Can I have a "comments about my weight" thread please?

I seriously deserve the right to make one.  I dropped from 175ish (I didn't want to know, so I didn't weigh in), to 135 when I returned for the summer.  Things really hit an all-time annoyance today.  My father will NOT back off about my weight.  I have said things to him, nicely, about it, but he just doesn't quit.  So this is my vent thread.

POST THE ANNOYING WEIGHT COMMENTS YOU'VE GOTTEN.

*this morning, I'd been getting ready to hit the beach, and was feeling confident in my bikini for once

Dad: Wow you really dropped the weight, I can't believe it! How much did you lose anyway?  10.. 15 pounds?

Me (in thoughts, not speech): Stop effing oogling me, and it was FOURTY you jerk, do I really still look like I weigh 160lbs... D':   (out loud) Something like that... I guess.  You've already told me haha... Many times..

Dad: (Continues on about it forever until I just make up an excuse to leave, feeling self-conscious and awful after being examined for 10 min)

LATER THAT SAME DAY, my dad is out on the porch with my mom.

Dad:  HEY PHYLICIA, COME ON OUT HERE.

Me: What?  (while walking over)

Dad:  Oh, you put on clothes, nevermind.  Margaret, you have to see this sometime.  She's *I walk out of earshot at this point, completely enraged*

So your dad makes annoying comments.....?  I'm sorry but I think that's just part of the rough and tumble of regular family life... pushing buttons... taking the piss... teasing.  He knows what winds you up and you obediently choose to get 'completely enraged'.  See why it keeps happening?  Change your response, stop reacting.

If you want a guy's point of view, I wouldn't worry about the 10-15 lb estimate.  When it comes to weight and women, it's ingrained in our head to underestimate everything.

For example, in my younger days when I was bartending and in college, I would get asked all the time to estimate women's weight (don't ask me why).  I would ALWAYS guess 20-30 lbs lower than I honestly thought she weighed.  I did this for two reasons: 1) I was horrible at guessing weight and needed a buffer, and 2) You never, never, NEVER guess high when estimating a woman's weight.

I'm guessing your dad was just underestimating how heavy you were to begin with.  It was just his way of acknowledging that you lost a significant amount of weight.  That said, if that was me, and under the circumstances you describe, I would not have just offered up a guesstimate like he did.  It's lose-lose.  When you estimate low like he did, he gets the reaction you had.  If he estimated high, you probably would have thought that he thought you were heavier to start with than you really were.

I don't think he meant anything bad by it.  It's just that the words "men" and "tact" aren't often used in the same sentence together.

Congratulations on the 40 lbs by the way!

It seems like no matter where you are, someone will make comments about the way you eat or about your weight/diet plan. I'm sure not everyone has the same intention, but I always feel the same effect: annoyance. I think that for some people it's jealousy, others just like to pry, some are just curious, and others are just amazed. Vegetarians get questions like "why don't you eat meat?" People who lost/are losing weight get comments about whether they are eating or not, or people trying to make assumptions about the weight lost. Some people even get teased because they need a high calorie goal just to maintain a healthy weight. The best thing you can do is shrug it off. You know what an amazing accomplishment you made by losing that much weight. Be proud and keep others comments separate from the way you feel about it.

Is he jealous maybe? Or, in the second case, maybe trying to get your mom to lose too?

I dunno, but it's too bad his comments and oogling make you uncomfortable.

I totally get how you feel...I mentioned to my dad the other day that I needed new shorts for summer since all my old ones were too big.  His response? "Just get over yourself and eat."

Or when I choose a bowl of oatmeal over a 300+ calories bagel for breakfast, because I know which one will actually keep me full: "I just wish you would get over your disordered eating and eat like the rest of the world."  Sorry, I forgot that making healthy choices was disordered.

And then on the flip side, when I'm wearing new jeans that everybody compliments me on, he comes in and says "Isn't it uncomfortable to be wearing jeans that are too small all day?"  I mean, he tried to back it up by saying "no, it just looks like you had to buy jr. pants to fit your waist, but they aren't long enough."  Sure...I have to stand on my tip-toes to get the bottoms of my jeans to touch the floor.

I think dads just don't know how to handle it tactfully...like, I think your dad was honestly trying to compliment you...It sounds like he was impressed more than anything else.

and what majorpayne said about guys always underestimating weight, totally true.  My coach guessed my weight to be around 120 when I was at my heaviest.  Yeah...120 on a 5'7 girl does not usually come with so many curves/rolls, but nice try...

Original Post by gi-jane:

So your dad makes annoying comments.....?  I'm sorry but I think that's just part of the rough and tumble of regular family life... pushing buttons... taking the piss... teasing.  He knows what winds you up and you obediently choose to get 'completely enraged'.  See why it keeps happening?  Change your response, stop reacting.

If you had read some of the OPs other threads you would know this father really is creepy.

Actually I must be lucky because since I`ve lost my weight I`ve gotten nothing but compliments, even when honestly inquring loved ones if I don`t look to skinny (going by BMI charts, I`m at the lower end of healthy, and I do sometimes tend to fret and worry that my perception might be just slightly skewed.. apparently it`s not :) )

My eating habits, now that`s another story! They get commented and picked on all the time, to the point that my parents will make a big issue out of me not sweetening my tea. I`ve gotten better at ignoring it, which I don`t think significantly reduced the amount of 'harrassing', but at least it does wonders for my state of mind.

Hi,

Cograts on the weight lose  I wish you continued success.  As a Dad I have said very stupid things to my two daughters thinking I was complimenting.

John FaMis 

I went in the hospital for awhile and they gave me this wonderful med that makes me want to do nothing but eat. I put on 30 pounds since. This morning I was outside waiting for my son to get here and my upstairs neighbor came down to chat with me. He told me that he ws going to be an uncle. I thought he was talking about his cat, so I just smiled. Further into the conversation, he said, "So what are you, 4 or 5 months?" I looked at him so funny and told him that I wasn't pregnant. Then he said, "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that you put on so much weight." Just then my son came, so I made a quick escape into the house. Just when I was trying to get comfortable with myself, he totally killed it. Back to the drawing board.

Hi Vixon316

May I give you some advice on helping you and dealing with self confidence?

John FaMis

Original Post by vixen316:

I went in the hospital for awhile and they gave me this wonderful med that makes me want to do nothing but eat. I put on 30 pounds since. This morning I was outside waiting for my son to get here and my upstairs neighbor came down to chat with me. He told me that he ws going to be an uncle. I thought he was talking about his cat, so I just smiled. Further into the conversation, he said, "So what are you, 4 or 5 months?" I looked at him so funny and told him that I wasn't pregnant. Then he said, "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that you put on so much weight." Just then my son came, so I made a quick escape into the house. Just when I was trying to get comfortable with myself, he totally killed it. Back to the drawing board.

I just had a baby 7 weeks ago, and I've had 3 comments in the past week since I went back to work from people thinking I was pregnant. It really kills your self-esteem.

Sounds like daddy's a total perv.

I am very familiar with that sort of father. I wish I could say you should stand up for yourself and tell him to go put on a porno if he's that hormonal. BUT, in reality it's probably just easier to ignore it. :(

You deserve better from him, and I'm sorry he's pathetic enough to let his lecherous side show.

oh oh... I had a friend who always made rude comments about other people’s figure. Do what I did.. Say loud that your dad can hear it... Dad, I need to go. Turn around and leave the room. You do that a few times and he will get the message. My friend did, she has not said any nasty angry hurtful words about anyone when I am around. It’s refreshing...

what happens if you just tell him the truth, that it was 40 lbs, that you'd appreciate it if he stopped commenting, that your body is none of his business, and that if he keeps it up you'll lose any remaining respect for him. life is too short to put up with stupid **** from ignorant people. or, perhaps you could tell him to behave or be quiet. 

Original Post by bubbles556:

what happens if you just tell him the truth, that it was 40 lbs, that you'd appreciate it if he stopped commenting, that your body is none of his business, and that if he keeps it up you'll lose any remaining respect for him. life is too short to put up with stupid **** from ignorant people. or, perhaps you could tell him to behave or be quiet. 

This is what I want to do every day, I just never seem to find my tongue

Stopped by my old work the other day and the

vallet says "what happened to you?"

I say "what do you mean I got a new job thats why you haven't seen me in awhile"

he says "you got fat"

I say "excuse me?"

he says "no I'm saying you look good baby"...

I cried myself to sleep... I quit smoking cigs and quit stripping (which turned out to be more exercise than I thought). I was feeling really good about my accomplishments and wasn't beating myself up about the 15 lbs I had gained in the process and yet this guy totally burst my bubble

To make it worse I went to my home town to visit and someone snapped a pic of me out with my friends and posted it on a trash talking website. Everyone ripped me to shred's for gaining weight making comments like "what happened to you girl? I know you want that old body back.. step away from the cake" and worse! Very sad! I have been tiny my whole life and am not coping well with the weight gain. I cry weekly but I am working out and eating right for MYSELF and I feel a little better with every passing week. 

Congrats on your weight loss, guys have a messed up concept of lbs anyway if it makes you feel any better. Try not to ever let anything anyone else says change how you feel about your accomplishments and I promise I won't either! 

I am so sorry your father makes these comments to you.  Unfortunately your problem with him seem to be bigger than your past weight problems.  We can handle our weight but our relationships need two people to be successful.  Good luck with what appears to be a stressed relationship that should be a supportive, loving one.

Original Post by tealparadise:

Original Post by bubbles556:

what happens if you just tell him the truth, that it was 40 lbs, that you'd appreciate it if he stopped commenting, that your body is none of his business, and that if he keeps it up you'll lose any remaining respect for him. life is too short to put up with stupid **** from ignorant people. or, perhaps you could tell him to behave or be quiet. 

This is what I want to do every day, I just never seem to find my tongue

hmm. ya, sometimes it can be hard to think in the heat of what feels like an assault. i here that! 

maybe it might be helpful to initiate the conversation at some point when he's not being rude. gather up you courage, sit him down, tell him you two need a talk, and lay it out when he's not in the middle of it. 

i dont know if thats possible, but if you want to address it and freeze up when its happening, thats what comes to mind for me. best luck. 

jjcakes:

i wonder if you have to consider the source. if someone posted you on a trash talking web site, how much quality do those folks have as friends? you've made some important changes in your life, and like you say, a little weight is probably less of a problem than what you've left behind. you'll get the weight piece handled when its time. dont let them drag you down. who knows, maybe they are threatened by your ability to change for the better. 

your working hard, and you get to keep the faith in yourself! your doing this for you! 

and friends who treat you like that dont sound like very good friends. im really sorry they piled all that ---- on you. keep up your good work! your moving towards where you want to be, that 15 lbs is a temporary state of affairs, no big deal. maybe you'll take up a new activity in your weekly work outs, when your ready, if that will help, and until then, just keeping taking the excellent care of yourself that you have been! your doing great! keep the faith! 

So funny you started this thread because I was thinking the same thing!  The most annoying comments I've received are from people AT WORK! Crazy because I don't know them like THAT. 

Anyways, one man says to me, "you are getting more and more voluptuous every time I see you...and I don't know if that's a good thing".  Thanks buddy and you're losing more hair every time I see you but I don't let you know do I? You have a mirror too right?

Then a lady at work TODAY says (after I've already lost weight and she has commented on the weight loss before) "are you gaining again, are you gaining??" and proceeds to shove her palm onto my stomach.  Ya, it took everything in me not to say or DO something really bad. lol.

People who live around you never notice the magnitude of how much weight you've lost. It's a gradual process so you don't look different from day to day, and they start to forget how large you were in the first place. I know that I personally can hardly remember how huge I looked 65 lbs ago.