Confidence? What is that?

I have put on 30 pounds during college, and am now home for the summer.  I am horrified by my weight gain to the point where I don't want anyone to see me.  The weight gain is visible and I hate to be the girl everyone gossips about for having blown up like a balloon.  I've become a sort of hermit, staying in my house... skipping out on parties and avoiding any store or restaurant where I may run into someone I knew from my thin days. 

I know this is emotionally unhealthy, which is preciscely why I'm trying to lose weight.  What I am wondering is, how do you guys stay confident in yourselves?  I've sort of lost myself in these 30 pounds, how can I stop hiding and learn to love what I've got til I lose it?

Ok, first off I think your concentrating FAR too much on your weight. Friends that have known you for years are not going to judge you for putting on weight...and if they do then they're clearly not good friends. 

I think you need to realise 1) your sooooo much more then what you weigh, and people never look at you/criticise you as much as you do yourself

2) whatever anyone tells you on here it's your mental attitude you need to change. skulking around the house isn't going to make you happy

If you had 1 year to live i bet 30 pounds would hardly bother you. so look at your life like that-you only havw 1 to live so you need to make the most of it. 

also you could buy some clothes that accentuate and highlight your new clothes in a flattering way and make you look amazing!

When you fall off a horse, they say you need to get back on and try again.... if you confront the thing you fear, you progress.  If you avoid the thing you fear, you regress.

The only thing to do is to get up, get dressed and get out there.... You're not the only person to gain 30lbs in weight..  Fat people are everywhere and you may be surprised to learn that they/we lead normal, productive lives.  If you've been condescending towards fat people in the past of if you've gossiped about people 'blowing up like a balloon' behind their back.... maybe this is a good lesson for you?  A little humility is character-building.

There's a lot you can do with presentation.  Good grooming, standing tall, wearing flattering clothes, a big smile.... this will all say 'I'm confident' outwardly, even if you don't feel it 100%.  If you refuse to venture out until you're 30lbs lighter there is a serious danger that you will be housebound for the rest of your life.  And that would be a sad waste of a perfectly good life.

chiming in, repeating exactly what they've said ^^^

Get a couple nice pairs of shoes, some cute capris or new shorts in your new size, a few new tops in your new size (try them on before you leave the store!!!).... and voila, you will no longer look your new size.  And the shoes are super-duper important! 

Trust me.  I've put on that same 30 pounds in the past year that you have.  But I'm more than a body, and it's difficult to avoid life.  So I put away all of my lighter weight clothes (which were making me look 3 times the size I actually was), went and got some more flattering apparel for this new temporary body of mine, the cutest pair of sandals I've ever had, and it's oh-so-much-better.  Even though it REALLY irritated me to have to shop for new clothes :-|  I'm glad I did.

And your friends miss you.  Don't miss out on your summer because of something as silly as a bit of padding ;-) 

And if all else fails, if you run into someone from your "thin days" you can always own it yourself before anyone else has a chance and complain about how the freshman 15 attacked and multiplied and you fully intend on taking it up with your college counselor

I also put on weight in college and I was self-conscious about it when I came home for the summers.  (I graduated college May 2008.)  It seemed like every summer I had put on another 5 lbs and I knew everyone would notice.  And people probably did.  But then I realized I don't care what a lot of people from high school think about me.  If they judge me based on my weight, they are not worth it.  I have some great friends from hs who have known and loved me from when I was 95lbs to when I was 135lbs.

Also, you will NOT be the only one who put on weight while away at college. I guarantee this.  A lot of girls go to college with the scrawny/athletic girl's body, and then come back a few pounds heavier, but more curvier and looking like a woman rather than a child. 

I agree with eringilbert about buying new clothes.  Trying to squeeze into something too small will make you look bigger.  Focus on yourself and on being healthy and on having fun, and don't worry about what other people think about you.  (I know this is easier said than done.)

Have a great summer!

the same has happened to me (gaining ~30 lb.)

and, now i feel like i'm walking on tree trunks instead of legs.

but, i've decided i'm gonna live like i usually do,

even if it means unsightly legs in shorts,

cause i've gotta move on.

and i stay confident mostly by reminding myself that there are people who look like me out there. and one more of them wont kill anybody's eyes any more.

...which sounds really awful.

and,

the earlier the people see you now,

the more they'll realize that you've lost weight later!

dont worry about it. flaunt what youve got!

i've realized my stomach also looks worse, but my boobs have increased, so theres the silver lining on that cloud!

If you're only home for the summer, you've GOT to start going out again...  30lbs is probably going to take most of the summer to work off!  You can't be a shut in that whole time.  You're going to be known as the girl who never goes out anymore!  Avoiding people is probably just making the rumors fly.

I'm alot older than you, so perhaps this is like advice from an elder.  I am in my mid 40s now and over the years I've been thin and I've been fat.  Sometimes I've been in between.  It's true that I was much more self conscious about it when I was younger, but what I've learned over the years is that time marches on whether you are having fun or not.  This summer you are home from college?  You will never see this summer again.   I am a firm believer in having a very good time in life because it will be over before you know it (and could be any time). 

I've been fortunate enough to travel alot over the years and you see it all: fat people, skinny people, old and young, pretty and not so pretty.  And you know what?  There are millions of people in the world and none of them really care what you look like today.  They don't even know you exist.  

I've been in beautiful places where women who are either perfect (in my eyes) or have a mysterious "five pounds to lose" (in their mind) will not even get in the ocean and swim or do anything other than feel uncomfortable and self conscious.  Sound like they are having a fun life?  NO.  And it's their fault.

I was in Hawaii with a good friend (male, by the way) on probably the only trip he will ever make there and while I was swimming and doing cannonballs off the offshore platform with a bunch of kids and having a blast with people I didn't even know (and with others watching from shore) in a bathing suit and having no less than 60 pounds to lose....where was my friend?  Hiding his embarassment over a little gut under a t-shirt and refusing to get in and participate in a great afternoon under the sun in beautiful Hawaii where life simply, in that moment, could not have been any better.  

What I can tell you is that the only thing holding you back from having a fabulous and fun day every single day of your life is you.  It's not the 30 pounds.  I still need to lose 50 pounds but I scuba dive, lay out in a bathing suit (off to Cozumel in July!), go to Bikram Yoga, etc. etc. etc. and I'm happy every day.  Weight should be something you work on for your health but not something that impacts your happiness.  

Hurray texan!

I just joined today, and this thread is the best I've read yet.  I'm six feet tall and I weigh in at 280. 

Yesterday I wore my cute red shorts, a black tank, and the cute red-banded hat to tie it all together.  I didn't care if people saw the rotund woman on a bike...because at least I was getting off of my behind trying to do something about it.

I've read that over half of the women in this country are over size 14.  So remember...you have a LOT of company in this country.  Are you a terrific person?  And...are you strong and determined enough to strive for your goals?

Non Illegitimi Carborundum!

No matter what all the replies say.. you still feel the way you do.. I know cause I have always went up and down with my weight..... but it is what it is. ..So.... get some new cloths that fit you.. and if you cant aford new stuff go to a second hand place..you would be surprised how good you will  feel good when you look in the morror ... go out and have fun.  enjoy your summer and get out there and move.  Start a routine of walking each day...... that is a good start, especially if you cant go to a gym or cant afford one. 

Educate yourself on what you should and should not eat and before you know it, your activity is increasing and your starting to feel good about yourself. Plus you may even loose a few of them pounds... But what is most important is to not miss out on your summer and your frinds.... enjoy it... have fun and dont miss it for an amount of weight. 

Confidence is always a struggle for me.  Some things I do are make list of things that I am grateful for in my life.  I remind myself that I am so much more than what I see in the mirror.  If all else fails I get a defiant attitude towards cultural ideals of beauty.  In other words I say, "Screw it.  If someone has e a problem with the way I look then it's their problem not mine.  I refuse to let anyone define how I feel about myself."  This attitude makes me feel better on those sort of self doubt days.

Don't worry about the weight.  

Do you feel healthy?

As for the confidence issue:  For myself, I hit the gym.....hard.  I always feel great after a good workout and if you push yourself, you'll start to feel confidence you didn't know you had.  And you'll start to lose those extra pounds in the process.

What I am figuring out is that there are not too many people who are happy with their body images, whether it be related to weight or some other feature, like their nose, hair etc. As I get older I am just trying to appreciate where I am today, as now when I look back to when I was 30 (and 40 pounds lighter) I didn't appreciate that time.

As I struggle with my weight now I just start new each day, sort of like quitting smoking if you slip just start again, it is the rare person who can do anything the first time, takes practice and perservence.

Best wishes

The absolute most important thing I have learned is this, "hating your body will not make it look any better, or make you feel any better."

It really is as simple as eating less and exercising more. It doesn't have to be emotional or consume your life.

You have character, goals, and reason. Don't let your life and all you stand for wind up being insignificant.. (keep in mind this is not an excuse to not lose the weight, it's just a reason to lose the weight and be happy all along instead of only when your 30 pounds lighter.)

Have fun living

I love what everyone has said about being confident and putting your best foot forward.

I gained 30 pounds in the first year of marriage (ack) and I'm now working on getting it off before I get pregnant.

People are surprised when I tell them I've gained 30 pounds. I think its beacuse I always wear skirts.  A good A-line skirt that is snug just around the hips then flares out a bit hides the weight gain in the thigh.  And now its summer. Go shopping!! 

Dear Luola, please go out this summer! You are young and there is no good reason to avoid your old friends. I think your confidence will return to you when you feel like you are in control again. So, make a plan for dealing with the extra 30 pounds. Join a gym, go for daily walks, get on the bike, go to the high school track and pound a few laps. The trick is to make the plan, and as you live each day this summer, you will be confident that you have a plan, you are sticking to your plan and your plan is working!

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And, you are your harshest critic. These two "truisms" really are true!

While you are running around that track, or walking through your neighborhood, you might want to think about just where those 30 pounds came from. Was it a sudden increase in the booze? Was it late night pizza delivered to the dorm? Was it a sudden decrease in your activity level? Was it stress? Was it all of the above? I think that you will feel 100% more confident if you have a plan for tackling those 30 pounds and for avoiding those triggers next fall.

My eldest daughter returned from her freshman year of college with an extra 30 pounds. She figured it was from all the drinking. She hadn't realized just how many calories are in those drinks! She started the South Beach diet, and lost the weight much faster than I would have! She is still thin, and she graduated last Saturday!

Good luck.

Carla

Luola:

I was in the same boat after my sophomore year of college. My solution was to not go out, not see friends, and work out like a maniac, (which didn't help incidentally because I wasn't eating healthy) and which I now regret so much because I missed a fantastic summer with my friends. It's really correct that your true friends won't care and judge you. Use this uncomfortable feeling you have about your extra weight to motivate you to lose it! Summer is a great time for fun exercise too.

I remember quite vividly the horror of realizing that I gained 45 lbs my freshman year.  I think it hit me when I was sitting on the bed at home and noticed dimples in the back of my knees.  That little thing just about put me over the edge.  THAT WAS MY AHA MOMENT!....  I was overweight and out of shape, but was young enough to do something about it.  I started walking (because there was no way I could run at that point.)  I watched what I ate, not really dieted.  Paid attention to when I was eating.  College lends itself to late night binges.  I saw the weight start to come off and the lighter I got, the more I could move and eventually run.

I am 43 now and have struggled my whole life with food and weight.  My 20's were the "bonus years" where I was able to have time to exercise and eat right without the added obstacles of kids, work and bills... and I looked good!
I have learned that you can't spend your life worried about what others think.  Even at my heaviest, I found things to be happy about in myself.  No one can make you take the steps to a healthier lifestyle, it has to be something YOU want.

Right now... I just keep my eye on the prize... clothes I like, being able to be active without keeling over and overall just feeling better.  I have been living my adjusted lifestyle for over a year and am 50lbs lighter for it.  The best part is knowing that no one can take credit for the weightloss when it happens, but you!

You will be fine.... It happens to everyone.  Just set a course and stay true to it.

I have spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself.  I finally decided that I matter.  ME.  The me that is pretty sensational and charming.  My fat is not ME, my bad hair day is not me and I am not what people "think" I am.  I chose to ignore those that are shallow enough to think ill of me because I am overweight.  They don't know ME.  They know their judgement of some neurotic, irrational, notion of perfection. 

  Frankly I have little time to waste on people who think insults and jugements are entertainment.  I have things to do.  I know what I am about.  The rest of them can kiss my @$$.

Funny enough I dont really notice the comments and stares any more.  When I catch someone stareing at me I tend to think "I must look good today".

I have also struggled with this issue. I moved away from my hometown several years ago. My weight has fluctuated greatly over the years. When I am at a higher weight, I am so shameful that I avoid going home to see my folks. Even though I know that my family, and old friends love me , and do not care what size I am, I still have to conquer that negative thinking each time. The only thing that eases that self doubt is facing my fear. I recommend that you call your friends, and get together with them. Before you go, buy a new outfit,get your hair and nails done, or whatever you need to do that makes you feel better about your appearance at your current size.  Muster up your courage, and do it. It is not going to be as bad as you think, and you will have such a sense of relief. Then you can move on, and enjoy your summer.

Luola I totally understand where you're coming from.. Summer holidays are starting for me too, and all my friends who I haven't seen during term time are all home again but I keep putting off meeting with them telling myself i'll wait until i've lost 10lbs or 15lbs or until i feel good or until i look better.. which is so silly cause of course my friends don't care what i look like - but I care! 

About 2 months ago a great friend of mine sent me an email saying he liked me as more than friends and that he had feelings for me (!woo hoo, i think i could really like him too!) but I totally ignored it -  Because I just couldn't believe he would like me as i am, and because i told myself that I didn't want to respond in case he realised what a mistake he'ld made, and that Ild wait to do something until i'ld lost the weight...  And then recently I realised how stupid that is! Why oh why did i pass on the chance of something great because i was embarassed and ashamed by the way i looked? I don't know what's going to happen with him but i'm trying so so hard to not let me weight issues hold me back. I'm still struggling and refuse to go shopping at all until i'm down a size (but i need new clothes haha!) But am continuously trying to feel better about myself. 

I still care a huge deal and am trying to work out more and eat better, but also won't let my need to lose weight affect my life. So Luola I hope we can both stop feeling crap and move on up!