we've all been friends for so many years.  I have other friends who are REALLY supportive, and are real good friends, who say things like good job or you look really good. 

I had that with one of friends. We were both over weight & were 'binge buddies' I suppose. We are still friends now although now we never talk about food or weight like we used to. Also she likes alcohol & can drink ALOT. Where as since I lost weight I feel tipsy after half a glass of wine, so I hardly drink now.

Also the comments I got from clients (I worked as a Beauty Therapist) were nice at first but just irritating after a while. I had a couple of clients not reconising me. One incident a client asked where the other girl was so I described my colleage (tall, slim, dark hair) & my client said "No, there was another girl bigger built" meaning the old me. It actually hurt to have someone say that about the old me.

As for people saying you look too skinny, as long as your within a healthy BMI it's fine. Just find the most comfortable spot in your healthy BMI range to be. Plus there is always an element of jealousy & they don't want to look big stood next to you. & them older women at work, I'd just humour them. i.e- when they start wooo'ing do your best catwalk wiggle walk past them & laugh it off (tho when they're out of earshot I'd mutter "Dried up old hags" under my breath but thats just me)

LMAO clairesty - that was jokes (cat walk and the muttering)

Yeah I hear you on the drinking thing, I barely drink anymore either.  For one b/c its too many cal's and two b/c I cant drink as much as I did before.  which I guess is a good thing b/c we can save money then!

I can see how that can be hurtful by what the client said about the old you.  But I mean you should also try to take it as a compliment although it would hurt b/c its still you.  But in reality you were a little bigger right, but you lost weight now, you must also feel better too right? which helps.  I find that before i lost the weight (i know it wasnt alot ) but I feel 100 times better.  My confidence has just boosted so much.  And I feel better, and I actually WANT to go out, as before I would just want to hang out in old bars where no one would see me or recognize me, but now I dotn mind going out to a nice/trendy place b/c I feel better. My b/f has also seen a huge difference in my personality, and I know he can tell that I am happier now than i was before. 

lol - i still cant get over that ..... "dried up old hags" LOL. oh man, if someone heard that muttered.  that'd be bad.

I have been in a similar situations... 

The comment about your face getting thinner compared to the rest of you is very true. I had family members and friends saying I looked great but then digging deeper to make sure I was "OK" and not reverting back to old ED habits. They were asking because they cared, but it took me a while to come to that realization. At first I thought it was jealousy and  I wanted to say its NOYB but I just smiled, said thank you and said I am fine.

Last night, my mom pinched me a little in the ribs just to make sure I wasn't too skinny... she is traditional Italian and believes all women should be curvy and well filled out. She is getting nervous with my weight loss ... so she tried to make sure I wasn't all skin and bones. I dont think she realized I knew what she was doing, so I just let it go - but if she does it again, I will have to speak up.

Honestly, I am constantly eating... constantly. I am in the kitchen fridge at work every hour or so getting out my next snack.

One male colleague, at least 10 yrs older than me (I am 23) asked me one day, "if you don't mind me asking, how much have you lost?" He sees me go in and out of the kitchen because his office is right there, so I had no problem answering the Q - I said: "I have lost 20lbs since December." It was a little weird at first, but he made the conversation OK by saying he did the same thing a few years ago because he realized how the weight can creep up on you, especially in our industry and with the hours we worked. So he praised me for my dedication and success. The whole time I was anticipating a lecture from him as he is a "fatherly figure" at work for me - but I realized he knew I had a good head on my shoulders.

At work, especially at social happy hours, I face the toughest comments. They are positive - co-workers complimenting me on my weight loss, but then it gets awkward when I refuse to eat the buffalo wings, nachos, cake and beer.

It is a careful balancing act - like you said, accept the compliments and reassure those who are worried. You are mature enough to be able to take care of yourself and know what is best for you. Just take a breath each time you are faced with a similar situation and try to look at your weight loss from another person's POV. 

BTW - congrats and keep up the good work!

I lost a lot of weight a while ago (unfortunately put most back on due to knee injury, but that's another story), and as I live overseas, it can be a while before visits back home, when I lost a lot of weight, I had sometimes dropped 10-15kgs between visits. 

A lot of friends, and my family told me when I was at my lowest that I looked too thin, although my weight was still technically above my ideal weight for my height.

My case was a bit more extreme I think because of the gaps in between seeing family and friends from home, but I could put it down to something more than what has been mentioned.  When you are at a certain weight for a while, people are just used to seeing you like that, drop a bit, and your looks dont change a lot, so people can be encouraging, but drop a lot, and you can start to look like a different person, so the person they are use to seeing just isnt there, so the reaction is "you're TOO thin now!", but this is mostly a comment relative to what they are used to seeing, not relative to your ideal weight.

My suggestion, tell them not to worry, and that you are eating healthy and exercising responsibly, and they will eventually get used to the "new you".  It may just be a pain that you have to put up with for a while until they do start getting used to it. 

Well, I have to toss this out in the air.. The dressing room report. Me and a few of my girlfriends had went to Ross, Marshall's, and Rue 21. Now then.. I didn't ask a few of my other friends to come along with me.. Only the ones that had jumpped on board with the weight loss thing with me.  I had lost like 30+ pounds already, and I was very happy with myself.. I went in the dressing room.. I never liked the mirrors in those rooms, because you get a pretty good look at all the fat from each angle. You can really see how your clothes fit.. The light isn't porr in those rooms like your light may be at home.. Anyway.. I went in with a size 18-16- 14.. I got into the 18's and I came out.. I heard.. That's way to big. I went back in, and I put on the 16.. It fits just right.. I'll take this pair.. Another friend said.. Hey! Didn't you just go in with a 14.. I said yeah.. I got into those jeans. No room in my tights, and they fit me like skinny jeans.. Then I came out.. Didn't have to suck in to zip them.. I just zipped them up and I came out.. They were tight every where, but I really loved the jeans.. So I got them in a 14.. I can wear them now with room to move.. Now this is the kicker of the story.. One of the girls had called one of the girls I didn't bring along with me.. And she told the one who always talked about me losing weight and stuff.. Lynn just got into a size 14.. Girl I can't believe it.. My BBF told me.. You wouldn't believe what I just over heard... I was like what... Then she told me that the other girl gave one of our friends who was not so supportive a report.. I didn't tell any of them how much I had lost.. Just I was losing and stuff like that.. Now she calls me often asking me.. Am I doing this right.. Did I eat right today.. How do you clean eat? I don't mind helping, but please don't treat me like I'm the go to woman now.. When they would ask before I would shy away.. Just because.. What works for me may not work for them. Or they are not doing it right.. One or the other.. Having someone who is jealous over your success is one thing, but when you have one riding your back every 15 mins about this or that.. It really makes you want to go nuts.. Sometimes I don't even answer my cell because I know what she is calling me about.. Reason why I'm the way I am with her is because.. I've lost before and she had always been the small one, and then she gain like 50+ pounds within a year, and she was like.. You are going to gain it back... HAHAHA all the time.. So yeah, I can see where the tone of the questions can get to you.. It gets to me from time to time.. The why and all of that good stuff.. I had an grand ma who died at 420 pounds, and my mother had the grastric bypass at 317pounds, only losing 100 after 3 to 4 years.. So I know where you are coming from with not being in that same boat.. I feel the same way too.

Wow!! To me it sounds like the "old hags" are just being Nosey Rosey! Sometimes older women think they are "making you feel better" when in reality they are just making fools out of themselves!! I would say something to them in a nice, funny way...Like " Okay ladies...this is sorta sexual harrassment...let it go now!" Maybe they will get the message...Either that or give them that God ugly stare that us women can give! That will def end it!! As far as the "friends go...Well they sound like haters!" Maybe they are jealous and if you keep losing weight, your gonna make them look fatter!

lynn - wow that was one story.  I can totally relate though.  It just gets to me sometimes, especially the fact that I used to be that weight not so many years ago, why are they saying i'm "soo skinny".. i talked to my bf last night and he said that they are definately jealous.  B/c he remembered (back when we were friends) I was skinnier than I am now after my weight loss.  So i mean I know that they are exaggerated or trying to discourage me b/c they have the same to lose and now they are just hating the fact that I did.  Especially Me out of all people.  the one who is not really a "go getter".  But i know deep inside that I did good! Having your girls riding your back like that is annoying.  My strategy is so simple, eat healthy and excersize, and people expect you to say some "secret" diet.  they ask no way there must be more than that? That also gets to me too.  The fact that she said you are going to gain it back.... oh man.  She is for sure jealous of you too.  It just sucks that people who are your friends say the stupidest things.  It makes me wonder if these people are really our friends, the fact that they are so not supportive and negative!

 

jeanyfitz - they are sooo nosey! I dont want to joke and say the sexual harrassment thing, b/c to tell you the truth i'm not sure if they would know what that means.  Lately I have been giving them looks and just ignoring them.  I just dont talk to them anymore because it's really getting to me.  And they are making fools of themselves, they are all at their desks working then head up and stare at me and holler.  I mean COME ON! They can hear me coming b/c I wear heels so they look up.  I just hate it.  But hopefully it will die down soon, they really look so stupid you're right. Like I told Lynn , i really do believe they are jealous! And I mean i didnt want to say it , but you're probably right, i'm making them look fatter.  I hate to say that.  But in reality I think thats part of it.  I feel that one of my supposed girls wont even hang out with me anymore.  Shes all of a sudden more busier then usual .  I'm not sure if its me. But everytime we talk she has to say something like you're too skinny, you've lost too much weight.  When in fact I think I am perfectly normal, I dont still have alot of fat on me.  I'm about 10 pounds away from my goal too, and my bmi is 22.5 now that is not bad all all! And I know it, its just what goes on in my mind is that " why would you be happier if i was fatter" and it kind of hurts that my own friends, or so who i thought were my friends, would think this way, and be jealous.  I do admit I feel that I look alot better, and I am dressing a whole lot better, and that may also have a part in it, but its like they are happier w/ me looking worse then them.  But they would never say it.  I just feel it.

well... since we have the same exact stats (!!) i would definitively take it as a compliment.  My parents have noticed my weight loss, but that's about it, or at least no one else is telling me they've noticed that i've lost weight.  

people are noticing that you look better, have more confidence, and feel good about yourself.  who wouldn't be jealous of that?

 

=)

Well, I feel if you want to do something for yourself then go out and do it.. People piss me off with what they say-you know. Then you are the one who is pissing them off with all the weight talk.. I don't bring it up.. I don't care to bring it up. What I do for myself is just that.. What I do for myself.. NON of your ******* business... That's how I really do think.. I got a call today... What time are you going to the gym. I would like to go on your free pass.. I'm all out I said.. No I'm not.. I got a lot.. Everytime someone signs up you get free passes to bring someone along with you.. So no.. I have non left.. You know it really piss me of... You know.. The friends.. I don't mind helping the people I know who really want to lose the weight. Like Dee my BFF.. She has been on my heals with the weight loss since I've dropped the first 15, and has not let up on passing me.. I don't mind the jokes she makes with.. I'm going to pass you.. You will see.. She was heavier than me, and she is now working on passing the 180's that's my girl.. But the other's they just piss me off.. All I had to do was tell her what to do.. Research on your own, and she just did that. A few tips here and there, but not none of that.. You are drinking your pounds away and not eating anything.. Stuff like that.. Make you want to just say... Go bite yourself. No more drama first line on Family affiar.. Mary j tells you.. Better know your friend or else you will get burn.. She is right..

I think that there's a lot of worry in today's culture about eating disorders and unhealthy weight expectations. I think people are honestly concerned, but they don't know how to express it well.

... and yes, there's probably some jealousy mixed in there as well.

From my personal experience, my own mother expressed concern about my weight loss, even though she saw exactly how much I ate everyday and saw me leave for the gym 3-5 days a week.

Good luck, and congrats on losing the weight!

congrats on your weight lots!

Personaly, I think that the current worry of eating disorders and health problems has made a lot of people scared. In the UK there is so much info around about eating disorders which means if someone looses a bit of weight people automatically assume they are developing an E.D

Maybe you just need to reassure them that you have done it healthily and am just going to loose a little bit more. Tell them you love your body now and am not disillusioned.

Hope this helps

xx