confused...

Lala you can delete this post if it's inappropriate but I have to ask:

Why does it seem like everyone on here lately has been not only upset about gaining weight, but upset about barely finally gaining bits of a big weight gain needed?  I guess I thought this forum was like the reverse of the weight loss support forum and groups everywhere [finally!]...but I can't imagine one of those sites with people complaining that they finally lost their first 1-2lbs! 

I'm not wanting to pick on you all for stuff, of course feelings are feelings, but I just don't get it.  It's not that I think we should always be "pretend happy go lucky" but it makes more sense to face challenges pertaining to our need for weight gain--when did the challenge become "oh no I actually started to gain"?

Actually, you'll find a lot of the posts in the weight loss are oh no, I only lost 1-2 lbs and it's been a week.  I think the human condition is to want immediate results...if we're going to do that we'll have to start measuring in ounces.

I know I'm one of the people you're referring to - it helps to understand if you seperate me from my ED.

me: I want to gain weight and be healthy
ED: Fatty. fat. You've gained weight. Now you have no excuse to eat. You're fat, ugly and no longer special.

So while long term I want to gain, in the 'heat of the moment' when it actually happens I feel absolutely panicked and desperate to restrict... I wish it wasn't so hard and I could think lucidly all the time because it would make the battle against ED much easier!

Tears: Yeah... ah. Those who post and struggle with their ED in turn are going to have a voice in their ear telling them that a gain is a bad thing when it isn't. However, it is very often a temporary freakout rather than a long-term hatred of gaining; most of the girls that do post here and are in recovery relax. The day of the weigh is the hardest.

Mashed; I go through the same thing. Its like, I want to get better so badly...but then when ED sees that yes, I am getting better, it freaks out and tries to usurp control of my brain. Bothersome little bugger, isnt he?

Tears; sometimes even when you want to do something, it can still be frightening and make you feel crazy inside. It's like the first time you ride a bike without the training wheels - even though you know its going to feel good when you can do it on your own, you're still scared. And the first few times you do it, you're bound for some bloody knees and scraped elbows. It takes time to adjust to the new balance and get steady with what you're doing and where you're going.

Lala; I have a perfect example of that!! Yesterday. I freaked for like half an hour. Then I made my muesli with cream and coconut and sat down to a nice warm breakfast ^.^