complete lack of sex drive

I am a married 25 female, with a 3.5 year old daughter.  I have a complete lack of sex drive.  Nothing seems to get me in the mood, and I never initiate anything.  Any suggestions?  I don't think it has anything to do with my husband, as I have felt like this most of my sexually active life.  ?????

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Ahaha just sharing (:

I totally understand you

I try so hard to get in the mood but..it doesnt work :(

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Are you saying that no man you've ever been with has ever managed to arouse you?  A legitimate question is 'can you get aroused with masturbation?'.... .  If you can, then it may be that you've not met the right man yet or possibly you simply don't find men a turn-on i.e. you're gay.

Hi!

There can be many reasons for low libido, ranging from hormonal, psychological, emotional and physical.  gi-jane raises a good question with the masturbation aspect.  If you cannot arouse yourself (or reach orgasm by yourself) it it highly doubtful that anyone else will be able to - man or woman.  My immediate recommendation would be to find some alone time (a very hard task I know with husband and kids!) and really explore your body, and what feels good.  Use porn, stories (a site online I think is great called literotica.com), toys, or whatever else floats your boat.  Part of sex is actually 'use it or loose it'. That's not to say that you won't be able to have it, but it has been shown in studies that women in particular increase their sex drive the more of it they have rather than less. 

If you are still struggling and want more answers, it might be useful to see a doctor.  There are many qualified doctors that might have a specialty in this area, as well as many qualified sex-therapists that might be helpful.  Make sure you do your research though and don't get some whacko.  If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me, I've had some education in this area.  Good luck!

First,  see your doctor to make sure it's not health/hormonal.  While I've never experienced this,  a friend of mine did, for several years.  Turned out to be a hormone issue.  Once she got that straightened out she was a ball of fire!

Good luck finding cure - you are WAY too young to not want sex.

There are certain types of birth control pills that can contribute to this condition (along with other medications such as antidepressants or hypertension meds).  If you haven't spoken with your husband about it; I would.  Figure this out together, whether it's counseling or considering a physical issue.

As Steefer said many medications can cause a lowered sex drive in women, the blanket term buried in the fine print is "sexual side effects." There are also several medical conditions which can cause this and which, if you are otherwise healthy, may not have other obvious or new symptoms. Thyroid conditions come to mind as does diabetes / hyperglycemia and most mental illness from postpartum depression to bipolar disorder.

Have you been dieting alot? I know for sure my sex drive went way way down with lower calories. I'm now just too lazy to do anything...

Hi fauxtograph,

I can relate to your situation. I don't have a kid, but I've been in a relationship for the past 4 years and within the past couple of years, my sex drive has dropped substantially. It got to the point where it was affecting my relationship, my boyfriend didn't like always having to be the initiator, and I hated dreading sex. It still was enjoyable once we got going, but I never wanted it.

A couple of months ago the subject came up and we had an honest discussion about it. I let him know what I was going through, and assured him it had nothing to do with him. He had been feeling inadequate, etc, so it was good to get this out on the table.

Then, I made a list of fun sexy things we could do together that might turn me on, and actually even writing the list kind of got me going.

Next, I decided to try one of the things every now and then. I still have a lot more to try, but a few of the things I tried right away have worked wonders! I feel like our old sex life is slowly returning, and it's great.

One of the things I really recommend is reading erotica. I ordered a couple books of erotica for women from amazon, and seriously if I even read one story before bed I am ready for action. We've also tried having sex in the morning instead of when we drop into bed tired at night, and that's helped too.

The most important thing is to know that what you are going through is totally normal. I did a lot of research and it was comforting to me to hear that a lot of other women go through the same thing. I wish you luck, and PM me if you want more support!