compliments bad???

Does anyone else get tired of people telling you you look good even though inside you know you feel/look terrible?

About 3 years ago, I ended up losing about 50-60 pounds. I'm almost 27, abt 5'6 & weigh about 135-140lbs at the moment. Not exactly sure, because I won't weigh myself again until I feel better about myself. At first it was great being able to fit in clothes and hearing the comments, but now I know I have gained weight thru the holidays and I'm trying my damndest to get back where I want to be. Ideally I want to be around 125-130, and I was there, but "fell off the wagon." I try & talk about it with my boyfriend, but all he can say is "you don't look like you gained weight" or "can't you be happy with where you are?" I hear the same thing from my mom. I can FEEL the difference. My clothes aren't fitting right and I just feel gross. I used to seem to have such control and it seems whenever I get where I want to be, I take 10 steps back.  Am I alone on this one?

no your not alone, but to assume that your loved ones coments are disengenous is unfair!

You are your worst critic! 

Of course you're not alone, I too can tell if I've gained a little before stepping on the scale.  But your family is probably seeing a more realistic picture than you are.  Like lilsmiter mentioned, you are your worst critic, and you may be setting unrealistic goals.  A weight of 135-140 is healthy for you, and although you may be able to get lower, if maintaining a lower weight is that difficult, then you need to listen to your body and maintain at a slightly higher weight.  Just because we can reach a certain number does not mean that's where we should stay. 

Oddly enough, aside from age, your numbers now are almost exactly the same as mine.  I lost about 30 pounds 2 1/2 years ago. About 8-10 pounds slowly snuck back on and I was diligently counting cals through the fall to get rid of them. I was nearly there just before Thanksgiving. Now 6 weeks later I'm almost back to pre-counting weight. It's really depressing! My loose clothes fit and I know the smallest things won't even fit right now. Darn.

HOWEVER, I am very grateful that my hubby tells me I'm beautiful and sexy every day. I know he really feels that way, it's just that I don't feel that way. It really makes me want to earn it. He is so wonderful to me and I always want him to feel that way. I'm picking up where I left off with exercise and watching my calorie intake. Hopefully six weeks from now I'll be back to where I want to be.

I'm sure you DON'T look terrible. You're not where you want to be but that doesn't mean you don't look good --especially to the people who love you anyway.  Try and appreciate that you have people like that in your life. I've had it the other way and I, for one, sure don't want to go back!

You guys are really GREAT and I mean it. I had a good day so far with working out and eating so I actually feel a little better. Now to just keep it up:)

I completely understand! I tell my boyfriend that I have gained so much weight since I've started college and he always says I don't look any different. He thinks, and has this notion that if he tells me enough that I'll agree with him, that I'm beautiful. And I couldn't agree with him less. There are some times, for about five minutes, that I actually do agree with him...then feel guilty for agreeing with him and keep thinking "he must be going blind because I look so different! He may not think I look different but thats only because I've become an expert on covering it up. Your boyfriend most likely whole-heartedly believes that you are perfect the way you are...and you are probably the only person that disagrees with him. You sound healthy for your stats. But I know where you're coming from when you say you feel different even if other people can't see it. You're definitely not alone.

my friends who i went to school with 8 years ago have this weird habit of always commenting on the weight i lost. Annoyingly for the past 8 years all ive done is gain not lose. It made me want to scream at them each time, if this is how fat i am now how fat do you think i was before?

Anyway ive lost 12lbs so im only about 10lbs away from when i was 18years old, cant wait to get rid of that and then see their faces and hear the real compliments

my boyfriend just recently told me with watery eyes that i have a tremendous amount of sadness that he wishes he could cure.  this knocked me off my feet and sent me from a normal mood into bawling.  i think of myself and generally content and happy with life.  but i know i have very high expectations of myself and on my body/health.  he has always complimented me on something multiple times every day, even when i'm just wearing scrubs and look a mess.  i think i got so sad because i realized that my poor self esteem wasn't just hurting myself but also effecting people around me.  i want to improve my self image for his sake, if i can't for my own sake alone.  i tend to feel guilty about my weight and eating/exercise habits when i'm feeling stressed or discouraged.  i guess it's easier than trying to dig down deeper. 

anyways i guess what i'm trying to say is, be kind to yourself and your body.  try to really listen to compliments, not because you agree with them or think you "deserve them" but because they are coming from love, appreciation, kindness, adoration...  don't take them for granted.  good luck!  

Original Post by cerealaddiction:

my boyfriend just recently told me with watery eyes that i have a tremendous amount of sadness that he wishes he could cure.  this knocked me off my feet and sent me from a normal mood into bawling.  i think of myself and generally content and happy with life.  but i know i have very high expectations of myself and on my body/health.  he has always complimented me on something multiple times every day, even when i'm just wearing scrubs and look a mess.  i think i got so sad because i realized that my poor self esteem wasn't just hurting myself but also effecting people around me.  i want to improve my self image for his sake, if i can't for my own sake alone.  i tend to feel guilty about my weight and eating/exercise habits when i'm feeling stressed or discouraged.  i guess it's easier than trying to dig down deeper. 

anyways i guess what i'm trying to say is, be kind to yourself and your body.  try to really listen to compliments, not because you agree with them or think you "deserve them" but because they are coming from love, appreciation, kindness, adoration...  don't take them for granted.  good luck!  

 

Cerealaddiction ... My boyfriend gets really upset about what he calls my 'constant bloody diet', he says he loves me for who I am, and says I am not overweight. True, my BMI is in the healthy range - just. I try to explain to him that it's about the way I feel inside, not necessarily how others see me. But, like you, I am trying to see his point of view. Must be hard being with a chick so constantly hard on themselves. Keep Smiling!!!

 

You should be proud of yourself - perhaps not overly content, but proud of yourself. Take the compliments - they're encouraging for you to get down to what you think is better, and have even more of them xD    

I honestly appreciate everyone's comments. I truly wish I thought differently, but until I can see a change for myself, I don't know that I can "accept" the compliments. The funny thing is I KNOW I have come a long way & I KNOW he really means it, and so does my mom, but I just feel so bad sometimes. Thanks again for all the support, it may be just what I need 'cause I never really got it before. (at least from an "outsiders" point of view.)

i feel  similarly. i can't handle compliments and don't feel worthy of them because I don't agree with what people tell me. It's a definite self-confidence issue and I struggle with that and whacked eating habits. I think that the image i see of myself is morphed from what is real and you might feel this way too.