Coping with Head Hunger
By Michelle May, M.D.
Do you sometimes confuse “head hunger” with physical hunger?
Sometimes I want a brownie really means I want pleasure, I need comfort, I deserve a reward, or I wish I could tell you how I really feel.
Food and Feelings
Perhaps you sometimes eat to cope with stress, distract yourself from difficult emotions, or stuff down feelings you don’t know how to express in a healthier manner.
However, boredom, anger, anxiety, loneliness, stress, and other feelings are a natural part of our lives and eating won’t make them go away. In fact, eating disconnects you from important information about what you really need.
The food you eat to deal with feelings comes with strings attached—weight gain and regret. But more importantly, when you eat to make them go away, you don’t have the opportunity to discover and satisfy your true needs. Since eating cannot meet your emotional needs, those unmet needs trigger overeating again and again.
The way to break out of this pattern is to stop judging yourself when you overeat and instead try to figure out what you needed that drove you to eat when you weren’t physically hungry. Examining your current eating behavior can be a powerful source of information about your inner self and your true needs and wants.
Some ideas for exploring your emotional triggers include journaling, talking with a friend or counselor, expressing yourself through creative outlets like painting or music, praying and meditating, even screaming into a pillow.
Once you’ve identified the emotions that triggered your desire to eat, seek ways to comfort, nurture, and redirect yourself without turning to food. Examples include reading, gardening, exercising, scrapbooking, and anything else you find enjoyable and calming. Find out how to download this one-page handout, “101 Things To Do Instead of Eating When You’re NOT Hungry”. Highlight the activities that appeal to you and add some of your own. Keep your list and any necessary supplies handy and make a commitment to try one for a few minutes before eating when you’re not hungry.
By learning to recognize and cope more effectively with your head hunger, you’ll begin to break free from old, problematic habits. You’ll find yourself eating less, feeling more satisfied, and meeting your needs more appropriately:
- When I’m hungry, I eat what I love.
- When I’m bored, I do something I love.
- When I’m lonely, I connect with someone I love.
- When I feel sad, I remember that I am loved.
Your thoughts....
What are your emotional triggers for eating? How do to cope with them?
Michelle May, M.D., a physician and recovered yo-yo dieter, is the founder of Am I Hungry?® Mindful Eating Program and the award-winning author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle. Download the first chapter of Eat What You Love now for free.
Comments
I completely understand your problem because I have been experiencing the same issue. Normally I am very busy at work, but we are experiencing a lull and have been slow for several weeks now and the mental stimulation is just not there. I try to keep some nuts on hand, or a granola bar that has some chocolate. I keep a jar of natural peanut butter in my drawar and sometimes bring an apple to work. We have a fridge in our office, so in the beginning of the week i fill a lunch bag with grapes, yogurts, etc. I really like those 100 calorie packs that are cookies. It gives me just enough chocolate to satisfy that craving.
Wow! I wish that I had read this about an hour ago!...
I read this article right after a binge on chocolate and peanut butter (melted together), and buttered popcorn(shared with my 8 year old, which was really nice). Now I feel the wave of regret...
I gained a pound this week, just from picking here and there a bit too much- and eating homemade bread that my kids have been into baking recently (when its hot it is VERY hard to resist)...so I haven't exactly felt on top of things today, kind of frustrated. I also feel overwhelmed and bored at the same time- I have tons to accomplish, but the deadlines are down the road a bit...so I am kind of looking for an excuse to not start yet (I do best under pressure). Eating seems to fill that blank.
Now the challenge is, having recognized what was pulling me toward the food, and having pigged-out-, not to let the regret and stomach ache lead me into a total landslide.
Thank you for the article. Its not exactly in the nick of time, but it came not too late either...
I think that I'll go exercise...
I used to blame some of my bad eating habits (fast foods) because I worked in the mall. I'm recently unemployed so I'm a stay at home mom and I find myself munching way too often or eating my daughters snacks. I'm eating my feelings and I'm eating because I'm bored. I need to develop a hobby or stick to my task at hand and not dive into whatever I can find in the kitchen. I think that will help my multitasking failures.
One of my favorite quotes is: "You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy." I wish I could remember who said it.
That's a great quote. I'll try to remember that when I'm feeling the urge for instant gratification. :)
lebauers - Boredom at work is definitely a challenge - and you've already identified the problem for you: lack of mental stimulation. Is eating mentally stimulating? Does it really meet this need? Food is readily available in most work places - probably because you are not the only one who's bored!
While eating is obviously the easier option and is temporarily pleasurable, the next time you are bored at work, perhaps you could give yourself a couple of minutes to brainstorm a list of things that would be more stimulating and acceptable at work. For example, your list might include: Clean out some files, Update the manual, Help a co-worker, Take a walk around the office.
Interestingly, you may find that none of these things appeal to you which is a hint that it is not just boredom but also a need for pleasure. If that is true, maybe you could apply some wonderful smelling lotion, light a candle, or ad some new family photos to your bulletin board.
Recognize that sometimes the trigger (and therefore the solution) is not just in the moment, but more global. Perhaps you would consider asking for more challenging projects, attending a conference to learn something new, starting a work site walking club, or looking for more challenges (and pleasure) outside your work environment.
Make your own list and be creative! That in and of itself will be more challenging than eating.
klux1986 - These are great suggestions for healthy snacks to eat when you're hungry at work!
A note of caution though...if you're bored, not hungry, you don't need healthy snacks. You need something to do.
Just to let everyone know, the link redirects you to a site where you have to sign up for a temporary subscription. But by googling '101 things to do besides eat' you can get the same exact list as PDF without subscribing.
Some great tips!
I frequently fall victim to the "I'm bored or sleepy so I eat" trap; sometimes it helps just to get up and walk around the building and go talk to someone else. I know not everyone has that luxury but a little activity can go a long way sometimes.
I am having the same issue. Work has been slow, everything is filed and organized and I even offered to help other departments. My issue is I sit at a desk all day, plus my commute is 2 hours a day. The only physical activity I get is during lunch when I go work out for an hour. In the last 2 years I have gained 15 pounds. I believe this is from eating when I am bored. So I thought if I eat healthy snacks I will be ok. The truth is that no matter how many nuts, peanut butter, granola bars, etc that we eat it still adds up to being to much.
My place of employment loves food, as do I. We always have donuts or bagels in the breakroom. I have no will power to turn it away. What can I do?
I agree with "Lebauers" thoughts - bored at work, some days all I can think about is food! But, this Calorie Count website has really helped as I think if I eat, I add to my daily totals! Most often it stops me from snacking on something that is not good for me!
cjperez3 and soniafeakes - Exposure to food is a common trigger for head hunger - even when you're not bored! As humans, we are naturally "food suggestible." Here are a couple of ideas:
- Ask your co-workers to keep their candy and other snacks out of sight.
- If others are also struggling with this issue, you could all agree to a "food free zone" to minimize environmental triggers.
- You could also agree to bring healthy snacks like fruit. I'm always amazed at how much easier it is to pass on the fruit when I'm not hungry - and how refreshing it is when I am!
- Stay away from the break room and other areas where you know food is likely to show up.
- If you see food i.e. donuts in the break room, remind yourself that it's not your food. You didn't buy it, you didn't choose to have it there, you wouldn't have even thought about it if someone else hadn't wanted it. They wanted it so let them eat it - you are under no obligation.
- If you really, really, really, really want it (the Four Really test) but you're not hungry, take some and save it until you are.
- Are you using the excuse "I'm at work so I can't do anything else when I'm bored." I doubt they are paying you to eat when it's not your lunch or break time!
- Your desire to eat when you're not hungry is the way your body is communicating another need to you. Practice translating the true meaning then consider how else you might meet that need better than eating.
Does anybody else have some ideas to share?
I just came back from OK and visiting my dying grandmother. She saw her Dr while I was there and was given 3-6 months. Well, I put back 7 lbs while in OK. Most of that came from eating candy. I knew that it was emotional eating and quite frankly, I did not care. Not at that point. I'm struggling now and am trying not to turn to the sugar for comfort. But the little girl inside me feels like a part of her is dying and I really don't know how to cope with this. My grandmother didn't know it was me half the time and I know that she's suffering a lot. I know that she's tired and that she's ready to go. But knowing all of that stuff doesn't make it any easier. I love my granny and there's nothing really that can console me. Right now, I'd like to sit down and eat a whole choclate cake by myself. And a gallon of ice cream with it! Instead, I will try to make it through most of this day and the ones ahead by holding on... I will until I have to take a sedative to stop crying. I knew it was coming and talked to my Dr in Dec 2009. I asked to talk to someone back then. So far, I have not received a call from anyone. Someone needs to call me about this... Because I feel so bad that it's bordering suicical thoughts. When I get to thinking about how Granny's been neglected and abused, I start getting angry and want to do something about it. She had a right to die with honor and with dignity. Not this way.... So yes, the candy looks good to me right now. I've lost 100 lbs since last May... Everyone is so proud of me. Including myself. Including my granny... I really don't want to undo that progress. I need some help....
What about volunteering if you are bored? For example, if you love small dogs and hate the thought of them being put to sleep because of lack of space at the shelter offer to become a foster home. A great place in need of foster homes is IMPS, Internet Miniature Pinscher Service, Inc. They pay for all the dogs medical expenses, and the foster home provides food, love, shelter and consistency. The rewards are endless puppy kisses and knowing that you saved a life!
Some work places even pay their employees for volunteering. There are countless volunteer opportunities to explore in all areas of interest.
Karen
My problem is the opposite of boredom at work. I overeat when I get stressed out at work. When I have a lot of demands for my time, I often shut my office door to get things done. Then I find myself eating constantly as I try to work on several tasks. Next thing I know, the entire bag is gone. I eat when under stress. But I am also busy, so it's not like I can do something else to get my mind off eating. Help!
Brendaminor448- I am so sorry about your grandma, my grandma died last year and it was really difficult on the entire family. I still get sad but I know she was ready she missed my papa terribly and even though she was pretty young- only 75 She had gotten to meet her great grand babies (my kids). Try to focus your energy on enjoying your last time with her, even though I know it is hard, Say any last things you really want to get out, and tryto make her as comfortable as possible now.
I CONSTANTLY eat because im bored!!! it is so annoying... especially when i know exactly what i am doing... i just cant stop! :(
I work in a restaurant!!! This topic hits home in a major way. I work right around dinner time and all the way through until about midnight. People (including me) much on french fries, chicken tenders, popcorn shrimp, all through out their shift. This is the number one thing I struggled with. I had tried giving up my work food all together but that proved to be WAY too difficult for me and I would end up relapsing and eating all the most unhealthy food I could get my hands on.
So I made a new resolution. No fried food allowed. I can order stuff at work as long as it contains nothing fried. (I work at a seafood restaurant so we do have alot of healthy options.) Once I stopped eating things just for pleasure I started craving the healthy snacks I bring in.
One suggestion I have is bring ALOT of small (100 calories or less) snacks. I bring a V8, yogurt, banana, apple, pre cut raw veggies, and either a homemade small dinner or a healthy choice meal. Sometimes I'll skip the meal and order broiled or grilled fish, or steamed crab instead. If you have all those little snacks you can take alot of small breaks from work, to relax, de-stress, or satisfy your hunger. Even if you don't eat them all(I usually don't) at least you know they are there. And if I am going to go over my calories that day I want it to be something healthy for me.
I love this sight because if you would have asked me before I would have never said I was an emotional eater. I always associated "emotional eater" with those overwieght girls on TV who buy a carton of ice cream when a boy didn't like her. But I eat to celebrate an occasion, I eat to wind down after a hard day, I eat when I have anxiety and can't get to sleep, I eat just for fun. Just because I don't eat when I am sad doesn't mean I am not an emotional eater, I just eat during different emotions. I always used to order a bunch of bad food right before we close at work and me and my girlfriends at work would sit and chat/gossip and have a blast! Now I either order something healthy or don't eat at all (I brought nail polish last time and just did my nails) And I realize it wasn't the food I enjoyed so much as it was the good company of amazing friends!
I lost 30 lbs of the 90 I need to lose and then stalled last November. My life depresses me more than I can take at times, so I eat. I lost my husband 3 yrs. ago to cancer and am raising two boys, ages 8 and 10, alone. The 10 yr. old is a special needs child. While family and friends say "just call if you need help" when I do, they can't. There's always some excuse. My husband's parents are the worst. I feel so bad for my boys because they're starting to realize that no one comes around any more.
I'm lonely and overwhelmed. I can't believe how fast the days go! Daily chores, bills, and household repairs eat up my days before the kids get home from school. Then there's homework or some lesson or therapy. I'm always short on time so we end up eating fast food. I try to eat healthy, but then 4 hours later I'm hungry again. I've gotten into that slump of "who cares" too. When you feel like no one really, sincerely cares about you, it's hard to care about yourself.
at work if i get hungry i like to keep something difficult onhand. an orange takes time to peel and more time to eat. some sunflower seeds or pistacios keep me from eating to much when im not really hungry because it takes time to crack the nut and get the yummy part out... or if you like sweet suff i like to keep some low cal fat free suckers or lemonheads around...
michelle_may_md - Thank you for all your articles. I find them very helpful and reread them often. I am on maintenance now after losing 65 lbs last year and I still find help in your words. The strength and understanding it takes to control myself is at the core of many of my food struggles and your articles inspire and help me to keep control. Thanks!
Mark
brendaminor448 - I'm so sorry! I too lost my dear grandmother last year and it stirred up so many memories and even regret that I hadn't been able to spend more time with her those last few years. I know she is at peace now and I know that I am one of her living legacies and I know she would not want me to remain sad but to live fully.
Your desire to eat may be a strong indicator of your need for comfort and escape from these difficult feelings. Your feelings are normal, even healthy, and will likely lessen as you allow yourself to fully experience them rather than trying to stuff them down.
You have a wonderful network here in this forum. Your willingness to reach out and share your challenge is a big step in the right direction.
If you find that you are having suicidal thoughts you MUST reach out for help. Call a local suicide hotline, go to the emergency room, call 911, or do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe during this difficult time. This too shall eventually pass.
fyffel - I feel for you. I know what it's like, losing weight, finally feeling like you've succeeded and then everything else is crashing down around your ears, constantly. I have no idea how it feels to lose a husband or deal with a child with special needs but I do know how it feels to lose your father and almost lose your mother. these things are hard but I'm sure you are a strong person; just hang in there. there are days when I feel like giving up and eating everything in sight. but, then I think to myself, I want this change and deserve it. it may not help but know that there is one person out there who feels for and sympathizes with you...
brendaminor448 - I also feel for you. But don't beat yourself up for eating a couple pieces of candy. it's not the end of the world. now is a time that you may need a little extra comfort, even if it's in candy form. but, like others have said in this stream, spend lots of time with grandma. she will treasure this time and so will you. I'm not so pessimistic as to say her time is short; I will just say be there for her every chance you get. make her happy and comfortable. bring out some old photo albums or scrap books or just reminisce. it will also help you and make you feel somewhat better and calm.
I just wish I had read this about this article before. there are some interesting things that I will take in for my daily struggle. you know, sometimes, you think you have problems, then you realize, other people have it way worse off than you, you come to accept what life has thrown you.
Yes, emotional eating covers the full spectrum. Eating due to boredom, stress, frustration, anger, loneliness, sadness--and happiness, celebration, pleasure, and love!
From the moment we're born we begin to form emotional connections to food. That is normal and healthy. What causes problems is when food is our primary source of comfort, pleasure, or distraction (yes, even healthy, low-calorie food!). Since we are ALWAYS experiencing emotions (whether we're aware of them or not) we'll always feel like eating if that is how we choose to respond.
As a recovered yo-yo dieter, food still speaks to me. When I've been at my computer too long and I am stressed, bored, or just need a break, I may suddenly crave chocolate. The difference now is that I can use that craving as a window into my true needs. If I'm hungry and that is truly what I want, I have it; no guilt, no shame, no bingeing - because after all, I get pleasure from a couple of pieces and feel worse if I eat a whole bag.
If I'm not hungry, this desire for chocolate reminds me that I deserve a break. Trying to ignore or resist that means that I'll eat a LOT of chocolate but still need a break. In the long run, by creating a self-care buffer zone and trying to meet my true needs the best I can given my current circumstances, I don't have to rely on food to do that for me.
I know this may seem to challenging; it was once unimaginable to me too. But what is the alternative? Continue to white knuckle it? Continue to eat instead of rest, laugh, cry, scream, talk, pray, or whatever you really need to do?
Wellness is not just a number on the scale and it is not just physical health. It is health of the body, mind, heart, and spirit and eating in way that fuels your fulfilling, vibrant life.
"... even screaming into a pillow."
Just a quick note about screaming into a pillow: Attaching an emotion to a behavior like this can be momentarily helpful, but it also does not directly deal with the emotion and, in addition, it also has the possibility to connect a somewhat hostile behavior such as screaming with the emotion being experienced.
If you are trying to distract yourself from boredom/anxiety/stress/etcetera, try doing more positive actions instead.
This is a great article! I am dealing with exactly this at the present. This is super helpful!
Thank you! o U o
Thanks... I'm trying to hang in there. And I did try to make my final goodbye to her. It wasn't easy and when I started to cry, I just choked it back the best I could and told her that if God makes a why for me to visit her again, that I would. I figured that I'd call and check in on her every day.
Thanks lwalrond..... I appreiate your kind words. I made a quilt for my Granny a few years ago. I was thinking about doing another one. I just need to get started at it.
Original Post by: darloolaOne of my favorite quotes is: "You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy." I wish I could remember who said it.
I love this quote! I typed it into my phone and saved it so I can look at it anytime I get a craving :D
Try organizing a 'biggest loser' type contest at work - with a focus on nutrition. It will give everyone something to do, and also, get the team on board with a focus on more nutritious options in the work place.
Original Post by: lebauersBut what do I do when I'm bored at work? I can't go do something else. I have to stay and continue trying to work and all I can think about it food but I know I'm not that hungry, I'm just not mentally stimulated.
About the bored at work thing: I was desperately bored at my old desk job. Now I work in retail so there is always something to do, but back when I worked at a desk I would kill several birds with one stone.
Not snack while bored, take a lot of guilt free breaks, and keep hydrated. Here is how!
Step one: Get a 1 Liter water bottle. Stainless steal, aluminum, and tough BPA free plastics are great. Reusable water bottles run anywhere from a few bucks to over $20 for the "designer" ones, and are available everywhere (target, walmart, sports authority, etc). Get one you like with a cool design, or put a bunch of fun stickers of stuff you like on a plain one so everytime you look at it you smile! I like bumper stickers, brewery stickers, mountain bike and surf stickers, etc.
Step two: Bring that thing to work full and set it on your desk next to your computer moniter so it is always in your line of site. Whenever you feel a bit thirsty or bored or whatever, take a drink of healthful, hydrating water!
Step three: Soon you will empty the bottle (yay!) and you will have to go to the bathroom. Bring your now empty (or partially empty depending on your bladder size) bottle and leave it next to the water cooler while you take care of business in the restroom. On your way back to your desk fill it up again and take it back with you, full of ice cold refreshment!
Step four: Repeat as necessary! You will be hydrated, walk around more, and not snack at work so much. Plus you can chat with co-workers while you fill it up and no one can fault you for taking breaks throughout the day!
Seriously, this works like a charm. Half the time when you snack at work you just want a break anyway, and most people don't drink enough water. I would often drink 2-3 liters of water at work out of boredom. You will also find that staying hydrated makes you feel better, be less hungry overall and have less of an afternoon slump. The one things you have to be careful of is if your cooler is in the break room or kitchen, resist grabbing unhealthy snacks when you pass through! Instead of bringing cookies to work, try bringing in fresh fruit and veggies for people to snack on. Try to start a trend!
Tip: On cold days, do the same thing but with hot herbal tea!
An excellent book on the subject is "Shrink Yourself: Break Free from Emotional Eating Forever" by Dr. Roger Gould.
I'm working through it now, and it's helped me immensely already.
I chew bubblegum. its less than 5 calories a day.you can get sugar free...and its not really munching on high calorie food... so instead of eating a cooking or some chips. some bubble gum totally helps.
Also, if you bring a baggy of baby carrots with you to work is great thing too. Sometimes if I'm crunching on something it helps me think and stay focused. Small bag doesn't really need refrigerated you can stick it in your drawer or purse. Plus, they're sweet enough it usually curbs some of the other cravings that you usually get.
Thank you, Michelle and everyone, for your caring comments. Exploring the desire to eat when you are not hungry is a gift you give to yourself.
I do not agree with eating when you aren't hungry – not baby carrots, 100 calories snacks, fruit, V8, yogurt, none of it! Routinely eating when you are not hungry will keep you from understanding yourself and will give more power to your "habit" of eating to cope.
If you are bored at work more often than rarely or never, then you need a more challenging job! Ask yourself, “What is my dream job?” And then use that “bored time” to work towards meeting your goal: investigate new careers, academic programs, financial aid, role models, how to make it work. It take lots of positive effort to get a new life, but if you put more into living, you will not be bored. (No boredom = no thoughts of food.) You will find that it’s easy to be motivated when you are inspired. Follow your dreams!
I am in a job that I like, but the stimulation ebbs and flows. I'm on that path to my "dream job" but that path sometimes involves drudgery and boredom. I don't find this advice realistic. I think its good to investigate why you have the urge to eat and the recognition that it's restlessness and not hunger that's making me want to eat helps. But the advice to "never be bored" just isn't helpful in the real world.
Michelle_May_MD: Thanks for your response. Yes, I have sought out some hellp. I saw a Dr and she has prescribed an anti depressant and referring me for some counseling (which I asked for back in December). Hopefully, the person will make contact with me this time. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep busy. That will help me a whole lot...with the crying and the cravings for sugar. Not being in as much pain will help too (got awful sore from the bus ride home).
@ Brendaminor Brenda, I know how hard life can be on people. At some points everyone has the feeling that it is no use anyway. I myself have been at several points were I didn't want to continue anything anymore. If there is one thing I have learned is that it will pass. Your situation at this moment is really sad and it is very important to really take your time to seriously understand and feel your emotions. Only this way you will be able to accept your feelings. It is normal to feel sad and lonely at the point you stand at this moment. It is normal that you start to think about what is important for you and how you feel angry at some part of the situation. Just don't try to take it out on yourself. Being strong doensn't mean you can't feel bad, being strong means you accept your feelings about a situation.
For me it always worked to focus on the situation and my feelings regarding the situation. I asked myself questions: How do I feel? What is happening? I tried never to ask why, because that question is impossible to answer most of the time, or so plain to see that it isn't necessary.
Then I just sat down at some place I feel comfortable. For me that mostly was on the couch with a blanket, or in the summer nearby the river. Just sitting there, knowing I felt bad and knowing I couldn't change the situation. For me it was important to sit down only for about 30 - 60 minutes. Then I would do something active like walking or going to the gym to sweat it all out. I pictured that every little drop of sweat contained a little part of my despair, every little drop of sweat was a tear that I didn't have to cry anymore. After this work-out I would pamper myself with a hot shower and comfortable cloths.
Of course everyone needs their own way of pampering and coping with these sad feelings. Some ways are more destructive then others, but a hot shower, sitting nearby a beautiful river or just cuddling with a friend might just be the comfort that helps you not think about the food. And you know what. If you did binge or ate for the comfort, don't be too hard on yourself. You already lost a great amount of pounds, you have proved that you can do it and you can just agree with yourself that after the comfort you will immediately pick up your diet. You know you can, because you did it before.
Be strong and believe in yourself!
XOXO
Kitty
Original Post by: lebauersI am in a job that I like, but the stimulation ebbs and flows. I'm on that path to my "dream job" but that path sometimes involves drudgery and boredom. I don't find this advice realistic. I think its good to investigate why you have the urge to eat and the recognition that it's restlessness and not hunger that's making me want to eat helps. But the advice to "never be bored" just isn't helpful in the real world.
agreed...
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But what do I do when I'm bored at work? I can't go do something else. I have to stay and continue trying to work and all I can think about it food but I know I'm not that hungry, I'm just not mentally stimulated.