So confused - please help!

Hi,

I have been really focussed on gaining weight recently, as I thought my weight was still at an unhealthy level.  However, I went to see the nurse today, and asked her for advice on upping calories as I seem to have stopped gaining on the 2500+ I have been eating, and she told me not to worry too much as my weight is not "dangerously low" and the fact I am now able to maintain my weight and eat a varied diet is the main thing.  I find upping calories very stressful and now I'm struggling even more as I feel like I've basically been told not to bother. 

I feel so confused.  I weigh 103 pounds and am 5 foot 6.  I was so convinced that gaining weight was really important, and being told this has totally thrown me.  Please help!

Hi Lizzie,

Well done for gaining weight!  Unfortunately a lot of health professionals don't understand the dangers of remaining at a low weight for those who have eating disorders, even though the weight may not be immediately dangerous.  It is really important to keep gaining weight until you are at a healthy weight for your height, as when you are underweight you will find it much harder to deal and overcome with all the eating disorder thoughts, as being underweight actually causes changes in your brain.

Also, along with all the other complications of being underweight, you will see that it really is best to get to a healthy weight as quick as you can manage.  I think deep down you realize that what the nurse said is not the best thing for you.  Keep increasing your calories, keep gaining, and be healthy.  Perhaps see someone who has experience with eating disorders also, as they will be much more in tune to what is needed to recover.

Lizzie,

PLEASE don't listen to her (the nurse)! I am the same height and I am currently 107 and my doctor is urging me to aim for 125, which is a BMI of 20. A BMI of 18.5 (which is on the very low end of the "healthy" range) is still about 118-120. Please keep gaining! I weigh 4 pounds more than you and I still feel it is too thin and I am going to gain until my body is healthy!

I am 5 ft 4" and currently weigh 112 lbs.

I have been told by many people (health professionals and family members to name but a few) that I need to gain at least 14 lbs to be up at 9 stone which is where I should be.  I always used to be around 9-9.5 stones years ago, but in recent years various factors have resulted in a steady weight loss back to just under 8 stones.  I gained 2 lbs (which I am struggling to hang on to), but need to gain more, even though I hate to admit it to myself.

I haven't had a period for nearly a year, and although I feel generally fine in myself I know that at my age that is not normal or healthy.

I guess every one is different and one weight for someone would not necessarily be the right weight for someone else of the same height.  I think alot of it boils down to your body and it telling you when it is at it's ideal, healthy weight.

It is a confusing minefield out there isn't it?!

Hey there Lizzie,

Your weight IS still at an unhealthy level and you should continue to gain. I assume this nurse works at an eating disorders facility? I find it somewhat perturbing that at a BMI of 16.6 she would be comfortable with maintenance, particularly for somebody recovering from an eating disorder, who, due to the damage inflicted upon the body by malnutrition/over-exercise/generally unhealthy eating patterns requires additional 'repair'. EVERY health professional I have encountered has stated I need a BMI of at LEAST 18.5. Some have started with smaller goals, but it was never considered reasonable to maintain at a BMI lower than 18.5. And this is the bare minimum - 20 is a better benchmark. You sound as if you are doing marvelously with your weight gain focus and I strongly encourage you to keep doing so. Continue with your fantastic efforts - restore yourself back to health and happiness. Health is beauty and you deserve it xox

Your eating disorder will grab at anything to use as amunition against you and your recovery. I'm sure the nurse meant well and was trying to reassure you as you find calorie increases stressful but, just as when someone says we look 'well' and we translate that as 'fat', well intentioned comments tend to get distorted in our minds. You know rationally your weight is too low so try and trust your judgement.

Good luck x

hey lizzie,

i weigh 116lbs but it says my bmi is just 17.5. So keep on gaining your doing great. as for it being difficult i completley agree. sometimes i can't be bothered and get completley stressed. All I want at some times is to sleep in bed and eat chicken soup but i can't. I have to remind myself that recovery is about challenging myself and Ed and its also about thinking about the future ahead. think of it this way: Would you rather be ten pounds lighter and weaker or ten pounds heavier and stronger? you know which way to go...

good luck your doing so well and i am completley with you in this as is every other person in Ed recovery!

by the way don't think i'm saying your weak cause there is no way in the world you are. YOUR HEAPS STRONG! your actually one of my main focuses on the weight gainers blog because your meals sound so relaxed and your always replying to everyones posts which is so enouraging and shows that your considerate . you are a great hope and inspiration and I haven't even met you!

Your doctor sounds JUST like mine. People who have no experience with ED's tend to think "Ok you weigh over 100 pounds, you won't die in your sleep tonight. You're fine if you can stay here." They have a tendency not to want to push us for fear that we will relapse from the stress of weighing more.

The truth is - the lower your weight remains, the higher your chances are of relapsing. It is best for you, and for your health and safety, if you continue gaining until you get to a healthy BMI. At your weight (and mine!) while we are no longer considered medical hazards, we are still at an underweight and anorexic level (under 16.5 = anorexic) It is true that yes, you can survive at the weight you are at now. How long for is the question though. We need to push past where ED is comfortable and get to a place where we can be safe physically and have no worries about possibly relapsing or worse.

I know its hard to keep pushing once you get the OK from the doctor. I'm dealing with that right now. Let me tell you though, I felt some anxiety over my decision at first, but now I feel ten times stronger because I know I am not letting someone else's ignorance and my ED run the show.

Stay  strong and keep pushing forwards. You know in your heart its the best thing you can do for yourself.

Thanks so much all of you for the support and encouragement and the lovely messages:)  You're right, I think I did know deep down that maintaining at this weight isn't the right thing for me, it's just so reassuring to hear it from others, particularly those who know what it's like to go through this. 

My nurse is an NHS mental health nurse.  I am trying to get referred to someone who specialises in eating disorders, it's all just taking far too long!  I do sometimes get the feeling that because she's come across people before who said they were only eating like 2 apples a day (I was restricting and over-exercising, but I have never done that!) that comparatively my ED wasn't that serious.  I realise it was my ED thoughts trying to take over, but as soon as the nurse said that I took it to mean it would be greedy for me to keep eating and increasing. 

BUT, I am stronger today, and I will beat this, no matter how much it means I have to eat!  I want health and happiness, and getting my curves back would be nice too;)

Thank you again xxx

SIGH......this is why 'nurse doesnt = doctor'.

lizzie getting a specialised nurse is deffinitley the way to go. I went to a nutritionist when I was at the weight I wanted to be and asked for a menu to stabilise my body. Until i'd lost 20 pounds it didn't hit her or myself that I had an Ed. it was too late. =(