Am I crazy? Or is she?

It all started yesterday when I bought a food scale.  My wife went absolutely nuts and yelled at me for twenty minutes.  Anyways I need your help in justifying or disagreeing with my actions.  I am not crazy with dieting.  My diet is just to use this site and watch my calories.  I got the food scale because I can never tell just how much cheese or meat I put on foods.   I almost always try to have a little bit of whatever the rest of the family eats.(very small portions of Hamburger helper, tacos, cheeseburgers, and pizza)  But in the end I always come under my calories.  It drive her nuts that I have to count my calories on this website to see what I can eat the rest of the day.  And to top this off she is trying to loose weight using slim fast.  Instead of eating normal healthy things during the day she has shakes and bars all day.(nothing against slim fast but here is the problem.)  Then supper time comes and she is starving eats a big meal filled with fats.  And to top off the evening she goes and drinks a few beers late at night.  And she is mad at me because I used to do these same exact habits.  I just feel like there is very little support or no support.

If you are having trouble with portion control then a scale is great. I think most of us have some sort of portion control issue.

How often do we take just a little more because we don't want to leave a little bit in the dish/pot etc? How often do we take an amount that makes the plate look full?

A scale will tell you the truth.

A food scale combined with this website is a great thing for any diet, as long as it doesnt become obsessive.  For some people control of food and calories can take over their lives, although im sure that isnt a problem for you.

There is no justified reason for her to get mad at you(at least none that i can think of), especially if she is on a diet of her own.  Maybe you could try and explain the advantages of a healty lifestyle compared to slim fast shakes.

Just my opinion.

It sounds like what you need to do is not justify this action, but try to get to the core of what's bothering her? Why is she yelling at you? What's bothering/worrying her?

For the record, I think the Food Scale is a necessity for people trying to count calories and know what they eat. I think there's no shame in it.

sounds like you are undermining her comfort zone. if you have been together along time, the 'enabling' (for lack of a better word) patterns are pretty well established, yes? that cant be easy. stick with what works for you though. good luck!

Each of us has to find our own way to accomplish our goals.  Each one of us responds in different ways to different methods.

Nobody is crazy here (although I think that your approach is the healthier of the two).  The weigh scale works for you; slim fast works for her.  

The weigh scale is a great tool to  use while you learn what the proper portion sizes really are.   Good Luck.

perhaps in some way the anger is more about her insecurity? Perhaps deep down she fears you will be successful and she won't? Maybe she fears that you won't find her attractive anymore if you lose weight and she doesn't? It can be any number of things but typically where there is irrational behavior there is usually fear or insecurity hiding beneath that you should work to talk about with each other.  I think the scale is a fine idea and good for revealing the truth about what you are eating. Good luck! 

Hi there craig,

I don't think either of you is crazy!! :-)

I agree w/ zeke2 above - if you are wont to eat more or "eyeball" portions incorrectly, or more generously, than the scale will give it to you in cold, hard numbers.

As far as your wife's reaction, all I can say, as a woman - whew!! Food and eating is a very very emotional thing, and if she's trying to lose weight too, there might be hidden feelings, ranging from jealousy, inadaquacy, fear, sadness, etc. I don't know you or your wife, so I am just guessing here - but it's really tough getting rid of extra weight as a woman, and, society STILL objectifies the female form moreso than the male one!

If possible, maybe you can make what you are doing - eating healthy, counting calories, exercising - something you two can do together? Just a suggestion.

Good luck, anyway!

~Colleen 

If one thing isn't working, you try something else.  You're not crazy for calorie counting.  You're nto crazy for getting a scale to measure portions - it's hard to calorie count without one.

It's really not a big deal to get a scale, they are typically less than $20.  Probably, she's taking out her frustration at the slim fast diet (which is MISERABLE!) on you.  That doesn't excuse her but it does make her position a little easier to understand.

Stay your ground and don't compromise on your health.  If you think you need a food scale to learn portion control (I have one, it is GREAT for that) then you get, keep, and use your food scale.  I typically weigh items such as soup once and then pour it off into a measuring cup.  It's easier to dip a cup measure into a pot of soup/chili than to weigh out an exact portion every time, and it keeps my fiancee from thinking I'm nuts, too.

change scares people

you have made a change, you are a big part of her life and now you're changing.

It's not exactly rational to fear change, but a lot of people do.

That's why she yelled. If I were you, the next time she yells, I'd say:

Honey, I can tell you're plenty upset about this. But I'm just trying to take care of myself so that I can be here for you and for our family.  I don't want to leave you a widow raising kids on your own.  So I'm doing what I need to do to be healthy.  Eventually I probably won't need this scale or this web site, but right now I do.  I sure would appreciate your support.

my husband and I just bought a food scale also.  boy, did we need it.  I was sooooo off on my portions!!  So, I agree with you on that.  You know...women are strange beings when it comes to weight (have you read "how do I motivate my wife?"....and all the replies????)  I would imagine your wife is afraid your way will work , even though she thinks she has the best way.  I know, it doesn't make sense, but it's hard on us women when you guys just change a few things and the weight starts coming off. 

Be patient with her.  Just keep doing what you are doing.  Try not to put her way down...and keep loving her!

u know i hate to sound this way, BUT im sure ur doing this for u, because u feel u need to lose,maintain, etc. as a wife she should support you not knock down what ur doing to improve urself. my boyfriend use to tell me, one night i was count tortilla chips was making a low cal nachos and he goes "u have to be kidding me ur counting ur chips" damn right, i am on a misson for myself an theres things i need to do to get to my goal.

~maybe one night when shes calm sit down an explain to her why ur doing this and explain to her maybe she should do it with you that the way shes doing it isnt that healthy (sorry slim fast) but ive been there an i was always hungry, and i dont see not eating 75% of the day being healthy

My DH and I only ever get into fights when one or both of us are ravenously hungry. If she flipped out on you right before dinner, she was starving and low blood sugar made her temporarily insane. Give her a big hug and forget about it.

I think a food scale is the greatest tool, besides CC of course. Having a food scale has really opened my eyes.

It sucks that your wife seems to be upset with you. Especially since you are working towards something positive. I do agree with some of the things others have said. If you are successful and she is not, she will feel badly. Plus, your chances are much better than hers due to your approaches. She is probably used to you joining her for those large dinners and a few drinks and she may be a little jealous of your self control. I am willing to bet her insecurities are the major factor here. I am not saying your wife is an insecure mess, I just think she is seeing you form new habits that she has not. She'll come around. Ask her to do Calorie Count with you maybe. Lots of people here do it as a couple. It's a great way to keep you both motivated and happy and healthy. Good Luck.

You two need to talk.  It's hard to communicate when deep feelings are triggered, as they are in her. 

Stick to your guns and weigh and measure everything before you eat it.  Doing that is a real eye opener, where portion control is concerned.   

PS - the Slim Fast thing doesn't work for long because you get tired of it.  Experience speaking here.

ummm...tried Slim fast and every other gimmick out there.  Doesn't work sorry..:(  So far this is the only thing (c-c I mean)  that is working for me.  I eat what I want when I want as long as I stay with-in my calories.  I admit  that's what I did to get me started...now I choose to eat healthier foods because I found I can eat more of them and fill fuller....high fibre etc. But your honey will have to find out for herself.  When I did Slim fast I did the same thing.....drank the shakes, bars etc...and was starving by supper so it defeated the purpose.  Buying the scale was a good idea.  I actually have one and forgot about it but I will start using it now.  I think my portions get out of hand sometimes too.  Be patient with your honey. It'll work out.  Just weigh your portions and let her do her thing.

Thank you!  A lot of you have posted some really great things and good ideas that will help me with our struggles(My wife and I).  To clarify on a few issues.  I think it was erika who said it best "about the self control".  It was late last night and she was mad because I wouldn't have a few beers with her.  Shamefully I will admit this used to be a familiar thing in our life about 4 or 5 times a week.  As usual I didn't give in to any temptation and stayed disciplined and and did not drink any beer. But She had a few beers and was angry the rest of the evening.  She also has been really angry about Pizza at Pizza Hut.  We used to go once a week at least and just pig out on pizza.(I would usually eat 8 to 10 pieces)  Now we go once a month and I eat about two pieces.  This really upset her the other day.

Also I have never once told her anything negative about slim fast.  She has been angry because she is finding out on her own it is not working.  She dropped about 5 lbs. and gained about 3 or 4 back.  I am serious when I say I have been 100% supportive.  I think sometimes she is upset because I have had some success with the CC diet.

Talk to your wife, and find out whats bothering her. Maybe use this as a way to get her to lose weight with you in a healthy fashion; a way to make this an activity you can do together!

I bet she is cranky because she misses real food. Maybe you can help save her from that!

It sounds like she's maybe taking out her own shame and self-anger on you. You do need to talk. Hopefully you can figure things out so, if I'm right, that can end.

Eeek! No I wasn't suggesting that you tell her Slim Fast doesn't work.  Never, Never do that. Keep being supportive like you have been.   I was just stating a fact...it didn't work for me.  But you really do need to lovingly talk it over with her when you are having a quiet calm moment. Something is definately bothering her.  Hope it works out.