Is complete recovery possible for a very old ED? Advice please?

Heylo, so I've been lurking for a couple of months in this forum and decided to out myself.

I've haven't been without an eating disorder since I was eight.  I am currently 21.  I started out compulsively eating myself into obesity and dreaming of dieting until around 15 when I started restricting, lost a bunch of weight and caused my suspicious pediatrician to run tests who told my mother I was anorexic. In my late teens came bulimia in the restrict-then-eat-a-lot form, then the laxative kind (which made me overweight again), then restricting anorexia round 2, then purging anorexia (felt like crap, damaged quite a bit), then an incapacitating bout of purging bulimia, and now just binge disorder since I'd been put on medication that has eliminated my desire to purge. Toss in as well periods of time where I was obsessed with exercise.

I'm under the impression that the binging is a response to all the restricting I did, but is also an emotional/coping behavior.  I've never tried to recover before and am scared witless that I'll just keep gaining weight and keep binging forever.  I've already gained back into a safe range, but am still binging.

Can anyone recovered/recovering offer advice on how to stop the binging, and prevent a relapse into restriction or purging?  What works for you guys?

Sorry to hear about your situation, but glad you are at a healthy weight and wanting to be free of it all!

My advice as a recovering eating disordered person is to get into cognitive-behavioral therapy as soon as possible. Given your history (ED started unusually early, variety of behaviors...just like me :>), it sounds like you might be well served to get at the issue(s) that underlie your disordered eating and distorted body image instead of concerning yourself with their specific manifestations. This type of therapy was very effective for me and I have not engaged in dangerous behaviors in over 3 years now!

Here is some general info about CBT...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavi oral_therapy

I found my therapist through the counseling center at my University.  I told them what was going on, they provided me with a list of providers who offered reduced-rate therapy and I called around to find the right match.  SCARY, but completely worth it.

Best,

Hilary

i have a theory; bear with me, okay?

i believe that the perfectionism that's typical of people with EDs is a huge barrier to recovery, because there's a tendency to believe that recovery itself should be perfect.  and--let's face it--it's much easier to be "perfect" inside an eating disorder that outside it.  at least in an ED, you can have a "perfect" day once in awhile; but the world outside an ED is much wider and much more difficult to control.

so in order to achieve recovery, you have to redefine recovery.  it's not a perfect state.  health, wellness, self-actualization - none of these things is a perfect state.  they're ideals that we strive toward, but never really attain.

if you expect perfection of yourself, then--no--recovery isn't possible.  but if you can accept that wellness is about compromise, then yes, it's absolutely possible.

Pgeorgian I'm following around all your v.insightful posts! I am recovering from anorexia and completely identify with all your saying. I spent a lot of time saying to myself "When will I be happy?" But I've finally realised that "Happiness" ( in the form i was hoping for) does not exist. You can't be happy, happy the whole time. I am learning to be "content" and content to be content! Sure there are moments in my life of great pleasure and bliss but it's not all plain-sailing.

shmeezel Yes you can recover! You can do anything if you really want to. You've been through a lot of **** but have faith that you can make things better for yourself.

1. On a practical level, try and eat regular meals and regular snacks- this way you're not without food for a long time and you can avoid binging.

2. Learn to appreciate yourself and love yourself.

3. Take pleasure and interest in as much as possible that life throws at you and hopefully you will come to realise that there is so much to life more than worrying about your weight/size/appearance/ food consumption and that all those things just eclipse all the good stuff in life.

( i have taken to- before I fall asleep at night thinking of 3 things that I have enjoyed or am proud of in the day- from a conversation with a friend, to the sun shining, to finishing a book. )

All the best xx

hilary77: Thank you! I'm glad that it's possible... it had to have been a huge struggle from what I've experienced and I'm just beginning to try to over-write years of faulty programming about food and self.  You are very strong.

I'm currently seeing a therapist through my university whose methods seem to be described in the link you posted, with an occasional session with a psychiatrist from a local hospital who does a few free cases at my school.  What's it like to have a life without food issues?  I can't remember :(

pgeorgian: I agree wholeheartedly! It's just very difficult.  On occasions I can say I abstain from my eating disordered behavior I'm still punishing all my screw-ups and when I can't get things just right with OTHER harmful behaviors.  What I mean is, the cost of perfectionism is just diverted into something else just as self-destructive.  The real recovery IS getting over the belief that everything has to be perfect.

headingup: Thank you for your optimism :)  I'm beginning to come back into actual living and it's amazing; it feels like waking up after sleeping for years!  I'm having a lot of difficulty with #2 on your list though.  How is your recovery going? You have a great attitude toward it.

Thanks shmeezel, recovery's going really well. I am learning to let go of my tight control around food (having to know precisely what is in things, content and calories wise), appreciating myself and believing in myself as a person which helps in wanting to look after myself physically and keep me motivated in recovery. I like giving myself a pamper from now and then to try and reinforce the "love myself" thing! I'm hugely more confident in social settings and actually want to be with other people and not hide away from the world in a miserable, lonely ED bubble. It's all about the attitude, keep focused on life and getting what you can out of every day.