Out of Control Bingeing--- 3 days and counting! Someone help, please!!

I know from looking around on this site-- that many of you have had this problem before. Maybe you could help me? I am out of control!!!

For over a month I ate nothing but veggies, fruits, my turkey and cheese sandwiches, and milk. I later added a protein bar-- after I began working out (burning about 300 - 450 calories a day-- 5 days a week). I realize this may have been overkill, but I lost 15 pounds and I loved it...and I want to keep losing more. I also hardly had any fat in my diet- which may have been a mistake.

Two weeks ago I had sushi and an ice cream sundae with a friend (the first fatty, high calorie food I had ate in a month)...it made me feel sick, but it made me crave, as well. I managed to recover from that until this past weekend, when I ate more ice cream and a thing called a whoopie pie...I ate something bad the next day as well.  I also really slowed down on my working out (about 3 days a week). Then, I got back on track on Monday, but on Tuesday I did not work out and binged on pizza that my roommate ordered (3 pieces of pizza, 5-8 breadsticks with dipping sauce)-- this was on top of the 1200 calories I had allotted myself for yesterday. Today, I didn't even make it til noon and I have had no nutritional food all day. I had my normal fiber one for breakfast with soymilk and then gave in and bought a whoopie pie at the gas station (about 400 calories!), then ate the soup I had planned to have for lunch and supper, then, went to the school coffee shop and had a cappucinno and a filled donut...and then, after my night class, I went to the school cafeteria and had a huge salad bowl filled with every mayonaisse based salad I could find and bought a pint of ben and jerry's and ate 3/4 of it! This is so incrediably embarrasing to say-- I ate like a huge binging pig today. I feel sick, and I probably could purge if I wanted to-- but I have never done that and I refuse to start now.

I am well on my way to gaining all my weight back and have not worked out since Monday! What am I doing?!? I was doing so well! Granted-- Monday I broke up with my boyfriend and he told me we couldn't be friends and I have the normal stress of being a TA and a grad student--- but should this be affecting me like this? How do I get back on track? This is making me feel so guilty and fat and depressed. I feel worthless and ugly (sorry-- I know this is very 'oh woe is me'). And even though I am not "technically" overweight (I am 5'10 and now, 150 lbs-- I started at 165...although right now it is probably back up to 155)...i feel that people treat me this way (which isn't right to treat people like, ever)-- guys don't pay attention to me and people in general tend to ignore me. Even after losing only 15 lbs, strangers were kinder to me, etc.  I want to be slimmer and prettier (a horrible motive,  I know)... and for once in my life I want to feel included. Sorry- this is probably very depressing and I am basically venting.

 Does anyone know how I can get back on track? I keep figuring, "hey, I already f***ed up, what's another donut? I'll get back on track tomorrow. I'll work out tomorrow" but it never happens...this is making me miserable...any advice of those who have gone through this?

O'kay, tomorrow when you wake up is the first day of the rest of your life.
When you get up, thank whomever for letting you restart your life.  Have a glaas of water, a good breakfast and start over.
If this doesn't work, wash, rinse and repeat each day until it sticks.
This is something that has to be practiced every day. 
Each journey starts with a single step and you are starting a new chapter in your life.
Oh yeah, be kind to yourself.

I am so glad that someone else in the world has gone through that vicious binging cycle and lives to tell about it. I am 5'9 and around 148. My weight fluctuates every single week...mostly because I somehow manage to binge one or two days out of the week. The best thing to do is to not leave yourself feeling deprived. Living on a very restricted diet will only leave you craving foods that you aren't allowed to have even more. A trick that works for me is to save some cals and have something you really love. I wouldn't recommend anything more than 200 cals, but you can leave it pretty open. If you exercise throughout the week a treat shouldn't really be a problem. If you are like me and need to have more you simply must walk away. A trick that I have realized works is chewing sugar free gum. If you don't like that try drinking a glass of water. The most important thing is to not deprive yourself and to walk away when you feel like you can lose control.

As for the whole feeling prettier because you are slimmer, I can relate. It's definitely a mental thing. It's simply a matter of feeling and looking good. When you look good you feel good. Honestly I think around 140 is perfect for your height. I wouldn't set a goal any lower than that.

Thank you Spoiled Candy and RW-- both of your responses were very helpful! I think I will try to start my day off positive tomorrow and take away my opportunity to binge (i.e. my cash-- the stores on campus don't accept debit cards or checks). Hopefully, I can drag myself out of bed to do some ab/bun exercises-- those always make me feel like I can see improvement-- haha. I think the problem before may have been that I was too strict on my diet and did not allow myself any sweets at all (my "guilty pleasure"- was a chocolate chip rice cake). Even though I wanted this to be a long term lifelong diet/lifestyle change-- I don't think it was probably sustainable...bc of my tendency to binge when i feel deprived.

I will start over tomorrow :)

RW--- you and I are about the same height and weight-- can I ask you about how many calories you usually allow yourself on a non-binge day? I was restricting myself to 1200 a day-- but I didn't know if that was not enough or even too many. i will definately have to get back into the exercise groove (i did it monday-- but was off and on right b4 that). 

Thanks again both of you :)

This was also happening to me 10 years ago...and it stopped when I decided not to punish myself anymore...and when I say punish, I mean two things:

1. After a binge restricting my calories as low as possible

2. Trying to be perfect in my diet plan

3. Depriving myself of chocolate and bread, which I love so very much!

4. Scolding myself for bingeing

5. Following a diet plan I couldn't do for the rest of my life

Follow your plan perfectly for 5 days a week and "ruin" it for 2...by ruining I mean keep the same calorie intake, but eat what you crave more...even if you eat 200 -300 calories more, it won't destroy your diet...and trust me, after some time, you won't even eat 10 calories more and when maintenance time comes, it will be piece of cake for you,

I am sure you will do fine! 

I have been doing poorly for the last week.  And for me it's worse, calorie-wise, because it wasn't preceded by a month of strict calorie-counting, so my progress isn't that major to begin with. 

 All I can say in addition to what the others have told you is "This too shall pass" (the pain of breaking up)... you can and should be a little easier on yourself, but something to bear in mind is that eating healthily (NOT starving yourself but also not binging all the time) and exercising will make you feel much better in the long run.

Depending on how much I exercise that day I usually consume about 1500-1700. Gosh, that really does sound like a lot. I had a complimentary personal training session at the gym I go to and the trainer told me to eat 2000 cals. My maintenance cals for light activity are around 2000. If I wanted to maintain my weight, sure I would eat that much but until then there is absolutely no way. I woud say if you are moderately active you could probably eat around the same (1500 cals). I personally think that 1200 is way low for a woman of our height and weight. Calories are super confusing!

I eat more when i'm stressed and upset and it sounds like you are very similar. Just the other day I was having a bad day and I ate 3000 plus calories. I had the same attitude of- I've already messed up today, what harm is another doughnut going to do. No one is perfect. Just make sure not to completely deprive yourself. I think if you give yourself a treat every now and then you are less likely to full out binge. I have a piece of dark chocolate every single day. It's only 50 calories and it is very satisfying.

I was doing 1200 a day (5'9", 170lbs) for a whole month losing 2lbs a week, then went on vacation for a week and binged the entire 7 days. Having trouble getting back into it. right now I am letting myself do between 1500-1700 cals a day (still a little difficult to control, which is hard to imagine because I was doing fine at 1200-1300 before) and excercising every other day (to ease into the rountine I was at before)- and I have actually started losing to a point lower than I started on vacation. It has made me realize that there is truth to the take a week off every now and again and up your calories a bit to start losing. now don't get me wrong, when I first weighed myself after that week of bingeing the scale in bloat told me I had gained 5 lbs, but within a few days of reasonable 1700 cals, it went back down to where I started from.

so batten down, be nice to yourself, and start by just watching yourself to a few less calories each day until it seems livable, after the emotional stress dies a bit (and yes! any kind of break up will lead to emotional stress!!!) you can get back into your desired routine!

Hey, this is pretty much what gets me too.  It's cool because we are pretty much the same :D, I'm 5'10" and somewhere around 160lbs (I haven't weighed myself in awhile, I actually find it really relaxing to not really know that number, it doesn't so much matter).

I always have a few days where I feel amazing, I eat well, just the right amount, maybe even have some little treats here or there, and then either a lack of sleep hits or something stressful and bam--I've eaten everything in sight.  The thing that sucks is that I know I'm going to be angry later but I do it anyway (which is where I definitely relate with your 'woe is me' ventings, just makes you feel worse about yourself!).

 I have gotten a lot better than I used to be, though, and that mainly comes from exercising less (I used to be a workout nazi) and trying to develop a healthier relationship with food.  It's mainly mental.  Everyone will tell you it's not eating at night, or drinking a whole load of water, etc., but it's pretty much finding your own balance.  Trust it, I'm studying in France right now and they are incredibly skinny here, but eat a ton of bread, drink wine regularly, and it is odd to eat dinner earlier than 7 pm.

Sorry for the length, but your entry really hit home.

 Happy trails, Rachel

Wow, I'm glad other people are in the same boat as me! I go through those same vicious cycles as Breesar. Binge, feel like crap, binge more because I  feel like crap, beat myself up because I just binged AGAIN and then feel even MORE crappy so what do I do? Binge of course. And the cycle just continues on and on and it is extremely hard to stop. It is an addiction and I can't figure out whether it is the food, the physical act of eating, or the feeling of fullness but that is an entirely different thread...It makes trying to eat and be healthy very hard.
Anyway, the point of the story is that I've discovered when I go through these binge phases I continue to do it because I don't feel good about myself. What I find helps is if I try to force myself into letting go of those guilty, crappy feelings. Almost like I pretend that I don't really feel that way and it helps to  kick the cycle, since the negative feelings are what propels the bingeing to begin with. It's not easy, but alot of it is in your head and what I mean by that is you can almost control your feelings and reverse the negative into the positive, therefore not allowing yourself to be in the low point that puts you in the dangerous "bingeing zone" in the first place.
 After my recent weeks of bingeing I am trying to kick the cycle and so I have been taking those bad feelings and throwing them out the window. Don't dwell on what you have already done because that will only possibly lead to another binge. Focus on moving forward and not feeling terrible after a slip. I believe this is the key to getting yourself out of that vicious cycle!! Also keep in mind that IT IS OKAY!! We can't be perfect all the time, we just have to learn to keep moving forward when it happens.